Romeo & Juliet: A WK Parody
By:
Disclaimers: Weiß Kreuz do not belong to me so don't sue me. I'm poor. ^_^;;;
Notes: Self-insertion and Romeo and Juliet replay. **wince** Aya will still be refer to as Aya while Aya-chan will be refer to as Aya-chan. ^.^;; Ew…the background is PINK. ~_~;;;;
Black colored is the play.
All auditioners would be using their real names rather than the role their playing. Only the character's name will be mentioned once so we'll know which auditioner is auditioning for which part.
Bold italic words are stage directions.
Blue colored text are thoughts.
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Enter Farfarello, with a basket.
Farfarello (the role of Friar Laurence): The grey-eyed morn smiles on the frowning night, Chequering the eastern clouds with streaks of light, And flecked darkness like a drunkard reels From forth day's path and Titan's fiery wheels: Now, ere the sun advance his burning eye, The day to cheer and night's dank dew to dry, I must up-fill this osier cage of ours With baleful weeds and precious-juiced flowers. The earth that's nature's mother is her tomb; What is her burying grave that is her womb, And from her womb children of divers kind We sucking on her natural bosom find, Many for many virtues excellent, None but for some and yet all different. O, mickle is the powerful grace that lies In herbs, plants, stones, and their true qualities: For nought so vile that on the earth doth live
But to the earth some special good doth give, Nor aught so good but strain'd from that fair use Revolts from true birth, stumbling on abuse: Virtue itself turns vice, being misapplied; And vice sometimes by action dignified. Within the infant rind of this small flower Poison hath residence and medicine power: For this, being smelt, with that part cheers each part; Being tasted, slays all senses with the heart. Two such opposed kings encamp them still In man as well as herbs, grace and rude will; And where the worser is predominant, Full soon the canker death eats up that plant.
Everyone stared. Mouths open. No one moved an inch. Not even the auditioners nor Ms. White. Finally, it was Schu who broke this horrible silence.
"WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?"
"Nice way to break the silence," Eve muttered. Schu shot her a dirty look.
"Why is FARFARELLO playing the FRIAR, of all people?!!" Nagi exclaimed. "You REALLY have a deathwish of some sort, don't you?"
"First things first," Ken held up a finger. "How did you get him to playing the part?"
Mill grinned widely.
Begin Flashback
"Ne, Farf-kun??" Mill peered over at the Irishman, warily. Farfie looked up from whatever he was doing (which, by the way, happens to be licking some knives. Again.)
"Nani?"
"Can you audition for this certain role in Romeo & Juliet?"
Farfie raised an eyebrow. "And that role would be…?"
Mill replied in a tiny squeak. "Friar Laurence."
"Friar? As in priest? Churches?? God???"
"EEP!" Mill turned tail and ran. "I never said anything!! Don't mind me! I have never, EVER came in here to ask you that STUPID question!"
"STOP!" Mill screeched to a halt, afraid to look back at the Irishman.
"Let me get this straight…"
Mill gulped.
"You want me to play Friar Laurence…"
Mill nodded weakly.
"Who just so happens to be a priest of some sort…"
Mill mentally said her will.
"Plus, I hate God." Pause. "One would think that when he said 'I hate God, I like to cause God pain' enough times, people will get the idea."
Mill continued her will. Suddenly, all trains of thought halted and she mentally slap herself for not realizing this technique earlier.
"But if you play this part…" Mill mentally prayed that this idea will work. "Then God WILL suffer."
Farfarello's eyebrows raised as he gave Mill an unreadable look.
End Flashback
"How will this hurt God?" Cali asked.
"I don't know," Mill shrugged. "But it seemed to be such a good idea at that time so I just decided to use it."
"Well…" Ms. White finally regained her composure and gave everyone a stern look. "Now that Mill's wonderful story as to how Farfarello-san got up there, let's continue shall we?"
Enter Yoji.
Yoji: Good morrow, father.
