ACT THREE
FADE IN:
INT. JOSH AND LILY'S LIVING ROOM - EVENING
The front door bursts open and Mary Cherry rushes in.
MARY CHERRY
Lil Lily! Lil Lily!
Lily comes out of the kitchen, holding a pair of chopsticks
and a white take-out box.
LILY
Mary Cherry, where have you been?
I got no-MSD vegan Chinese, and
it's starting to get cold.
Mary Cherry waves a paper in Lily's face.
MARY CHERRY
Lookit! Lookit this!
LILY
(swatting at the paper)
All right!
Lily takes the paper and cocks her head to look at it.
LILY (CONT'D)
This is a W-4 form.
MARY CHERRY
It means I got a job!
LILY
(reading)
Millicent's House of Glamour...
Yeah, I guess you did. So, what
are you doing there?
MARY CHERRY
(thinking)
Um...I'm a model. But, don't come
visit me, because, it's a real
glamorous job, and I have to be my
most glamorous self, and you,
well, you would just be a
distraction, so don't come visit
me, okay?
LILY
(laughing)
Don't worry, Mary Cherry. If you
don't want me to bother you at
work, I won't. Believe me, I want
you to keep this job.
(earnestly)
I'm really proud of you.
Mary Cherry beams for a moment.
MARY CHERRY
So, I have to fill out this paper
and take it back tomorrow, but...I
don't know how.
LILY
I can help you. This form is for
taxes.
MARY CHERRY
(brightening)
Oh, I know about those! Mama's
always evadin' 'em.
Shaking her head and rolling her eyes, Lily puts her arm
around Mary Cherry's shoulder and ushers her towards the
kitchen.
LILY
I think I need to explain some
things...
CUT TO:
DREAM SEQUENCE
INT. A TELEVISION STUDIO
A full house audience is seated before the centerpiece of the
studio, a gaudy game show set.
ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
And now it's time for everyone's
favorite destiny-deciding game
show: "Will She...or Won't She"!
Here's your host...Wink
Martindale!
Wink Martindale emerges from behind the curtain, waving to the
applauding audience.
WINK MARTINDALE
Good evening, and welcome to "Will
She...or Won't She". Let's meet
tonight's contestant: She's an
incoming senior at Kennedy High,
an aspiring journalist, and—so
far—a virgin, please say hello to
Sam McPherson!
ANGLE: SAM
Standing behind a podium, she gives an embarrassed little wave
to the audience as they applaud.
WINK MARTINDALE (CONT'D)
And now let's meet the object of
Sam's affection, the boy at the
center of the debate—ladies and
gentlemen, Harrison John!
Harrison comes out, waving to the crowd.
WINK MARTINDALE (CONT'D)
Well, Sam, are you ready? Let's
play...
AUDIENCE
(on cue)
Will she...or won't she!
As the audience applauds yet again, Wink takes center stage.
WINK MARTINDALE
Before we start, why don't you
tell us your opening position,
Sam?
SAM
(thinking)
Well...I think I want to... No,
I definitely want to, but...I'm
not sure. It's complicated.
WINK MARTINDALE
Of course it is, otherwise you
wouldn't be on the show. Now it's
time to hear both sides, starting
with the argument against.
Wink makes a sweeping gesture towards the side of the set,
where Bobbi Glass is standing and staring at Sam crossly.
GLASS
The downside to sex is brutal and
straightforward: loss of social
standing, AIDS, STD's, not to
mention the B-A-B-Y factor! Don't
you kids listen to ANYTHING I try
to teach you?
Sam shrugs gamely.
WINK MARTINDALE
And now, to present the case in
favor, Sam's mother, Jane
McPherson.
Sam whips her head around to the other side of the set, where
Jane is standing, hands clasped in front of her, looking like
the ideal picture of maternal wisdom.
SAM
Mom?
JANE
Sam, sex can be a wonderful thing,
an expression of love between two
people. You should consider
before doing it only for instant
gratification, or because you just
don't want to wait any longer.
(smiling beatifically)
I only want you to be happy, Sam.
SAM
(to Wink)
That wasn't much of an argument.
WINK MARTINDALE
Nobody said the playing field was
level.
(to the audience)
Well, we've heard the pro and the
con, and now it's time to decide.
And for that we need our lovely
assistant Janice.
(calling)
Janice?
From behind the curtain comes a typically gorgeous game show
hostess, carrying an oversized deck of cards in both hands.
She walks over to Sam and spreads the deck in front of her.
WINK MARTINDALE (CONT'D)
Pick a card, Sam, any card.
Sam plucks a card from the deck and hands it to Janice, who
walks it over to Wink. He carefully sets it on an easel, face
down.
SAM
(confused)
Hang on...that's it? After all
that...it just comes down to—
picking a card?
WINK MARTINDALE
(smiling)
That's right, Sam—your destiny is
all random choices. Now, here's
the moment of truth: you can go
with the card you've selected, or
you can make your own choice and
walk away right now. What's it
gonna be?
SAM
(thinking furiously)
Uh...I think...I mean...I—I
choose—
Suddenly Wink holds up his hand to cup the earpiece he's
wearing.
WINK MARTINDALE
Hold everything, folks, I'm being
told by our director that...
there's a challenger in the
audience?
He peers out into the studio audience.
WINK MARTINDALE (CONT'D)
Will the challenger stand up and
identify herself, please?
From an aisle seat about halfway back, Brooke stands, grinning
and issuing her homecoming-queen wave to the audience members
around her.
BROOKE
I'm Brooke McQueen. You know, it
really doesn't matter if Sam will
or won't, because, you see—
(wags her eyebrows)
—I already did.
