Romeo & Juliet: A WK Parody
By:
Disclaimers: Weiß Kreuz do not belong to me so don't sue me. I'm poor. ^_^;;;
Notes: Self-insertion and Romeo and Juliet replay. **wince** Aya will still be refer to as Aya while Aya-chan will be refer to as Aya-chan. ^.^;; Ew…the background is PINK. ~_~;;;;
Black colored is the play.
All auditioners would be using their real names rather than the role their playing. Only the character's name will be mentioned once so we'll know which auditioner is auditioning for which part.
Bold italic words are stage directions.
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"I don't get what the chorus is for…" Ms. White said, eyes on the script. "Well, anyhow, everyone, this is your part since it DOES say chorus and all. Ready? I want it synchronized! One…two…three!"
Enter Chorus.
Chorus: Now old desire doth in his death-bed lie, And young affection gapes to be his heir:
"You just said 'doh' like Homer Simpson…"
"Oh, shut up."
"This is retarded…"
"You 3 aren't saying it."
"EEP!!"
That fair for which love groan'd for
Schurderich let out a rather…passionate, let us call it, groan.
"Somebody stop his hormones!!"
and would die, With tender Aya match'd, is now not fair. Now Yoji is beloved and loves again,
"PLAYER!!!"
"TENDER Aya???"
"HEY!"
"Sorry…~_~;; Don't take offense…"
"Humph!"
Alike betwitched by the charm of looks, But to his foe supposed he must complain,
"Tch…he ALWAYS complain!"
"ALL OF YOU SHUT THE HELL UP!!"
"I like Hell. Hell is good. Pain is good. Causing God pain is good."
"No mistake who THAT was."
And she steal love's sweet bait from fearful hooks:
"MY GOD! What a bad person! She STEALS!!!"
"Have you no shame?????"
"SHUT UP BEFORE I KILL ALL OF YOU!!"
Being held a foe, he may not have access To breathe such vows as lovers use to swear; And she as much in love, her means much less To meet her new-beloved any where: But passion lends them power, time means, to meet Tempering extremities with extreme sweet.
[Exit.]
Enter Yoji.
Yoji: Can I go forward when my heart is here? Turn back, dull earth, and find thy centre out.
"Lassie, come home!!!" Cali called.
"WOOF WOOF!" Yin barked.
"What did Lassie have to do with what he just said?" Nagi asked.
"No idea." Omi shrugged while Yin continued barking until Ms. White shot her another death glare.
[He climbs the wall, and leaps down within it.]
Enter Christina and Yin.
Christina: Yoji! my cousin Yoji!
Yin: He is wise; And, on my life, hath stol'n him home to bed.
"Or to someone else's bed for that matter."
"Calm your hormones now…I'd rather not see visions of THAT."
"Tch…no one told you to be able to predict the future. And that wasn't even the future!"
"Oh yes…**sniff**…that is just how cruel God is."
"I like to cause God pain."
"We get the damn point now shut the hell up."
Christina: He ran this way, and leap'd this orchard wall: Call, good Yin.
Everyone began calling "Lassie, come home".
"Quit it with the dog calling, will ya???" Schurderich screamed.
Yin: Nay, I'll conjure too. Yoji! humours! madman! passion! lover! Appear thou in the likeness of a sigh: Speak but one rhyme, and I am satisfied; Cry but 'Ay me!' pronounce but 'love' and 'dove;' Speak to my gossip Venus one fair word, One nick-name for her purblind son and heir, Young Adam Cupid, he that shot so trim, When King Cophetua loved the beggar-maid! He heareth not, he stirreth not, he moveth not; The ape is dead, and I must conjure him. I conjure thee by Rosaline's bright eyes,
By her high forehead and her scarlet lip, By her fine foot, straight leg and quivering thigh And the demesnes that there adjacent lie, That in thy likeness thou appear to us!
"MADMAN! BATMAN!! DADADADADUMDADA!"
"Passion?? What the hell?
"Yoji can't rhyme."
Christina: An if he hear thee, thou wilt anger him.
"NAW! He loves us too much! Right, Yoji-kun??"
"Shut the hell up!!"
Yin: This cannot anger him: 'twould anger him To raise a spirit in his mistress' circle Of some strange nature, letting it there stand Till she had laid it and conjured it down; That were some spite: my invocation Is fair and honest, and in his mistress' name I conjure only but to raise up him.
