Title: Twice Blessed Man
Written By: Drea Jackman
Email: DreaJackman@Literati.co.uk
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Logan reflects on how having his own transgenic guardian angel has changed his life.
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters involved (much as I wanna have Logan all to myself).
All Dark Angel characters belong to Cameron/Eglee Productions and Fox...the lucky *ahem*!
Archive: Sure, just email me to lemme know where first. Thanks!
Feedback: Hell yeah! It's another of the small pleasures of writing.
Author's Note: Set before Meow's confessions.
____________________________________________________________
"Good," the voice replied. "I'll see you then Max."
With that Logan hung up the phone and sat in silence for a moment. It seemed more often than
not lately, he'd found himself stopping to think on more and more occasions. Putting it down to
some dumb retrospective phase Logan set about his usual practice.
It was Friday, late afternoon. He'd just called Max because despite all his best efforts, he'd been
unable to work without stray thoughts of her clouding his mind. Not that there had been alot of
activity for Eyes Only to be taking care of anyway. In the past few weeks Max had been over for
more casual dinners and friendly games of chess than for mission briefings in the entire time
he'd known her.
With that thought in mind Logan lowered his hands to flick the brakes off his chair and wheeled
himself over toward his computers. After a few minutes of clicking and staring at his screens
aimlessly he finally gave up and turned the monitors off. shutting the computers down one by
one. Slowly he made his way to the kitchen and took an already half empty bottle of wine from
the fridge, resting it in his lap as he reached for a wine glass to go with. The clink of the glass on
the coffee table in the centre of his living area was soft, as was the pouring of the silky red liquid
from the emerald bottle.
Sipping gently from the glass he sighed as the liquid washed around his mouth, flowing evenly
down his throat. The taste and essence swirled around his senses, already intoxicating him to
the memories that he felt pinned back in his mind. Another sip later and the memories came
forth freely, each one clear and vivid as he glanced around his apartment. Directly in front of him
lay the corridor that led through to the bathroom, his bedroom off to the left across the small
passage from that.
He remembered the sight that had met his eyes as he'd nervously rounded the corner, gun
poised, flashlight illuminating it's path. The light fell on the shapely figure of a woman dressed
completely in black. Logan had caught the beauty of the young woman almost instantly as she'd
turned to face him. Glancing down her curves his eyes fell upon the bag she held in her gloved
hand, his statue bearly protruding from the opening.
"You're a thief?" he heard himself ask again, the memory clear and vivid.
"Girl's gotta make a living." Her reply brought a smile to his face even now. Sometimes he
wondered if that attitude of hers really did run all the way to the bone.
"Thank God." His voice was filled with an immense sense of relief.
A fond smile crossed Logan's face as he remembered their first meeting. The night she'd come
into his life was one he'd always be thankful for. Despite all the secret's he'd been unaware of at
that time, he'd taken her pretty much at face value. And what a face it was. The most beautiful
in the world he'd though. Again, more memories poured around his senses with the sweet taste
of wine.
"No I meant this. Probably the singularly most beautiful face I've ever seen."
Reverent as it had sounded Logan had meant every word as they stood there, so close for the
first time before his grand mirror.
"Expensive gifts, surprise late-night visits, over the top flattery. Do you always come on this
strong?"
Logan shook his head slightly and sighed with slight embarrassment. 'Did I really come off that
strong?' he wondered to himself.
"Only when I meet someone I have to know everything about."
It had never been like Logan to be so, forward. Sure he'd always known how to get what he
wanted, but he wasn't the type of guy to just go round taking it for himself. This stranger had
changed all that. Despite only having had exchanges with her twice, one of which being over the
barrel of a shotgun, Logan had known it deep down right away that Max was special.
Downing the last of his wine, Logan set the glass back on the tabletop with a soft clink and
looked to his right, the couch lying there empty. It didn't appear this way for long though,
because soon enough the memory of the night she'd actually needed him for the first time played
over in his mind.
Max lay there, the tremors starting to pulsate through her making her appear more vulnerable
than he'd ever though possible. Logan remembered how she'd taken his breath away with one
glance as she looked up at him, a look beyond helpless and need reflected in her eyes. He
couldn't stand seeing her like that.
"What can I do?" He had been desperate to make it all go away and leave her alone.
