Blah Blah, Kiss Kiss
by pari106
pari106@hotmail.com
Code: M/Z
Rating: PG-13
A/N: How am I doing? Feedback! Give me feedback, please!
Blah blah, Kiss kiss
Chapter Two
by pari106
That night, as Max stood near the fire Zack had struck up for them, she gazed out a nearby window at the
dark countryside and at the stars and the rain.
She wondered if Logan were watching the same raindrops falling past the windows of his penthouse in
Sector 9. And she wondered if Zack ever watched the rain. If he noticed little things like that.
There was a lot she didn't know about her brother – she realized that now. Funny. He knew her better than
anyone could ever dream of knowing her. He alone knew what she'd gone through as a child, because he'd
gone through the same things. He was the only one who understood what it was like to live like a hunted
animal, and to be treated like a machine. To want to be human, but to have that humanity denied by almost
everyone else around you.
They knew each other's nightmares and each others dreams. But they didn't know much about each other.
Not really.
As children at Manticore, Zack hadn't really gotten a chance to know much about Max because there
hadn't been much about Max to know. He hadn't known that she loved Italian food and hot chocolate, or
that she liked pre-Pulse rock and post-Pulse R&B. He hadn't known that she tapped her left foot when she
was nervous, or that she had a habit of tossing her hair when she was mad. He hadn't known because she
hadn't known. Those little quirks, those little things that made Max Max hadn't existed then. Because
Manticore hadn't let them exist.
Then, when they'd found one another again, there hadn't been any time for Max and Zack to get acquainted
with one another. It seemed like there was never any time for them.
But there was time now. Tonight.
Max didn't know why Zack had decided to stay the night, but she was glad.
Who knew what lay ahead of them? It was still a long way to the border. This might be their last chance to
catch up on lost time.
And she wanted to know more about him. She wanted him to know more about her.
Because she loved him.
Yeah, it was probably pretty whacked – thinking about how little she knew about the man, and then, in the
same breath, thinking how much she loved him. But it was true. She loved Zack. She didn't need to know
a lot about him to love him, because she knew *him*. She knew the things about him that really mattered,
and he knew the same things about her. She knew there was no one more loyal to their family than Zack.
She knew he was the most stubborn man she would probably ever meet, and she knew that he viewed that
stubbornness as a strength. She knew that he was brave and that he was smart. And, beneath all that tough
self-sufficiency, she knew there was a vulnerability to Zack that made her want to protect him from the
world and the sick things it made them do.
Therefore it made her love him even more whenever he was the one trying to protect her.
She didn't have to know a lot about Zack to love him. But she wanted to know more about him, *because*
she loved him.
She only wondered if he wanted the same thing. If he wanted to know her that way. If he wanted her.
Max sighed, tracing raindrops with her finger.
In the car, before he'd left, Logan had told her she should finally admit to Zack how she felt. She should
open up to him, and see how he felt in return. He'd asked her what else she had to lose. What frightened
her was the same thing she'd always been afraid of losing by confessing her wayward feelings. She was
afraid of losing Zack.
Oh, she'd never lose him, physically. He'd never abandon her. She felt sure in that. He was the CO. The
big brother. He always took care of his own.
But that wasn't the way she was afraid of losing him. She was afraid of losing his respect.
She knew that she and Zack had argued, a lot, in the past about the way she chose to do things, as opposed
to the way he did things. She knew he still disagreed with the way she'd stayed in Seattle, and she still
didn't want to leave. But although Zack disagreed with the way she lived her life, he'd always respected
her wishes. He hadn't liked doing it, but he'd respected her wishes, all the same. And Max would like to
think that he respected her. If for no other reason than the fact that she was the only X5 ballsy enough to
challenge him.
Would he still respect her if he knew how she felt?
That had been the question Max had always asked herself. She'd known that she loved Zack long before
they'd been reunited. Even when they were kids, back at Manticore, before she'd known what love was,
before she felt it the way she felt it now, she'd known that her feelings for Zack were different than her
feelings for Krit or Zane or Jack, or any of the others.
She hadn't thought about it then. Soldiers didn't think about such things. If she'd allowed herself to think
about it, she probably never would have survived till the escape. Lydecker would have skinned her alive.