Christina: Come, he hath hid himself among these trees, To be consorted with the humorous night:
Blind is his love and best befits the dark.
"'They have found me!! NOOOOO!!!'"
"'PLEASE NO! I don't wanna go back to that horrible place'!!"
A thin piece of silver made itself known.
Yin: If love be blind, love cannot hit the mark. Now will he sit under a medlar tree, And wish his mistress were that kind of fruit As maids call medlars, when they laugh alone. Yoji, that she were, O, that she were An open et cetera, thou a poperin pear! Yoji, good night: I'll to my truckle-bed;
This field-bed is too cold for me to sleep: Come, shall we go?
"What's a truckle bed?" Cali asked.
"A bed," came the many responses.
Christina: Go, then; for 'tis in vain To seek him here that means not to be found.
[Exeunt.]
Enter ROMEO.
Yoji: He jests at scars that never felt a wound.
[Aya appears above at a window.]
"Look! It's your lover!"
"MU-WAH!"
"EW! He slobbered all over me!!"
"You're lucky you even got someone to kiss you!"
"Shut up, you FREAK!"
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
"You break it, you buy it."
"Shut up, Nagi, just shut up."
"I can blow you away. I have the powers."
"Ooh…I'm s~o scared. Bite me." Then, "OW!"
"You told me to bite you."
It is the east, and Aya is the sun. Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon, Who is already sick and pale with grief,
Farfarello began chanting "die". Everyone just sweatdropped.
That thou her maid art far more fair than she: Be not her maid, since she is envious; Her vestal livery is but sick and green And none but fools do wear it; cast it off. It is my lady, O, it is my love!
"MY LOVE!"
"Cali…that was overly dramatic."
"SO? I'm still good, right??"
"ENCORE ENCORE!"
"Don't encourage the girl, Keiko-chan."
O, that she knew she were! She speaks yet she says nothing: what of that? Her eye discourses; I will answer it. I am too bold, 'tis not to me she speaks: Two of the fairest stars in all the heaven, Having some business, do entreat her eyes To twinkle in their spheres till they return. What if her eyes were there, they in her head? The brightness of her cheek would shame those stars, As daylight doth a lamp; her eyes in heaven Would through the airy region stream so bright That birds would sing and think it were not night. See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand! O, that I were a glove upon that hand, That I might touch that cheek!
"Wait a minute…he's peeping! EW! Peeing tom!" Yin cried.
"You just said 'peeing'…" Eve sweatdropped as Yoji was already down the stage and now choking Yin to death.
"Peeping, peeping!!!! HELP!!!!"
Aya: Ay me!
Yoji: She speaks: O, speak again, bright angel!
"Yeah…do speak again. It's very rare for him to talk," Brad said. Aya shot him a dirty look.
for thou art As glorious to this night, being o'er my head As is a winged messenger of heaven Unto the white-upturned wondering eyes Of mortals that fall back to gaze on him When he bestrides the lazy-pacing clouds And sails upon the bosom of the air.
Aya: O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo?
"Right under your skirt…" Cali snickered.
"OOOHH!! Told you he was a peeing…uh…I mean, PEEPING tom!!" Yin chuckled nervously.
"There shall be many deaths today…" Mill rubbed her hands together gleefully.
"Death…" Farfarello licked his knife again, smiling devilishly.
Deny thy father and refuse thy name; Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, And I'll no longer be a Capulet.
"NOOOO!!!!!!!!" everyone screamed.
Yoji: Aside Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?
Aya: 'Tis but thy name that is my enemy; Thou art thyself, though not a Montague. What's Montague? it is nor hand, nor foot, Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part Belonging to a man.
Schu raised an eyebrow.
"He lets his hormones do all the thinking…" Keiko groaned.
"I named mine Montague, too…" the redhead continued his smirk.
Everyone screamed their disgust while Schu cackled.
O, be some other name! What's in a name? that which we call a rose By any other name would smell as sweet; So Yoji would, were he not Yoji call'd, Retain that dear perfection which he owes Without that title. Yoji, doff thy name, And for that name which is no part of thee Take all myself.
Yoji: I take thee at thy word: Call me but love, and I'll be new baptized; Henceforth I never will be Yoji.
Aya: What man art thou that thus bescreen'd in night So stumblest on my counsel?