Farfarello: Benedicite! What early tongue so sweet saluteth me? Young son, it argues a distemper'd head So soon to bid good morrow to thy bed: Care keeps his watch in every old man's eye, And where care lodges, sleep will never lie; But where unbruised youth with unstuff'd brain Doth couch his limbs, there golden sleep doth reign: Therefore thy earliness doth me assure Thou art up-roused by some distemperature; Or if not so, then here I hit it right, Our Romeo hath not been in bed to-night.
"That's coz he was too busy flirting with his enemy's daughter," Eve said.
"Farfie has an interest in Yoji-kun?" Omi blinked. Everyone turned to stare at him. "What? Was it something I said?"
"He wanna tongue him," Schu said.
"Stop it, you perv," Eve glared. "Being perverted is MY job." Everyone sweatdropped.
Yoji: That last is true; the sweeter rest was mine.
Farfarello: God pardon sin! wast thou with Rosaline?
Yoji: With Aya-chan, my ghostly father? no; I have forgot that name, and that name's woe.
"Yoji forgets too easily," Keiko said.
"The man ain't got no brain, that's why," Aya mumbled.
Farfarello: That's my good son: but where hast thou been, then?
Yoji: I'll tell thee, ere thou ask it me again. I have been feasting with mine enemy, Where on a sudden one hath wounded me, That's by me wounded: both our remedies Within thy help and holy physic lies: I bear no hatred, blessed man, for, lo, My intercession likewise steads my foe.
Farfarello: Be plain, good son, and homely in thy drift; Riddling confession finds but riddling shrift.
Yoji: Then plainly know my heart's dear love is set On the fair daughter of rich Capulet: As mine on hers, so hers is set on mine; And all combined, save what thou must combine By holy marriage: when and where and how We met, we woo'd and made exchange of vow, I'll tell thee as we pass; but this I pray, That thou consent to marry us to-day.
"Methinks Aya-kun's gonna give Yoji-kun a beating later on," Omi stated.
"He called Aya a 'her'…" Yin held up a few fingers. "Twice, plus calling him the 'daughter of Capulet' so that would be three…"
"How many wanna bet the beating will turn into something bad?" Schu smirked.
"Can I PLEASE change seats??" Keiko whined.
Farfarello: Holy Saint Francis, what a change is here! Is Aya-chan, whom thou didst love so dear, So soon forsaken? young men's love then lies Not truly in their hearts, but in their eyes. Jesu Maria, what a deal of brine Hath wash'd thy sallow cheeks for Rosaline! How much salt water thrown away in waste, To season love, that of it doth not taste! The sun not yet thy sighs from heaven clears,
Thy old groans ring yet in my ancient ears; Lo, here upon thy cheek the stain doth sit Of an old tear that is not wash'd off yet: If e'er thou wast thyself and these woes thine, Thou and these woes were all for Rosaline: And art thou changed? pronounce this sentence then, Women may fall, when there's no strength in men.
Yoji: Thou chid'st me oft for loving Aya-chan.
Farfarello: For doting, not for loving, pupil mine.
Yoji: And bad'st me bury love.
Farfarello: Not in a grave, To lay one in, another out to have.
Yoji: I pray thee, chide not; she whom I love now Doth grace for grace and love for love allow; The other did not so.
Farfarello: O, she knew well Thy love did read by rote and could not spell. But come, young waverer, come, go with me, In one respect I'll thy assistant be; For this alliance may so happy prove, To turn your households' rancour to pure love.
"I think Farfie's gonna give Mill-chan a beating, too," Nagi said. Brad and Schu nodded, rather enthusiastically.
"'Pure love'?" Cali snickered. "It sound so weird coming out of him."
Yoji: O, let us hence; I stand on sudden haste.
"'Let's get a moving!'" Schu did his best imitation of Yoji. "'I'm finally getting laid!'"
Farfarello: Wisely and slow; they stumble that run fast.
