Chapter 4
Danny had already dozed off by the time Kate came back into the room. He hadn't meant to fall alseep, but listening to the muted sounds on the other side of the door had lulled him, allowing him to empty his mind and just be. The sounds and soft words that he heard as she talked to Grace reminded him of his later childhood years when he would listen to Rafe's mom while she cleaned up the house after everyone had gone to bed. It was a very comforting and secure feeling to hear them again.
He couldn't have slept for very long though, because there was still enough light coming into the room to not need to light a lamp. But it was obvious that twilight was fast approaching.
Kate was sitting in the rocking chair, smiling down at Grace as she played with the tiny feet that were kicking against her hands. The room was quiet enough for Danny to hear the soft sucking sounds that Grace was making as she drank. The intimacy of the the situation made him feel like an inteloper, but he couldn't take his eyes away.
Feeling his eyes on her, Kate looked over at Danny. "Hey," she said, smiling at him.
Embarrassed at being caught, Danny looked pointedly at the ceiling hoping that he wasn't blushing - again. "Hey," he said back.
"I didn't know if I should wake you," she told him.
He glanced quickly over at her. "That's okay," he said. "Guess I'm more tired than I thought." His smile a mere turning up of his lips.
Kate responded in kind. "You've been through a lot lately," she offered. "So, where should I start? What do you want to know?"
"Everything."
"Okay," she hesitated. "What do you remember? I'll try to fill in what I can."
Danny thought for a moment, still staring up at the ceiling. "I remember the raid and everything up until I crashed." He smiled wryly. "Definitely not one of my better landings," he joked dryly.
"Captain McCawley said that you saved their lives - his and his crew's," Kate interjected. "He said they would have been dead or captured if it wasn't for you."
"Well, I don't know about that," Danny replied shyly. "I just did what I had to do." He shrugged. "I remember the Japs tying up Rafe and then tying me to some kind of yoke. Then Rafe, he managed to find a gun and shoot a couple of them."
Kate looked over at Danny worriedly. His voice had begun to change, it was deeper and thicker with suppressed emotions and it seemed as if his eyes had glazed over. As if he was reliving it all over again. Maybe it was too soon to do this. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. She wanted to stop him, but was too fascinated to say anything.
"They were going to shoot Rafe," he continued unaware of Kate's concerns. "I couldn't let them do that. Then I just remember pain. And cold. And Rafe telling me I couldn't die." His voice became even more toneless, his breathing shallow. "I was so damn cold. I knew it was going to happen. I knew I was going to die, but Rafe kept telling me that I couldn't. I couldn't die. Because I was....." going to be a father, he finished silently, suddenly aware that he wasn't just talking to himself, that Kate was listening. He didn't think she needed to know how messed up his life had become. He didn't want her pity at not only loosing his friends, but also his girl and his child. It was too painful to think, let alone verbalize.
Sheepishly he wiped the tears from his cheeks, surprised that he had been crying.
A warm hand smoothed back his hair. "It's okay, Flyboy," she crooned. "It's not an easy time to remember."
Danny simply nodded in response, but didn't try to say anything yet. He didn't trust his voice.
Kate watched as he struggled to get a hold of himself. She knew that remembering his 'death' had to be hard, but she had a feeling that there was something else bothering him, something to do with Captain McCawley. She couldn't be sure, it was just a feeling. Lord knows that going through such an experience was tough enough, but she felt like there was more to it. Maybe this feeling she had came from the way he had studied Grace so intently earlier, or maybe it had to do with her curiosity about the mysterious Evelyn he had spoken of on that first night and called for the many nights after as his body raged with fever. But Kate wouldn't ask him because whatever it was it was obviously private and painful. That didn't stop her from wondering about Evelyn and her hold on him, though.
"Do you remember waking up here?" Kate questioned softly, trying to get him focused on something else.
Danny nodded. "Vaguely."