But there had definitely been something different about Zack – right from the start. And, maybe it was
wishful thinking, but Max thought maybe she'd been different for him, too. It was her bed he snuck into all
those nights. He always seemed to be indulging her. And she always looked to him, first, for guidance or
comfort. She was born a Manticore soldier and trained a Manticore soldier, and Manticore soldiers didn't
have friends or loved ones or even feelings, Lydecker would have had them believe. But Zack had been
her friend long before she began to think of him as a loved one. And long before the escape she'd had
dreams of their being free of Manticore and all its rules and repression's. She'd dreamt that they could live
like normal people, with normal parents and normal friends, doing what normal little boys and girls did.
But she hadn't ever told Zack about those dreams. Because she questioned what he'd think of them. Zack
was no more the dutiful little X5 than Max was, but that didn't mean he bought into all her sentimental
thoughts of a family and a home. You could take Zack out of Manticore, but you couldn't take all of the
Manticore out of Zack. Out of any of them. He was still very much a soldier.
And that's what he wanted her to be, didn't he? Wasn't that what all his rules and regulations and contact
numbers were all about? Being a good soldier, evading the enemy?
And what kind of "good soldier" couldn't look at her CO without wondering what it felt like to kiss him?
Even if you took the whole "good soldier" issue out of the picture, they'd grown up thinking of each other
as brother and sister. Her feelings for Zack hadn't been sisterly for a long time now. Ever since they'd
reunited, and since she'd seen what time and maturity had done to him, Max hadn't thought of Zack as a
brother. She'd thought of him as a man – a very, very attractive young man. If Zack didn't feel the same
way, then there was no way he could respect her, knowing how she thought of him. If he only considered
her a sister, then he'd think her feelings for him were creepy or wrong.
Max had always shied away from admitting those feelings for that very reason. She was already almost
certain that Zack considered love, romantic love of any kind, to be a foolish mistake. The "sentimental lie"
he'd called it. She couldn't handle having him think of her love as wrong, as well. As some sick, dark
little secret. Her feelings for him meant too much to her to be thought of that way. As far as Max was
concerned, their feelings were the only things that kept them from being the heartless automatons
Manticore had wanted them to be.
But, regardless of what Zack thought, despite all her fears and insecurities, Max wondered if maybe Logan
was right.
Maybe the only way to move forward with her life, now that she was leaving Seattle behind, was to tell
Zack the truth. To see what he had to say about it.
Yeah, she might lose his respect. She might see all the disapproval and the disgust shining in his eyes that
she had always feared, and that would crush her. But would lying to him feel any better? If they stayed
together long enough, the truth was bound to come out eventually.
Besides, it *was* a long way to the border, after all. Anything could happen. If bad went to worse, did she
really want to take her secrets to the grave? She needed Zack to know that she loved him, and she thought
he needed to know that she loved him, as well. He needed to know that he deserved to be loved. More
than anyone else Max knew.
And, if she'd learned anything from this latest fiasco, it was that you should never wait for anything. There
was so much she'd wanted to do with Logan, but she'd waited, thinking there was time later. And there
was so much she'd wanted to tell Original Cindy – about the truth, about how much her friendship had
meant to Max. How much they'd all meant to her: Sketchy, Herbal, Kendra. Even, by some weird stretch
of the imagination, Normal.
Now it was too late for any of that. She'd waited and her chance had passed.
"Here's your chance," Logan had told her.
Could she afford to let it pass, too?
'I'll confess now. While I still have that chance,' Max thought.
Then she sighed, pressing her forehead against the cool glass of the windowpane in front of her.
In the morning. She'd confess in the morning.
'Coward,' she chastised.
All the money and manpower that went into creating little 'ol her, X5 459, and she could beat up bad guys
till the cows came home, but she didn't have but a single shred of courage left in her body when it came to
Zack.
Then Max realized she had better find that shred, because suddenly Zack was walking into the room. All
tall, and muscular, with the firelight reflecting in the gold of his hair and in the depths of those baby blue
eyes…
'Oh, Lord.'
Max swallowed.