[Exeunt.]
Enter Christina and Yin.
Yin: Where the devil should this Yoji be? Came he not home to-night?
Christina: Not to his father's; I spoke with his man.
"You know how that came out sounding like?" Ken asked.
"Oh yeah…" Schu smirked.
"Must you encourage the man?" Keiko sighed.
"Ew…a YojixTakatori Reiji pairing?" Eve's face turned slightly green.
Yin: Ah, that same pale hard-hearted wench, that Rosaline. Torments him so, that he will sure run mad.
Christina: Kevin, the kinsman of old Capulet, Hath sent a letter to his father's house.
Yin: A challenge, on my life.
Christina: Yoji will answer it.
Yin: Any man that can write may answer a letter.
"I KNEW IT!" Cali suddenly declared. "Yin was dropped onto the floor when she was a baby!" The said person turned and gave Cali the meanest look she can manage.
"I can write a letter…" Mill began. "Does that mean I can answer one, too??" She gasped. "I never knew I can! I never tried it! Oh my! Yin, you are a GENIUS!" Yin gave Mill a mean look as well.
Christina: Nay, he will answer the letter's master, how he dares, being dared.
Yin: Alas poor Yoji! he is already dead; stabbed with a white wench's black eye; shot through the ear with a love-song; the very pin of his heart cleft with the blind bow-boy's butt-shaft: and is he a man to encounter Kevin?
Christina: Why, what is Kevin?
The crowd erupted into snickers.
"HEY!" Kevin gave everyone his death glare. Which wasn't very deathly at all. "You're all weenies!"
"Shush, kid, that's MY line and I have copyrights over it!" Cali glared.
Yin: More than prince of cats, I can tell you. O, he is the courageous captain of compliments. He fights as you sing prick-song, keeps time, distance, and proportion; rests me his minim rest, one, two, and the third in your bosom: the very butcher of a silk button, a duellist, a duellist; a gentleman of the
very first house, of the first and second cause: ah, the immortal passado! the punto reverso! the hai!
Christina: The what?
Yin: The pox of such antic, lisping, affecting fantasticoes; these new tuners of accents! 'By Jesu, a very good blade! a very tall man! a very good whore!' Why, is not this a lamentable thing, grandsire, that we should be thus afflicted with these strange flies, these fashion-mongers, these perdona-mi's, who stand so much on the new form, that they cannot sit at ease on the old bench? O, their bones, their bones!
Everyone burst out laughing.
"She called him a whore…" Schu said, in between laughters.
"He ain't tall…" Aya glanced back over at Kevin. Kevin's face puffed out in anger. Which caused more giggles to erupt.
Enter Yoji.
Christina: Here comes Yoji, here comes Yoji.
Yin: Without his roe, like a dried herring: O flesh, flesh, how art thou fishified! Now is he for the
numbers that Petrarch flowed in: Laura to his lady was but a kitchen-wench; marry, she had a better love to be-rhyme her; Dido a dowdy; Cleopatra a gipsy; Helen and Hero hildings and harlots; Thisbe a grey eye or so, but not to the purpose. Signior Yoji, bon jour! there's a French salutation to your French slop. You gave us the counterfeit fairly last night.
Yoji: Good morrow to you both. What counterfeit did I give you?
Yin: The slip, sir, the slip; can you not conceive?
Yoji: Pardon, good Yin, my business was great; and in such a case as mine a man may strain courtesy.
Yin: That's as much as to say, such a case as yours constrains a man to bow in the hams.
Yoji: Meaning, to court'sy.
Yin: Thou hast most kindly hit it.
Yoji: A most courteous exposition.
Yin: Nay, I am the very pink of courtesy.
Everyone sweatdropped.
"Pink…?" Keiko asked.
Yoji: Pink for flower.
Everyone automatically went "ooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh".
Yin: Right.
Yoji: Why, then is my pump well flowered.
