Laugh. This is supposed to be funny.
Goblin Kings and Tokomons
PART 1
Without any warning, Jareth found himself sucked into his computer, landing gracelessly on his bum in the bushes.
"Ouch!" he muttered, with as much Kingly dignity as he could muster.
He had but one moment to figure out that, no, he was not Underground anymore, and, yes, he was alright, just bruised, before another figure fell out of the sky, landing right in his lap.
"OUCH!"
"Cor! Not so loud! Me head's ringin' enough as it is!"
"Hogwart?" Jareth asked. "What are you doing here?"
"Damned if I know, Jareth," Hoggle replied, rolling off the King's lap and standing up. "One moment I'm looking at - er, usin' me computer, and the next - WHAM! - here I be, right on top o' you." He glanced down at his feet. "Er, sorry 'bout the rough landin', yer majesty. I didn't 'xactly have any time to get me hands free."
Jareth glared up at the dwarf. Then he picked himself up off the ground so he could glare down at the dwarf. "That doesn't matter now, Hogbreath. I'm more concerned in figuring out where we are, than in dwelling on what you were doing with your hand in your trousers."
Hoggle didn't bother to protest; instead, he suddenly took a great interest in the grass under his feet.
"All I need to do," Jareth began, raising his hand to produce a crystal, "is - WHAT!" he sputtered. "How can this be?"
"How can what be, yer majesty?"
"Inconceivable!" the Goblin King raged, kicking a nearby rock in anger. "My magic is *gone*! Gone! Do you realize what this means, Hotbath?" he asked, turning on the dwarf. "It means we're trapped here!" He grabbed him by the collar and hauled him closer. "Wherever here *is*! I don't know! Do you know?" Jareth demanded, breathing in Hoggle's face.
"Bah!" Jareth spat, dropping his minion. "You don't know any more than I do."
"D'ya think we'll get back to the Labyrinth, sir?" Hoggle asked timidly, slowly inching out of arm's reach of the irritable king.
"I don't know, Hotdog, I just don't know."
PART 2
"There's a strange disturbance in the Digital World," Izzy said, turning around in his computer chair to face the latest group of Digidestined. "I think you should check it out."
"We're on it!" Kari said determinedly.
"Yeah! We'll find it, whatever it is! And we'll deal with it! Whatever it is!" Davis shouted enthusiastically, glancing sideways at his favorite brunnet for approval.
"Do all of us really need to go?" T.K. asked. "The disturbance might turn out to be nothing, or something that's easily fixed. I think we should split up, and the other half of us go work on rebuilding the Digital World some more."
"That's a good idea," Yolei said with a nod. "I'll go with you and Ken, and Davis and Kari can have Cody." She leaned close to Ken, preening.
"No way!" Davis protested. "Ken has to come with me! We're partners, remember?"
Yolei's face fell. "Damn," she muttered to herself.
"He's right, you know," Ken spoke at last. "We really are partners. Our Digimon can only Digivolve with each other, so we should stick together." The pale pretty boy blushed while making what was, for him, a long speech.
Yolei sighed. "I suppose you're right. I'll go with Cody and T.K., then, and help rebuild the Digiworld."
"Yeah! We've got a plan, now let's go!" Davis cried, slapping Ken heartily on the back.
"DIGIPORT, OPEN!" T.K. yelled, holding his D-3 up to the computer screen. Izzy hastily scrambled out of the way as the six kids were sucked in the Digital World.
"Now that they're gone, I can get back to working on my hentai site," he said to himself, an evil grin spreading slowly across his face as he sat down before the computer again.
PART 3
Jareth and Hoggle were trudging wearily across a forest in the Digital World. They had been for nearly three hours, actually, and they were quite sick of running from the strange creatures that roamed this strange, strange world. Jareth had taken the brunt of the attacks when they'd stumbled across a nest of small pink . . . bunny-like creatures. Cute and round, with long pink ears and rosy cheeks, they'd been instantly attracted to Jareth's hair, of all things. With cries of "Tai!" and "Dive, Tokomons!" they'd flung themselves at his head. When Hoggle had attempted to beat them off with a big stick, they'd opened their mouths, revealing frightening amounts of razor-sharp teeth.
