Blah blah, Kiss kiss
by pari106
pari106@hotmail.com
http://www.geocities.com/pari106/damain.html
Code: M/Z
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: See last chapter.
A/N: Sorry, this took so long to get up! We just moved so my computer's been down. Please review!
A/N: Oh, and if you like this story - please head over to my website and check out the other M/Z I have in progress. I'm only going to post that one once I get some reader input, since I haven't decided whether or not to continue with it. All of the Zack and M/Z sections of my page are new and under construction, but there is the fanfic, my favorite Zack and M/Z pictures, and even a few rather pathetic attempts at creating my own M/Z wallpapers ;) I'd really appreciate your checking it out and telling me what you think. Okay? Alright. On with the story, already...
Blah blah, Kiss kiss, Chapter 4
by pari106
When Zack entered the living room, he saw Max standing there by the window, and he felt a sharp pang at
the look on her face.
He'd gotten what he'd wanted. He was going to get her out of Seattle. He had no idea if he could keep her
out, if he could keep her safe. And he was under no illusions that she might ever return the feelings he had
for her. He was her big brother, her CO. He was the guy always busting her ass about leaving town. He
wasn't Logan.
But at least he was going to get her out. And, eventually, she'd see that he'd been right. She'd realize why
they'd had to leave. But in the meantime, she was hurting. He could see it. She looked so…lost, and
confused.
Zack hated seeing her that way. He hated that he was partly to blame for her melancholy because he was
taking her away from Seattle. And he hated feeling guilty for wanting to take her away from Seattle. He
wanted to take her somewhere Lydecker couldn't get to her with all his political connections and Manticore
goons. Somewhere Logan couldn't get her killed with all his crazy notions of fighting for the little man.
Zack remembered watching Max and Logan in the car; watching them kiss goodbye. Seeing Max in the
older man's arms…
Zack's grip tightened on the bottle in his hand.
It didn't matter how he felt about this mission. The objective was getting Max out of Seattle – there was no
way around it. He had to keep her safe. He just had to. Everything else she'd lost today by choosing to
leave could be dealt with later.
'You'll see, Maxie,' he thought. 'It'll be alright. I'll make it up to you, I swear it.'
Then Zack finally strode into the room and set down near the fireplace, opening the wine bottle and filling
a glass. As he'd known she would, Max took this as her cue to join him and sat down on the couch.
And then Zack had to silently curse his own nervousness, because his hand had begun to shake as he
poured the wine, hoping Max wouldn't notice anything out of the ordinary.
"I thought you wanted to keep moving?" she asked. "Be over the border by dawn?"
'Shit.'
Zack shrugged. "Got a secure night's lodging. Might as well take advantage."
He handed her her glass and smiled. In the first time in as long as he could remember Zack really smiled.
This was how it should be – him and Max. Together. Maybe not exactly how he'd like, but at least they
were together. They didn't need an address or a penthouse like Logan's to be happy. He wanted Max to
understand that.
"Here's to you finally doing the smart thing and leaving Seattle," he told her in an impromptu toast.
Too impromptu. 'That didn't sound right,' he thought. Zack regretted the words the second they left his mouth.
And Max just stared down at her wine. "Right," she responded, quietly, finally. She didn't even look at
him.
'Oh, Max…'
Zack hadn't meant to make light of what Max was giving up. He knew how much her life here meant to
her. But he was just too happy to have her here to join her in her sorrow. There was so much he wanted to
tell her. It seemed like he'd never had the chance to just talk to her, but now he did. He just didn't know
where to start.
Should he tell her that he'd loved her even since they were children? That he'd spent most of his days after
the escape not sleeping because of the nightmares he had about not being able to find her? Should he tell
her how much he needed her? How she was the only one who'd ever been able to make the nightmares go
away?
Zack wanted to tell Max all of that. But he started with a safer topic.
"I remember, the morning of the escape…" That got Max's attention, as did another of his all-too-rare
smiles. "…getting into town around seven a.m. The streets were just starting to fill with people. Not
soldiers, or doctors, just regular people on the way to work…"
Zack laughed.
"It scared the hell out of me," he admitted. Funny, but even now, he could feel that same naïve fear
prickling at the back of his neck. That frightening feeling of newfound freedom. He reveled in the feeling
every day he was free of Manticore, even as he looked back at that first morning and laughed at his own
obliviousness. "As far as I was concerned," he explained, "they were all the enemy and I was completely
outnumbered."
Max smiled. "I know the feeling," she said.
Zack gazed down at the golden liquid in his wineglass, shuffling the drink from one hand to the other, his
eyes unfocusing in thought. In his mind, he was eleven years old all over again, wondering through
Wyoming in the wee hours of morning.
