LOSS by Eggbert
Summary - War brings its own tragedies. Told from Molly Weasley's POV.
Spoilers - None.
Rating - R for very dark themes and for slash.
Disclaimer: They're not mine they're JKR's. And they won't stop fiddling with my head.
Notes: Caveat Lector. This is a direct response to some weird happenings in RL. It got me to thinking just how one of my favourite pairings would cope with the loss of the other. As you'll see, not very well. Yeah, I know i've done it before (Requiem) but this is different and there's no happy ending. Kleenex at the ready? Still with me so far? Here goes.
The war is finally drawing to a close after years of terror, murder and mayhem. How ironic that our family should suffer such a tragic loss at the eleventh hour. The funeral is set for tomorrow. Since his parents' senseless murder we have become his family. The rest are inconsolable since it happened but my main concern is Percy. Oliver has gone where no one can ever hurt him again but Percy will ache forever.
Realising he is missing from the collection of redheaded people in my kitchen I climb the stairs to his old bedroom. He's there, face down on the bed, nose buried in the pillow as if trying to catch one last breath of his lover's essence from the bed where they shared so many ecstatic nights. He grimaces as the pain of loss bites into him again.
Nothing can ease this agony he is feeling. He has lost part of himself. How can I even begin to understand what he is going through? Even though I carried him inside me for nine months, fed and nurtured him, yelled at him and loved him, I cannot.
" Mum? " he says in a voice that sounds so hurt, so lost. Poor Percy. My arms go round him and he clings to me desperately.
" Why didn't they kill me as well? " he asks despairingly. He is speaking of Voldemort's attacks on those closest to his main enemies. Percy's family was spared, his lover was not. He came home from Bulgaria a broken man, refusing to believe that Oliver could be dead, until he saw for himself.
" Nothing could be worse than this. "
" That was their exact thought, darling. " I reply. It's too much. He sobs helplessly into my shoulder. It goes on for ages and though he cries enough to soak my dress and to put him into a stunned sleep, it's not enough. Will never be enough. My poor little boy, I think as I stroke the flaming red hair off his pale forehead. I can't give you the comfort you need. There was only one person who could do that and tomorrow we'll bury him.
His left hand rests in mine, adorned by a heavy gold band on the third finger. It was Oliver's mother's wedding ring. Percy once wryly remarked that it was the closest he would ever get to being Mrs Wood. They had no need of vows those two. What they had together surpassed all that.
I sit watching Percy for ages with a heavy heart. Even in sleep he finds no release from the memory, from the pain. Ginny comes looking for me and I am forced to leave him to his uneasy slumber.
ONE YEAR LATER
The war with the Dark is finally over, our enemies have been vanquished and we can rebuild our shattered lives. We are fortunate, Arthur and I. Our losses have been light compared to so many others.
I ignore the usual pile of housework and leave The Burrow. I walk to the cemetery this morning as the sun is shining and the trees are in full bloom. It doesn't take me long to find where I need to be, this path is engraved on my heart.
The memorials are still strewn across the grave; enchanted so they will last forever, echoing the loss and bewilderment we all still feel. I walk up and touch the granite of the headstone, warmed by the kiss of the morning sun, remembering...
___OOOO____
In retrospect we should have kept a closer eye on Percy, but none of us really understood.
The day of Oliver's funeral, Charlie went to wake his brother. What he found will haunt him (and all of us) forever.
Percy, dressed in his best suit, laid out on his bed. Unmarked and very, very dead. Killed by a suicide curse.
For the first time since Oliver's death my little boy's face was free of pain.
Clutched in his hand was a letter addressed to me and, amidst the chaos, the heartbreak, with his cold body cradled in my arms I read the letter through a veil of tears. Only then did I begin to comprehend the magnitude of his loss.
Dear Mum,
If you're reading this then i'm dead and the curse has worked.
I'm sorry to leave you and Dad and the others but I can't stand the pain of being without him any longer.
Oliver was the only one who really understood me. With him I didn't have to pretend to be anything other than Percy. And he loved me all the more for it. He was the only person in the world I could ever truly love, my soulmate and I can't go on without him. I can't bear the thought of another lifetime behind the mask that he made me discard the first time we ever made love.
He's not here and it's tearing me apart, the thought of waking up every morning alone is destroying me. Who's going to leave teastains and biscuit crumbs over the Daily Prophet now? Who's going to bore me silly with endless Quidditch talk? Who can I yell at for not washing the dishes? And who can I turn to at night and be held, and kissed and brought to the heights of ecstasy with? No one. And all the wishing in the world can never bring him back.
Hopefully Oliver will be waiting for me wherever I end up. Whatever, I only know that I cannot exist in a world without him.
I love you, Mum. Promise me one last thing. Make sure we're buried together.
Love
Percy XXXX
_____OOO_____
I run my fingers over the engraving on the headstone.
IN LOVING MEMORY OF PERCIVAL EDWARD WEASLEY AND OLIVER STEPHEN WOOD.
I blink back a tear. My darling boys. United in death as you were in life. Now you have the peace you could never have when you were apart.
Some day, maybe, we'll meet again. Until then you are safe in each other's arms. My last promise to both of you.
Before my grief overwhelms me, a thought occurs. So typical and if they both knew of it I just know they would be grinning.
Suddenly i'm bent double with laughter, grateful that there's no one to see the madwoman in the shabby robes laughing in a place intended for dignified rest. But i'm sure those two will appreciate my laughter more than a river of tears.
Percy, as you passed to the other side I can imagine Oliver waiting for you, his beautiful hazel eyes alight with love and his first words to his lover?
