Um. Your guess is as good as mine as to where this fic came from. o_O It's utterly depressing, creepy, and written in second-person. (Second-person, for those of you who fell asleep during English class, is when the default pronoun in a story is 'you.') This might as well be considered an original, but I did write it with a CCS character in mind...and who it was is pretty darn obvious from the third line on...^_^;;
BTW, to those of you who are looking for Digimon fics -- don't be worried! I uploaded the first part of my monster fic while FFN was being really screwy (Kirai ni Narenai ~I Can't Hate You~) and I think a lot of people didn't read it...and I want people to read it a lot, I spent months writing it...literally...^_^;;
Anyway. I don't own Card Captor Sakura: that series belongs to CLAMP and...um...a bunch of other people. Okay?
Loneliness
by Rb
Sometimes it's difficult to live the life you've chosen.
But you did choose it.
You chose to live a life where in the heart of the one you love
best, you are not first, or even second, but you don't even
place, because Someone Else fills your Special Person's heart.
You chose to live a life where you fall asleep alone every night,
visualizing the face of your Special Person, and weep knowing
they don't see you.
You chose to live a life where you are no more than a supporting
character.
Happiness doesn't matter to you, because the only Happiness that
matters is that of your Special Person. And you would die -- yes,
die -- for your Special Person, but that doesn't matter, because
they won't ever look at you the way you want them to look at you,
seeing only you.
And you lie in your bed, lonely beyond words, held only by the
embrace of the Night, and you want to scream and cry, yell that
your Special Person is "Mine and mine alone!",
visualizing their face in front of your mind, always seeing them
and only them, and wishing, wishing with all your heart, that the
Someone Else would go away and you could be with your Special
Person.
But the Night is the one that strokes your hair and calms your
sobs and says in a soothing voice that no one can hold anyone,
that no one can lock a person up in their own heart, that your
Special Person does not belong to you. It's like trying to
capture the moon. Always untouchable. Always distant. You think
you have it, but it fades away to nothing.
Sometimes you hate the moon, and the sun, and everything else in
the world, except for the stars, because you could never hate the
stars, ever, ever.
And you could, if you wanted to, seperate your Special Person and
that Someone Else. If you wanted to, then you could try. You
could force your Special Person to make a choice between you and
that Someone Else.
But you can't, because you love your Special Person too much to
hurt them, ever, ever.
And there's always a chance that your Special Person will choose
the Someone Else, and you'll be all alone again, with only the
gentle, cold touch of the Night to soothe you. And it won't help
at all, because the Night isn't complete when there are no stars
to shine their healing light.
Loneliness.
And you watch your Special Person and their Someone Else, and you
smile at their solid together-ness, and you laugh with them, and
you never ever falter, never ever cry, never ever let on that
you're feeling Sadness at just the fact that they have Happiness
together which doesn't include you.
Sadness.
For you, Love is a shooting star, something always out of reach
for you. All you can do is stare at it from within the arms of
the Night.