"A peeing…I mean, peeping tom!" Yin called.
"Would you shut up with that dumb word??" Ken exclaimed.
Yoji: By a name I know not how to tell thee who I am: My name, dear saint, is hateful to myself, Because it is an enemy to thee; Had I it written, I would tear the word.
Everyone made ripping sounds.
"Did I asked for sound effect??" Ms. White hollered. "NO! So shut up!!"
Aya: My ears have not yet drunk a hundred words Of that tongue's utterance, yet I know the sound:
Art thou not Yoji and a Montague?
Yoji: Neither, fair saint, if either thee dislike.
Aya: How camest thou hither, tell me, and wherefore? The orchard walls are high and hard to climb,
And the place death, considering who thou art, If any of my kinsmen find thee here.
"It's good the walls are hard to climb otherwise, he'll already be screwing you right now."
"Shut up, you dumb German."
"Make me."
Yoji: With love's light wings did I o'er-perch these walls; For stony limits cannot hold love out, And what love can do that dares love attempt; Therefore thy kinsmen are no let to me.
Aya: If they do see thee, they will murder thee.
Farfie's eyes lit up in a very dangerous way.
Yoji: Alack, there lies more peril in thine eye Than twenty of their swords: look thou but sweet, And I am proof against their enmity.
Aya: I would not for the world they saw thee here.
Yoji: I have night's cloak to hide me from their sight; And thou but love me, let them find me here:
My life were better ended by their hate, Than death prorogued, wanting of thy love.
Aya: By whose direction found'st thou out this place?
Yoji: By love, who first did prompt me to inquire; He lent me counsel and I lent him eyes. I am no pilot; yet, wert thou as far As that vast shore wash'd with the farthest sea, I would adventure for such merchandise.
"He is such a player," Mill commented.
"Aya better be careful otherwise he'll find Yoji up another guy's skirt," Schu paused. "Down another guy's pants I mean."
"All the better opportunity for you, eh?"
"Yeah, baby…" Schu licked his lips while Aya continued glaring at him.
Aya: Thou know'st the mask of night is on my face, Else would a maiden blush bepaint my cheek For that which thou hast heard me speak to-night Fain would I dwell on form, fain, fain deny What I have spoke: but farewell compliment! Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say 'Ay,' And I will take thy word: yet if thou swear'st, Thou mayst prove false; at lovers' perjuries Then say, Jove laughs. O gentle Yoji, If thou dost love, pronounce it faithfully: Or if thou think'st I am too quickly won, I'll frown and be perverse and say thee nay, So thou wilt woo; but else, not for the world. In truth, fair Montague, I am too fond, And therefore thou mayst think my 'havior light: But trust me, gentleman, I'll prove more true Than those that have more cunning to be strange. I should have been more strange, I must confess, But that thou overheard'st, ere I was ware, My true love's passion: therefore pardon me, And not impute this yielding to light love, Which the dark night hath so discovered.
Yoji: Lady, by yonder blessed moon I swear That tips with silver all these fruit-tree tops--
Aya: O, swear not by the moon, the inconstant moon, That monthly changes in her circled orb, Lest that thy love prove likewise variable.
Yoji: What shall I swear by?
Aya: Do not swear at all; Or, if thou wilt, swear by thy gracious self, Which is the god of my idolatry,
And I'll believe thee.
"Can they quit it with these lovey-dovey scenes already??? I'm getting all mushy inside…"
Yoji: If my heart's dear love--
Aya: Well, do not swear: although I joy in thee, I have no joy of this contract to-night: It is too rash, too unadvised, too sudden; Too like the lightning, which doth cease to be Ere one can say 'It lightens.' Sweet, good night! This bud of love, by summer's ripening breath, May prove a beauteous flower when next we meet. Good night, good night! as sweet repose and rest Come to thy heart as that within my breast!
Schu's eyes lit up with a rather…um, we'll call it dangerous too…gleam. Keiko moved her seat.
"Damn stupid, little cock-sucker German."
"Damn straight!" and there goes the cackle again.
Yoji: O, wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?
Schu licked his lips again. "I would like to go over there…" Everyone covered their ears. "…Screw you. THEN will you be unsatisfied?? HA!"
Aya: What satisfaction canst thou have to-night?
"Come one! The guy haven't been getting any for awhile now so just give it to him!"
"Shut up, you dumbass."