Jareth had never run so fast in his entire life as a King. He'd also never run so fast while carrying a dwarf whose legs were too short to keep up properly. He had certainly never screamed so loudly in his life as when he'd discovered that one of those pink bunny-things had managed to hide, nestled in his hair, for over an hour. Hoggle had managed to use one of his jewels to reflect the sunlight into its eyes, blinding it while Jareth ran on ahead.
Neither king nor dwarf was in a very chipper mood when, as they reached the edge of the forest before it turned into prairie land, three kids with three more of those strange, all of them unique, creatures stopped them.
"Why are you here?" one of the boys asked, a pair of goggles placed absurdly over his head.
"Cor, we don't have a clue!" Hoggle snapped, one hand rubbing the spot where a little pink monster had bit him on the shoulder.
"How did you get here?" the only girl asked, her brown eyes calm, trusting. She stood beside a scantily-clad, but helmeted, woman with wings.
"We don't know," Jareth said angrily. "But we want very much to return Underground!"
Goggle-boy looked confused. "Why dontcha just dig a hole, then, if you want to get underground?" he asked.
"I don't think he meant it like that, Davis," the other boy chided gently. He had hair that looked blue in the sunlight and he stood beside a giant green buggy monster.
"How can you not know how you got here?" the girl asked.
"We fell outta the sky," Hoggle offered gruffly, hoping that the rabid deformed bunnies hadn't given him rabies.
"We were both using our computers at the time we disappeared," Jareth added, trying to casually detangle his messy Tokomon-ravaged hair. The girl, although scandalously young, was very pretty. There was always the hope that she would wish away an older brother in a few years and end up in his Labyrinth.
"And you were pulled into the Digital World?" the blue-haired boy asked.
"That means you're Digidestined!" the girl responded, her eyes lighting up.
"Wait! They can't be!" Goggle-boy interjected. "They're too old! And the short one is too ugly!"
"Hey!"
"He has a point, Hedgebush. You *are* quite hideous."
"Cor!"
"What're your names?" the girl asked, shyly walking closer. "I'm Kari, and those two are Davis and Ken." Goggle-boy/Davis grinned and puffed up his chest, attempting to look manly and failing miserably. Blue-hair/Ken smiled slightly and ducked his head in greeting.
"I am Jareth, the Goblin King, and this is my minion, Hogwood."
"HogGLE!" he huffed, glaring up at Jareth.
"What's a nice Goblin King like you doing in a place like this?" a new voice asked, as a purple-haired girl instantly materialized in front of a startled GK. "Hi! I'm Yolei! You're hot!" she declared, appearing not at all ashamed of herself.
Jareth kissed the back of her offered hand. "Do you have any siblings?" he asked innocently, rubbing his fingers unseen across her palm.
"Ah, uh, I," she stammered, out of her league of simply preteen flirting.
"Yolei!" Davis cried. "What are you doing here?! I thought you were helping T.A. and Cody!"
"I was, DavIS, but I thought you three might need a little help," she snapped. Turning to Ken, she turned the charm back on. "Do *you* need any help, Kenny?" Ken turned crimson and hid behind Davis's large blue Digimon, Exveemon.
"Would ya mind tellin' us why you think we're 'sposed to be 'Digidestined'?" Hoggle asked, as Yolei abandoned Jareth and began stalking Ken again.
"Because only Digidestined can be here," Kari explained. "Except that you don't seem to have your own Digimon yet," she added, her face thoughtful.
Without any warning, two large eggs, one spotted and one striped, fell out of the sky and landing in Jareth's and Hoggle's respective hands. Hoggle looked merely startled, while Jareth was outraged.
"What is this?" the Goblin King asked furiously. "What need do I have of an egg this large? Am I supposed to make an omelet big enough to feed my entire goblin army?"
A crack appeared in his egg, and light streamed out from it. Although he afterward claimed to have done no such thing, Jareth shrieked in surprise as the light vanished and a little round of peach-colored fur sat in his palm.
Hoggle's egg hatched next. His ball of fur was brown and shaped like a dollop of whipped cream. It rather resembled -
"A turd! Your Digimon looks like a turd!" Davis said, too astonished to laugh. Kari hid her smile behind her hand while Yolei laughed outright.
