Story by Lady Dante
~In my silence I would love to forget
A young woman stood outside the gates of a cemetery, staring somberly at the perfect rows of white marble stones. Each marker shone brilliantly in the sunlight, adding to the illusion of a perfect garden of peace. The young woman took a step forward, as though to enter the grounds, but stopped and turned away from the flawlessly manicured landscape. This was the fourth time in as many weeks that Lucretzia Noin tried to enter the Eve War Memorial Cemetery. Each previous attempt had ended with a sprint to her car and the sound of squealing tires as the young woman sped away.
As she started slowly for her car, Noin mentally cursed herself for being weak. She thought she was ready this time. She had prepared for several days, even took the trouble to look at the map, which detailed the meticulous arrangement of small monuments. Noin was certainly impressed with Lady Une's design. It was simple, yet elegant. Every stone the exact shape and size of the next. No towering obelisks honoring one over another, no obscenely elaborate tributes to a specific casualty. Every grave bore quiet testimony to the sacrifice of an individual, yet blended into one large monument.
~And with one accord I keep moving forth.
Noin wondered if it had been difficult for the former OZ colonel to resist the urge to create a shrine to the former world sovereign, Treize Kushrenada. It certainly must have been tempting. The world population was in such a state at the time of the memorial's creation, no one would have objected to a 20-acre temple to their fallen hero, the man who saved the world. To Une's credit, her vision of the Eve War Memorial was a dignified reminder that the present peace came at a high price. The Lady saw it as a quiet place for reflection, not a grandiose monument to glories won in battle.
It seemed important to Une that Noin visit the place. Noin assumed it was her former commander's way of achieving some sort of closure. There weren't many OZ officers left in the world and sharing this one remembrance was a way of closing that chapter of history for good. Noin wanted closure as well, but it was proving incredibly difficult. There was still so much pain and anger in her heart. She clung to it with stubborn determination, afraid she could no longer feel anything else.
Halfway to her car, Noin halted in her tracks. She couldn't go on like this forever, clinging to the past as a frightened child clutches a favorite toy. She turned and hesitantly walked back to the wrought iron gate leading into the memorial garden. Perhaps Une was right. It was time to make peace with what happened and learn to live again.
~It used to be all I'd want to learn
Noin took a deep breath and stepped through the gates. She walked steadily between the precisely aligned rows towards a small tree. It was not far from the gate, but the walk seemed interminable. After what seemed like miles, the young woman finally came to stop in front of two markers. His Excellency, Duke Treize Kushrenada. Born AC 171, Died AC 195. The great Treize. Millions still mourned his death. Thousands more shared his resting place. Noin stepped forward and brushed the tips of her fingers over the top of the cool stone. The former lieutenant was surprised to realize she missed the general. He had been a complicated man caught up in equally complex times, but Treize was also charming, funny and brilliant. His Excellency's loss left a vacuum no one could possibly fill. Noin smiled sadly and murmured a few words of prayer for her former instructor.
Noin suddenly realized she was standing directly on his grave. Normally, she would have respectfully moved aside, but Noin knew Zechs wasn't in that grave. No remains had been found. Every other casualty had been accounted for, including Treize himself, but no trace of the White Fang commander's body had been recovered. It was attributed to the fact that Libra's destruction had been exceptionally violent, the energy expended hypothesized to be sufficient to vaporize human remains. Noin didn't buy that.
Noin had come to believe that Zechs was alive. Une, Sally Poe and a dozen others insisted she was in denial, and perhaps that had been true initially, but Noin had long since passed through every stage of grief and still could not bring herself to accept Zechs was dead. She could not shake the belief that they would see each other again someday.
It had made her angry at first. The idea that the person she cared for most was alive and well, but hiding from her, made Noin feel used. She sacrificed so much for him and yet Zechs couldn't be bothered to send word he was all right. Perhaps he was angry with her for standing up to him. So be it. The very least he could do is send a note of goodbye.
Noin sighed and rubbed her temple. That line of thought wasn't getting her anywhere. She was weary of running in circles when it came to Zechs. She was having enough trouble dealing with her own confused emotions. There were demons in her own soul to conquer, her own life to piece together. How could she expect more of Zechs? He was as human as she, with flaws as deep.
~As my seasons change I've now grown to know
Noin pondered her feelings for the man she continued to call 'Zechs.' He wasn't the same boy she befriended in school. He wasn't the man she grew to admire and love. Nor was she the same girl who had fallen for the great 'Lightning Count.' Perhaps it was better for them to be apart, at least for now. They both needed a chance to grow up and learn to be something more than soldiers.
The young woman allowed her eyes to wander over the
inscription on his headstone. It was appropriate, she decided, that the stone
honor the fallen prince of Sanc rather than the 'Lightning Count.' That poor,
abused boy truly was dead and would never be resurrected. Noin could bid
goodbye to Prince Milliardo, she had never known him. She always thought
of
Noin shook off her useless reminisces and stood.
The young woman suddenly felt silly for having been
frightened to visits this lovely memorial. The dead should be remembered. They
would not reach up and pull her down with them as she secretly feared.
+++++++++++++++++++++++ End +++++++++++++++++++++++++
This is #2 in a Zechs and Noin songfic series. #1 is
'Scream,'
Disclaimer: no I don't own Gundam Wing or the song 'Forgiveness' by Collective Soul. They are copyrighted by their respective owners. I would, however, be willing to negotiate for ownership. Bring me my life-size animatronic Zechs doll and we'll talk….