By Dani Cregan (Hyperintelligent Shade of Blue)
Rating: PG. Possibly PG-13 for just the idea. I'll go PG-13 to be safe.
Pairing: Zim/Dib
Disclaimer: If I owned them, I wouldn't be writing angsty songfic on an ancient computer after getting pissed off at my fascist parents. And I am. o.o; All hail to the great Jhonen Vasquez, I'm not worthy! I'm not worthy! And the song "Magic" belongs to Ben Folds Five. Again, I am so not worthy.
Warnings: m/m content... disturbing imagery perhaps... angsty....Set in the slight future (11th or 12th grade)
Notes: When Dani is pissed off, Dani writes angst. The more upset, the better the fic. I was really upset tonight. The POV switches often, and I think the tenses might be a little screwy... O.o; Unbeta'd. Any screw ups are all me. Thanks to Jibaku-chan for letting me rant about my parents, it's so much nicer to be crazy with a friend!
Written 08-22-01
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(From the back of his big brown eyes)
~Gaz~
I've watched it happening. I mean, little attention though I seem to pay to the real world, I couldn't possibly miss the changes in my big brother. I knew that he'd fallen in love, but that had happened a while back, almost in middle skool. It was only recently that his eyes had started to shift from his oddly happy obsession with that weird Zim kid to... well, I think it's desperation. He looks almost like he did at our mother's funeral. There's something in the back of his eyes that doesn't show in anything else he does- he still dresses the same, acts the same, no one at school, and certainly not our father has noticed anything at all different about Dib. But the few times I've been able to look into his eyes, and haven't shifted my gaze away- it's hard to look into despair, after all- I've seen how lost and alone he seems, not a lost like he's misplaced himself, but a lost like someone he trusted drove him to the middle of nowhere and deserted him there. He won't talk about it, but I can see. Maybe I don't know the exact circumstances, but it's easy enough to tell the general idea.
Zim hasn't been to skool in almost a month.
(We knew you'd be gone as soon as you could
And I hoped you would)
~Gaz~
I can guess what he's doing all those nights he hasn't slept. He's trying to find Zim. He goes out onto the roof with his telescope and his weird patchwork machines and sits there all night, never sleeping. He's so still, it'd be easy to mistake him for dead while he's out there... I've watched him, maybe once a week, I check his room every morning. As far as I can tell, he runs until he's completely drained, and only sleeps about four hours every five or six days. I hope he finds Zim soon... I can't bear watching him so hopeless and run down. Some days it's all I can do to not knock him out and... I don't know, cart him to the hospital or something. He's my big brother, for god's sake, I can't stand by while he kills himself like this....
(We could see that you weren't yourself)
~At Skool~
"*gasp* What happened to him?"
"I heard he's anorexic."
"He looks like a corpse..."
*riiiiiiing*
"...."
"...."
"*crackle of PA system* Dib Membrane, report to the nurse's office..."
*shifting of a chair, slow shuffle of feet, open and close of a door*
"*whisper* I bet they need him for the autopsy..."
"*giggle giggle*"
(And the lines on your face did tell)
~Professor Membrane~
Gaz interrupted me in the lab yesterday... She was mumbling something about Dib being sick. I can't imagine what she was talking about. If there was something wrong with him, he'd come tell me. He came down here to grab some equipment and I asked him what he needed it for. He didn't mention anything about feeling unwell. He did look old for his age, but he is quite mature for a high skooler... Well, maybe I'll go talk to him tomorrow. Right now, this invention needs to be tested and tweaked...
(It's just as well
You'd never be yourself again)
~Gaz~
It's been a month and a half. I've tried everything I can think of, but the skool nurse can only do so much, and our father doesn't listen to me, and Dib... He just looks at me with those sorrowful eyes and tells me he'll try a little harder to take care of himself, as soon as he can find what he's looking for. I can barely talk to him any more. He isn't the same Dib I've known all my life, he's something much less... But I get the creepiest feeling that if he only could find Zim, he'd be more than he would ever have been... I guess I'm going nuts, too.
(Saw you last night
Dance by the light of the moon)
~Zim~
I can't believe I've been so long away from you. The Tallest don't care about one lowly Invader, they shouldn't... they should have just left me alone, like they did for almost five years. Instead, they contact me, change my orders, shatter what normality I've begun to adopt and tear me away from the only person I care about. I couldn't even tell you, Dib, I had to go immediately... GIR tries to cheer me up, but the only thing that gives me any hope at all is watching you from orbit, hovering over your home but miles and miles above, hoping that you can see my voot runner and praying, so far as I do, that you don't think I left you because I didn't care for you. Every now and then, when you're up on the roof, I can see you stand up, sway unsteadily- You've gotten so thin, Dib, but you don't know how much I'm worrying about you- and pace around in a circle once or twice, I guess trying to stretch your legs. You almost look like you're dancing under the moonlight, soft silver highlights placed in your hair by the only natural satellite of your planet, and I wish in vain that I could go back down and stop your dancing. I miss holding you, Dib...