"Okay," Kate said. Taking a deep breath Kate collected her thoughts. "I think my husband was sent out here to keep an eye out for your planes," she told him. "I'm not sure, but it seemed important to his superiors that we be out here."
"What does your husband do?" Danny asked.
Kate waved her hand dismissively. "He's a member of the diplomatic corp here in China. We've lived in Shanghai for the past 3 and a half years."
"That's a long time."
"You have no idea," she replied dryly. "He left me here. Told me to watch the coast and then he was gone. I haven't seen him in almost 6 weeks." She caught Danny's look of surprise. Kate smiled sadly at him. "Pitiful excuse for a husband, I know, but it's actually nicer without him around."
Danny had no idea what to say to that. That a man would leave his wife and small child in a small chinese coastal village with so little information astounded him. What kind of man was her husband, he wondered.
Kate continued. "Not that I would usually do anything that he asked me, but it seemed important to his superiors, so I kept an eye out. I saw three planes fly over about half a mile away, maybe. I heard one crash, so I brought Grace to Mr Chan and borrowed the one car that is in the village. I could hear gunfire by then and I watched as the second plane crashed." She looked over at him. "I don't know how you survived it," she told him.
"Neither do I," was Danny's only reply.
"By the time I got there you were already unconscious. Captain McCawley thought you were dead and he was going into shock. He didn't seem to know what was going on. The others got into the car and I grabbed a first aide kit. We managed to convince Captain McCawley to go - but he wouldn't leave without you." She didn't tell him that she had urged Rafe to leave him behind. "It was a good thing we did bring you because halfway back you seemed to revive a little. You were in shock and still bleeding, but you were alive."
Kate paused thinking of that terrifying ride back to the cabin. It was the scarest moment in her life. She had four tense flyboys who jumped at every sound and shadow, which made her even more anxious. And then another one was slowly bleeding to death right next to her. On top of those worries, she feared running into another Japanese patrol. What would happen to Grace then? Who would look out for her? The memory of the fear she felt that night still made her shudder.
"Once we got back here," she continued, pushing aside her memories, "Mr. Chan helped me patch you up and stop the bleeding. Then someone from the Chinese army showed up. He wanted to sneak you all out while it was still night, but Captain McCawley didn't want to leave without you. That's when you had me tell him that you were dead." She looked over at his pale drawn face. "Do you remember that?"
Danny nodded, not looking at her. "Stubborn fool."
Kate smiled sadly over at him as she tried to burp Grace. "Stubborn - yes, but not necessarily a fool. Just someone who loves you very much." The single tear streaming down his cheek almost broke her heart. "He wanted to take your body with him," she told him.
Startled, Danny finally looked up at her. "He did?"
She nodded. "He wasn't listening to anyone, but I finally convinced him to leave by promising to get your body back home. I do have some connections. And until I could I would look after you - I mean your body. He wrote down all his contact information - in the army, in Tennessee and also how to contact Evelyn Johnson in case something happened to him."
Kate watched Danny's profile carefully. She hadn't been going to mention Evelyn, but she couldn't help herself. She wanted to see his reaction. She didn't feel any resolution as another tear ran down his face. He said nothing, his throat working spasmadically to swallow.
"Stubborn fool," he whispered again.
Neither of them said anything for the next few minutes. Grace had decided to demand her mother's attenion by pulling on her hair. Kate tickled and played with Grace, allowing Danny time to recover.
The sound of Grace's laughter grated on his soul, reminding Danny of all that he had lost. He was alive, but he could never claim his child. And Evelyn - she had never been his to begin with. He couldn't allow himself to think about his now, it would tear him apart. Tonight, when it was dark and Kate wasn't here to witness his tears. Then he would allow himself to think about Evelyn and Rafe and the baby.
"What about the third plane," he finally asked, his voice thick with the emotions he was holding back.
"What third plane," Kate asked, looking up from Grace's game.
"Colonel Doolittle was flying with us," Danny told her. "You said you saw three planes coming up the coast."
