Title: Agent Scully is already in love...
Author: Corran
E-mail: starfish666@email.com
Feedback: Sure. Go ahead!
Summary: follow up to Milagro.
Spoilers: Milagro
Classification: vignette, Scully POV
Archive: Spooky´s, Gossamer, atxc etc. YES! all other´s please ask first.
I´ll say yes, I promise. But I want to know where it goes.
Disclaimer: everything you recognize from The X-Files sure as hell isn´t
mine (only in my dreams...) It belongs to CC, 1013 and Fox. No money is
beeing made of this.
Author´s notes: the lyrics at the beginning are from "Let me be the one"
by the Blessed Union Of Souls. Sorry guys, I had to change the color of
the eyes so that it fit. Hope you don´t mind.
Date: 08/13/2001
Agent Scully is already in love...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In those big blue eyes I see a glow of love
I just hope I'm the one you're dreaming of
Let me be the one to love you
Let me be the one to care
Let me be the one to light your flame
Oh baby Oh baby
Let me be the one
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When Padget said, "Agent Scully is already in love", I saw something in
Mulder´s eyes.
I couldn´t figure out what exactly it was though. Maybe hope?
Oh god, please let it have been hope. Hope that he´s the one I´m in love
with. Because it´s true.
Padget thought he´d completely figured me out but the only thing he got
right was me being in love.
His words helped me to find out what it was that I was feeling for Mulder.
Love.
Why didn´t I realize it before?
Because I chose not to question my motives for staying with Mulder.
Because I didn´t want to admit it to myself.
As I said, loneliness is a choice. I´d rather be alone than with someone
other than Mulder. As long as he´s with me, though we´re not together in
the conventional way, I´m not lonely.
But I´m not sure that I can tell him how I feel. I´m just not used to
expressing my feelings.
That happens when you´re trying to play with the boys. Perhaps I´ve lost
a part of myself by always presenting a cool and calm exterior.
Some time I hope to reclaim the ability to just say what I think and feel
about persons. I have to try.
That expression on Mulder´s face that he wants to be the one I´m in love
with. He IS the one. So what am I afraid of? I know he loves me. Am I
afraid that his love for me is too much? That his passion will overwhelm
me and I´ll lose myself?
Maybe. But I´ll never know for sure until I let him completely in my heart.
All the way. I want to, really. I want to let him in. I want to lower my
mask of professionalism for him.
I want him to see the real me. And I want him to love that, too. I know
he will.
But mostly I want to have the courage to tell him how much I love him,
how much his presence in my life means to me.
This silent communication we have is amazing, but sometimes you need to
hear the words. I know that I need to hear them and I assume Mulder needs
it, too.
I really have to tell him how much it means to me that he´s always there
for me when I need him. He´s saved me again.
Not from being attacked by a psycho who wanted to rip my heart out with
his hands but from the horror and fear this caused.
I don´t know if I ever was that frightened before. I was afraid that I
would die. But mostly I was afraid that I would die without seeing Mulder
one last time and telling him that I love him.
But he found me and I didn´t die. He caught me when I was falling apart
inside. I sobbed on his shoulder like a child, like I hadn´t allowed myself
to cry for a long time. And it was okay.
I know now that I don´t need to contol my feelings in front of him. He
wouldn´t think any less of me if i do. Hell, he´s cried in my arms, too.
So what´s wrong if I do the same? Nothing.
I trust him with my life. And I trust him with my feelings, with all I am,
with my heart. I trust him not to break it. And deep inside I know he won´t.
I realized only now that I´ve never really thanked him for the things he´s
done for me. I think it´s time for the biggest thank you of all:
I´ll let him in. Completely. No holding back.
He deserves to know that he´s my one in five billion, the love of my life.
He deserves to be happy, as happy as I am when he´s with me.
I´ll tell him. Now. Before I chicken out again.
END.
Author: Corran
E-mail: starfish666@email.com
Feedback: Sure. Go ahead!
Summary: follow up to Milagro.
Spoilers: Milagro
Classification: vignette, Scully POV
Archive: Spooky´s, Gossamer, atxc etc. YES! all other´s please ask first.
I´ll say yes, I promise. But I want to know where it goes.
Disclaimer: everything you recognize from The X-Files sure as hell isn´t
mine (only in my dreams...) It belongs to CC, 1013 and Fox. No money is
beeing made of this.
Author´s notes: the lyrics at the beginning are from "Let me be the one"
by the Blessed Union Of Souls. Sorry guys, I had to change the color of
the eyes so that it fit. Hope you don´t mind.
Date: 08/13/2001
Agent Scully is already in love...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In those big blue eyes I see a glow of love
I just hope I'm the one you're dreaming of
Let me be the one to love you
Let me be the one to care
Let me be the one to light your flame
Oh baby Oh baby
Let me be the one
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When Padget said, "Agent Scully is already in love", I saw something in
Mulder´s eyes.
I couldn´t figure out what exactly it was though. Maybe hope?
Oh god, please let it have been hope. Hope that he´s the one I´m in love
with. Because it´s true.
Padget thought he´d completely figured me out but the only thing he got
right was me being in love.
His words helped me to find out what it was that I was feeling for Mulder.
Love.
Why didn´t I realize it before?
Because I chose not to question my motives for staying with Mulder.
Because I didn´t want to admit it to myself.
As I said, loneliness is a choice. I´d rather be alone than with someone
other than Mulder. As long as he´s with me, though we´re not together in
the conventional way, I´m not lonely.
But I´m not sure that I can tell him how I feel. I´m just not used to
expressing my feelings.
That happens when you´re trying to play with the boys. Perhaps I´ve lost
a part of myself by always presenting a cool and calm exterior.
Some time I hope to reclaim the ability to just say what I think and feel
about persons. I have to try.
That expression on Mulder´s face that he wants to be the one I´m in love
with. He IS the one. So what am I afraid of? I know he loves me. Am I
afraid that his love for me is too much? That his passion will overwhelm
me and I´ll lose myself?
Maybe. But I´ll never know for sure until I let him completely in my heart.
All the way. I want to, really. I want to let him in. I want to lower my
mask of professionalism for him.
I want him to see the real me. And I want him to love that, too. I know
he will.
But mostly I want to have the courage to tell him how much I love him,
how much his presence in my life means to me.
This silent communication we have is amazing, but sometimes you need to
hear the words. I know that I need to hear them and I assume Mulder needs
it, too.
I really have to tell him how much it means to me that he´s always there
for me when I need him. He´s saved me again.
Not from being attacked by a psycho who wanted to rip my heart out with
his hands but from the horror and fear this caused.
I don´t know if I ever was that frightened before. I was afraid that I
would die. But mostly I was afraid that I would die without seeing Mulder
one last time and telling him that I love him.
But he found me and I didn´t die. He caught me when I was falling apart
inside. I sobbed on his shoulder like a child, like I hadn´t allowed myself
to cry for a long time. And it was okay.
I know now that I don´t need to contol my feelings in front of him. He
wouldn´t think any less of me if i do. Hell, he´s cried in my arms, too.
So what´s wrong if I do the same? Nothing.
I trust him with my life. And I trust him with my feelings, with all I am,
with my heart. I trust him not to break it. And deep inside I know he won´t.
I realized only now that I´ve never really thanked him for the things he´s
done for me. I think it´s time for the biggest thank you of all:
I´ll let him in. Completely. No holding back.
He deserves to know that he´s my one in five billion, the love of my life.
He deserves to be happy, as happy as I am when he´s with me.
I´ll tell him. Now. Before I chicken out again.
END.