Romeo & Juliet: A WK Parody
By:
Disclaimers: Weiß Kreuz do not belong to me so don't sue me. I'm poor. ^_^;;;
Notes: Self-insertion and Romeo and Juliet replay. **wince** Aya will still be refer to as Aya while Aya-chan will be refer to as Aya-chan. ^.^;; Ew…the background is PINK. ~_~;;;;
Black colored is the play.
All auditioners would be using their real names rather than the role their playing. Only the character's name will be mentioned once so we'll know which auditioner is auditioning for which part.
Bold italic words are stage directions.
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Christina: Good-morrow, cousin.
Yoji (role of Romeo): Is the day so young?
"The day is but you ain't!" Cali snickered. Yoji shot daggers at her.
Christina: But new struck nine.
Yoji: Ay me! sad hours seem long. Was that my father that went hence so fast?
"No shit Sherlock," Eve said. Yoji turned and gave her a very threatening look.
Christina: It was. What sadness lengthens Yoji's hours?
"He can't get any sex for a week!!" Schurderich shouted. Everyone burst out laughing. "He's been grounded!" Yoji was ready to pull out his wire any second.
Yoji: Not having that, which, having, makes them short.
Christina: In love?
Yoji: Out--
Christina: Of love?
"Yoji the player is losing it," Nagi said.
"He's getting old," Omi agreed.
"He can't get women like he used to now," Keiko added.
"He can't have sex without back pains either," Mill said.
"Back pains?" Ken asked. But he never got a response for Mill was being choked to death by Yoji's wire.
"KUDOU, GET BACK TO THE PLAY!!" Ms. White screamed. Yoji obeyed.
Yoji: Out of her favour, where I am in love.
Christina: Alas, that love, so gentle in his view, Should be so tyrannous and rough in proof!
Yoji: Alas, that love, whose view is muffled still, Should, without eyes, see pathways to his will!
Where shall we dine? O me! What fray was here? Yet, tell me not, for I have heard it all. Here's much to do with hate, but more with love. Why, then, O brawling love! O loving hate! O any thing, of nothing first create! O heavy lightness! serious vanity! Mis-shapen chaos of well-seeming forms!
Feather of lead, bright smoke, cold fire, sick health! Still-waking sleep, that is not what it is! This love feel I, that feel no love in this. Dost thou not laugh?
Christina: No, coz, I rather weep.
"You made her…uh…him cry, Yoji!!" Keiko called.
"SHUT UP!!" Ms. White shouted possible for the hundredth time that day.
Yoji: Good heart, at what?
Christina: At thy good heart's oppression.
Yoji: Why, such is love's transgression. Griefs of mine own lie heavy in my breast, Which thou wilt propagate, to have it prest With more of thine: this love that thou hast shown Doth add more grief to too much of mine own. Love is a smoke raised with the fume of sighs; Being purged, a fire sparkling in lovers' eyes; Being vex'd, a sea nourish'd with lovers' tears: What is it else? a madness most discreet, A choking gall and a preserving sweet. Farewell, my coz.
Christina: Soft! I will go along; An if you leave me so, you do me wrong.
Yoji: Tut, I have lost myself; I am not here; This is not Yoji, he's some other where.
"OH NO!" Cali cried. "YOJI'S DEAD!!"
"Then who are you…you…imposter!!" Omi cried.
"SHUT UP!" Yoji flashes his wire. Everybody shuts up.
Christina: Tell me in sadness, who is that you love.
Yoji: What, shall I groan and tell thee?
Christina: Groan! why, no. But sadly tell me who.
Yoji: Bid a sick man in sadness make his will: Ah, word ill urged to one that is so ill! In sadness, cousin, I do love a woman.
Christina: I aim'd so near, when I supposed you loved.
Yoji: A right good mark-man! And she's fair I love.
Christina: A right fair mark, fair coz, is soonest hit.
Yoji: Well, in that hit you miss: she'll not be hit With Cupid's arrow; she hath Dian's wit; And, in strong proof of chastity well arm'd, From love's weak childish bow she lives unharm'd. She will not stay the siege of loving terms, Nor bide the encounter of assailing eyes, Nor ope her lap to saint-seducing gold: O, she is rich in beauty, only poor, That when she dies with beauty dies her store.
Christina: Then she hath sworn that she will still live chaste?
Yoji: She hath, and in that sparing makes huge waste, For beauty starved with her severity Cuts beauty off from all posterity. She is too fair, too wise, wisely too fair, To merit bliss by making me despair: She hath forsworn to love, and in that vow Do I live dead that live to tell it now.
Christina: Be ruled by me, forget to think of her.
"Ooh…she wants to rule you!!" Cali said. "The queen she'll make!"