Hoggle was too gobsmacked to say anything. Jareth, however, was still very vocal.
"WHAT IS THIS THING AND WHY IS IT PURRING!" he demanded of the four kids in front of him.
"It's your Digimon," Ken answered. "It looks like a cream-colored Koromon to me, but you could ask Tai to be sure, since he has a Koromon, too."
"I don't want a Digimon!" Jareth replied, running one hand through his frazzled hair. "I've already got too many goblins!"
"It doesn't matter what you want," Yolei said smugly. "He's yours, forever."
"Even if he dies, he'll be reborn, and come back to you," Kari added solemnly.
"You're partners for life," Ken informed him.
Jareth looked terrified. His Koromon blew a bubble, which floated up and popped in his face.
"Wanna trade, Jareth?" Hoggle asked, eying his turdy Digimon warily. It smiled and bounced happily in his palm, whispering its name over and over.
"Chibomon! Chibomon!"
Hoggle groaned.
"You can't trade Digimon!" Yolei yelled, outraged. "This isn't like buying something at Kmart, y'know! You can't take it back and get a new one! Besides, he hasn't even digivolved yet! You don't know how cool he'll be once he's bigger!"
"Bigger?" Jareth's eyes widened. He looked down at the little ball of fur. It blew more bubbles in his face.
Without any warning, a light flashed around Jareth and Hoggle and they disappeared.
"Hey! I didn't get your number!" Yolei called. "I don't care if you're too old for me! We can work it out!"
"What about Ken?" Kari asked. "I thought you wanted to marry him." Both girls turned to face the blue-haired pretty boy -
- And found him hiding behind Exveemon, liplocked with Davis.
"Back OFF, DavIS! Ken's MY bitch!"
EPILOGUE
Jareth found himself back in his castle, once again sitting in front of his computer. He reached up to check his hair. It was perfect again. Shaking his head, he tried to produce a crystal, to see if his magic was working again.
It was indeed working, but a small ball of peach-colored fur appeared inside the crystal, frantically blowing bubbles to get out.
Jareth shrieked again, dropping the crystal. It landed on his lap, shattering. His furball, Koromon, promptly pooped on his tights.
Goblin Kings and Tokomons
PART 1
Without any warning, Jareth found himself sucked into his computer, landing gracelessly on his bum in the bushes.
"Ouch!" he muttered, with as much Kingly dignity as he could muster.
He had but one moment to figure out that, no, he was not Underground anymore, and, yes, he was alright, just bruised, before another figure fell out of the sky, landing right in his lap.
"OUCH!"
"Cor! Not so loud! Me head's ringin' enough as it is!"
"Hogwart?" Jareth asked. "What are you doing here?"
"Damned if I know, Jareth," Hoggle replied, rolling off the King's lap and standing up. "One moment I'm looking at - er, usin' me computer, and the next - WHAM! - here I be, right on top o' you." He glanced down at his feet. "Er, sorry 'bout the rough landin', yer majesty. I didn't 'xactly have any time to get me hands free."
Jareth glared up at the dwarf. Then he picked himself up off the ground so he could glare down at the dwarf. "That doesn't matter now, Hogbreath. I'm more concerned in figuring out where we are, than in dwelling on what you were doing with your hand in your trousers."
Hoggle didn't bother to protest; instead, he suddenly took a great interest in the grass under his feet.
"All I need to do," Jareth began, raising his hand to produce a crystal, "is - WHAT!" he sputtered. "How can this be?"
"How can what be, yer majesty?"
"Inconceivable!" the Goblin King raged, kicking a nearby rock in anger. "My magic is *gone*! Gone! Do you realize what this means, Hotbath?" he asked, turning on the dwarf. "It means we're trapped here!" He grabbed him by the collar and hauled him closer. "Wherever here *is*! I don't know! Do you know?" Jareth demanded, breathing in Hoggle's face.
"Bah!" Jareth spat, dropping his minion. "You don't know any more than I do."
"D'ya think we'll get back to the Labyrinth, sir?" Hoggle asked timidly, slowly inching out of arm's reach of the irritable king.
"I don't know, Hotdog, I just don't know."
PART 2
"There's a strange disturbance in the Digital World," Izzy said, turning around in his computer chair to face the latest group of Digidestined. "I think you should check it out."
