Romeo & Juliet: A WK Parody

Romeo & Juliet: A WK Parody

By: Aya

Disclaimers: Weiß Kreuz do not belong to me so don't sue me. I'm poor. ^_^;;;

Notes: Self-insertion and Romeo and Juliet replay. **wince** Aya will still be refer to as Aya while Aya-chan will be refer to as Aya-chan. ^.^;; Ew...the background is PINK. ~_~;;;;

Black colored is the play.

All auditioners would be using their real names rather than the role their playing. Only the character's name will be mentioned once so we'll know which auditioner is auditioning for which part.

Bold italic words are stage directions.

Blue colored text are thoughts.

==============================

Enter Citizens, &c.

First Citizen: Which way ran he that kill'd Yin? Kevin, that murderer, which way ran he?

Everyone pointed to the said person, who is currently laying on the floor onstage, pretending to be dead.

"Wouldn't it be really good if he DID die?" Cali asked.

"God ain't that nice," Mill grumbled. "There are no miracles in this world. Life sucks."

Christina: There lies that Kevin.

First Citizen: Up, sir, go with me; I charge thee in the princes name, obey.

Enter Gourry, attended; Takatori Reiji, Boris, their Wives, and others

Gourry: Where are the vile beginners of this fray?

"I still can't believe that's GOURRY up there speaking those lines," Lina blinked.

"He seemed to be almost...smart," Amelia added. "ALMOST."

Christina: O noble prince, I can discover all The unlucky manage of this fatal brawl: There lies the man, slain by young Yoji, That slew thy kinsman, brave Yin.

"She just tattletale on Yoji..." Eve said.

"And to think, she's a nice person," Cali shook her head in a disapproving way. In the meantime, up onstage, someone just had about enough of all this insults.

//The minute this play is over, I will go over there and murder each and everyone one of 'em// Christina vowed mentally.

//Tsk tsk, you're a GOOD girl, aren't you Chris-chan?// inquired the "angel" side of Christina.

//Screw the being a good girl business!! I want PAIN!!! PAIN!!!! Is good. ^_^V// Pause. //I almost sounded like Farfarello there for a minute....//

//You're scaring me...// the "angel" poof-ed inside outta there. Which is very good timing because the author of this ficcie was about to fry her.

Ronald: Kevin, my cousin! O my brother's child! O prince! O cousin! husband! O, the blood is spilt
O my dear kinsman! Gourry, as thou art true, For blood of ours, shed blood of Takatori Reiji. O cousin, cousin!

"Lemme get this straight..." Ken started. "Tybalt is Lady Capulet's brother's son. So wouldn't he be her NEPHEW?"

"Shakespeare is a moron," Nagi concluded.

"..." Aya due to boredom has fallen asleep. But after hearing shed blood of Takatori Reiji, his eyes are now wide with a strange, malicious gleam in them.

"This man is a nutcase," Brad concluded.

Gourry: Christina, who began this bloody fray?

Christina: Kevin, here slain //Oh goodie, the idiot is dead. I never liked him anyway.//, whom Yoji's hand did slay; Yoji that spoke him fair, bade him bethink How nice the quarrel was, and urged withal Your high displeasure: all this uttered With gentle breath, calm look, knees humbly bow'd, Could not take truce with the unruly spleen Of Kevin deaf to peace, but that he tilts With piercing steel at bold Yin's breast //Oooh...Schu's hormones just shot up again. What's with Shakespeare and breast anyway?//, Who all as hot, turns deadly point to point, And, with a martial scorn, with one hand beats Cold death aside, and with the other sends It back to Kevin, whose dexterity, Retorts it: Yoji he cries aloud, 'Hold, friends! friends, part!' and, swifter than his tongue, His agile arm beats down their fatal points, And 'twixt them rushes; underneath whose arm An envious thrust from Kevin hit the life Of stout Yin, and then Kevin fled; But by and by comes back to Yoji, Who had but newly entertain'd revenge, And to't they go like lightning, for, ere I Could draw to part them, was stout Kevin slain. And, as he fell, did Yoji turn and fly. This is the truth, or let Christina die. //NOOO!! I'm too young to die!!!//

Ronald: He is a kinsman to the Takatori Reiji; Affection makes him false; he speaks not true: Some twenty of them fought in this black strife, And all those twenty could but kill one life. I beg for justice, which thou, prince, must give; Yoji slew Kevin, Yoji must not live.