"I climbed up to the top of an office building in downtown Delalo just as the sun was coming up. It was
my first morning as a free man." Zack said that part proudly. He could still feel the sun on his face and
hear the traffic down below. Every sound had seemed amplified. Every person, every car, every tree had
seemed to stand out in the dawning sunlight. It was as if he were suddenly looking through new eyes…
"And the whole world looked different…"
'It was like…'
"It was like it was in color all of a sudden," Max whispered.
And Zack just nodded, slowly. Like the world was in color. The way it was when Max was near him.
He tried to shrug off the intense emotion of the moment, but the power of Max's words hit him like a blow.
She knew him so well; they were so alike…
Zack looked up, capturing Max's large, brown eyes with his blue, and the moment suddenly seemed
charged with electricity. He was perched on the table across from her, only inches away. The firelight was
dancing in Max's hair and in her eyes and in the wine. And they were so close. Zack was so close.
All he had to do was just lean over those few inches. Then he could touch her like he'd wanted to, so
badly, for so long now. He could kiss her, wrap his arms around her and just hold her and never let go…
'Get your shit together, soldier,' the command suddenly came, unbidden, to Zack's brain.
But it was no use. No amount of self-discipline or residual Manticore dogma could keep the
uncharacteristic softness that came to Zack's eyes as he looked at Max now. Nor could it tame the
ironically fierce desire that shone there, as well. Zack felt a hum in his blood when he was around Max that
he only ever felt in battle otherwise. And that hum was singing through his veins now, so loudly that he
couldn't hear good reason cautioning him to retreat. Couldn't listen to his own admonitions, echoing in his
head about the dangers of getting to close.
He was already too close. Max wasn't his. She could never be his. She needed him for a protector, a
leader, maybe a friend, but she could never need him the way he needed her. If he pushed her too far all he
would accomplish would be losing her completely. She'd get spooked and run straight back to Seattle, and
straight back to Logan and Zack knew all this…but he was too close to turn back.
He was too close to listen to his own admonitions. All he could do was watch the firelight and indulge in
the feeling of connection that he'd found with Max and no one else he'd ever known. And suddenly he was
reaching out to stroke her hair, not being able to resist feeling the silky strands beneath his fingertips any
longer.
Zack ignored the questions and the surprise that rose in Max's eyes at the gesture, and searched beyond
them for understanding.
'Please God…if there is a God…let her understand.'
"I know I've been hard on you, Max," he told her. "But I'm just trying to keep you safe."
Max had been watching Zack closely, wondering, wanting. Was she just imagining it, or did he…
But at his final words, Max looked away. Her heart sank even as she appreciated the devotion behind
them. She had to be imagining it. She couldn't be seeing what she thought she'd seen in Zack's eyes.
Something a little bit like what she felt when she looked at him.
"…just trying to keep you safe."
"I know," she told him.
He was always trying to keep her safe. It was what he did. And how did she repay him? By sitting here
trying to impress all these unwanted emotions upon him. 'Jeez, girl, get a grip. Zack doesn't think of you
that way. Why can't you just step up to that?'
But she couldn't quite take her own advice to heart, and Zack misinterpreted the look that suddenly crossed
her face. Max didn't see it, but a little muscle in his jaw flinched.
"You're gonna miss him…aren't you?" he asked, keeping his voice carefully neutral. Despite that, the
thought of Max and Logan together once again tore through him.
Max kind of smile, not knowing what he was thinking. But the smile didn't reach her eyes.
"You think that's stupid," she said. She didn't even ask, she felt that sure of her statement. And she looked
almost…were those tears at the corner of her eyes?
Zack shook his head. "No," he told her gently. "Actually, a part of me wants the same things: friends, a
place where I belong…"
Then Zack took a deep breath. He looked at Max without moving, without breathing.
'This is the moment of truth, soldier,' he thought…
Oh, screw that. He wasn't just some soldier. He was Zack. And he loved Max.
"…someone to care about," he finished.
'You, Max,' he thought. 'I want to be able to take care of you.'
It was the closest Zack had ever come to admitting his feeling for Max aloud. Now it was totally up to her
whether or not he went any further.
"Thought you said it was a 'sentimental lie'?" she asked, and Zack thought she sounded breathless. Or
maybe that was just him. He felt like all the air around them was suddenly too thick to inhale. His heart
was beating like mad and there was electricity coursing through his veins…
"Even I have my moments of weakness," he said with a smile.
Max just looked at him. Then she leaned in a little closer, and said the first thing that came to mind before
she lost her nerve.
