Opening Night – Resident Evil
By: Bloodlover
Disclaimer: All the characters belong to Capcom, well except for the reporter and the guests… The story takes place on the releaseparty for RE3: Nemesis and RE:CODE Veronica.
(Scene: A big room, lot´s of people.They are celebrating the release of the new Resident Evil games. A reporter takes her place in the middle of the room.)
Reporter: Hello! We are now at the releaseparty for the new Resident Evil games, Nemesis and Code Veronica! I´ll be your host for tonight. Let´s begin with interviewing the heroine of Nemesis, Jill Valentine!
(Goes to Jill.)
Reporter: So Jill how do you feel?
Jill: I´m fine! It´s good to be back in action. The only thing that annoys me is that damn Nemesis chasing me. I could kick his ass into next week but still the plot says he manages to infect me with the T-virus! A pathetic loser like him shouldn´t be able to do that.
Reporter: So you didn´t got along very well?
Jill: No, and he behaved like he was the star of the game! (snickers) But I killed him…
Reporter: Some people call you a slut because of the clothes you wore in the game…
Jill: (interrupts) Why can´t I wear the hell I want?! Besides the rest of my clothes were in the washing machine! Would it be better if I ran around in dirty clothes?
Guests: It would have made more sense, the city was being destroyed… (Jill glares at them and they fall silent.)
Jill:And besides I don´t mind looking sexy.
Carlos: (comes from a bunch of drooling women) Yeah, that´s right! All the foxy ladies love my accent! Especially Jill.
Jill: What are you saying Carlos? I´m in love with Chris.
Carlos: Who´s Chris?
Chris: (walks up to them) That would be me.
Reporter: What good timing! This is the star of Code Veronica, Chris Redfield.
Chris: Actually the main star is my sister Claire.
Steve: (Jumps in with his guns drawn.)And me!
Guests: Oh no, not that creep Steve! Get him out of here!
Steve: Come on I just got here!
Claire: Come on give him a break! Besides, he´s my love interest! (Cuddles him.)
Guests: Wasn´t that Leon?
Claire: No, he drooled over that spy-chick Ada. Who died but made a comeback in the epiloguefiles of Nemesis. This is surprising, I mean she was thrown into a computerset by Mr X…
Guests: No you´re wrong! Annette shot her and she fell down….
Claire: Shut up!
Guests: But the real scenario is LeonA/Claire B… Wesker´s report…
Claire: Wesker´s report contains information from all scenario´s! It´s probably a mix like the first game. Anyway you can´t trust Wesker. He´d screw his own mother if he got the chance!
Reporter: Speaking of the devil, here he comes!
(Commotion. Wesker stands in the doorway, beaming and waving at his fans. Alfred and Alexia Ashford comes behind him together with Nicholai who is wearing a sour face.)
Wesker: I am here! This is the Ashford twins and they are the other villains of CODE Veronica. And this is Nicholai, the villain of Nemesis…. Nemmy himself couldn´t come…
Guests: Oh no not these freaks again! The Ashfords seems to like each other too much… They are WAY too tight for twins. It´s called incest you freaks!
(The guests fall silent as Alexia bares her teeth menacly.)
Alfred: (in his typical whiny voice) Don´t insult us, we´re of the Ashford family…
Nicholai: (interrupts) We know. You nagged through the game about that the whole time. That´s why you´re probably the most hated character in a Resident Evil game. Along with Sherry and a couple of others. Not me though, I was a really scary villain.
Guests: Yeah right, you´re a loser yourself. You are just a Wesker imitation…
Nicholai: NO! It´s not true! I am my own person…
Wesker: Take it cool now. (looks at Chris) Long time no see Chris.
Chris: (growls) Wesker! And can´t you came up with a better thing to say, you have said that already.
Wesker: Watch your moth or I´ll kick your ass again.
Chris: (laughs) WHO kicked WHO´S ass?! Remember all those grinders…
(Before the two can go at each other the reporter breaks up the fight.)
Reporter: Stop, stop! Don´t tell the viewers too much.
Wesker: Bah! They know most of it already. Nowadays you can find everything on the Internet. I found some very interesting pictures… (All stare at him, he blushes.) Let´s change the subject, let´s talk about me! I´m the real reason this game was realesed. (Chris growls at him, Wesker is amused and continues.) Capcom did this just because the fans wanted more of me. (Chris looks even more angry, Jill calms him.) But then again you fans are the smart ones.
Nicholai: Yeah, yeah, brag on! I´m out of here!
Reporter: (runs after him) No, no wait!
(But too late! Nicholai jumps into his limo which blasts away.)
Reporter: (silently) Blast there goes my story! I have to be careful, I can´t lose any more interview objects.
Wesker: Good riddance!
Chris: You´re an asshole Wesker!
Wesker: (Still amused.) I will be forgiven as always. Villains always have all the fun. Why do you think I´m so popular? I´m even more popular than you Chris!
Chris: (Steam is coming out of his ears, he is about to explode.) ….in your dreams Wesker!
Wesker: (taunting) Don´t you wish?
(Chris can´t control himself longer. With a roar he throws himself at Wesker despite Jill´s shout that he must calm himself down. Wesker dodges, chaos is breaking out.)
Reporter: No, no stop! Please stop, don´t do this to me!
(Chris throws himself at Wesker again, this time he manages to grab him. They are rolling around like two schoolboys fighting. Jill and Claire joins in to help him, since they know it´s no use trying to stop Chris now and they don´t want him to get hurt. Steve points his guns at the fighting pair, but can´t get a clear shot. The whole thing erupts into a big brawl, everybody´s fighting anyone they can get a hand on. Carlos manages to save a couple of the women and he escorts them out, flirting with them.
Wesker throws Chris out a window and into the street, he rises and punches Wesker.The whole brawl follows them, including Jill and Claire and Steve who now fires into the sky, just to be of some use. Alexia and Alfred disappears in the commotion. The reporter runs after the brawl, sulking, trying to save the situation. When the room is totally empty, a head pokes in through the doorway.)
Leon: Is anyone here?
(He looks at the broken window.)
Leon: Man what a mess, what could have done this? Wait, that sounded familar…
(Rebecca walks in.)
Rebecca: You´re late, well I´m too, but I will be the main character in Resident Evil Zero and that game won´t be released until next year.
Leon: (upset) But what about me?!
Rebecca: Relax you´ll might be in Resident Evil 4, or was´nt that CODE VERONICA? No that was a sidestory. Or… (gives up) Whatever! (She walks to the broken window and walks out into the street.)
Leon: Where are you going?
Rebecca: I´m going to buy some ice cream, this waiting around sucks! (She runs off.)
Leon: Why? Wait, WAIT! Damn, why does´nt anyone ever listen to what I say. All ignore me! Is it my personality….? (He begin to sulk.)
Ada: (walks in) Leon….
Leon: (stops sulking) Ada? But you´re dead?
Ada: No, I was only bad hurt, or rather I was dead until Capcom realized I was such a good character to have around.
Leon: (runs to her and embraces her) I thought I lost you!
Ada: You´ll always have me. Come on here I think we have much to "talk" about.
Leon: (stunned) T-talk?
Ada: (seductive) Yes. "Talk"…
Leon: (understands and perks up) That´s great!
(They walk into another room…)
THE END!
I hope you liked it, I alwys wanted to write a comedy fic, so this was my first. As always, comments are very welcomed.