A/N: I got this idea from reading 'Draco Sinister' at Schnoogle.com, and the name of the author escapes me now. No, I don't own any of the charactors, so don't sue me or anything. Hope this makes you laugh!
The Bachelor Party
It was a crisp, autumn night, the air cool and gently stirring the flame-colored leaves that had dropped early in the coming of the season. Though it was still outside, the stars winking benignly down upon the earth, all was not so quiet in the Merlin Room of the Bristol Inn, several miles away from the home of James Potter.
The silence broken only for the scraping of the dead leaves along the cement was a delusion compared to what was going on within. The room was strung with brightly colored fairy lights and flashing streamers. Shouts of drunken men came from all around, as the room was full of them, although the loudest being Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and James Potter. The fourth member of their little group, Peter Pettigrew, was a shy, bashful man and didn't drink half as much as James, or even a fourth as much as Sirius.
Currently, Sirius was standing on one of the tables, swinging a large mug of Bos Landen's Heavy Ale, the white frothy foam spilling over and leaving wet drops on the well-scrubbed table.
He was yelling something, but it was fairly unintelligable. But of course, Remus and James laughed as if they had understood. Encouraged by the response, Sirius continued, although he could be fairly understood this time.
"I wouldike," he started, slurring his words together drunkenly, "to make thish announcymental to my bestest and greatesht friend, Jamie-Jamesy Potter!" he yelled, lifting the huge mug into the air. "And to tell him justow great he is to us all-" a great shout issued from the crowd, "-I brought 'im a special gift! Ladiesh, come on owd!" he yelled, turning towards the doors that had now burst open to reveal...veela! Even louder shouts and hoots and yells issued from the mass of drunk bachelors (and some married wizards) as music issued from somewhere and the veela started to dance.
Sirius, now swaying with every step, a dopey grin on his face, jumped precariously from the table, he fell to the ground and had to be lifted up by Peter (who was the only one sober enough to support most of his weight) and James. James was wearing a grin similar to Sirius, only his carried more disbelief. "Padfoot! Where'd you get 'em?" he asked, still grinning at him.
"I got my connec...*hic* conec...*hic* people. Mind you don't get them too mad now, mate!" Sirius replied, the grin widening. James slapped Sirius' chest with his free hand, and then slipped out from under his arm, wandering over to the nearest veela..
Meanwhile, at the Bachelorette Party.....
Lily Smithon (A/N: I'm grasping at straws here!) sat in a cushy chair before a few of her closest friends. Knowing that Sirius, James' closest friend, was planning a bachelor party for James, she knew she would be alone for the night, so she had had a few friends over to keep her company.
Sitting around here were several boxes, the lids put on precariously and the contents slightly visible, but the biggest was a white one with intricate gold guilding over the top and was lying right in front of her. This wasn't a gift from one of the friends though. She had gone out and bought this one earlier today.
"Go on, Lily. Try it on, give us a show! We are going to be bridesmaids anyway, and Maid of Honor." Urged Lorbla Gillicuddy, one of her closest friends. The mention of 'Maid of Honor' still brought a small pang of pain to Lily's heart. Loving her sister Petunia more than anything, she had of course been Lily's first choice for Maid of Honor. But Petunia had turned her down flat, not even explaining. The angry words still echoed in her head like it was yesterday. 'It *was* yesterday, Lily!' she reminded herself.
"Petunia, I told you a couple weeks ago that I was going to marry James Potter, and we were putting our guest list together and I was hoping you'd like to be my Maid of Honor." she had asked her only sister, smiling.
Petunia had given her a cold, icy stare, glancing up and down as if apprasing her. Her eyes still narrowed and leaving Lily halfway expecting icicles to drip from her eyelashes. "Absolutely not. I will not parade myself around at that-that freak show you will be holding." she had spat, and soundly closed the door to her room in Lily's face.
It brought tears to her eyes, prickling heatedly behind her eyes. Standing up, she picked up the top of the box and the dazzeling white beads and intricate embroidering that met their eyes made everyone, including Lily, gasp. Picking it up gently, it unfolded itself from the container and she went to go put it on. Returning a few minutes later in the dress, everyone gasped even louder.
The top was lacy and had impossible designs all over, with a leafy-looking sash that tied around her waist, while layer of layer of white silk poured from it, plain until the hem, where more embroidered designs of leaves and flowers were still surprisingly visible. All of the white made her flaming red hair even more visible upon her shoulders. Lily slowly pivoted on the spot, and even she couldn't stop the glow that was dawning upon her face.