"Stay with me please." Her voice had never sounded so...childlike.
"I'm right here."
"You won't leave?" The tone in her voice had almost seemed frightened.
"I'm not goin' anywhere."
Logan remembered the certainty with which he'd spoken those words to her. He wasn't lying.
Wild horses couldn't have dragged him from her that night, not while she lay there helpless
reaching out for his comfort. Perhaps his newfound companion and perfectly engineered soldier
had more of a human side than he'd realized. There was a vulnerability in Max that he'd been
amazed to see.
Pushing himself back from the coffee table Logan reached down and slid his hands over the
wheels on his chair, taking a soft grip and easing them forward until he wheeled gently over
toward the windows to look out over the city before him. The last time he'd sat there and stared
out aimlessly he'd felt more alone than ever. Max was gone, images of earlier that day coming
back.
"I'll miss you." he'd said, ending the silence.
"You could always ditch it all and go on the lamb with me. Great way to visit exotic places, meet
new people." 'Was she really asking me to stay with her then?" he wondered.
"I'd just slow you down," he said, the pangs of hatred had surfaced again for the chair.
"It's okay."
The momentary silence that followed was one Logan genuinely took to think over her offer. Was
she really okay with the chair? Did she really want him to stay that badly that she'd be able to
forgo him slowing her down? He may not have fully realized it at the time, but the gesture was
one that he held very dearly,
"I have to go back." The reality of the situation had clarified his wishful thinking that he could in
fact possibly go with her. "Someone has to watch out for the downtrodden, blah blah, woof woof,
right?"
It was only now he realized how gladly he'd give everything up to go with her. Eyes Only was
only a way of talking himself out of placing her in jeopardy and slowing her down on the run. But
despite his doubts, Logan knew reflecting now how significant the following event had been in
their still non-declared relationship.
Watching her go was one of the hardest things he'd ever been able to bring himself to do yet in
the slow motion the event had slipped into in his mind, he could've sworn he'd started to dream
as she turned back. The kiss sent shivers down his spine to the point where all sensation
stopped, flesh marred by scars. The sadness in her eyes could only have reflected the despair
he could feel setting in even then as he stared back at her, knowing this was it. Finally resolving
that it was in her best interest, he found the words to ease the situation that had fallen to a stand
still.
"Just go."
The words had torn him apart inside and he saw the mirrored effect of them flit through her eyes
as he took one last gaze into her dark eyes. Silently she'd turned to walk away without looking
back. Logan had sat there for a few more seconds to gather himself together before turning the
key in the ignition and pulling away from the cabin. Max had never known, no one had, but the
tears had fallen in an almost steady stream from the moment he'd pulled out onto the main road
from the cabin's small road. The entire trip home he'd managed to hold back the sobs, only
staring out over the road as he headed back home.
Logan looked out at the windows with a renewed serious expression. That had been the
beginning of his biggest issues regarding the chair. What use was surgery the next morning
when Max wouldn't be a part of his life anymore. Why prolong the agony of surviving each day
alone? Merely surviving, never actually living each day that would follow. If he left it, his
chances of a peaceful death were almost assured. If the fragments moved and pressed on an
artery, he'd bleed out but it wouldn't necessarily hurt. Tiredness would just set in gently, his
blood pressure would drop, oxygen levels reaching his body dropping slowly and surely as he
continued to bleed until he'd simply pass out, never to awaken again. Logan remembered
thinking how easy and pleasant it'd be to just lay down to rest with Max in his dreams and spent
the rest of eternity in her arms there.
He had never dreamed that that's exactly what would happen that night. The dream itself had
never been explained, but his mind flitted back to the sight that greeted his eyes upon opening
them in the hospital. Max was sat there by his bed tucking into his lunch. His heart soared at
the sight and the urge to just throw his arms around her was almost overwhelming, so sure was
his expectation never to see her again.
Max had saved his worthless life more than once, but this one had to be the most monumental of
those times. There she was, risking life and limb to come back to a city that had successfully
hunted her down and made her flee, and for what? To save his sorry ass. But that wasn't all
she'd given him.