Yin: Well said: follow me this jest now till thou hast worn out thy pump, that when the single sole of it is worn, the jest may remain after the wearing sole singular.
Yoji: O single-soled jest, solely singular for the singleness.
Yin: Come between us, good Christina; my wits faint.
Yoji: Switch and spurs, switch and spurs; or I'll cry a match.
Yin: Nay, if thy wits run the wild-goose chase, I have done, for thou hast more of the wild-goose in one of thy wits than, I am sure, I have in my whole five: was I with you there for the goose?
Yoji: Thou wast never with me for any thing when thou wast not there for the goose.
Yin: I will bite thee by the ear for that jest.
"I do not want to know what image just popped up into that head of yours…" Keiko muttered.
Schu snickered.
Yoji: Nay, good goose, bite not.
Everyone went "go~od doggie…". Yin shot them all a death glare.
Yin: Thy wit is a very bitter sweeting; it is a most
sharp sauce.
Yoji: And is it not well served in to a sweet goose?
Yin: O here's a wit of cheveril, that stretches from an inch narrow to an ell broad!
Yoji: I stretch it out for that word 'broad;' which added to the goose, proves thee far and wide a broad goose.
Yin: Why, is not this better now than groaning for love? now art thou sociable, now art thou Yoji; now art thou what thou art, by art as well as by nature: for this drivelling love is like a great natural,
that runs lolling up and down to hide his bauble in a hole.
Christina: Stop there, stop there.
"STOP! In the name of lo~ve!" Cali sang, while everyone's fingers promptly flew to their ears.
Yin: Thou desirest me to stop in my tale against the hair.
Christina: Thou wouldst else have made thy tale large.
Yin: O, thou art deceived; I would have made it short: for I was come to the whole depth of my tale;
and meant, indeed, to occupy the argument no longer.
Yoji: Here's goodly gear!
Enter Cali and Nagi.
Yin: A sail, a sail!
Christina:: Two, two; a shirt and a smock.
Cali: Nagi!
Nagi: Anon!
Cali: My fan, Nagi.
Yin: Good Nagi, to hide her face; for her fan's the fairer face.
"Now THAT'S an insult," Eve giggled.
Cali: God ye good morrow, gentlemen.
Yin: God ye good den, fair gentlewoman.
Cali: Is it good den?
Yin: 'Tis no less, I tell you, for the bawdy hand of the dial is now upon the prick of noon.
Cali: Out upon you! what a man are you!
"That's not a man," Schu said. "If you check 'him' thoroughly, you'd find that she has something man doesn't have and lack the thing that a man has."
Everyone groaned in disgust, then turned and fixed the redhead with one of the most deadliest glares that has ever appeared on this fic thus far.
Yoji: One, gentlewoman, that God hath made for himself to mar.
Cali: By my troth, it is well said: 'for himself to mar,' quoth a'? Gentlemen, can any of you tell me where I may find the young Yoji?
Yoji: I can tell you; but young Yoji will be older when you have found him than he was when you sought him: I am the youngest of that name, for fault of a worse.
Cali: You say well.
Yin: Yea, is the worst well? very well took, i' faith; wisely, wisely.
Cali: If you be he, sir, I desire some confidence with you.
Christina: She will indite him to some supper.
Yin: A bawd, a bawd, a bawd! so ho!
"What the hell is a bawd?"
Yoji: What hast thou found?
Yin: No hare, sir; unless a hare, sir, in a lenten pie,
that is something stale and hoar ere it be spent.
[Sings.]
Everyone's hands flew to their ears again.
An old hare hoar,
And an old hare hoar,
Is very good meat in lent
But a hare that is hoar
Is too much for a score,
When it hoars ere it be spent.
Yoji, will you come to your father's? we'll to dinner, thither.
Yoji: I will follow you.
Yin: Farewell, ancient lady; farewell,
[Singing.]
'lady, lady, lady.'
[Exeunt Yin and Christina.]