"We're on it!" Kari said determinedly.
"Yeah! We'll find it, whatever it is! And we'll deal with it! Whatever it is!" Davis shouted enthusiastically, glancing sideways at his favorite brunnet for approval.
"Do all of us really need to go?" T.K. asked. "The disturbance might turn out to be nothing, or something that's easily fixed. I think we should split up, and the other half of us go work on rebuilding the Digital World some more."
"That's a good idea," Yolei said with a nod. "I'll go with you and Ken, and Davis and Kari can have Cody." She leaned close to Ken, preening.
"No way!" Davis protested. "Ken has to come with me! We're partners, remember?"
Yolei's face fell. "Damn," she muttered to herself.
"He's right, you know," Ken spoke at last. "We really are partners. Our Digimon can only Digivolve with each other, so we should stick together." The pale pretty boy blushed while making what was, for him, a long speech.
Yolei sighed. "I suppose you're right. I'll go with Cody and T.K., then, and help rebuild the Digiworld."
"Yeah! We've got a plan, now let's go!" Davis cried, slapping Ken heartily on the back.
"DIGIPORT, OPEN!" T.K. yelled, holding his D-3 up to the computer screen. Izzy hastily scrambled out of the way as the six kids were sucked in the Digital World.
"Now that they're gone, I can get back to working on my hentai site," he said to himself, an evil grin spreading slowly across his face as he sat down before the computer again.
PART 3
Jareth and Hoggle were trudging wearily across a forest in the Digital World. They had been for nearly three hours, actually, and they were quite sick of running from the strange creatures that roamed this strange, strange world. Jareth had taken the brunt of the attacks when they'd stumbled across a nest of small pink . . . bunny-like creatures. Cute and round, with long pink ears and rosy cheeks, they'd been instantly attracted to Jareth's hair, of all things. With cries of "Tai!" and "Dive, Tokomons!" they'd flung themselves at his head. When Hoggle had attempted to beat them off with a big stick, they'd opened their mouths, revealing frightening amounts of razor-sharp teeth.
Jareth had never run so fast in his entire life as a King. He'd also never run so fast while carrying a dwarf whose legs were too short to keep up properly. He had certainly never screamed so loudly in his life as when he'd discovered that one of those pink bunny-things had managed to hide, nestled in his hair, for over an hour. Hoggle had managed to use one of his jewels to reflect the sunlight into its eyes, blinding it while Jareth ran on ahead.
Neither king nor dwarf was in a very chipper mood when, as they reached the edge of the forest before it turned into prairie land, three kids with three more of those strange, all of them unique, creatures stopped them.
"Why are you here?" one of the boys asked, a pair of goggles placed absurdly over his head.
"Cor, we don't have a clue!" Hoggle snapped, one hand rubbing the spot where a little pink monster had bit him on the shoulder.
"How did you get here?" the only girl asked, her brown eyes calm, trusting. She stood beside a scantily-clad, but helmeted, woman with wings.
"We don't know," Jareth said angrily. "But we want very much to return Underground!"
Goggle-boy looked confused. "Why dontcha just dig a hole, then, if you want to get underground?" he asked.
"I don't think he meant it like that, Davis," the other boy chided gently. He had hair that looked blue in the sunlight and he stood beside a giant green buggy monster.
"How can you not know how you got here?" the girl asked.
"We fell outta the sky," Hoggle offered gruffly, hoping that the rabid deformed bunnies hadn't given him rabies.
"We were both using our computers at the time we disappeared," Jareth added, trying to casually detangle his messy Tokomon-ravaged hair. The girl, although scandalously young, was very pretty. There was always the hope that she would wish away an older brother in a few years and end up in his Labyrinth.
"And you were pulled into the Digital World?" the blue-haired boy asked.
"That means you're Digidestined!" the girl responded, her eyes lighting up.
"Wait! They can't be!" Goggle-boy interjected. "They're too old! And the short one is too ugly!"
"Hey!"
"He has a point, Hedgebush. You *are* quite hideous."
"Cor!"
"What're your names?" the girl asked, shyly walking closer. "I'm Kari, and those two are Davis and Ken." Goggle-boy/Davis grinned and puffed up his chest, attempting to look manly and failing miserably. Blue-hair/Ken smiled slightly and ducked his head in greeting.