After Valerie had devastated his marriage then returned to further rub salt in the wound by using
him for money Logan had lost all hope of 'happily ever after' scenarios. Okay so he had feelings
for Max. The chances of her returning them were beyond slim. He was the pathetic cripple who
hid behind silly Halloween masks and had failed in marriage. But, at his family wedding that had
begun to change slightly. Max had looked so beautiful and Logan had been so proud to have
her there with him. Throughout the ceremony day dreams of the day he might finally find
someone to love him. The day Max could love him and would need him as much as he knew he
needed her. The day she'd stand by his side in a similar fashion and swear to be his love for all
eternity the way he longed to be hers, joined forever as husband and wife.
Okay so Logan knew that was jumping the gun a little, but he'd never loved anyone like he loved
Max. Even though he knew a relationship with her wouldn't really be like any other relationship
any other couple would have, he knew that they could be strong enough to gradually make it that
far. 'What is love if not eternally strong?' he thought.
Not long after that he remembered how she'd given him the greatest gift he'd ever received. She
gave him his legs back. No, it went beyond that for Logan. Max had given him his life back.
The night he'd been able to stand up and surprise her had been up there with one of the
happiest of his life so far. Leaning back in the chair and running his hands absently over the
wheel rims his mind drifted back.
"It's like some kinda miracle."
"You did this. You gave me back my life." He'd wondered if she'd ever been able to comprehend
what she'd given him.
"Thank the clever folks at Manticore. You're gonna have to take it slow."
"I don't wanna take it slow, I wanna go fast."
'Who was she trying to kid?' he thought to himself, still remembering how the smile that had crept
over his face felt and the reaction it evoked in her own expression.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah." Again, one of the most confident statements of his life.
With the chair seemingly on it's way to being out of their path, Logan was all to happy to be able
to move forward with the feelings he'd been carrying for months. He realized now how little the
chair meant in the scheme of things and how much he'd still be able to love her, paraplegic or
not. It was never about physicality with them. Logan knew his love for her would always remain
boundless and eternal.
Logan straightened himself in the chair and sat upright stretching his back to work the kinks that
had gradually manifested there out. Checking his watch he pursed his lips and sighed deeply.
Only an hour had passed and Max wasn't due for another hour and a half. His eye caught the
cane balanced against the far wall in front of him. Immediately thoughts of his sudden relapse
flew back into his mind.
'How could you even have thought about killing yourself?' he questioned himself sternly. 'You'd
have been leaving her behind, running out on her like every other unreliable thing in her life.'
Max had always been there for him, even in the times he'd wished she'd just leave him alone.
When he'd felt more alone than he could ever have been when Valerie used him, took his money
and left. When he'd been on death's door and there was no hope of a transfusion. When he'd
come so close to ending his life over the wheelchair. Everytime he'd reached an all-time low,
she'd been there to pick him, push him or kick him in the ass to get him back up on top again.
No words he ever found could do her justice. His life hadn't always been entirely perfect, but
since she'd managed to become a part of it, Logan had been one of the happiest men alive.
Having her in his life had brought him great happiness, anxiety, exhilaration, sadness, joy,
depression. It was all like some giant roller coaster that he'd been caught on without warning.
This amazing young woman had fallen into his life and become the single desert rose in his
otherwise desolate desert of a life.
Max had saved him in all the ways he supposed he could've been saved. When the chair had
claimed him, Max had shown no pity. When he'd been dying in some lonely hospital bed, she'd
been there to bring him a new dream of life. Even when the world had gotten so cold and he'd
lost all hope, Max had been there to hold him and let him know she cared. His own transgenic
guardian angel there to walk beside him.
Contemplation over and his mission objective set, he wheeled himself off into the kitchen to start
preparing dinner. The smile never left his lips as he set the table and awaited the food. When
the food was finally ready, Logan poured two glasses of the ruby red wine from the emerald
bottle that had accompanied his afternoon of retrospect and unbuttoned the top button of his
white shirt. Lighting the candles at the table he wheeled off to await Max's arrival. Stopping by
the great windows across the room, he sat and stared out over the now darkened city and
thought over all the things Max meant to him once again.
Logan smiled a knowing smile to himself as he realized his future was already decided. Dinner
tonight would be the start of a new life for him. For once there was no hesitation in what he knew
he had to do. His confession of love would no longer be hindered by fear of rejection for he was
Logan Cale, truly a man twice blessed.