"Am I one of them?" she asked.
by pari106
pari106@hotmail.com
http://www.geocities.com/pari106/damain.html
Code: M/Z
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: See last chapter.
A/N: Sorry, this took so long to get up! We just moved so my computer's been down. Please review!
A/N: Oh, and if you like this story - please head over to my website and check out the other M/Z I have in progress. I'm only going to post that one once I get some reader input, since I haven't decided whether or not to continue with it. All of the Zack and M/Z sections of my page are new and under construction, but there is the fanfic, my favorite Zack and M/Z pictures, and even a few rather pathetic attempts at creating my own M/Z wallpapers ;) I'd really appreciate your checking it out and telling me what you think. Okay? Alright. On with the story, already...
Blah blah, Kiss kiss, Chapter 4
by pari106
When Zack entered the living room, he saw Max standing there by the window, and he felt a sharp pang at
the look on her face.
He'd gotten what he'd wanted. He was going to get her out of Seattle. He had no idea if he could keep her
out, if he could keep her safe. And he was under no illusions that she might ever return the feelings he had
for her. He was her big brother, her CO. He was the guy always busting her ass about leaving town. He
wasn't Logan.
But at least he was going to get her out. And, eventually, she'd see that he'd been right. She'd realize why
they'd had to leave. But in the meantime, she was hurting. He could see it. She looked so…lost, and
confused.
Zack hated seeing her that way. He hated that he was partly to blame for her melancholy because he was
taking her away from Seattle. And he hated feeling guilty for wanting to take her away from Seattle. He
wanted to take her somewhere Lydecker couldn't get to her with all his political connections and Manticore
goons. Somewhere Logan couldn't get her killed with all his crazy notions of fighting for the little man.
Zack remembered watching Max and Logan in the car; watching them kiss goodbye. Seeing Max in the
older man's arms…
Zack's grip tightened on the bottle in his hand.
It didn't matter how he felt about this mission. The objective was getting Max out of Seattle – there was no
way around it. He had to keep her safe. He just had to. Everything else she'd lost today by choosing to
leave could be dealt with later.
'You'll see, Maxie,' he thought. 'It'll be alright. I'll make it up to you, I swear it.'
Then Zack finally strode into the room and set down near the fireplace, opening the wine bottle and filling
a glass. As he'd known she would, Max took this as her cue to join him and sat down on the couch.
And then Zack had to silently curse his own nervousness, because his hand had begun to shake as he
poured the wine, hoping Max wouldn't notice anything out of the ordinary.
"I thought you wanted to keep moving?" she asked. "Be over the border by dawn?"
'Shit.'
Zack shrugged. "Got a secure night's lodging. Might as well take advantage."
He handed her her glass and smiled. In the first time in as long as he could remember Zack really smiled.
This was how it should be – him and Max. Together. Maybe not exactly how he'd like, but at least they
were together. They didn't need an address or a penthouse like Logan's to be happy. He wanted Max to
understand that.
"Here's to you finally doing the smart thing and leaving Seattle," he told her in an impromptu toast.
Too impromptu. 'That didn't sound right,' he thought. Zack regretted the words the second they left his mouth.
And Max just stared down at her wine. "Right," she responded, quietly, finally. She didn't even look at
him.
'Oh, Max…'
Zack hadn't meant to make light of what Max was giving up. He knew how much her life here meant to
her. But he was just too happy to have her here to join her in her sorrow. There was so much he wanted to
tell her. It seemed like he'd never had the chance to just talk to her, but now he did. He just didn't know
where to start.
Should he tell her that he'd loved her even since they were children? That he'd spent most of his days after
the escape not sleeping because of the nightmares he had about not being able to find her? Should he tell
her how much he needed her? How she was the only one who'd ever been able to make the nightmares go
away?
Zack wanted to tell Max all of that. But he started with a safer topic.
"I remember, the morning of the escape…" That got Max's attention, as did another of his all-too-rare
smiles. "…getting into town around seven a.m. The streets were just starting to fill with people. Not
soldiers, or doctors, just regular people on the way to work…"
Zack laughed.
"It scared the hell out of me," he admitted. Funny, but even now, he could feel that same naïve fear
prickling at the back of his neck. That frightening feeling of newfound freedom. He reveled in the feeling
every day he was free of Manticore, even as he looked back at that first morning and laughed at his own
obliviousness. "As far as I was concerned," he explained, "they were all the enemy and I was completely
outnumbered."
Max smiled. "I know the feeling," she said.
Zack gazed down at the golden liquid in his wineglass, shuffling the drink from one hand to the other, his
eyes unfocusing in thought. In his mind, he was eleven years old all over again, wondering through
Wyoming in the wee hours of morning.