"We won't be able to litter again!" Mill said. Everyone looked at her. "WHAT???"
Yoji: O, teach me how I should forget to think.
"Easy…you just do," Eve said.
Christina: By giving liberty unto thine eyes; Examine other beauties.
Yoji: 'Tis the way To call hers exquisite, in question more: These happy masks that kiss fair ladies' brows Being black put us in mind they hide the fair; He that is strucken blind cannot forget
The precious treasure of his eyesight lost: Show me a mistress that is passing fair, What doth her beauty serve, but as a note Where I may read who pass'd that passing fair? Farewell: thou canst not teach me to forget.
Christina: I'll pay that doctrine, or else die in debt.
Everyone begin chanting "die".
[Exeunt.]
Enter Boris, Joe, and Servant.
Boris: But Takatori Reiji is bound as well as I, In penalty alike; and 'tis not hard, I think, For men so old as we to keep the peace.
Schurderich (role of Paris): Of honourable reckoning are you both; And pity 'tis you lived at odds so long. But now, my lord, what say you to my suit?
"Ohh…either Schu wants you to fuck him senseless or he wants you to try out one of his many suits…" Keiko said.
"I'd go for the first option," Farfarello snickered. Everyone turned and stared at him. "What? I hate God. I like pain. I like to give God pain." Everyone sweatdropped.
Boris: But saying o'er what I have said before: My child is yet a stranger in the world; She hath not seen the change of fourteen years; Let two more summers wither in their pride, Ere we may think her ripe to be a bride.
Schurderich: Younger than she are happy mothers made.
Boris: And too soon marr'd are those so early made. The earth hath swallow'd all my hopes but she,
She is the hopeful lady of my earth: But woo her, gentle Paris, get her heart, My will to her consent is but a part; An she agree, within her scope of choice Lies my consent and fair according voice.
This night I hold an old accustom'd feast, Whereto I have invited many a guest, Such as I love; and you, among the store, One more, most welcome, makes my number more. At my poor house look to behold this night Earth-treading stars that make dark heaven light: Such comfort as do lusty young men feel When well-apparell'd April on the heel Of limping winter treads, even such delight
Among fresh female buds shall you this night Inherit at my house; hear all, all see, And like her most whose merit most shall be: Which on more view, of many mine being one May stand in number, though in reckoning none, Come, go with me.
[To Servant, giving a paper.]
Go, sirrah, trudge about Through fair Verona; find those persons out Whose names are written there, and to them say, My house and welcome on their pleasure stay.
[Exeunt Boris and Schurderich.]
Servant: Find them out whose names are written here! It is written, that the shoemaker should meddle with his yard, and the tailor with his last, the fisher with his pencil, and the painter with his nets; but I am sent to find those persons whose names are here writ, and can never find what names the writing
person hath here writ. I must to the learned.--In good time.
Enter Christina and Yoji.
Christina: Tut, man, one fire burns out another's burning, One pain is lessen'd by another's anguish;
Turn giddy, and be holp by backward turning; One desperate grief cures with another's languish: Take thou some new infection to thy eye, And the rank poison of the old will die.
Yoji: Your plaintain-leaf is excellent for that.
Christina: For what, I pray thee?
Yoji: For your broken shin.
"He broke something!!" Keiko said. "Shame on you!"
"You break it, you buy it," Nagi said. "It's as simple as that."
Christina: Why, Yoji, art thou mad?
"Nah, he just got some raging hormones," Cali said.
"He can't get laid, that's why he's mad," Eve said.
Yoji ran off the stage and towards the crowd and never made it past Ms. White for the lady pulled at him and threw him back onstage. Everyone stared, shocked.
"That woman is scary," Yin concluded. Everyone nodded silently.
Yoji: Not mad, but bound more than a mad-man is; Shut up in prison, kept without my food, Whipp'd and tormented and--God-den, good fellow.
"So…he went to jail, didn't get food at all and got whipped and tormented?" Keiko asked.
"What a nice idea for my next ficcie…" Mill grinned as Yoji threw her a deathening look.
Servant: God gi' god-den. I pray, sir, can you read?
Yoji: Ay, mine own fortune in my misery.
Servant: Perhaps you have learned it without book: but, I pray, can you read any thing you see?
Yoji: Ay, if I know the letters and the language.
Servant: Ye say honestly: rest you merry!
Yoji: Stay, fellow; I can read.
"The guy's been educated!!" Cali cheered.
"He knows how to read!!" Yin exclaimed. "Good God!! Oh shit…" Yin turned her head back to find Farfarello leering at her.
"I like pain, I like to cause God pain," the Irish man licked his knife.
"Someone tie him up next to Aya," Ken grumbled.
[Reads.]