Oh, what she'd give for a couple of bad guys to beat up right about now.
by pari106
pari106@hotmail.com
Code: M/Z
Rating: PG-13
A/N: How am I doing? Feedback! Give me feedback, please!
Blah blah, Kiss kiss
Chapter Two
by pari106
That night, as Max stood near the fire Zack had struck up for them, she gazed out a nearby window at the
dark countryside and at the stars and the rain.
She wondered if Logan were watching the same raindrops falling past the windows of his penthouse in
Sector 9. And she wondered if Zack ever watched the rain. If he noticed little things like that.
There was a lot she didn't know about her brother – she realized that now. Funny. He knew her better than
anyone could ever dream of knowing her. He alone knew what she'd gone through as a child, because he'd
gone through the same things. He was the only one who understood what it was like to live like a hunted
animal, and to be treated like a machine. To want to be human, but to have that humanity denied by almost
everyone else around you.
They knew each other's nightmares and each others dreams. But they didn't know much about each other.
Not really.
As children at Manticore, Zack hadn't really gotten a chance to know much about Max because there
hadn't been much about Max to know. He hadn't known that she loved Italian food and hot chocolate, or
that she liked pre-Pulse rock and post-Pulse R&B. He hadn't known that she tapped her left foot when she
was nervous, or that she had a habit of tossing her hair when she was mad. He hadn't known because she
hadn't known. Those little quirks, those little things that made Max Max hadn't existed then. Because
Manticore hadn't let them exist.
Then, when they'd found one another again, there hadn't been any time for Max and Zack to get acquainted
with one another. It seemed like there was never any time for them.
But there was time now. Tonight.
Max didn't know why Zack had decided to stay the night, but she was glad.
Who knew what lay ahead of them? It was still a long way to the border. This might be their last chance to
catch up on lost time.
And she wanted to know more about him. She wanted him to know more about her.
Because she loved him.
Yeah, it was probably pretty whacked – thinking about how little she knew about the man, and then, in the
same breath, thinking how much she loved him. But it was true. She loved Zack. She didn't need to know
a lot about him to love him, because she knew *him*. She knew the things about him that really mattered,
and he knew the same things about her. She knew there was no one more loyal to their family than Zack.
She knew he was the most stubborn man she would probably ever meet, and she knew that he viewed that
stubbornness as a strength. She knew that he was brave and that he was smart. And, beneath all that tough
self-sufficiency, she knew there was a vulnerability to Zack that made her want to protect him from the
world and the sick things it made them do.
Therefore it made her love him even more whenever he was the one trying to protect her.
She didn't have to know a lot about Zack to love him. But she wanted to know more about him, *because*
she loved him.
She only wondered if he wanted the same thing. If he wanted to know her that way. If he wanted her.
Max sighed, tracing raindrops with her finger.
In the car, before he'd left, Logan had told her she should finally admit to Zack how she felt. She should
open up to him, and see how he felt in return. He'd asked her what else she had to lose. What frightened
her was the same thing she'd always been afraid of losing by confessing her wayward feelings. She was
afraid of losing Zack.
Oh, she'd never lose him, physically. He'd never abandon her. She felt sure in that. He was the CO. The
big brother. He always took care of his own.
But that wasn't the way she was afraid of losing him. She was afraid of losing his respect.
She knew that she and Zack had argued, a lot, in the past about the way she chose to do things, as opposed
to the way he did things. She knew he still disagreed with the way she'd stayed in Seattle, and she still
didn't want to leave. But although Zack disagreed with the way she lived her life, he'd always respected
her wishes. He hadn't liked doing it, but he'd respected her wishes, all the same. And Max would like to
think that he respected her. If for no other reason than the fact that she was the only X5 ballsy enough to
challenge him.
Would he still respect her if he knew how she felt?
That had been the question Max had always asked herself. She'd known that she loved Zack long before
they'd been reunited. Even when they were kids, back at Manticore, before she'd known what love was,
before she felt it the way she felt it now, she'd known that her feelings for Zack were different than her
feelings for Krit or Zane or Jack, or any of the others.
She hadn't thought about it then. Soldiers didn't think about such things. If she'd allowed herself to think
about it, she probably never would have survived till the escape. Lydecker would have skinned her alive.
