Can It Get Any Worse?: Chapter 4
"Guys," Usagi squealed as she ran into the latest meeting of learn to
be a sorceress,"you won't believe what happenned!"
Since no one appearred to want to take the cue, I asked,"What, oh what
has happened?" in a voice as falsely interested as I could muster.
Needless to say, Usagi thought I really cared.
"When I got home there was this really nice woman in a limo waiting
for me. She says that she works for the Emperor of Japan! Isn't that
great? She told me that all that stuff that happened last week was
just a big misunderstanding. You know, when I was kidnapped? The
government is going to give me lots and lots of money!" she exclaimed
happily.
I could see that I wasn't the only person not completely thrilled by
this development. I had used several different methods of concealing
my route to and from the shrine to keep the other girls from being
discovered. The government obviously knew of Usagi and I, but they
could still have been in the dark about the other senshi. Now though,
if they hadn't known before, they most likely would now.
"What else did they say?" I asked with deliberate calm.
"Ms. Tokaguwa, that's the woman's name, said that from now on they
wouldn't bother us or anyone else like us. In fact..." And she went
on to describe what her limited grasp of the situation would term a
police force to fight demons and other evil supernatural bad guys.
Those last few words were direct quotes, by the way.
"What about the rest of us?" Makoto asked."Don't we get money too?"
Heh, could my little angels be getting greedy?
Usagi's face screwed up in puzzlement."Hold on, I'll go get her and
you can ask her." And she ran back out of the shrine.
Well, so much for secret idenities. Usagi returned, escorting an
attractive woman who looked nice and trustworthy but gave off some bad
vibes. Not 'I like to torture people' but something closer to 'I like
to watch people be tortured'. As long as she didn't bother me, I
couldn't care less.
"I'm sure you girls will be compensated just like young Usagi here,"
Ms. Tokoguwa assured us. I'm not about to turn down free money.
"I'll take mine in cash," I said. The woman agreed much too readily
to my snide demand. People in positions of power like hers don't
normally take that kind of treatment very easily. Something was up.
I sat back and listened as all the girls were assured by Tokoguwa that
they would be treated with the respect they deserved and all that
crap. I didn't interrupt for fear of being stoned. They weren't
exactly greedy, just damned close.
Once we were alone again, I told them,"When something appears too good
to be true, it normally is." I didn't say anything else on the matter.
With the exeption of Usagi(again), they all seemed to get the gist
after a moment of thought.
****
"Not that I don't appreciate everything," Ami said one night a few
weeks later,"but don't you think a spell that slowly freezes a
person's brain over a period of months is just a little...evil?"
Despite her reservations over learning it, she had knocked it away no
problem.
"Yeah, I guess. I learned it from this ice nymph that had gotten
dumped by her human lover. She made it extra special just for him.
Even if you never use what I teach you, Ami, the more you know the
better equipped you'll be in the future to handle unusual situations.
One day you may feel like freezing someone's brain, who knows?" Not
that those were adequate explanations for a very painful and
debilitating way to die. Ami seemed to except them, though, so I'll
leave it at that.
Later, out of nowhere, Ami informed me,"Luna and Artemis don't trust
you. They think you've killed Sailor Pluto and are trying to corrupt
us." I probably shouldn't have left the furballs behind when we went
to rescue Usagi. Setsuna's tongue was a bit too swollen for it to
work properly. Neither of which were my concerns, except for the
swollen tongue being my fault.
"Why are you telling me this?" I asked, honestly dumbfounded by the
confession. I was also worried. I hadn't felt a lessening in the
ring's enchantment, but those cat's could be more sensitive to that
type of magic than me.
"Well, you do seem pretty cynical, and not really nice most of the
time." Ami answered."I don't think you're trying to corrupt us,
though, because I know that we're not a threat to you, so what'd be
the point? You could have killed us at your convenience. And Setsuna
has gone months without talking to us. No, the cats just don't like
you for some reason." An adequately accurate analysis.
"Thanks," I said dryly causing her to blush."Do you think that they'll
try to turn the rest of the senshi against me?" That would result in a
case of stir fried kitty cat.
She shook her head."No. If you have Pluto's support, they'll stay out
of your business as long as you don't endanger Crystal Tokyo. If
anything, your teaching us magic helps to ensure its creation." This
was new to me.
I asked,"What's Crystal Tokyo?" I was thinking a moon cult or
something. Maybe try to get back to their Silver Millenium roots and
all that.
"Setsuna didn't tell you?" I shook my head."Oh. Well, it's the
reestablishment of the Old Moon Kingdom on Earth with the Prince and
Princess becoming the rulers of Crystal Tokyo, the capital city in the
future."