"You can't make me. Nyah, nyah nyah!!"
Yoji: The exchange of thy love's faithful vow for mine.
Aya: I gave thee mine before thou didst request it: And yet I would it were to give again.
Yoji: Wouldst thou withdraw it? for what purpose, love?
Aya: But to be frank, and give it thee again. And yet I wish but for the thing I have: My bounty is as boundless as the sea, My love as deep; the more I give to thee, The more I have, for both are infinite.
[Nurse calls within.]
Everyone shouted "BUSTED!"
I hear some noise within; dear love, adieu! Anon, good nurse! Sweet Montague, be true. Stay but a little, I will come again.
[Exit, above.]
Yoji: O blessed, blessed night! I am afeard. Being in night, all this is but a dream, Too flattering-sweet to be substantial.
"I think it was 'afraid'…" Cali blinked.
"This is Yoji who's doing the talking here…" Omi said.
"Yeah, he's more stupider than you, Cali-chan," Ken added. He shrank back in his seat when Yoji gave him a death glare.
Re-enter JULIET, above.
"She came back??? So fast??? That is like s~o fake!!"
"Shut up!!"
Aya: Three words, dear Yoji, and good night indeed. If that thy bent of love be honourable, Thy purpose marriage, send me word to-morrow, By one that I'll procure to come to thee, Where and what time thou wilt perform the rite; And all my fortunes at thy foot I'll lay And follow thee my lord throughout the world.
Cali: Within Madam!
Aya: I come, anon.--But if thou mean'st not well, I do beseech thee--
Cali: Within Madam!
Aya: By and by, I come:-- To cease thy suit, and leave me to my grief: To-morrow will I send.
Yoji: So thrive my soul--
Aya: A thousand times good night!
[Exit, above.]
"That's it??? No lemon??? Hell, this ain't like the movie!!"
"There was a lemon in the movie?" Ken raised an eyebrow.
"Who cares??? Even if there WAS a lemon, it'll be omitted!"
"Mou…that's mean Mill-chan!"
"There might be kids reading this shit! I'm too young to meet my maker!"
Everyone sweatdropped.
Yoji: A thousand times the worse, to want thy light. Love goes toward love, as schoolboys from their books, But love from love, toward school with heavy looks.
[Retiring.]
Re-enter Aya, above.
Aya: Hist! Romeo, hist! O, for a falconer's voice, To lure this tassel-gentle back again! Bondage is hoarse, and may not speak aloud; Else would I tear the cave where Echo lies, And make her airy tongue more hoarse than mine, With repetition of my Yoji's name.
Yoji:: It is my soul that calls upon my name: How silver-sweet sound lovers' tongues by night, Like softest music to attending ears!
"Pfft…like HE knows anything about music!" Nagi said.
"The only thing he knows is sex!" Omi nodded.
Aya: Yoji!
Yoji: My dear?
"'Can I screw you now?'"
"Stop that, Schu!!"
Aya: At what o'clock to-morrow Shall I send to thee?
Yoji: At the hour of nine.
Aya: I will not fail: 'tis twenty years till then. I have forgot why I did call thee back.
Yoji: Let me stand here till thou remember it.
"NO! Let him remember it while you 2 are screwing!"
Everybody screamed in frustration.
Aya: I shall forget, to have thee still stand there, Remembering how I love thy company.
Yoji: And I'll still stay, to have thee still forget, Forgetting any other home but this.
Aya: 'Tis almost morning; I would have thee gone: And yet no further than a wanton's bird; Who lets it hop a little from her hand, Like a poor prisoner in his twisted gyves, And with a silk thread plucks it back again, So loving-jealous of his liberty.
Yoji: I would I were thy bird.
Aya: Sweet, so would I: Yet I should kill thee with much cherishing. Good night, good night! parting is such sweet sorrow, That I shall say good night till it be morrow.
"GOOD BYE! You'll miss me, I'm sure!"
"Su~re, Cali. Everyone will just go 'good riddance'."
"BLEH!"
[Exit above.]
Yoji: Sleep dwell upon thine eyes, peace in thy breast! Would I were sleep and peace, so sweet to rest! Hence will I to my ghostly father's cell, His help to crave, and my dear hap to tell.
[Exit.]
"Don't you dare, Schu."
"It's not my fault they kept saying 'breast'!!"
"Tape his mouth shut. That'll be easier."