Kate nodded. "I did, but I only found the two. I don't know what happened to the third plane."
"How many survived?" It was the question that he had been dreading to ask, but he had to know.
"Including you?" Danny nodded. Kate could see the fear in his eyes and her heart went out to him. She could tell that he was bracing himself because no matter what she said he knew that friends of his had died. "Five," she said softly. "There was you, Captain McCawley, a tall skinny guy with red hair, a shorter one with dark blondish hair, and another one they called Goose - I think."
Danny closed his eyes. "Rafe, Goose, Red and probably Jim. I don't think that anyone other than Goose survived my crash, but I was hoping that Tony...." his throat worked convulsively. "God, I'm so sorry."
He heard Kate stand up and walk around to the other side of his bed where she finally placed Grace in her crib. She sat on the bed, her hand automatically reached out and took hold of his, giving it a squeeze of reassurance. "You did the best you could," she told him though the words sounded empty and trite.
Danny nodded, squeezed her hand in return. "I had to go back and help Rafe. He would have done the same thing for me. I just couldn't leave him to the Japs." The tears were beginning to flow again and Danny did nothing to stop them.
"I know," Kate said softly as she brushed the tears aside. "You did what you had to do." She wanted to take him into her arms and tell him it was okay to cry, to sob, but she knew that she couldn't. He was too close to the breaking point. If he shattered now she might never be able to get him back together again.
Danny looked up at her, his eyes almost pleading. "Did they make it out all right?"
She looked him right in the eyes. "I know they made it as far as Shanghai. That was the dangerous part. Now it's just a matter of shipping them home. I don't know if they are there yet, but they will be."
Danny tried to smile, but it took a lot of effort. "Thanks."
"You're welcome," she stroked his hair back off his forehead. "Would you like something to help you sleep?" she finally asked. "I have some tea that Mr. Chan swears by."
Looking around the darkened room, Danny was surprised at how quickly night had fallen. Even Grace was asleep again with her bottom up in the air again. "That would be nice," he responded.
Danny had already dozed off by the time Kate came back into the room. He hadn't meant to fall alseep, but listening to the muted sounds on the other side of the door had lulled him, allowing him to empty his mind and just be. The sounds and soft words that he heard as she talked to Grace reminded him of his later childhood years when he would listen to Rafe's mom while she cleaned up the house after everyone had gone to bed. It was a very comforting and secure feeling to hear them again.
He couldn't have slept for very long though, because there was still enough light coming into the room to not need to light a lamp. But it was obvious that twilight was fast approaching.
Kate was sitting in the rocking chair, smiling down at Grace as she played with the tiny feet that were kicking against her hands. The room was quiet enough for Danny to hear the soft sucking sounds that Grace was making as she drank. The intimacy of the the situation made him feel like an inteloper, but he couldn't take his eyes away.
Feeling his eyes on her, Kate looked over at Danny. "Hey," she said, smiling at him.
Embarrassed at being caught, Danny looked pointedly at the ceiling hoping that he wasn't blushing - again. "Hey," he said back.
"I didn't know if I should wake you," she told him.
He glanced quickly over at her. "That's okay," he said. "Guess I'm more tired than I thought." His smile a mere turning up of his lips.
Kate responded in kind. "You've been through a lot lately," she offered. "So, where should I start? What do you want to know?"
"Everything."
"Okay," she hesitated. "What do you remember? I'll try to fill in what I can."
Danny thought for a moment, still staring up at the ceiling. "I remember the raid and everything up until I crashed." He smiled wryly. "Definitely not one of my better landings," he joked dryly.
"Captain McCawley said that you saved their lives - his and his crew's," Kate interjected. "He said they would have been dead or captured if it wasn't for you."
"Well, I don't know about that," Danny replied shyly. "I just did what I had to do." He shrugged. "I remember the Japs tying up Rafe and then tying me to some kind of yoke. Then Rafe, he managed to find a gun and shoot a couple of them."