But there had definitely been something different about Zack – right from the start. And, maybe it was
wishful thinking, but Max thought maybe she'd been different for him, too. It was her bed he snuck into all
those nights. He always seemed to be indulging her. And she always looked to him, first, for guidance or
comfort. She was born a Manticore soldier and trained a Manticore soldier, and Manticore soldiers didn't
have friends or loved ones or even feelings, Lydecker would have had them believe. But Zack had been
her friend long before she began to think of him as a loved one. And long before the escape she'd had
dreams of their being free of Manticore and all its rules and repression's. She'd dreamt that they could live
like normal people, with normal parents and normal friends, doing what normal little boys and girls did.
But she hadn't ever told Zack about those dreams. Because she questioned what he'd think of them. Zack
was no more the dutiful little X5 than Max was, but that didn't mean he bought into all her sentimental
thoughts of a family and a home. You could take Zack out of Manticore, but you couldn't take all of the
Manticore out of Zack. Out of any of them. He was still very much a soldier.
And that's what he wanted her to be, didn't he? Wasn't that what all his rules and regulations and contact
numbers were all about? Being a good soldier, evading the enemy?
And what kind of "good soldier" couldn't look at her CO without wondering what it felt like to kiss him?
Even if you took the whole "good soldier" issue out of the picture, they'd grown up thinking of each other
as brother and sister. Her feelings for Zack hadn't been sisterly for a long time now. Ever since they'd
reunited, and since she'd seen what time and maturity had done to him, Max hadn't thought of Zack as a
brother. She'd thought of him as a man – a very, very attractive young man. If Zack didn't feel the same
way, then there was no way he could respect her, knowing how she thought of him. If he only considered
her a sister, then he'd think her feelings for him were creepy or wrong.
Max had always shied away from admitting those feelings for that very reason. She was already almost
certain that Zack considered love, romantic love of any kind, to be a foolish mistake. The "sentimental lie"
he'd called it. She couldn't handle having him think of her love as wrong, as well. As some sick, dark
little secret. Her feelings for him meant too much to her to be thought of that way. As far as Max was
concerned, their feelings were the only things that kept them from being the heartless automatons
Manticore had wanted them to be.
But, regardless of what Zack thought, despite all her fears and insecurities, Max wondered if maybe Logan
was right.
Maybe the only way to move forward with her life, now that she was leaving Seattle behind, was to tell
Zack the truth. To see what he had to say about it.
Yeah, she might lose his respect. She might see all the disapproval and the disgust shining in his eyes that
she had always feared, and that would crush her. But would lying to him feel any better? If they stayed
together long enough, the truth was bound to come out eventually.
Besides, it *was* a long way to the border, after all. Anything could happen. If bad went to worse, did she
really want to take her secrets to the grave? She needed Zack to know that she loved him, and she thought
he needed to know that she loved him, as well. He needed to know that he deserved to be loved. More
than anyone else Max knew.
And, if she'd learned anything from this latest fiasco, it was that you should never wait for anything. There
was so much she'd wanted to do with Logan, but she'd waited, thinking there was time later. And there
was so much she'd wanted to tell Original Cindy – about the truth, about how much her friendship had
meant to Max. How much they'd all meant to her: Sketchy, Herbal, Kendra. Even, by some weird stretch
of the imagination, Normal.
Now it was too late for any of that. She'd waited and her chance had passed.
"Here's your chance," Logan had told her.
Could she afford to let it pass, too?
'I'll confess now. While I still have that chance,' Max thought.
Then she sighed, pressing her forehead against the cool glass of the windowpane in front of her.
In the morning. She'd confess in the morning.
'Coward,' she chastised.
All the money and manpower that went into creating little 'ol her, X5 459, and she could beat up bad guys
till the cows came home, but she didn't have but a single shred of courage left in her body when it came to
Zack.
Then Max realized she had better find that shred, because suddenly Zack was walking into the room. All
tall, and muscular, with the firelight reflecting in the gold of his hair and in the depths of those baby blue
eyes…
'Oh, Lord.'
Max swallowed.
Oh, what she'd give for a couple of bad guys to beat up right about now.