"Yeah but Kevin also killed Yin," Omi said.

"Kevin's dead," Mill pointed at the so-called "dead" body onstage.

"So...." Keiko paused for a moment before continuing. "Kevin killed Yin-chan. Yoji-kun killed Kevin. So now does Yoji really HAVE to die?"

Everyone looked at each other. Few seconds later, they nodded and turned back at Keiko and replied, "Yes. He deserved to die." By the time the second sentence came out, everyone's face was already turning a very pretty shade of purple. It's amazing they even managed to choke out that last bit.

"I WILL kill you all!!!" Yoji threatened, his grip on the wire tightening a bit more. Keiko sweatdropped and mentally thanked God for letting her not be a part of the crowd that is currently being killed.

Gourry: Yoji slew him, he slew Yin; Who now the price of his dear blood doth owe?

"Didn't we just got over that?" Cali asked.

"Gourry is slow," Xelloss explained.

Takatori Reiji: Not Yoji, prince, he was Yin's friend; His fault concludes but what the law should end,
The life of Kevin.

"I just thought of something," Schu's head perked up, his gaze settling on Keiko. "And it's not my hormones thinking."

"For once," Keiko rolled her eyes, bored.

"Anyway," Schu cleared his throat. "Yoji likes Aya, Aya likes Yoji. So...if they get together, then wouldn't Aya's father-in-law be Takatori Reiji, the man he absolutely, most definitely hate more than anything in this world?"

Silence. Then...

BAM!!

"YOU IDIOT!!" Mill clutched Schu's throat tightly. "You have any idea how hard it was for me to get him to try out for a GIRL'S part, first of all?!?!?!"

"Don't...t-tell me you...d-didn't tell h-h-im that little f-f-fact!!!" Schu eyed the other redhead and immediately began sweatdropping like crazy; Aya is currently sleeping.

Gourry: And for that offence Immediately we do exile him hence //Now that is just cruel...// : I have an interest in your hate's proceeding, My blood for your rude brawls doth lie a-bleeding; But I'll amerce you with so strong a fine That you shall all repent the loss of mine: //Boy, this guy sure got lotsa lines. I thought Mill-chan was gonna give me a part where all I could was eat and do and say nothing...// I will be deaf to pleading and excuses; Nor tears nor prayers shall purchase out abuses: Therefore use none: let Yoji hence in haste, Else, when he's found, that hour is his last. Bear hence this body, and attend our will: Mercy but murders, pardoning those that kill.

[Exeunt.]

[Enter Aya.]

Aya: Gallop apace, you fiery-footed steeds, Towards Phoebus' lodging: such a wagoner As Phaethon would whip you to the west,

Schu's eyebrows shot up while everyone who noticed let out yet another disgusted groan.

"WHAT?! Can I help it if I'm sexually active all the time?!?!"

And bring in cloudy night immediately. Spread thy close curtain, love-performing night,

By this time, Yoji had his wire around the horny redhead's throat, preventing him from talking.

"You little horny-ass bastard deserves to die!" Yoji tightened the grip on the wire.

"I gotta agree with him there," Nagi said as Schu shot him a deadly look. "Sorry but you ARE as horny as hell and it's getting annoying."

Everyone began chanting "die" loudly. Unfortunately, Ms. White was there and after realizing that tiny fact, everyone was quiet and you can hear a pin drop. Well...almost.