"I am Jareth, the Goblin King, and this is my minion, Hogwood."
"HogGLE!" he huffed, glaring up at Jareth.
"What's a nice Goblin King like you doing in a place like this?" a new voice asked, as a purple-haired girl instantly materialized in front of a startled GK. "Hi! I'm Yolei! You're hot!" she declared, appearing not at all ashamed of herself.
Jareth kissed the back of her offered hand. "Do you have any siblings?" he asked innocently, rubbing his fingers unseen across her palm.
"Ah, uh, I," she stammered, out of her league of simply preteen flirting.
"Yolei!" Davis cried. "What are you doing here?! I thought you were helping T.A. and Cody!"
"I was, DavIS, but I thought you three might need a little help," she snapped. Turning to Ken, she turned the charm back on. "Do *you* need any help, Kenny?" Ken turned crimson and hid behind Davis's large blue Digimon, Exveemon.
"Would ya mind tellin' us why you think we're 'sposed to be 'Digidestined'?" Hoggle asked, as Yolei abandoned Jareth and began stalking Ken again.
"Because only Digidestined can be here," Kari explained. "Except that you don't seem to have your own Digimon yet," she added, her face thoughtful.
Without any warning, two large eggs, one spotted and one striped, fell out of the sky and landing in Jareth's and Hoggle's respective hands. Hoggle looked merely startled, while Jareth was outraged.
"What is this?" the Goblin King asked furiously. "What need do I have of an egg this large? Am I supposed to make an omelet big enough to feed my entire goblin army?"
A crack appeared in his egg, and light streamed out from it. Although he afterward claimed to have done no such thing, Jareth shrieked in surprise as the light vanished and a little round of peach-colored fur sat in his palm.
Hoggle's egg hatched next. His ball of fur was brown and shaped like a dollop of whipped cream. It rather resembled -
"A turd! Your Digimon looks like a turd!" Davis said, too astonished to laugh. Kari hid her smile behind her hand while Yolei laughed outright.
Hoggle was too gobsmacked to say anything. Jareth, however, was still very vocal.
"WHAT IS THIS THING AND WHY IS IT PURRING!" he demanded of the four kids in front of him.
"It's your Digimon," Ken answered. "It looks like a cream-colored Koromon to me, but you could ask Tai to be sure, since he has a Koromon, too."
"I don't want a Digimon!" Jareth replied, running one hand through his frazzled hair. "I've already got too many goblins!"
"It doesn't matter what you want," Yolei said smugly. "He's yours, forever."
"Even if he dies, he'll be reborn, and come back to you," Kari added solemnly.
"You're partners for life," Ken informed him.
Jareth looked terrified. His Koromon blew a bubble, which floated up and popped in his face.
"Wanna trade, Jareth?" Hoggle asked, eying his turdy Digimon warily. It smiled and bounced happily in his palm, whispering its name over and over.
"Chibomon! Chibomon!"
Hoggle groaned.
"You can't trade Digimon!" Yolei yelled, outraged. "This isn't like buying something at Kmart, y'know! You can't take it back and get a new one! Besides, he hasn't even digivolved yet! You don't know how cool he'll be once he's bigger!"
"Bigger?" Jareth's eyes widened. He looked down at the little ball of fur. It blew more bubbles in his face.
Without any warning, a light flashed around Jareth and Hoggle and they disappeared.
"Hey! I didn't get your number!" Yolei called. "I don't care if you're too old for me! We can work it out!"
"What about Ken?" Kari asked. "I thought you wanted to marry him." Both girls turned to face the blue-haired pretty boy -
- And found him hiding behind Exveemon, liplocked with Davis.
"Back OFF, DavIS! Ken's MY bitch!"
EPILOGUE
Jareth found himself back in his castle, once again sitting in front of his computer. He reached up to check his hair. It was perfect again. Shaking his head, he tried to produce a crystal, to see if his magic was working again.
It was indeed working, but a small ball of peach-colored fur appeared inside the crystal, frantically blowing bubbles to get out.
Jareth shrieked again, dropping the crystal. It landed on his lap, shattering. His furball, Koromon, promptly pooped on his tights.