"'Oh no!'" Keiko said, pretending she's Yoji right now onstage. "'These words are too hard! I cannot understand! Dictionary!!'"
"SHUT UP! I CAN READ!!" Yoji hollered.
'Signior Martino and his wife and daughters; County Anselme and his beauteous sisters; the lady
widow of Vitruvio; Signior Placentio and his lovely nieces; Mercutio and his brother Valentine; mine
uncle Capulet, his wife, and daughters; my fair niece Rosaline; Livia; Signior Valentio and his cousin
Tybalt; Lucio and the lively Helena.' A fair assembly: whither should they come?
"He CAN read!! Cali exclaimed. "My goodness!!"
Servant: Up.
"She must have forgotten 'shut'," Eve said.
Yoji: Whither?
Servant: To supper; to our house.
Yoji: Whose house?
Servant: My master's.
"Ohh…he might get laid after all," Schurderich said.
"Even so…Takatori Reiji?" Brad raised an eyebrow.
Yoji: Indeed, I should have asked you that before.
"Ah, but you forget," Nagi said.
"His brain is too small to be able to remember much things," Omi added.
Servant: Now I'll tell you without asking: my master is the great rich Capulet; and if you be not of the house of Montagues, I pray, come and crush a cup of wine. Rest you merry!
"Don't they mean come and drink a cup of wine? What's the point in having a cup if you'll just crush it in your hands?" Keiko asked.
"Shakespearean language," Eve replied.
"So what? William Shakespeare is a big fat, bald-headed moron."
[Exit.]
Christina: At this same ancient feast of Capulet's Sups the fair Aya-chan whom thou so lovest, With all the admired beauties of Verona: Go thither; and, with unattainted eye, Compare her face with some that I shall show, And I will make thee think thy swan a crow.
Yoji: When the devout religion of mine eye Maintains such falsehood, then turn tears to fires; And these, who often drown'd could never die, Transparent heretics, be burnt for liars! One fairer than my love! the all-seeing sun Ne'er saw her match since first the world begun.
Christina: Tut, you saw her fair, none else being by, Herself poised with herself in either eye: But in that crystal scales let there be weigh'd Your lady's love against some other maid That I will show you shining at this feast, And she shall scant show well that now shows best.
Yoji: I'll go along, no such sight to be shown, But to rejoice in splendor of mine own.
[Exeunt.]
Enter Ronald and Cali.
Ronald: Cali, where's my daughter? call her forth to me.
Cali (role of Nurse): Now, by my maidenhead, at twelve year old, I bade her come. What, lamb! what, ladybird! God forbid! Where's this girl? What, Aya!
Enter Aya.
"You do realize he's still tied up?" Ken asked.
"OH! My bad!" Mill grinned sheepishly before scurrying over to the redhead, untying him then pushing him onstage. "Make me proud!"
Aya winced.
Aya: How now! who calls?
Cali: Your mother.
"Oh…she dissed your mother!" Yin said.
"How was that dissing??" Cali screamed from the stage. "I was just answering the goddamn question!"
"SHUT UP!" Seems like the only vocabulary words in Ms. White's dictionary is 'shut up'.
Aya: Madam, I am here. What is your will?
"She's dying, she's dying!" Schurderich said. "YES!"
"'Leave me all the money!'" Keiko exclaimed.
"Ooh…Aya-kun will love that, won't he?" Eve giggled.
"Money!" Nagi exclaimed. "Plus, the head of Takatori Reiji as a side dish."
Ronald: This is the matter:--Cali, give leave awhile, We must talk in secret:--Cali, come back again;
I have remember'd me, thou's hear our counsel. Thou know'st my daughter's of a pretty age.
"'You want me to leave or to stay damn you?!'" Eve said, doing a Cali imitation.
"Would you look at that?" Brad said, pushing his glasses up. "Son…uh, I mean Daughter is taller than Mother."
"Mother will always be less than 5 feet tall, unfortunately," Mill sighed.
Cali: Faith, I can tell her age unto an hour.
Ronald: She's not fourteen.
Cali: I'll lay fourteen of my teeth,-- And yet, to my teen be it spoken, I have but four-- She is not fourteen. How long is it now To Lammas-tide?
"Lammas-who??" everyone exclaimed.
Ronald: A fortnight and odd days.
"When???" everyone exclaimed again.
Cali: Even or odd, of all days in the year, Come Lammas-eve at night shall she be fourteen. Susan and she--God rest all Christian souls!-- Were of an age: well, Susan is with God; She was too good for me: but, as I said, On Lammas-eve at night shall she be fourteen; That shall she, marry; I remember it well.