"Is Setsuna the Princess? Who's the Prince?" This really blew. I
don't want to live in a utopian society like the Silver Millenium.
Not that peace on Earth and good will towards man isn't a good thing,
I just don't want everything to be perfect. Where would the fun be in
that?
"Usagi is the reincarnated daughter of Queen Serenity of the Moon
Kingdom and Mamoru is the reincarnated Prince of Earth..." she trailed
off when she saw the unbridled horror in my eyes."Are you all right,
Ranma? Do you need to lie down?"
Good Lord, what was Setsuna thinking?! It took a minute to get the
uncontrollable trembling under control."Ami, please tell me that this
is all some elaborate practical joke. Usagi isn't really going to be
in charge of the WHOLE planet, is she?" There was still hope if this
Mamoru guy wasn't a total blockhead. I didn't have much hope.
Ami nodded and I fought down the urge to cry."Where's Mamoru?" I asked
desperately. That little bit of hope I mentioned, it was in serious
jeopardy of withering up and turning to dust.
She shrugged."He sorta took a trip to America and broke off contact
with Usagi. He said he needed some space." Yeah, Usagi did seem like
the smothering type."With the problems in America now, we don't know
how he's doing." Heh, Bill Gates had really screwed that place up.
Might be a nice place to spend a few weeks relaxing.
I sighed."No offense, but I have all intentions of leaving this planet
if Usagi ever comes into power." I can't see how that could possibly
happen, even with Setsuna manipulating things. That's it! Setsuna
plans on running things from behind the scenes!
Ami frowned at me, her brow scrunching up cutely. Gah, I really need
to get some soon."Usagi isn't as bad as you make her out to be, Ranma.
She can't help it if she's clumsy and a bit flighty. Setsuna assures
us that she'll grow out of it." Setsuna again. The senshi trusted her
way too much. Good thing she's out of the picture for a while.
I acted apologetic, saying,"Maybe, maybe not." To change the subject,
I asked,"Wanna try to squeeze that flight spell in before you go
home?"
****
"Damnit, old man!" Ryoga shouted."I am not going to pretend I'm
Ranma!" He turned to leave but was hit in the back by a small car. He
picked himself up off the street with much more grace than anyone hit
by a giant chunk of metal has any right to do.
"I taught you the forbidden techniques, boy!" Genma roared."Now you
have to fulfill your part of the bargain!" He would have to be
careful. Ryoga was behaving even more erratically since they had been
caught by those people with lightning guns.
"Those forbidden techniques that were supposed to be able to let me
defeat Ranma couldn't even break us out of one little cage," Ryoga
snapped, dusting his tunic off and glaring at the older man. His
umbrella was held at his side and had begun to glow a malevoelent
yellow.
"It wasn't a cage, you idiot! We were trapped in some kind of energy
barrier. I didn't create the umi-senken and yama-senken to combat
things like that. Ranma is made of flesh and blood. He'll go down
just like any other person."
"So how come you haven't beaten him already and forced him to marry a
Tendo?" Ryoga demanded.
"I may be stubborn but I know when I'm outclassed," Genma responded
bitterly."My son was trained by the Master," shudder,"and kamis know
what else. The last time I fought him I was in the hospital for three
months and it took me another month after that to pee without sitting
down. I 'know' what the boy is capable of and I 'know' that you can
beat him." Genma knew no such thing. Ryoga was simply gullible enough
to believe it."I'm an old, fat man well past his prime. Your stronger
and tougher than a tank. That combined with the secret techniques
means you can't lose!"
Ryoga's rage quickly fled, a mental condition that really needed
looking into, Genma thought."Are you sure?"
Genma smiled and said,"Sure, would I lie to you?"
****
I was still having problems accepting Usagi as future ruler of the
world. I could have killed her, but that would have been a complete
violation of the pact between Setsuna and I and the things she could
do to me through such a connection would make my little joke curses on
her look like child's play. I had started looking for alternate
planes of existance similar to Earth last month. Now I was making a
point of spending at least an hour every night in search of a suitable
home.
"No, no, no. If you do it that way Usagi you'll make you arm melt," I
chided Usagi gently. I'd learned that any firmer tone than that would
make the girl cry."You have to form the proper image in your mind, not
just push the energy into your hand, here I'll show you-" The arrival
of Grandfather Hino and his announcement cut me off.
"Sorry to intrude, children, I just thought you should know that there
is a giant robot rampaging through downtown Tokyo. Back to chores,"
he said and scampered back inside.
"We have to do something!" Usagi shouted. I'd bet my left arm that
she was worried about the malls.