She reaches down and holds up her own oversized card, which
has "PRIOR RELATIONSHIP" written on it.
WINK MARTINDALE
Ohh, it looks like Brooke McQueen
has played her trump card. That
means—
(pointing)
—Brooke gets Harrison!
Brooke jumps up and down, clapping.
SAM
But—hold on—she can't do that,
can she?
Wink leads a round of applause as Harrison and Brooke hold
hands at the front of the stage.
WINK MARTINDALE
Johnny, why don't you tell us
what's in store for the happy
couple?
ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
Well, Wink, Harrison and Brooke
can look forward to a meaningful
relationship, and many years of
romantic bliss.
SAM
Ah—but—what about me?
WINK MARTINDALE
Sorry, Sam. But we have some nice
parting gifts for you.
Harrison and Brooke walk up the center aisle as the audience
throws flower petals down on them.
SAM
No...that's not fair...wait—!
CUT TO:
INT. SAM AND BROOKE'S BEDROOM
Sam starts awake, and rubs her hands over her face.
SAM
(groaning)
I have GOT to stop watching
"Providence".
She looks over at the bedside clock, and, after a moment of
thought, reaches for the phone and dials.
INTERCUT WITH:
INT. HARRISON'S BEDROOM
Harrison, sitting up in bed, picks up the phone when it rings.
HARRISON
Hello?
SAM
It's me. I woke you up, didn't I?
HARRISON
Uh, no...actually, I was just
sitting here...thinking.
SAM
Yeah.
There is a long pause.
SAM (CONT'D)
Listen, could you...would you...
come over for dinner tomorrow
night?
HARRISON
Ah, sure. I mean, I'd love to.
SAM
Okay.
HARRISON
(after another long pause)
Okay.
SAM
Well... Goodnight.
HARRISON
Goodnight, Sam. See you tomorrow.
SAM
Right.
Sam hangs up the phone and lies back, staring at the ceiling.
CUT TO:
EST. L.A. SKYLINE - MORNING
RADIO ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
The hottest day of the year is
here! Temps could reach one-ten
in the valleys. You heard right,
folks—one hundred ten degrees!
So stay cool, and be careful out
there!
CUT TO:
INT. BROOKE'S HOSPITAL ROOM
Brooke is reading, while Sam sits quietly by her bedside,
hands folded in her lap. After sneaking a couple of glances
over at Sam, Brooke sets her book down and focuses her
attention on her.
BROOKE
Okay, Sam, what's going on?
SAM
(shaking her head)
W-what?
Brooke cocks her head quizzically.
BROOKE
Are you mad at me?
SAM
(emphatically)
No...! Why?
BROOKE
Because you haven't said two words
this morning.
SAM
I'm sorry. It's...
BROOKE
(concerned)
Sam? What is it?
SAM
It's...kind of awkward.
BROOKE
(imploring)
Sam! Tell me!
SAM
(sighs)
It's...about Harrison.
Brooke's eyes go wide for a moment.
BROOKE
Ohh... Well—no, it's all right.
You can talk to me about Harrison.
Please.
Sam hems and haws for a couple of moments.
SAM
I...Harrison's coming over for
dinner tonight.
BROOKE
Well, that's good. I mean, God
knows I keep trying to get you two
to spend more time together—
alone.
She peers at Sam closely.
BROOKE (CONT'D)
It's not good?
SAM
Dinner is good. Except that I
can't cook, and I need to see if
Carmen will fix something for
me...
BROOKE
So?
SAM
(takes a deep breath)
It's...after dinner... After
dinner, I think...
BROOKE
Oh...
She reaches over and touches Sam's hand.
BROOKE (CONT'D)
Are you sure?
SAM
I am SO not sure. I mean, I
haven't said anything to Harrison.
I don't even know how he feels.
BROOKE
He loves you, Sam.
SAM
Still, I'm seriously considering
just jumping him at the dinner
table.
Brooke giggles.
SAM (CONT'D)
Plus, there's this whole...weird
vibe.
BROOKE
(rolling her eyes)
Don't tell me... Before they
left, Dad and Jane gave you a
speech, right?
SAM
Yeah, Mom did, but...it was
really...strange...
BROOKE
Uh-huh. Something like, "you can
make your own decisions, we trust
you to do what you think is best"?
Way over the top?
SAM
Over the top? Yeah! Jane
actually showed me where she and
Mike keep their condoms! Can you
believe that? I just, I had to
totally bail. I just could not
handle it.
BROOKE
(laughing)
I know this trick. They wanna get
you so freaked that you won't do
anything while they're gone.
SAM
(groans)
I shoulda known that. I can't
believe, I'm seventeen years old,
and my own mom is faking me out.
BROOKE
Don't worry about it. You'll have
Harrison over, you'll have a nice
dinner, and after... The only
thing is—I'm gonna want details.
ESPECIALLY if you jump him on the
dining room table.
This time Sam joins in Brooke's giggling.
CUT TO:
EXT. THE BOUTIQUE
Mary Cherry is once again posing in the front window, while
the manager and Fredrico stand on the sidewalk outside,
looking over and discussing the window arrangement.
Unfortunately for Mary Cherry, a beetle picks that moment to
alight on her nose. Trying desperately not to attract
attention, she wrinkles her nose as unobtrusively as she can,
but as the beetle crawls around, finally—she sneezes.
When she looks back up, she sees the manager and Fredrico
glaring at her.
FREDRICO
(wagging his finger)
You know rules! No moving!
MARY CHERRY
But—but—
FREDRICO
No more window for you!
Mary Cherry whines and slumps her shoulders.
FADE OUT.
END OF ACT THREE