That runaways' eyes may wink, and Yoji Leap to these arms, untalk'd of and unseen. Lovers can see to do their amorous rites By their own beauties; or, if love be blind, It best agrees with night. Come, civil night, Thou sober-suited matron, all in black, And learn me how to lose a winning match, Play'd for a pair of stainless maidenhoods: Hood my unmann'd blood, bating in my cheeks, With thy black mantle; till strange love, grown bold, Think true love acted simple modesty. Come, night; come, Yoji; come, thou day in night; For thou wilt lie upon the wings of night Whiter than new snow on a raven's back. Come, gentle night, come, loving, black-brow'd night, Give me my Yoji; and, when he shall die,
Take him and cut him out in little stars,

"Damn...he's cruel," Ken blinked.

"Typical Aya," Eve said.

"Take him and cut him out in little stars," Farfarello echoed while licking yet another knife. Everyone sweatdropped.

And he will make the face of heaven so fine That all the world will be in love with night And pay no worship to the garish sun. O, I have bought the mansion of a love, But not possess'd it, and, though I am sold, Not yet enjoy'd: so tedious is this day As is the night before some festival To an impatient child that hath new robes And may not wear them. O, here comes my nurse, And she brings news; and every tongue that speaks But Yoji's name speaks heavenly eloquence.

Enter Cali, with cords.

"What cords?" Omi looked over at Mill, who shrugged and turned to Yin, who also shrugged and turned to Eve, who shrugged as well.

Eve then turned to Keiko, who gave her a blank look. Keiko, not even bother casting a glance at Schu (what would HE know anyway?) turned to Nagi, who shrugged again.

Nagi looked up at the soccer-playing, children-loving, member of Weiß, Ken who scratched his head and gave a shrugged, too. Ken looked over at Yoji, who also shrugged (surprise, surprise). Yoji turned and looked over at the Irishman, but no response from the latter since he was still busy tasting the wonderful daggers and knives he has.

Yoji turned to the American Schwarz member, Brad (who seemed to be the smartest one there as of this moment…). The American pushed up his glasses and looked at everyone and finally said…

"It's a cord."

Everyone in the room (minus Ms. White…who has left the room a couple of minutes ago mentioning something about killing…) went "OOOOOHHHHHHH!!!"

Now, nurse, what news? What hast thou there? the cords That Yoji bid thee fetch?

Cali: Ay, ay, the cords.

**Please read the above paragraphs in red as this entire process has been repeated**

Schu: I'm so insulted.

Mill: Oh? And why is that?

Schu: We've been doing this "what cords" thing for TWO times. And for TWO times, no one asked me!!

Mill: Coz everyone know you're an idiot and God knows whether or not you'll be coming up with a hentai answer.

Nagi: I wouldn't mention God if I were you.

Farfie: **licks a knife** I hate God…I like pain… **lick lick**

[Throws them down.]

Aya: Ay me! what news? why dost thou wring thy hands?

Cali: Ah, well-a-day! he's dead, he's dead, he's dead!

"Yoji's dead?" Omi tilted his head to a side.

"Yoji's dead?" Mill echoed.

"Yoji's what?" Schu asked, rubbing an eye tiredly.

"Yoji's dead," Eve replied.

"Yoji's dead?" Yin asked.

"Yoji's dead," Ken nodded. "Boo hoo. What a shame. I was beginning to like that guy, too." //Right, Kenken…you like him so much you wanna kill him. Oh, yes…//

"Wait…Yoji's what?" Nagi looked up at his leader.

"Dead," Brad replied.

"Dead?" Nagi inquired.

"Dead," Keiko nodded. "Thank God."

"God is dead?" Farfie's eyes glinted dangerously.

"Why is it that he only hears the words associated with pain and God?" Ken groaned.

"Can we lock him up forever and throw away the keys?" Nagi asked the American.

We are undone, lady, we are undone! Alack the day! he's gone, he's kill'd, he's dead!