" What kept you? "
Summary - War brings its own tragedies. Told from Molly Weasley's POV.
Spoilers - None.
Rating - R for very dark themes and for slash.
Disclaimer: They're not mine they're JKR's. And they won't stop fiddling with my head.
Notes: Caveat Lector. This is a direct response to some weird happenings in RL. It got me to thinking just how one of my favourite pairings would cope with the loss of the other. As you'll see, not very well. Yeah, I know i've done it before (Requiem) but this is different and there's no happy ending. Kleenex at the ready? Still with me so far? Here goes.
The war is finally drawing to a close after years of terror, murder and mayhem. How ironic that our family should suffer such a tragic loss at the eleventh hour. The funeral is set for tomorrow. Since his parents' senseless murder we have become his family. The rest are inconsolable since it happened but my main concern is Percy. Oliver has gone where no one can ever hurt him again but Percy will ache forever.
Realising he is missing from the collection of redheaded people in my kitchen I climb the stairs to his old bedroom. He's there, face down on the bed, nose buried in the pillow as if trying to catch one last breath of his lover's essence from the bed where they shared so many ecstatic nights. He grimaces as the pain of loss bites into him again.
Nothing can ease this agony he is feeling. He has lost part of himself. How can I even begin to understand what he is going through? Even though I carried him inside me for nine months, fed and nurtured him, yelled at him and loved him, I cannot.
" Mum? " he says in a voice that sounds so hurt, so lost. Poor Percy. My arms go round him and he clings to me desperately.
" Why didn't they kill me as well? " he asks despairingly. He is speaking of Voldemort's attacks on those closest to his main enemies. Percy's family was spared, his lover was not. He came home from Bulgaria a broken man, refusing to believe that Oliver could be dead, until he saw for himself.
" Nothing could be worse than this. "
" That was their exact thought, darling. " I reply. It's too much. He sobs helplessly into my shoulder. It goes on for ages and though he cries enough to soak my dress and to put him into a stunned sleep, it's not enough. Will never be enough. My poor little boy, I think as I stroke the flaming red hair off his pale forehead. I can't give you the comfort you need. There was only one person who could do that and tomorrow we'll bury him.
His left hand rests in mine, adorned by a heavy gold band on the third finger. It was Oliver's mother's wedding ring. Percy once wryly remarked that it was the closest he would ever get to being Mrs Wood. They had no need of vows those two. What they had together surpassed all that.
I sit watching Percy for ages with a heavy heart. Even in sleep he finds no release from the memory, from the pain. Ginny comes looking for me and I am forced to leave him to his uneasy slumber.
ONE YEAR LATER
The war with the Dark is finally over, our enemies have been vanquished and we can rebuild our shattered lives. We are fortunate, Arthur and I. Our losses have been light compared to so many others.
I ignore the usual pile of housework and leave The Burrow. I walk to the cemetery this morning as the sun is shining and the trees are in full bloom. It doesn't take me long to find where I need to be, this path is engraved on my heart.
The memorials are still strewn across the grave; enchanted so they will last forever, echoing the loss and bewilderment we all still feel. I walk up and touch the granite of the headstone, warmed by the kiss of the morning sun, remembering...
___OOOO____
In retrospect we should have kept a closer eye on Percy, but none of us really understood.
The day of Oliver's funeral, Charlie went to wake his brother. What he found will haunt him (and all of us) forever.
Percy, dressed in his best suit, laid out on his bed. Unmarked and very, very dead. Killed by a suicide curse.
For the first time since Oliver's death my little boy's face was free of pain.
Clutched in his hand was a letter addressed to me and, amidst the chaos, the heartbreak, with his cold body cradled in my arms I read the letter through a veil of tears. Only then did I begin to comprehend the magnitude of his loss.
Dear Mum,
If you're reading this then i'm dead and the curse has worked.
I'm sorry to leave you and Dad and the others but I can't stand the pain of being without him any longer.
Oliver was the only one who really understood me. With him I didn't have to pretend to be anything other than Percy. And he loved me all the more for it. He was the only person in the world I could ever truly love, my soulmate and I can't go on without him. I can't bear the thought of another lifetime behind the mask that he made me discard the first time we ever made love.
He's not here and it's tearing me apart, the thought of waking up every morning alone is destroying me. Who's going to leave teastains and biscuit crumbs over the Daily Prophet now? Who's going to bore me silly with endless Quidditch talk? Who can I yell at for not washing the dishes? And who can I turn to at night and be held, and kissed and brought to the heights of ecstasy with? No one. And all the wishing in the world can never bring him back.
Hopefully Oliver will be waiting for me wherever I end up. Whatever, I only know that I cannot exist in a world without him.
I love you, Mum. Promise me one last thing. Make sure we're buried together.
Love
Percy XXXX
_____OOO_____
I run my fingers over the engraving on the headstone.
IN LOVING MEMORY OF PERCIVAL EDWARD WEASLEY AND OLIVER STEPHEN WOOD.
I blink back a tear. My darling boys. United in death as you were in life. Now you have the peace you could never have when you were apart.
Some day, maybe, we'll meet again. Until then you are safe in each other's arms. My last promise to both of you.
Before my grief overwhelms me, a thought occurs. So typical and if they both knew of it I just know they would be grinning.
Suddenly i'm bent double with laughter, grateful that there's no one to see the madwoman in the shabby robes laughing in a place intended for dignified rest. But i'm sure those two will appreciate my laughter more than a river of tears.
Percy, as you passed to the other side I can imagine Oliver waiting for you, his beautiful hazel eyes alight with love and his first words to his lover?
" What kept you? "