(Stars in your eyes
Free from the life that you knew)
~Dib~
I lost count. I've been trying to keep track of the days since you've been gone, but I lost count so long ago. I can barely think of anything but you anymore. Why did you have to leave me, Zim? I thought we were doing so well... Four years is a longer relationship than most of our peers have ever managed. I truly loved you, so why did you just go... no note, no breakup fight or goodbye kiss or anything. Remember how obsessed I used to be with proving you're an alien? I didn't think obsession came any stronger until I fell in love with you. Then I thought that was the strongest... My entire existance is devoted to finding you, now. I barely sleep any more, because I have nightmares that you're back out in space, stars reflecting in your eyes, and you're glad to be free of me and the Earth... If you don't come back soon, I'm afraid that I'm going to lose what little hope I still cling to. I can't imagine living without you, Zim, and I don't want to face that reality, ever.
(Shalalalalalalala
Shalalalalalalalalaladada
La la da, la da da)
~GIR~
We're out in space again. I can't watch the Scary Monkey Show because Master is using all the screens to watch Dib. I like Dib, he was nice to me when he would come over. I wish we could go back down to Earth again. Then I could get a brain freezie and a cupcake and Master would be happy again....
(You're the magic that holds the sky up from the ground)
~Dib~
I think I saw him today... I pointed the telescope straight up, and there it was. His ship. I couldn't believe it, I must have stared up at it for hours. At one point, I didn't believe there was any distance between us and I tried to touch his ship... the only reason the sky is so far from the ground is because he's there, I swear. The distance would be nothing at all, or at least it wouldn't matter, if he was here. I'm trying to build a transmitter, I need to contact him...
(You're the breath that blows these cool winds 'round)
~Gaz~
He's come in, finally. It's November now, and the wind is getting cold. I was seriously afraid, but thank anything that's listening, he came in himself. He's in his room, working on some weird creation or another. Last night I checked in his room around eight, and he was asleep... I'm going to stop worrying about him now, because the one time I met his eyes today, he looked like whoever dropped him in the wilderness just found him again, although whatever part of him was missing isn't quite sewed back into place. My big brother is back, almost...
(Trading places with an angel now)
~Zim~
I can't take this any more. The Tallest are just playing with me, I know that now. Forget them, all their stupidity and everything that goes along with it. I'm going back down to Earth and finding Dib... I need to apologize to him for leaving like that. I told GIR that he could go back to Irk, but he wants to go back to Earth almost as much as I do. We're heading back down now. I hope Dib is all right....
(Saw you last night
Dance by the light of the moon)
~Dib~
I woke up with a feeling of something being strange. I knew that I had the curtains closed when I went to sleep, but they were most definitely open, and so was the window. The moonlight was pouring into my room, and the wind was ruffling my hair- that had been what woke me. I felt around on the bedside table, slid my glasses on... the most beautiful sight I could have ever hoped for met my eyes.
Zim.
He was kneeling there next to my bed, just staring at me... the moonlight painted his skin with a silvery hue, his eyes wide in the dimness... My hand reached out and caught one of his, and I tugged him up to join me on the bed. His antennae trembled slightly, swaying in the breeze that filled my room, as he slid his arms around me and closed his eyes.
"Dib... Please, Dib, forgive me for leaving...." His head was bowed against my neck, and I could feel a hot tear fall on my skin. I hugged him tighter to me.
(Stars in your eyes
Free from the life that you knew)
~Zim~
"Oh..." Dib's voice sounded far away, though he was holding me very close. "Don't cry... I forgive you, Zim. I could never hold anything against you..." His hands, gentle as they always were, tipped my head back slightly and his eyes, gold-brown and a tear welling in the corner like a tiny bright star, met mine. "I need you more than anything else. I was dying without you, Zim..." I could see in the sharp lines of his face the truth of his words. How could he be so reliant on me? He pressed a soft kiss to my cheek. "I love you."
(Saw you last night
Stars in the sky)
~Gaz~
I pushed open the door to Dib's room, just a tiny crack to see that he was asleep... My ears registered what was happening before I believed my eyes.
"Dib... I love you..." A compact, slim frame on the bed with my brother, kissing him quietly...
Well, he's complete again. I closed the door softly and tiptoed back down the hall, going back into my bedroom and picking up my GameSlave. I have a lot of catching up to do....
(Smiled in my room)
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O.o;;; I've never tried writing Gaz before, but the people on the list said I did good... Well, Here's the eternal plea to please review! *considers putting in a cheesy line like "Your comments help me to write better" before her muse reminds her that *he* helps her write better and why the hell did she skip her meds again?!*