Kate looked over at Danny worriedly. His voice had begun to change, it was deeper and thicker with suppressed emotions and it seemed as if his eyes had glazed over. As if he was reliving it all over again. Maybe it was too soon to do this. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. She wanted to stop him, but was too fascinated to say anything.
"They were going to shoot Rafe," he continued unaware of Kate's concerns. "I couldn't let them do that. Then I just remember pain. And cold. And Rafe telling me I couldn't die." His voice became even more toneless, his breathing shallow. "I was so damn cold. I knew it was going to happen. I knew I was going to die, but Rafe kept telling me that I couldn't. I couldn't die. Because I was....." going to be a father, he finished silently, suddenly aware that he wasn't just talking to himself, that Kate was listening. He didn't think she needed to know how messed up his life had become. He didn't want her pity at not only loosing his friends, but also his girl and his child. It was too painful to think, let alone verbalize.
Sheepishly he wiped the tears from his cheeks, surprised that he had been crying.
A warm hand smoothed back his hair. "It's okay, Flyboy," she crooned. "It's not an easy time to remember."
Danny simply nodded in response, but didn't try to say anything yet. He didn't trust his voice.
Kate watched as he struggled to get a hold of himself. She knew that remembering his 'death' had to be hard, but she had a feeling that there was something else bothering him, something to do with Captain McCawley. She couldn't be sure, it was just a feeling. Lord knows that going through such an experience was tough enough, but she felt like there was more to it. Maybe this feeling she had came from the way he had studied Grace so intently earlier, or maybe it had to do with her curiosity about the mysterious Evelyn he had spoken of on that first night and called for the many nights after as his body raged with fever. But Kate wouldn't ask him because whatever it was it was obviously private and painful. That didn't stop her from wondering about Evelyn and her hold on him, though.
"Do you remember waking up here?" Kate questioned softly, trying to get him focused on something else.
Danny nodded. "Vaguely."
"Okay," Kate said. Taking a deep breath Kate collected her thoughts. "I think my husband was sent out here to keep an eye out for your planes," she told him. "I'm not sure, but it seemed important to his superiors that we be out here."
"What does your husband do?" Danny asked.
Kate waved her hand dismissively. "He's a member of the diplomatic corp here in China. We've lived in Shanghai for the past 3 and a half years."
"That's a long time."
"You have no idea," she replied dryly. "He left me here. Told me to watch the coast and then he was gone. I haven't seen him in almost 6 weeks." She caught Danny's look of surprise. Kate smiled sadly at him. "Pitiful excuse for a husband, I know, but it's actually nicer without him around."
Danny had no idea what to say to that. That a man would leave his wife and small child in a small chinese coastal village with so little information astounded him. What kind of man was her husband, he wondered.
Kate continued. "Not that I would usually do anything that he asked me, but it seemed important to his superiors, so I kept an eye out. I saw three planes fly over about half a mile away, maybe. I heard one crash, so I brought Grace to Mr Chan and borrowed the one car that is in the village. I could hear gunfire by then and I watched as the second plane crashed." She looked over at him. "I don't know how you survived it," she told him.
"Neither do I," was Danny's only reply.
"By the time I got there you were already unconscious. Captain McCawley thought you were dead and he was going into shock. He didn't seem to know what was going on. The others got into the car and I grabbed a first aide kit. We managed to convince Captain McCawley to go - but he wouldn't leave without you." She didn't tell him that she had urged Rafe to leave him behind. "It was a good thing we did bring you because halfway back you seemed to revive a little. You were in shock and still bleeding, but you were alive."
Kate paused thinking of that terrifying ride back to the cabin. It was the scarest moment in her life. She had four tense flyboys who jumped at every sound and shadow, which made her even more anxious. And then another one was slowly bleeding to death right next to her. On top of those worries, she feared running into another Japanese patrol. What would happen to Grace then? Who would look out for her? The memory of the fear she felt that night still made her shudder.