Written By: Drea Jackman
Email: DreaJackman@Literati.co.uk
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Logan reflects on how having his own transgenic guardian angel has changed his life.
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters involved (much as I wanna have Logan all to myself).
All Dark Angel characters belong to Cameron/Eglee Productions and Fox...the lucky *ahem*!
Archive: Sure, just email me to lemme know where first. Thanks!
Feedback: Hell yeah! It's another of the small pleasures of writing.
Author's Note: Set before Meow's confessions.
____________________________________________________________
"Good," the voice replied. "I'll see you then Max."
With that Logan hung up the phone and sat in silence for a moment. It seemed more often than
not lately, he'd found himself stopping to think on more and more occasions. Putting it down to
some dumb retrospective phase Logan set about his usual practice.
It was Friday, late afternoon. He'd just called Max because despite all his best efforts, he'd been
unable to work without stray thoughts of her clouding his mind. Not that there had been alot of
activity for Eyes Only to be taking care of anyway. In the past few weeks Max had been over for
more casual dinners and friendly games of chess than for mission briefings in the entire time
he'd known her.
With that thought in mind Logan lowered his hands to flick the brakes off his chair and wheeled
himself over toward his computers. After a few minutes of clicking and staring at his screens
aimlessly he finally gave up and turned the monitors off. shutting the computers down one by
one. Slowly he made his way to the kitchen and took an already half empty bottle of wine from
the fridge, resting it in his lap as he reached for a wine glass to go with. The clink of the glass on
the coffee table in the centre of his living area was soft, as was the pouring of the silky red liquid
from the emerald bottle.
Sipping gently from the glass he sighed as the liquid washed around his mouth, flowing evenly
down his throat. The taste and essence swirled around his senses, already intoxicating him to
the memories that he felt pinned back in his mind. Another sip later and the memories came
forth freely, each one clear and vivid as he glanced around his apartment. Directly in front of him
lay the corridor that led through to the bathroom, his bedroom off to the left across the small
passage from that.
He remembered the sight that had met his eyes as he'd nervously rounded the corner, gun
poised, flashlight illuminating it's path. The light fell on the shapely figure of a woman dressed
completely in black. Logan had caught the beauty of the young woman almost instantly as she'd
turned to face him. Glancing down her curves his eyes fell upon the bag she held in her gloved
hand, his statue bearly protruding from the opening.
"You're a thief?" he heard himself ask again, the memory clear and vivid.
"Girl's gotta make a living." Her reply brought a smile to his face even now. Sometimes he
wondered if that attitude of hers really did run all the way to the bone.
"Thank God." His voice was filled with an immense sense of relief.
A fond smile crossed Logan's face as he remembered their first meeting. The night she'd come
into his life was one he'd always be thankful for. Despite all the secret's he'd been unaware of at
that time, he'd taken her pretty much at face value. And what a face it was. The most beautiful
in the world he'd though. Again, more memories poured around his senses with the sweet taste
of wine.
"No I meant this. Probably the singularly most beautiful face I've ever seen."
Reverent as it had sounded Logan had meant every word as they stood there, so close for the
first time before his grand mirror.
"Expensive gifts, surprise late-night visits, over the top flattery. Do you always come on this
strong?"
Logan shook his head slightly and sighed with slight embarrassment. 'Did I really come off that
strong?' he wondered to himself.
"Only when I meet someone I have to know everything about."
It had never been like Logan to be so, forward. Sure he'd always known how to get what he
wanted, but he wasn't the type of guy to just go round taking it for himself. This stranger had
changed all that. Despite only having had exchanges with her twice, one of which being over the
barrel of a shotgun, Logan had known it deep down right away that Max was special.
Downing the last of his wine, Logan set the glass back on the tabletop with a soft clink and
looked to his right, the couch lying there empty. It didn't appear this way for long though,
because soon enough the memory of the night she'd actually needed him for the first time played
over in his mind.
Max lay there, the tremors starting to pulsate through her making her appear more vulnerable
than he'd ever though possible. Logan remembered how she'd taken his breath away with one
glance as she looked up at him, a look beyond helpless and need reflected in her eyes. He
couldn't stand seeing her like that.
"What can I do?" He had been desperate to make it all go away and leave her alone.
