Title: Yes, but it´s...
Author: Corran
E-mail: starfish666@email.com
Feedback: Sure. Go ahead!
Summary: follow up to Never Again. Mulder does some thinking
Spoilers: Never Again
Classification: vignette, Mulder POV
Archive: Spooky´s, Gossamer, atxc etc. YES! all other´s please ask first.
I´ll say yes, I promise. But I want to know where it goes.
Disclaimer: everything you recognize from The X-Files sure as hell isn´t
mine (only in my dreams...) It belongs to CC, 1013 and Fox. No money is
beeing made of this.
Author´s notes: I thought the silence at the end of Never Again was a
bit disturbing. So I thought about a reason for it. What if there was so
much to say but neither Scully nor Mulder knew how?
Date: 08/07/2001
Yes, but it´s...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
...Speak to me baby
In the middle of the night
Speak to me
Hold your mouth to mine
'Cause the sky is breaking
It's deeper than love
I know the way you feel
Like the rains outside
Speak to me...
(Moby, The sky is broken)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"...This is my life."
"Yes, but it´s..."
I´m at a loss for words. For the right words. I don´t know how to tell
her the things that go through my head at this moment.
Hell, Scully. You nearly got killed!
It *is* your life, but... I´ve thought I was a part of it. Like you are
a part of mine. The best part.
What have I done to cause such a reaction from you? Running off with
a stranger and getting a tattoo? Well, I´m not complaining about the
tattoo thing, I wish I was that brave. I wish you would show it to me.
But Ed Jerse?! Why him? Why not me? If you want a man in your life...
I´m right here.
I would never hurt you like he did. But I think I´ve hurt you already.
Not physically though. And not intentionally. But I did.
I hurt you by not telling or showing you how important you are to me.
How I feel about you. How proud I am to have you by my side.
I never thought you needed my approval. I was wrong. I´m so sorry,
Scully. I´ll try to tell you more often. But I´m not good at things
like that. It´s never been easy for me to admit that I need someone as
much as I need you.
You are my life. If it weren´t for you I would have been dead long ago.
I was wrong when I told you the X-Files are my life. You are. I´ve
realized that in the last days. I can´t do it when you´re not here with
me.
It hurt to hear that *not everything* was about me. That it´s your life.
I want to be a part of it. If you´ll only let me.
Please don´t run off like that again. Talk to me... Tell me about your
dreams, your problems, your fears... I want to be there for you.
I think we need to talk more. Really talk, not about work. About our
lives. What we want and need, what we´re afraid of.
We never talk about personal things. I want that to change. I want to
spend more time with you. Not as partners but as friends. I want to know
you. All of you. I want to be able to tell you how I feel, how much I
love you.
But I´m afraid, afraid that it´s too much I ask of you. afraid that you
don´t feel the same way and will be uncomfortable around me. That you´ll
leave me.
But I have to put these fears aside. You need me to. We will have this
talk. Tonight if you´ll let me.
Please don´t shut me out again. I don´t want another episode like the
one with Ed Jerse. I don´t want this to come between us.
Tonight, Scully. Tonight we´ll talk. I can´t wait any longer. I want to
talk to you. And I promise to just shut up and listen to you if you need
me to. Indian word of honour. I swear by god and cross my heart.
I love you. Don´t ever forget that.
END
Author: Corran
E-mail: starfish666@email.com
Feedback: Sure. Go ahead!
Summary: follow up to Never Again. Mulder does some thinking
Spoilers: Never Again
Classification: vignette, Mulder POV
Archive: Spooky´s, Gossamer, atxc etc. YES! all other´s please ask first.
I´ll say yes, I promise. But I want to know where it goes.
Disclaimer: everything you recognize from The X-Files sure as hell isn´t
mine (only in my dreams...) It belongs to CC, 1013 and Fox. No money is
beeing made of this.
Author´s notes: I thought the silence at the end of Never Again was a
bit disturbing. So I thought about a reason for it. What if there was so
much to say but neither Scully nor Mulder knew how?
Date: 08/07/2001
Yes, but it´s...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
...Speak to me baby
In the middle of the night
Speak to me
Hold your mouth to mine
'Cause the sky is breaking
It's deeper than love
I know the way you feel
Like the rains outside
Speak to me...
(Moby, The sky is broken)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"...This is my life."
"Yes, but it´s..."
I´m at a loss for words. For the right words. I don´t know how to tell
her the things that go through my head at this moment.
Hell, Scully. You nearly got killed!
It *is* your life, but... I´ve thought I was a part of it. Like you are
a part of mine. The best part.
What have I done to cause such a reaction from you? Running off with
a stranger and getting a tattoo? Well, I´m not complaining about the
tattoo thing, I wish I was that brave. I wish you would show it to me.
But Ed Jerse?! Why him? Why not me? If you want a man in your life...
I´m right here.
I would never hurt you like he did. But I think I´ve hurt you already.
Not physically though. And not intentionally. But I did.
I hurt you by not telling or showing you how important you are to me.
How I feel about you. How proud I am to have you by my side.
I never thought you needed my approval. I was wrong. I´m so sorry,
Scully. I´ll try to tell you more often. But I´m not good at things
like that. It´s never been easy for me to admit that I need someone as
much as I need you.
You are my life. If it weren´t for you I would have been dead long ago.
I was wrong when I told you the X-Files are my life. You are. I´ve
realized that in the last days. I can´t do it when you´re not here with
me.
It hurt to hear that *not everything* was about me. That it´s your life.
I want to be a part of it. If you´ll only let me.
Please don´t run off like that again. Talk to me... Tell me about your
dreams, your problems, your fears... I want to be there for you.
I think we need to talk more. Really talk, not about work. About our
lives. What we want and need, what we´re afraid of.
We never talk about personal things. I want that to change. I want to
spend more time with you. Not as partners but as friends. I want to know
you. All of you. I want to be able to tell you how I feel, how much I
love you.
But I´m afraid, afraid that it´s too much I ask of you. afraid that you
don´t feel the same way and will be uncomfortable around me. That you´ll
leave me.
But I have to put these fears aside. You need me to. We will have this
talk. Tonight if you´ll let me.
Please don´t shut me out again. I don´t want another episode like the
one with Ed Jerse. I don´t want this to come between us.
Tonight, Scully. Tonight we´ll talk. I can´t wait any longer. I want to
talk to you. And I promise to just shut up and listen to you if you need
me to. Indian word of honour. I swear by god and cross my heart.
I love you. Don´t ever forget that.
END