"Once we got back here," she continued, pushing aside her memories, "Mr. Chan helped me patch you up and stop the bleeding. Then someone from the Chinese army showed up. He wanted to sneak you all out while it was still night, but Captain McCawley didn't want to leave without you. That's when you had me tell him that you were dead." She looked over at his pale drawn face. "Do you remember that?"
Danny nodded, not looking at her. "Stubborn fool."
Kate smiled sadly over at him as she tried to burp Grace. "Stubborn - yes, but not necessarily a fool. Just someone who loves you very much." The single tear streaming down his cheek almost broke her heart. "He wanted to take your body with him," she told him.
Startled, Danny finally looked up at her. "He did?"
She nodded. "He wasn't listening to anyone, but I finally convinced him to leave by promising to get your body back home. I do have some connections. And until I could I would look after you - I mean your body. He wrote down all his contact information - in the army, in Tennessee and also how to contact Evelyn Johnson in case something happened to him."
Kate watched Danny's profile carefully. She hadn't been going to mention Evelyn, but she couldn't help herself. She wanted to see his reaction. She didn't feel any resolution as another tear ran down his face. He said nothing, his throat working spasmadically to swallow.
"Stubborn fool," he whispered again.
Neither of them said anything for the next few minutes. Grace had decided to demand her mother's attenion by pulling on her hair. Kate tickled and played with Grace, allowing Danny time to recover.
The sound of Grace's laughter grated on his soul, reminding Danny of all that he had lost. He was alive, but he could never claim his child. And Evelyn - she had never been his to begin with. He couldn't allow himself to think about his now, it would tear him apart. Tonight, when it was dark and Kate wasn't here to witness his tears. Then he would allow himself to think about Evelyn and Rafe and the baby.
"What about the third plane," he finally asked, his voice thick with the emotions he was holding back.
"What third plane," Kate asked, looking up from Grace's game.
"Colonel Doolittle was flying with us," Danny told her. "You said you saw three planes coming up the coast."
Kate nodded. "I did, but I only found the two. I don't know what happened to the third plane."
"How many survived?" It was the question that he had been dreading to ask, but he had to know.
"Including you?" Danny nodded. Kate could see the fear in his eyes and her heart went out to him. She could tell that he was bracing himself because no matter what she said he knew that friends of his had died. "Five," she said softly. "There was you, Captain McCawley, a tall skinny guy with red hair, a shorter one with dark blondish hair, and another one they called Goose - I think."
Danny closed his eyes. "Rafe, Goose, Red and probably Jim. I don't think that anyone other than Goose survived my crash, but I was hoping that Tony...." his throat worked convulsively. "God, I'm so sorry."
He heard Kate stand up and walk around to the other side of his bed where she finally placed Grace in her crib. She sat on the bed, her hand automatically reached out and took hold of his, giving it a squeeze of reassurance. "You did the best you could," she told him though the words sounded empty and trite.
Danny nodded, squeezed her hand in return. "I had to go back and help Rafe. He would have done the same thing for me. I just couldn't leave him to the Japs." The tears were beginning to flow again and Danny did nothing to stop them.
"I know," Kate said softly as she brushed the tears aside. "You did what you had to do." She wanted to take him into her arms and tell him it was okay to cry, to sob, but she knew that she couldn't. He was too close to the breaking point. If he shattered now she might never be able to get him back together again.
Danny looked up at her, his eyes almost pleading. "Did they make it out all right?"
She looked him right in the eyes. "I know they made it as far as Shanghai. That was the dangerous part. Now it's just a matter of shipping them home. I don't know if they are there yet, but they will be."
Danny tried to smile, but it took a lot of effort. "Thanks."
"You're welcome," she stroked his hair back off his forehead. "Would you like something to help you sleep?" she finally asked. "I have some tea that Mr. Chan swears by."
Looking around the darkened room, Danny was surprised at how quickly night had fallen. Even Grace was asleep again with her bottom up in the air again. "That would be nice," he responded.