"Stay with me please." Her voice had never sounded so...childlike.
"I'm right here."
"You won't leave?" The tone in her voice had almost seemed frightened.
"I'm not goin' anywhere."
Logan remembered the certainty with which he'd spoken those words to her. He wasn't lying.
Wild horses couldn't have dragged him from her that night, not while she lay there helpless
reaching out for his comfort. Perhaps his newfound companion and perfectly engineered soldier
had more of a human side than he'd realized. There was a vulnerability in Max that he'd been
amazed to see.
Pushing himself back from the coffee table Logan reached down and slid his hands over the
wheels on his chair, taking a soft grip and easing them forward until he wheeled gently over
toward the windows to look out over the city before him. The last time he'd sat there and stared
out aimlessly he'd felt more alone than ever. Max was gone, images of earlier that day coming
back.
"I'll miss you." he'd said, ending the silence.
"You could always ditch it all and go on the lamb with me. Great way to visit exotic places, meet
new people." 'Was she really asking me to stay with her then?" he wondered.
"I'd just slow you down," he said, the pangs of hatred had surfaced again for the chair.
"It's okay."
The momentary silence that followed was one Logan genuinely took to think over her offer. Was
she really okay with the chair? Did she really want him to stay that badly that she'd be able to
forgo him slowing her down? He may not have fully realized it at the time, but the gesture was
one that he held very dearly,
"I have to go back." The reality of the situation had clarified his wishful thinking that he could in
fact possibly go with her. "Someone has to watch out for the downtrodden, blah blah, woof woof,
right?"
It was only now he realized how gladly he'd give everything up to go with her. Eyes Only was
only a way of talking himself out of placing her in jeopardy and slowing her down on the run. But
despite his doubts, Logan knew reflecting now how significant the following event had been in
their still non-declared relationship.
Watching her go was one of the hardest things he'd ever been able to bring himself to do yet in
the slow motion the event had slipped into in his mind, he could've sworn he'd started to dream
as she turned back. The kiss sent shivers down his spine to the point where all sensation
stopped, flesh marred by scars. The sadness in her eyes could only have reflected the despair
he could feel setting in even then as he stared back at her, knowing this was it. Finally resolving
that it was in her best interest, he found the words to ease the situation that had fallen to a stand
still.
"Just go."
The words had torn him apart inside and he saw the mirrored effect of them flit through her eyes
as he took one last gaze into her dark eyes. Silently she'd turned to walk away without looking
back. Logan had sat there for a few more seconds to gather himself together before turning the
key in the ignition and pulling away from the cabin. Max had never known, no one had, but the
tears had fallen in an almost steady stream from the moment he'd pulled out onto the main road
from the cabin's small road. The entire trip home he'd managed to hold back the sobs, only
staring out over the road as he headed back home.
Logan looked out at the windows with a renewed serious expression. That had been the
beginning of his biggest issues regarding the chair. What use was surgery the next morning
when Max wouldn't be a part of his life anymore. Why prolong the agony of surviving each day
alone? Merely surviving, never actually living each day that would follow. If he left it, his
chances of a peaceful death were almost assured. If the fragments moved and pressed on an
artery, he'd bleed out but it wouldn't necessarily hurt. Tiredness would just set in gently, his
blood pressure would drop, oxygen levels reaching his body dropping slowly and surely as he
continued to bleed until he'd simply pass out, never to awaken again. Logan remembered
thinking how easy and pleasant it'd be to just lay down to rest with Max in his dreams and spent
the rest of eternity in her arms there.
He had never dreamed that that's exactly what would happen that night. The dream itself had
never been explained, but his mind flitted back to the sight that greeted his eyes upon opening
them in the hospital. Max was sat there by his bed tucking into his lunch. His heart soared at
the sight and the urge to just throw his arms around her was almost overwhelming, so sure was
his expectation never to see her again.
Max had saved his worthless life more than once, but this one had to be the most monumental of
those times. There she was, risking life and limb to come back to a city that had successfully
hunted her down and made her flee, and for what? To save his sorry ass. But that wasn't all
she'd given him.
