Stay with me till the morning
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_Dawn breaks above the
neonlight
Soon the day disolves the
night
Warm the sheets caress my
emptiness, as you leave_
Slowly, very slowly she stands up, her beautiful body gaining a mysterious glow from the street lights, giving her an almost unearthly aura. Again it strikes me how wonderful it iss to have this young woman sharing the bed with me, and how stupid I am to let her go every time I have her with me.
She pulls her clothes on, an inverse striptease of perfect beauty. Her ebony hair shines as it falls tanglefree down her back, her muscles move with subdued force – she is absolutely stunning. But her large black eyes never look at me, not even when she leaves.
She made me poetic. I never had a girl making me poetic.
She doesn't even know what she's done – and what she is doing – to me.
And I don't know why I let her go again.
_Lying here in the afterglow
Tears in spite of all I know
Pride's a foolish sin, I can't
give in, can't you see_
Slowly I wipe away the tears that roll down my cheeks. I can hear the voice of my father in my head, telling me I should stop crying like a baby and act like a saiyajin. That I shouldn't care about whether or not she sleeps over, because I shouldn't have feelings for her in the first place.
Shut up, father.
I've had feelings for her since I first realised how attractive she really was. Since she'd hit supersaiyajin, two days after her seventeenth birthday. She'd really grown in those two years after our year in outer space, developing a slightly smaller than average, but very nicely shaped body; with long, welltoned legs, curves in just the right places and a soft, smooth skin.
I never really noticed before. I just didn't look at her that way. Which isn't strange, since she's my best friend's niece, a good friend of mine, and a whole lot of years younger than me.
But when she hit supersaiyajin she suddenly looked so different, so not like the-Panny-I'd-known-for-all-my-life, that I finally got to notice how stunning she really was.
And because the reason she hit supersaiyajin was that I was almost killed, I first began to wonder if she had any feelings for me.
It took three more years though before we finally got involved. Kinda.
I say 'kinda' because it's not like we're a couple. It might seem so, at night. But when the sun comes we're just friends again. She doesn't speak about our nightly events and neither do I. I can see that it hurts her, just as it hurts me.
But even though I am the one to stop the pain, I don't.
And I don't know why.
_Though you want to stay
You're gone before the day
I'll never say those words,
how could I?
She had told me she loved me only once. That same day she went supersaiyajin and I was near death.
She held me in her arms, wept, and called my name. She whispered in my ear. "Don't die, Trunks. Don't leave me. You can't leave me! I love you."
She still doesn't know I'd heard that, she thinks I was unconcious. I couldn't open my eyes, couldn't move my muscles, but I could hear everything she said.
She has never told me again. She pretends it's just for the sex, like I do.
But it's not.
I know she wants me to say the words. To ask her to stay with me. To tell her it's not just for sex. To tell me how I really feel about her.
But I don't. I can't. And it's hurting me.
It's not a matter of pride, as my father has tought me. It doesn't even have to do with him.
Or maybe it does, but not in the way you would think.
I'm a solitary person, a loner. I need my liberty above anything else. No strings attached. Even my family and friends can't really keep me close. I like being with them, but I always try to keep my emotions down or hidden. My father has never told me, but I think it has to do with being a saiyajin. A warrior can't permit himself to feel. Feelings are a weakness, because you'll be distracted by your loved ones and can easily be killed.
And even though we don't have to fight as much anymore, I still feel that way. I think it's inborn, because a saiyajin is above all a warrior.
Either way, I'm stuck with it.
Because I do feel. A lot.
_I've walked the streets alone
before
Safe I'm locked behind my door
Strong in my belief, no joy or grief touches me_
And another day has gone by. Another night and she's come to me again.
We don't speak much. The only sounds are the sounds of our lovemaking. Low moans, soft cries, sighs and gasps.
But even though it's as exciting and hot as the other times, it's different now. An unknown tenderness lies in her caresses, a whole new softness in her kisses. And when I look into her eyes I know she's begging me. Silent pleads for me to ask her. Tell her.
I close my eyes, breath in deeply. I also know this will be our last night together if I don't do anything soon. Her eyes leave nothing to question. She wants me, needs me, loves me as much as I want, need and love her, but she wants more than these silent nights.
And to be honest – so do I.
But I don't know how, I can't bring myself to it.
_But when you close your eyes
It's then I realise
There's nothing left to prove,
so darling
Breathing heavily we lie on my bed, arms and legs entangled in a satisfying posture.
Again we don't speak, don't even look at eachother. I know that she can feel my inner battle. But neither of us knows what the outcome will be.
I don't wanna loose her.
But I'm scared; so scared.
She looks at me, reads the doubt in my eyes. She sighs and rolls away from me. But only when she's standing up, I realise that I'm doing the last thing I want to.
I'm hurting her.
I grab her hand and she turns, looking at me with big moist eyes. I bite my lip, gathering courage. But the beautiful woman standing in front of me gives me the power to say what I need to say.
"I.. I don't wanna loose you, Pan. Please – stay with me. Stay with me till the morning."
And softly, so softly: "Stay with me forever."