I shall quote the Offspring's Disclaimer on the Ixnay on the Hombre
Album. "If it looks sarcastic, don't take it seriously. If it looks
dangerous, do not try this at home or at all. And if it offends you, just don't
listen to it." That would be just don't read it in this case. Anyway, what
I meant is that if you take this stuff seriously don't read my pointless crap
cause I know you're going to flame me saying "I hate your guts cause you
don't like my favorite coupling!" I don't have time for that.
By the way, this fic is rated R for swearing and violence. (Sorry girls,
no NC-17 lemons here)
One day, Davis and Ken needed some help with their relationship and they
couldn't find who to go to for advice. Then suddenly an idea popped into Ken's
head.
"I know! Let's ask Matt and Tai for help!!"
"What a great idea, Ken! Let's go over to them!!"
So they suddenly rushed to their house (they automatically knew where
they lived because this is part of the plot ok?) to the 'happy couple'.
"Matt! Tai! You have to help us!!"
Matt groaned and looked down at Davis. "What do you want?"
Ken then spoke up. "We need help with our relationship! Can you
please give us some advice?"
Matt and Tai sat down in their chairs and began to speak to them. They
obviously knew what a perfect relationship was and they were willing to tell
them.
Davis started to talk. "So how do we fall in love?"
Matt and Tai started laughing as hard as they could and finally caught
their breath. Tai then spoke to Davis. "What the fuck are you talking
about?! Fall in love?! There's no such thing as that!!"
"What do you mean?" Ken asked.
Matt smiled towards Ken. "What he means is that no one falls in
love. You have to totally hate the person you want to love."
Ken frowned. "But why? That makes no sense. You should have to get
to know them as a friend first. Right?"
"Yeah! I agree with Ken!!" Davis shouted.
Matt laughed again. "You don't fall in love like fairy tales. You
have to totally beat the shit out of the person you love. And that would mean
Tai for me!!"
Matt then sent Tai a great punch, knocking him across the floor.
"Right Tai?"
Tai got back up then kicked Matt across the face and Matt smashed through
some pottery and fell to the ground.
"Right Matt!"
Tai lifted Matt up by the collar and slammed him into a wall. Matt
quickly recovered and threw a lamp at him.
"You god damn bastard!! Get over here!!"
Tai quickly ducked the lamp that was thrown at him and threw Matt into
the bathroom. Matt kicked Tai in the crotch and shoved his face in the toilet.
Then he flushed it.
Ken and Davis rushed into the bathroom as fast as they could. "Guys!
Guys! Stop fighting!!"
Matt flushed the toilet again and then got back up. "Ok sorry. You
can come out now Tai."
Tai got his face out the toilet and stood up. "Yeah, guys? What's
the problem with fighting?"
"Don't you get it? Fighting physically doesn't mean you are in
love!"
Tai then sat down on the toilet.
"Davis... Davis... Davis... fighting physically gets the fangirls to
love you!"
"Huh? Fangirls?"
"Yeah. Don't you know that our show is surprisingly popular with
insane fangirls who are obsessed with hooking us guys up for their gay sexual
erotic pleasures?"
"I guess not... But still! It's no reason to fight!!"
Matt then broke in. "Of course it is, stupid! Do you know how many
girls we get with us pretending to be gay and fighting each other?"
"Umm... no... why?"
"A hell of a lot. It pays to be gay. Now use that advice to help you
with your relationship."
"But we want it to be real!! We really love each other!!"
Matt and Tai grinned at each other and moved towards Ken and Davis. And
with a giant WHOOSH!! they threw them out the door.
Matt began screaming at them. "And stay out you god damn
brats!!"
And with that he slammed the door, leaving them outside in the cold wet
rain.
"Pays to be gay my ass." Davis moaned.
"Hey I like being gay you idiot!!" Ken retorted.
"Shut up!! I've had enough of you treating me like I'm stupider than
you!!"
Davis leaped onto Ken and began to punch the living crap out of him. Ken
got back up and kicked Davis into a trash can. Then he put the lid on it and
started rolling it down the sidewalk. Davis jumped out and tripped Ken,
knocking him into the cement. Then he grabbed Ken and slammed his head into Tai
and Matt's doorbell repeatedly until it broke (the doorbell of course ^_^).
"You bastard!!I'm gonna kick your puny ass!!"
Ken flipped Davis over into Matt and Tai's front door, knocking it down.
The two quickly rushed in the house fighting each other furiously. Davis picked
up one of the chairs and started smacking Ken in the face with it. But Ken
ducked after the last blow and punched Davis right in the stomach. Davis
recovered and punched Ken as hard as he could in the stomach and Ken felt the
pain. He then lifted him onto his shoulders and threw him onto the piano making
a loud bang sound as he hit all the keys.
"My piano!!" Matt or Tai said but Davis didn't care who. All he
cared about right now was beating the living shit out of Ken.
He quickly got up on the piano bench and was ready to bodyslam Ken. He
leaped through the air but Ken moved out of the way just before he hit him and
Davis slammed right into the piano.
"Shit!! You son of a bitch!!"
Davis picked up the piano bench and threw it at Ken, knocking him to the
ground easily. He was about to pick it up and finish off Ken but Ken tripped
him and the piano bench fell right on him. Ken laughed and quickly got Matt's
old guitar from his room from when he used to play in a band. He lifted it in
the air and brought it down right on Davis' head, causing a hole to go through
the guitar.
"Ken broke my guitar!! That asswipe broke my guitar!!"
"Oh get over it!!" Davis yelled to Matt.
Ken rushed back towards Davis again. "I'm not through with you yet,
Davis!!" he said as he grabbed Davis and they rushed outside, kicking the
crap out of each other in every way possible.
"I think we taught them well. What do you think, Tai?"
"Yep. Pretty soon they'll have all kinds of fangirls drooling all
over them just like our Taito fans. And they'll believe it too!"
"Fangirls can be so weird. Believing that you are in love because
you want to beat the crap out of each other. What a stupid reason for a
couple."
"Ah, who cares. We have enough fangirls drooling over us. Let them
believe what they want."
"I guess so. Oh well, if you don't mind, I'm gonna watch Digimon
now."
"Ooooo! I want to watch too!"
THE END
Please note that this is a joke fic and is was written very poorly to
make fun of those cliche "Matt and Tai give advice to Davis and Takeru/Ken
about their relationship" fics, please note that I do not take this story
seriously at all.
Hope you liked my retarded attempt at a funny bathroom humor Digimon fic.
If you didn't, you are probably sane unlike me ^_^. Either that or you take
this stuff way too seriously...
I don't take anything in life too seriously because I am a person who
loves to joke around a lot. God gave me the gift of humor (even if I am not
funny I can still laugh at how pathetic I am right? ^_^;;). And to all you
Taito fans who have no evidence for the coupling and write those annoying
cliche fics, this fanfic is dedicated to you to make you wake up. And this is
dedicated to my sister Musouka too for putting up with me and my annoying ways.
Peace ya'll. As Heero Yuy would say from Gundam Wing... "Mission
Accomplished."
-Osiris the True (last time I checked anyway, I might be false)