Back at the Bachelor Party....
Things were as loud as racious as ever, although many had departed from their company by now, being just too drunk to carry on. James had waved (and wobbled) farewell to many a man by now, leaving only thirty now of the original fifty, though this diminshed number didn't stop any of them from 'partying hearty.'
The veela were still there, but had long stopped dancing, and were relaxing in their skimpy outfits with the guys who were all making insane claims and trying to impress them. Still more people had left because of injuries, either by trying to do some kind of stupid stunt, or by getting into a fight with another man over one of the veela. The veela seemed to be drawn to Sirius, still looking quite attractive with his dark hair cropped close to his hair and standing up all of it's own accord, his eyes dark and alluring, although quite unfocused as a result of the liquor, though many of them also flocked to James, but that was because Sirius had told them to. James was sober enough to refrain from anything that he might regret with Lily later, though the effect they were having on him was making it sorely tempting. He tried to carry on a normal conversation with them, but their constant flipping of hair, and recrossing of quite bare legs made it very difficult.
A huge group was now forming around Remus. The last of the Bos Landen's Heavy Ale, which really wasn't to be considered last as it was still a full keg, was being chugged through the small nozzle as it poured into his mouth. The group around was shouting "CHUG, CHUG!" like a chant, and that's just what Moony was doing, great quantities of it pouring from his mouth and falling on the floor, adding to the stench of alcohol. 'If this place were to catch on fire,' thought Peter, being the only one sober so he could fly them home, surveying the puddles of beer and various other types of alcohol that littered the ground 'we'd be dead in seconds'
James made his way toward the crowd, shouting "MOO-NY! MOO-NY!" in chat to the cries of "CHUG CHUG!". Sirius looked over at him, and joined in, until "MOONY!" overruled the "CHUG!". Finally, a huge cheer errupted from them all as the last of the liquor drained itself into the werewolf's mouth. Smiling stupidly, he sat up with his arms raised in victory, only to pass out and roll off the table.
Everyone was still cheering, but went off their seperate ways. Peter instantly went over and helped pick him up. Sirius and James stayed there, but both were so drunk they couldn't help. James finally managed to bend down, but it was a great struggle; James being drunk, and Peter being so pudgy.
"Tsk tsk tsk, James. You're so wasted you can't even lift your friend." came a cold, drawling voice behind them.
Sirius whipped around to face the greasy haired, hooked nosed Severus Snape.
"What're you doing here?" Sirius asked dumbly, his tongue lolling around in his mouth, disfiguring the words. "You were certainly not invi...invit...told to come!"
A cruel smile curled the corners of Snape's mouth. "I figured I'd come to see what all the noise was about. Figures it would be you lot. Getting drunk off your ass always was your specialty, wasn't it, Black?" he asked coldly.
"At least we had a good time!" yelled James, sounding somewhat more sober than he really was. His words were much more understandable. Peter stayed silent.
Snape's eyes narrowed. "Ah yes. I will so *envy* you in the morning, Potter; the head-ache and all around shitty feeling that always comes with a hangover is something I always enjoy..." sarcasm dripped off of every word.
"It's worth it!" piped up Peter bravely, though he suddenly paled and turned back to Remus, who was still out cold.
"Gedowd!" yelled Sirius, pulling out his wand and pointing it at Snape, though his coordination was so off he probably wouldn't have been able to hit him anyway.
Snape smiled again, though his eyes were still frosty. "You couldn't hit me if you had your wand right against my skin. Go ahead. Jinx me, I dare you."
A sudden bang issued from Sirius' wand, and a shower of black confetti mixed with silver shot out of the end and snowed down around Snape as if he were in some kind of weird snowglobe. Snape patted his hand to his lips that were curved in a yawn.
"Really Black, in your state I expected you to do something a little more severe. Oh well. Back to the house I go. I've looked at you lot long enough to wake up with a head ache tomorrow. Farewell." He turned, his black robes swirling around him as he walked out of the room.
Sirius started, gaping, after him, his lips smacking back and forth as if cursing him though no sound came out. Peter and James finally lifted Remus, and put a Hovering Charm on him to make things easier. "Come on, Padfoot. Let's get out of here." Said James, putting a hand on Sirius' shoulder.
At the Bachelorette Party....
Lily continued to wear her dress, though not daring to sit down. She walked around and danced with each of her friends, laughing and giggling in anticipation, though the big day was still three days away. Lily chanced to look up at the muggle clock on the wall. She frowned slightly. 'It's past midnight and James still isn't home...' She wondered where he could be. She trusted James more than anyone, but she still couldn't help but worry. Emily Malinkai, whom she had been waltzing with, noticed the stop.