"OH MY GOD!! YOJI'S DEAD!!!"

"Hey…did you just see someone fall?" Keiko pointed to the window. She, Mill, Yin and Omi ran towards the window and looked out. Then, they gave a little gasp, looked at each other with horrified expressions on their face for awhile, shrugged then return to their seats with another bored look.

"Did I just miss something?" Schu asked.

"Ms. White is dead," Omi replied.

"Ms. White is dead?" Nagi asked.

"Yes, dead," Yin nodded.

"Oh, Lord…not another one…must we repeat this process?" Persia hid his face in his hands.

Aya: Can heaven be so envious?

Cali: Yoji can, Though heaven cannot: O Yoji, Yoji! Who ever would have thought it? Yoji!

"Yoji's dead?" Farfie FINALLY looked up at everyone, pausing for awhile with what he was doing earlier.

"Yes, Yoji's dead," Takatori Reiji (speaking for the first time aside from being onstage) said. "Now can we get that through our thick skulls???? DAMMIT! One more time and I'll have Schwarz kill the stupid author of this fanfic!!"

"NAW! They luv me too much! Right boys?" Mill winked at the 4 Schwarz members.

Meanwhile, going through each boys' heads…

//Yeah…I love her s~o much that the last thing I will do is let her live this HORRIBLE life that she leads. Hmm…need a plan…run in and kill in the least expected moment…?//

//Can't think…hormone level wa~ay too high. I should kill her for making me come here and getting me all horny and shit but I'm loving this…//

//Damn bitch//

//Pain. God. Death? Mill-chan? Oh, yes…No one asked Farfarello to pose as a FRIAR in the most ridiculous play EVER! All these lovey-dovey scenes is making me SICK!!!!!!//

And while in the author's head…

//I am s~o dead//

Aya: What devil art thou, that dost torment me thus? This torture should be roar'd in dismal hell. Hath Yoji slain himself? say thou but 'I,' And that bare vowel 'I' shall poison more Than the death-darting eye of cockatrice: I am not I, if there be such an I; Or those eyes shut, that make thee answer 'I.' If he be slain, say 'I'; or if not, no: Brief sounds determine of my weal or woe.

Cali: I saw the wound, I saw it with mine eyes,--God save the mark!--here on his manly breast //Yet another rise to Schu's hormones!! Ugh//: A piteous corse, a bloody piteous corse; Pale, pale as ashes, all bedaub'd in blood, All in gore-blood; I swounded at the sight.

Aya: O, break, my heart! poor bankrupt, break at once! To prison, eyes, ne'er look on liberty! Vile earth, to earth resign; end motion here; And thou and Yoji press one heavy bier!

Cali: O Kevin, Kevin, the best friend I had! //Best friends, my ass// O courteous Kevin! honest gentleman! //Very, very funny// That ever I should live to see thee dead! //Good riddance//

Aya: What storm is this that blows so contrary? Is Yoji slaughter'd, and is Kevin dead? My dear-loved cousin, and my dearer lord? Then, dreadful trumpet, sound the general doom! For who is living, if those two are gone?

Cali: Kevin is gone, and Yoji banished; Yoji that kill'd him, he is banished.

Aya: O God! did Yoji's hand shed Kevin's blood?

Cali: It did, it did; alas the day, it did!

Aya: O serpent heart, hid with a flowering face! Did ever dragon keep so fair a cave? Beautiful tyrant! fiend angelical! Dove-feather'd raven! wolvish-ravening lamb! Despised substance of divinest show!
Just opposite to what thou justly seem'st, A damned saint, an honourable villain! O nature, what hadst thou to do in hell, When thou didst bower the spirit of a fiend In moral paradise of such sweet flesh? Was ever book containing such vile matter So fairly bound? O that deceit should dwell In such a gorgeous palace!