'Tis since the earthquake now eleven years; And she was wean'd,--I never shall forget it,-- Of all the days of the year, upon that day: For I had then laid wormwood to my dug, Sitting in the sun under the dove-house wall; My lord and you were then at Mantua:-- Nay, I do bear a brain:--but, as I said,
When it did taste the wormwood on the nipple Of my dug and felt it bitter, pretty fool, To see it tetchy and fall out with the dug! 'Shake' quoth the dove-house: 'twas no need, I trow, To bid me trudge: And since that time it is eleven years; For then she could stand alone; nay, by the rood,
She could have run and waddled all about; For even the day before, she broke her brow:
And then my husband--God be with his soul! A' was a merry man--took up the child: 'Yea,' quoth he, 'dost thou fall upon thy face? Thou wilt fall backward when thou hast more wit; Wilt thou not, Jule?' and, by my holidame, The pretty wretch left crying and said 'Ay.' To see, now, how a jest shall come about! I warrant, an I should live a thousand years, I never should forget it: 'Wilt thou not, Jule?' quoth he; And, pretty fool, it stinted and said 'Ay.'
"My gosh! She talks so much!" Keiko exclaimed.
"Then again, she's always been a talkative person," Ken said.
"Did she said 'nipple'?" Schurderich asked.
"Oy, you are all perverts," Eve rolled her eyes.
"Look who's talking," Brad said.
Ronald: Enough of this; I pray thee, hold thy peace.
Cali: Yes, madam, yet I cannot choose but laugh, To think it should leave crying and say 'Ay.'
And yet, I warrant, it had upon its brow A bump as big as a young cockerel's stone; A parlous knock; and it cried bitterly: 'Yea,' quoth my husband, 'fall'st upon thy face? Thou wilt fall backward when thou comest to age; Wilt thou not, Jule?' it stinted and said 'Ay.'
Aya: And stint thou too, I pray thee, nurse, say I.
"Aya does a good Juliet," Keiko noted.
"HOW??" everyone exclaimed.
"She haven't been speaking for a long time now and Aya doesn't talk much either."
Everyone went "ohhhhh" and "I knew that".
Cali: Peace, I have done. God mark thee to his grace! Thou wast the prettiest babe that e'er I nursed:
An I might live to see thee married once, I have my wish.
"God will suffer, I hate God, I want to cause God pain, Pain is good," Farfarello grinned, wickedly.
Ronald: Marry, that 'marry' is the very theme I came to talk of. Tell me, daughter Aya, How stands your disposition to be married?
Aya: It is an honour that I dream not of.
"He can't get laid either?" Schurderich asked.
"BAKA!" Keiko bopped him on the head. "We're talking marriage here, not sex!"
"Either way, he still won't get laid."
"How true and yet sad."
Cali: An honour! were not I thine only nurse, I would say thou hadst suck'd wisdom from thy teat.
Ronald: Well, think of marriage now; younger than you, Here in Verona, ladies of esteem, Are made already mothers: by my count, I was your mother much upon these years That you are now a maid. Thus then in brief: The valiant Schurderich seeks you for his love.
Cali: A man, young lady! lady, such a man As all the world--why, he's a man of wax.
"He shaves?" Nagi asked.
"No, he wax," Omi replied. Everyone turned to look at Schurderich.
"WHAT?! I only play the damn part! I'm not the actual guy!!"
Ronald: Verona's summer hath not such a flower.
"First, it's waxing, now it's flowers?" Mill asked.
Cali: Nay, he's a flower; in faith, a very flower.
Ronald: What say you? can you love the gentleman? This night you shall behold him at our feast;
Read o'er the volume of young Schurderich's face, And find delight writ there with beauty's pen;
Examine every married lineament, And see how one another lends content And what obscured in this fair volume lies Find written in the margent of his eyes. This precious book of love, this unbound lover, To beautify him, only lacks a cover: The fish lives in the sea, and 'tis much pride For fair without the fair within to hide: That book in many's eyes doth share the glory, That in gold clasps locks in the golden story; So shall you share all that he doth possess, By having him, making yourself no less.
Cali: No less! nay, bigger; women grow by men.
Ronald: Speak briefly, can you like of Schurderich's love?
Aya: I'll look to like, if looking liking move: But no more deep will I endart mine eye Than your consent gives strength to make it fly.
"I think he just rejected you," Brad said.
"He IS supposed to reject him!" Eve said. Schurderich pouted.
Enter a Servant.
Servant: Madam, the guests are come, supper served up, you called, my young lady asked for, the nurse cursed in the pantry, and every thing in extremity. I must hence to wait; I beseech you, follow straight.
Ronald: We follow thee.
[Exit Servant.]
Juliet, the county stays.
Nurse: Go, girl, seek happy nights to happy days.
[Exeunt.]