"I climbed up to the top of an office building in downtown Delalo just as the sun was coming up. It was
my first morning as a free man." Zack said that part proudly. He could still feel the sun on his face and
hear the traffic down below. Every sound had seemed amplified. Every person, every car, every tree had
seemed to stand out in the dawning sunlight. It was as if he were suddenly looking through new eyes…
"And the whole world looked different…"
'It was like…'
"It was like it was in color all of a sudden," Max whispered.
And Zack just nodded, slowly. Like the world was in color. The way it was when Max was near him.
He tried to shrug off the intense emotion of the moment, but the power of Max's words hit him like a blow.
She knew him so well; they were so alike…
Zack looked up, capturing Max's large, brown eyes with his blue, and the moment suddenly seemed
charged with electricity. He was perched on the table across from her, only inches away. The firelight was
dancing in Max's hair and in her eyes and in the wine. And they were so close. Zack was so close.
All he had to do was just lean over those few inches. Then he could touch her like he'd wanted to, so
badly, for so long now. He could kiss her, wrap his arms around her and just hold her and never let go…
'Get your shit together, soldier,' the command suddenly came, unbidden, to Zack's brain.
But it was no use. No amount of self-discipline or residual Manticore dogma could keep the
uncharacteristic softness that came to Zack's eyes as he looked at Max now. Nor could it tame the
ironically fierce desire that shone there, as well. Zack felt a hum in his blood when he was around Max that
he only ever felt in battle otherwise. And that hum was singing through his veins now, so loudly that he
couldn't hear good reason cautioning him to retreat. Couldn't listen to his own admonitions, echoing in his
head about the dangers of getting to close.
He was already too close. Max wasn't his. She could never be his. She needed him for a protector, a
leader, maybe a friend, but she could never need him the way he needed her. If he pushed her too far all he
would accomplish would be losing her completely. She'd get spooked and run straight back to Seattle, and
straight back to Logan and Zack knew all this…but he was too close to turn back.
He was too close to listen to his own admonitions. All he could do was watch the firelight and indulge in
the feeling of connection that he'd found with Max and no one else he'd ever known. And suddenly he was
reaching out to stroke her hair, not being able to resist feeling the silky strands beneath his fingertips any
longer.
Zack ignored the questions and the surprise that rose in Max's eyes at the gesture, and searched beyond
them for understanding.
'Please God…if there is a God…let her understand.'
"I know I've been hard on you, Max," he told her. "But I'm just trying to keep you safe."
Max had been watching Zack closely, wondering, wanting. Was she just imagining it, or did he…
But at his final words, Max looked away. Her heart sank even as she appreciated the devotion behind
them. She had to be imagining it. She couldn't be seeing what she thought she'd seen in Zack's eyes.
Something a little bit like what she felt when she looked at him.
"…just trying to keep you safe."
"I know," she told him.
He was always trying to keep her safe. It was what he did. And how did she repay him? By sitting here
trying to impress all these unwanted emotions upon him. 'Jeez, girl, get a grip. Zack doesn't think of you
that way. Why can't you just step up to that?'
But she couldn't quite take her own advice to heart, and Zack misinterpreted the look that suddenly crossed
her face. Max didn't see it, but a little muscle in his jaw flinched.
"You're gonna miss him…aren't you?" he asked, keeping his voice carefully neutral. Despite that, the
thought of Max and Logan together once again tore through him.
Max kind of smile, not knowing what he was thinking. But the smile didn't reach her eyes.
"You think that's stupid," she said. She didn't even ask, she felt that sure of her statement. And she looked
almost…were those tears at the corner of her eyes?
Zack shook his head. "No," he told her gently. "Actually, a part of me wants the same things: friends, a
place where I belong…"
Then Zack took a deep breath. He looked at Max without moving, without breathing.
'This is the moment of truth, soldier,' he thought…
Oh, screw that. He wasn't just some soldier. He was Zack. And he loved Max.
"…someone to care about," he finished.
'You, Max,' he thought. 'I want to be able to take care of you.'
It was the closest Zack had ever come to admitting his feeling for Max aloud. Now it was totally up to her
whether or not he went any further.
"Thought you said it was a 'sentimental lie'?" she asked, and Zack thought she sounded breathless. Or
maybe that was just him. He felt like all the air around them was suddenly too thick to inhale. His heart
was beating like mad and there was electricity coursing through his veins…
"Even I have my moments of weakness," he said with a smile.
Max just looked at him. Then she leaned in a little closer, and said the first thing that came to mind before
she lost her nerve.
"Am I one of them?" she asked.