"What's wrong, Lily?" she asked, dropping hands.
Lily hastily shook her head. "It's nothing, really. Just wondering what's keeping James, is all."
Emily rolled her eyes. "Oh Lily! It's a bachelor party, and knowing Sirius Black, he's going to milk it for all it's worth." Emily smiled knowingly.
Lily nodded. "Yes, perhaps you're right."
And at that moment, the door flew open and slammed again.
"Lily? I'm home!" yelled a slightly strange sounding James.
Lily suddenly squealed. "I've got to get out of the dress! It's bad luck!"
Signia Namilid frowned. "I thought it was if the bride was seen before the wedding.." but wasn't heard because Lily had dashed from the room, and in just the nick of time. James entered, wreaking of alcohol and looking slightly entoxicated, an unconcious Remus Lupin levitating behind him. Emily's eyes narrowed, and Lorbla stood up.
"What's wrong with him?" she asked, indicating to Remus.
"Oh, him? It's nothing, he's fine, just a little...er, tired." James finished, smiling sheepishly. "Where's Lily?" he asked, hastily changing the subject.
"Taking off her wedding gown. Thought it was bad luck for you to see her in the gown before the wedding."
James frowned. "I thought it was if the groom saw the bride before the wedding."
"So did I!" exclaimed a quite left-out feeling Signia.
Lily entered the room, smiling, but suddenly frowned and sniffed the air, looking like a bunny rabbit. Unsurity entered her eyes, but the glance at Remus and one last sniff on the air made her eyes light up and her jaw drop slightly with realization.
"James Potter! Have you been out drinking?!" Lily yelled, her green eyes sparking up as if fire had suddenly sprouted.
"I think we'll be going..." Lorbla said quietly, and quickly all three of the other women left the room, the door slamming behind them.
Lily sighed, plopping into the chair, folding her arms across her chest. "I *told* you not to get drunk! I specificlly *told* you!" she said, her voice still raised but most disappointment rang through.
"I didn't get drunk!" James replied, walking out in front of her, but the way his words slightly slurred gave him away. James directed Remus using his wand to a couch and once he was above it, stopped the Charm, making him fall on his back into the couch and instantly start snoring.
Lily glared at him. "I didn't do anything silly, I promise. And I stayed away from the veela..." James started to say in his defence, but realized he'd said too much, and squeezed his eyes shut smacking his forehead.
"There were veela?!" shouted Lily, now sounding quite deadly.
"Um, er..uh..." James sputtered, glancing around the room pleadingly, and remembering the only guy that could help him out was severly wasted and sleeping on his couch.
Eyes still narrowed in a glare at Remus, Lily took out her wand. For a wild, fleeting moment James thought she might hex him. She certainly looked like she might. But no, she got up, and crossing the room walking past James, she stood before Remus. Pointing the wand at him, she said "Enneverate!"
"No mummy, not the clowns! Spud muffins!" yelled Remus as he sat up abruptly. Both Lily and James frowned down at him, the heat of the moment lost on the strange remarks from Remus. Realizing where he was, he too retained a sheepish grin and a reddish glow burned in his cheeks.
"Oh, hello Lily, James.." he said trying to sound pleasent, but knew nothing could lighten the mood Lily was in right now. He leaned back to look at James, who looked as if he'd been caught by his mother doing something wrong. "You're in deep trouble" he mouthed at him.
"I'm right here, Remus!" Lily said exhasperatedly, throwing her hands into the air and standing up from her squatting position, sighing and walking off.
"Wow, her wrath makes me feel kind of good that I'm single. Or living alone. One of the two." said Remus as James approached his temporary bed on the couch.
"Nah, she's usually alright. Only gets mad when she knows she had competition with the veela."
"No way. Lily would win a competition against a veela hands down. Of course, they both have a similar temper. I halfway expected her to turn into a giant bird and hurl handfuls of fire at you for a minute..."
"REMUS!" yelled Lily from the top of the stairs, making both James and Remus cringe, the laugh.
"But, that veela did have an incredible-"
"JAMES!" shouted Lily again, only this time with even more rage.
Both boys laughed.
A/N: Okay, whether you liked it or not, I don't care. Maybe it wasn't that funny, but I liked the concept. Thanks to nobody, because I wrote this all on my own! *sticks out tongue* Okay, but thanks for reading this. Please review, and no flames! Ta ta!