Cali: There's no trust, No faith, no honesty in men //Damn right!!/; all perjured, All forsworn, all naught, all dissemblers. Ah, where's my man //"My man"…? Uh…right//? give me some aqua vitæ //HUUUUUUUUUUUH????//: These griefs, these woes, these sorrows make me old //Ooh…I am so old. Kids, call me obaa-san and I WILL have your heads//. Shame come to Yoji! //YEAH!//

Aya: Blister'd be thy tongue For such a wish! he was not born to shame: Upon his brow shame is ashamed to sit; For 'tis a throne where honour may be crown'd Sole monarch of the universal earth.
O, what a beast was I to chide at him!

Cali: Will you speak well of him that kill'd your cousin?

Aya: Shall I speak ill of him that is my husband? Ah, poor my lord, what tongue shall smooth thy name, When I, thy three-hours wife, have mangled it? But, wherefore, villain, didst thou kill my cousin? That villain cousin would have kill'd my husband: Back, foolish tears, back to your native spring; Your tributary drops belong to woe, Which you, mistaking, offer up to joy. My husband lives, that Kevin would have slain; And Kevin's dead, that would have slain my husband: All this is comfort; wherefore weep I then? Some word there was, worser than Kevin's death, That murder'd me: I would forget it fain; But, O, it presses to my memory, Like damned guilty deeds to sinners' minds:
'Kevin is dead, and Yoji--banished;' That 'banished,' that one word 'banished,' Hath slain ten thousand Kevins. Kevin's death Was woe enough, if it had ended there: Or, if sour woe delights in fellowship And needly will be rank'd with other griefs, Why follow'd not, when she said 'Kevin's dead,' Thy father, or thy mother, nay, or both, Which modern lamentation might have moved? But with a rearward following Kevin's death, 'Yoji is banished,' to speak that word, Is father, mother, Kevin, Yoji, Aya, All slain, all dead. 'Yoji is banished!' There is no end, no limit, measure, bound, In that word's death; no words can that woe sound. Where is my father, and my mother, nurse?

"For someone who doesn't like talking, he sure talks a lot," Ken noted.

"Are you implying that my oniisan is weird?" Aya-chan looked over at the brunette.

"No, of course not!" Ken chuckled, nervously. //Just a little mentally unstable…//

Cali: Weeping and wailing over Kevin's corse: Will you go to them? I will bring you thither.

Aya: Wash they his wounds with tears: mine shall be spent, When theirs are dry, for Yoji's banishment. Take up those cords: poor ropes, you are beguiled, Both you and I; for Yoji is exiled:
He made you for a highway to my bed //Oh, great. Leave it up to Schu to find the slightest thing to go all horny for…//; But I, a maid, die maiden-widowed. Come, cords, come, nurse; I'll to my wedding-bed; And death, not Yoji, take my maidenhead!

Cali: Hie to your chamber: I'll find Yoji To comfort you: I wot well where he is. Hark ye, your Yoji will be here at night: I'll to him; he is hid at Farfarello's cell. //Of all the worst possible places…//

Aya: O, find him! give this ring to my true knight, And bid him come to take his last farewell.

[Exeunt.]

"Ms. White is dead?" Omi asked.

"Yoji is dead?" Nagi asked.

BAM!

"Why must the youngest ones always be so retarded?" Yoji sighed.

"It's that the new 'in' thing now?" Brad blinked. "To be completely ignorant and retarded?"

"You betcha!" Cali flashed a victory sign, while grinning like a maniac.

"You just admitted that you're ignorant AND retarded…" Eve said.

"SO?! And I'm proud of it, too!"

"How is it that I'm stuck here?" Takatori Reiji groaned. "With all these morons?"

"Coz you're a moron yourself," Ken replied.

"WHAT?!"

"Only an idiot will listen to Mill-chan," Keiko said, matter-of-factly.

"Are you saying that my brother is a moron as well? Along with all these people who actually came to audition?"

"Yeah, sure, why not? They ARE."

"HEY!" came all the protests.