Cali: Marry, farewell! I pray you, sir, what saucy
merchant was this, that was so full of his ropery?
Yoji: A gentleman, nurse, that loves to hear himself talk, and will speak more in a minute than he will stand to in a month.
Cali: An a' speak any thing against me, I'll take him down, an a' were lustier than he is, and twenty such Jacks; and if I cannot, I'll find those that shall. Scurvy knave! I am none of his flirt-gills; I am
none of his skains-mates. And thou must stand by too, and suffer every knave to use me at his pleasure?
Nagi: I saw no man use you at his pleasure; if I had, my weapon should quickly have been out, I warrant you: I dare draw as soon as another man, if I see occasion in a good quarrel, and the law on my side.
Cali: Now, afore God, I am so vexed, that every part about me quivers. Scurvy knave! Pray you, sir, a word: and as I told you, my young lady bade me inquire you out; what she bade me say, I will keep to myself: but first let me tell ye, if ye should lead her into a fool's paradise, as they say, it were a very gross kind of behaviour, as they say: for the gentlewoman is young; and, therefore, if you should deal double with her, truly it were an ill thing to be offered to any gentlewoman, and very weak dealing.
Yoji: Nurse, commend me to thy lady and mistress. I protest unto thee--
Cali: Good heart, and, i' faith, I will tell her as much: Lord, Lord, she will be a joyful woman.
Yoji: What wilt thou tell her, nurse? Thou dost not mark me.
Cali: I will tell her, sir, that you do protest; which, as I take it, is a gentlemanlike offer.
Yoji: Bid her devise Some means to come to shrift this afternoon; And there she shall at Farfarello's cell Be shrived and married. Here is for thy pains.
"They're getting married in an psychotic person's cell???" Yin exclaimed. "My goodness! Have they lost their minds???"
"I wonder if they'll be wearing strait jackets…" Mill said.
"If they do…does that mean that Aya-kun has to wear one, too?" Omi asked.
"I'll kill everyone in here if I have to wear one," Aya declared, warningly.
Cali: No truly sir; not a penny.
Yoji: Go to; I say you shall.
Cali: This afternoon, sir? well, she shall be there.
Yoji: And stay, good nurse, behind the abbey wall: Within this hour my man shall be with thee,
And bring thee cords made like a tackled stair; Which to the high top-gallant of my joy Must be my convoy in the secret night. Farewell; be trusty, and I'll quit thy pains: Farewell; commend me to thy mistress.
Cali: Now God in heaven bless thee! Hark you, sir.
Yoji: What say'st thou, my dear nurse?
Cali: Is your man secret? Did you ne'er hear say, Two may keep counsel, putting one away?
Yoji: I warrant thee, my man's as true as steel.
Cali: Well, sir; my mistress is the sweetest lady-- Lord, Lord! when 'twas a little prating thing:--O, there is a nobleman in town, one Schurderich, that would fain lay knife aboard; but she, good soul, had as lief see a toad, a very toad, as see him. I anger her sometimes and tell her that Schurderich is the properer man; but, I'll warrant you, when I say so, she looks as pale as any clout in the versal world. Doth not rosemary and Yoji begin both with a letter?
"Schurderich?" Brad raised an eyebrow. "A nobleman? Proper?" Everyone was too busy giggling to even bother answering his question.
"HEY! I'm not that bad!" Schu pouted. Everyone gave him a look. "Alright fine. Maybe I AM that bad! HUMPH!"
Yoji: Ay, nurse; what of that? both with an R.
Cali: Ah. mocker! that's the dog's name; R is for the--No; I know it begins with some other letter:--
and she hath the prettiest sententious of it, of you and rosemary, that it would do you good to hear it.
Yoji: Commend me to thy lady.
Cali: Ay, a thousand times.
[Exit Romeo.]
Peter!
Nagi: Anon!
Cali: Nagi, take my fan, and go before, and apace.
[Exeunt.]