After Valerie had devastated his marriage then returned to further rub salt in the wound by using
him for money Logan had lost all hope of 'happily ever after' scenarios. Okay so he had feelings
for Max. The chances of her returning them were beyond slim. He was the pathetic cripple who
hid behind silly Halloween masks and had failed in marriage. But, at his family wedding that had
begun to change slightly. Max had looked so beautiful and Logan had been so proud to have
her there with him. Throughout the ceremony day dreams of the day he might finally find
someone to love him. The day Max could love him and would need him as much as he knew he
needed her. The day she'd stand by his side in a similar fashion and swear to be his love for all
eternity the way he longed to be hers, joined forever as husband and wife.
Okay so Logan knew that was jumping the gun a little, but he'd never loved anyone like he loved
Max. Even though he knew a relationship with her wouldn't really be like any other relationship
any other couple would have, he knew that they could be strong enough to gradually make it that
far. 'What is love if not eternally strong?' he thought.
Not long after that he remembered how she'd given him the greatest gift he'd ever received. She
gave him his legs back. No, it went beyond that for Logan. Max had given him his life back.
The night he'd been able to stand up and surprise her had been up there with one of the
happiest of his life so far. Leaning back in the chair and running his hands absently over the
wheel rims his mind drifted back.
"It's like some kinda miracle."
"You did this. You gave me back my life." He'd wondered if she'd ever been able to comprehend
what she'd given him.
"Thank the clever folks at Manticore. You're gonna have to take it slow."
"I don't wanna take it slow, I wanna go fast."
'Who was she trying to kid?' he thought to himself, still remembering how the smile that had crept
over his face felt and the reaction it evoked in her own expression.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah." Again, one of the most confident statements of his life.
With the chair seemingly on it's way to being out of their path, Logan was all to happy to be able
to move forward with the feelings he'd been carrying for months. He realized now how little the
chair meant in the scheme of things and how much he'd still be able to love her, paraplegic or
not. It was never about physicality with them. Logan knew his love for her would always remain
boundless and eternal.
Logan straightened himself in the chair and sat upright stretching his back to work the kinks that
had gradually manifested there out. Checking his watch he pursed his lips and sighed deeply.
Only an hour had passed and Max wasn't due for another hour and a half. His eye caught the
cane balanced against the far wall in front of him. Immediately thoughts of his sudden relapse
flew back into his mind.
'How could you even have thought about killing yourself?' he questioned himself sternly. 'You'd
have been leaving her behind, running out on her like every other unreliable thing in her life.'
Max had always been there for him, even in the times he'd wished she'd just leave him alone.
When he'd felt more alone than he could ever have been when Valerie used him, took his money
and left. When he'd been on death's door and there was no hope of a transfusion. When he'd
come so close to ending his life over the wheelchair. Everytime he'd reached an all-time low,
she'd been there to pick him, push him or kick him in the ass to get him back up on top again.
No words he ever found could do her justice. His life hadn't always been entirely perfect, but
since she'd managed to become a part of it, Logan had been one of the happiest men alive.
Having her in his life had brought him great happiness, anxiety, exhilaration, sadness, joy,
depression. It was all like some giant roller coaster that he'd been caught on without warning.
This amazing young woman had fallen into his life and become the single desert rose in his
otherwise desolate desert of a life.
Max had saved him in all the ways he supposed he could've been saved. When the chair had
claimed him, Max had shown no pity. When he'd been dying in some lonely hospital bed, she'd
been there to bring him a new dream of life. Even when the world had gotten so cold and he'd
lost all hope, Max had been there to hold him and let him know she cared. His own transgenic
guardian angel there to walk beside him.
Contemplation over and his mission objective set, he wheeled himself off into the kitchen to start
preparing dinner. The smile never left his lips as he set the table and awaited the food. When
the food was finally ready, Logan poured two glasses of the ruby red wine from the emerald
bottle that had accompanied his afternoon of retrospect and unbuttoned the top button of his
white shirt. Lighting the candles at the table he wheeled off to await Max's arrival. Stopping by
the great windows across the room, he sat and stared out over the now darkened city and
thought over all the things Max meant to him once again.
Logan smiled a knowing smile to himself as he realized his future was already decided. Dinner
tonight would be the start of a new life for him. For once there was no hesitation in what he knew
he had to do. His confession of love would no longer be hindered by fear of rejection for he was
Logan Cale, truly a man twice blessed.