"Don't look at me," I said when I noticed four pairs of eyes turned in
my direction."The fighting crime and evil bit is your jobs. I'm just
along for the ride." Times like this I think back to when I agreed to
take this job and I wish I could reach back two months and smack
myself.
"We're the Sailor Senshi for a reason," Rei stated vehemently."Some
stupid robot can't stop us. Let's go!" Yay, yippee, and all that. At
least she didn't make a stupid speech. Saving it for the robot, I'd
say, not that a robot would care.
"I have a suggestion," I volunteered."Unless you want there to be a
lot of smashed building and dead people, you might want to try to fly
there instead of running or taking the bus. A couple of you should
carry Usagi." Now I know why she had those wings on her last costume;
she's completely hopeless with a flight spell. We'll just ignore the
fact that I was acting like a leader here. Thanks.
****
Mysterious Background Music:
:Go Go Bible Rangers, Mighty Praying Bible Rangers!:
"Form Mecha Jesus!" shouted the Turquoise Bible Ranger."That creature
is a work of Satan and must be destroyed!"
"Praise Mecha Jesus! Divine Left Leg of Smiting is go!" proclaimed
the Marroon Bible Ranger.
"May Mecha Jesus guide us in the cleansing light of his death rays!
Right Leg of Holy Wrath ready!" The Purple Bible Ranger turned on her
stereo and started listening to Christian rock. The external speakers
broadcast the horrible sound to the evil robot and made it scream in
pain.
"Lick the balls of Mecha Jesus, um, oh shit, forget I said that! God
is good, yeah, God is good, that's what I meant to say! Left Arm of
Supreme Ass Kicking powered up." Reformed Crackhead Bob, also known as
the Magenta Bible Ranger said.
"The Word of Mecha Jesus is law! Right Arm of Gay Bashing fully
Operational!" said the Rust Bible Ranger.
"And I'll form the head!" Shouted the Beige Bible Ranger.
Then they said in use,"Mecha Jesus is go!!!"
(Yeah, yeah, it's stupid and blasphemous and really dumb and done in
bad taste. I like it. I might have the Bible Rangers make other
guest appearances later on in the series, never know though.)
****
We got to the area where the robot was last reported being seen and
found nothing but a twitching pile of semi-melted chunks of metal that
had once possibly been an giant evil robot. Then again, it could have
been an exploded alien space ship or a lot of buses all stacked in a
pile and stomped on by the All Mighty. I'm going with the giant evil
robot theory though.
Littered all over the ground were small pamplets stating the glories
of God and following in His light. They also had an explicit threat
to all evil doers(exact words) that the Bible Rangers and Mecha Jesus
would destroy then if they went against the Christian way printed on
the back. I didn't know whether I was dreaming or stuck in a really
bad Gojiro(Godzilla in Japan, right?) movie until I heard a group of
eye witnesses talking about a giant robot wearing a robe beating the
other giant robot to death with a giant book. They went on to say how
they would be going to church from now on. I just tuned them out.
"Looks like you ladies have some competition and they're spreading the
word," grin,"against evil." Before Usagi could get into another
session of 'isn't that great', I said,"Of course these new ones
probably don't like anyone who uses magic, seeing as how the bible
says witches are bad and that they should die. I've read that they're
were a bunch of witch burnings in Europe and America a couple of
centuries ago. Heh, the Bible Rangers," and I had to add just a tiny
bit of scorn into it,"might be thinking about reviving the old
practices." Good old Usagi started to gnaw on her gauntleted fingers
nails.
****
'And in further news, The Wizard of Gates, conqueror of the United
States of America, has announced his plans to turn Mexico into a theme
park. When contacted, the President of Mexico was unavailable for an
interview, but we at CNN's Tokyo branch have exclusive information
that places Mr. Santiago(I have absolutely no clue who the President
of Mexico is, sorry) in Brazil. Experts believe he has gone into hid-
'
I turned the tv off and flipped out of the couch. My life is sooo
boring. I sleep, eat, play nursemaid, eat, teach, sleep, and the
cycle continues. Will it ever change? Not likely. Hell, as far as I
can see, everything is just gonna keep getting worse. Even further
worsening Setsuna's state of existance isn't really fun anymore. I'm
just keeping the current curses I placed on her active out of spite.
Seems that there are a few more senshi that no one deigned to mention
to me earlier. Good ole Ami finally mentioned it in passing, thinking
that I already knew. I'd actually heard of the Senshi of Saturn, at
least through obscure references in some really ancient tomes and even
on a sanscrit tablet an old possessed woman let me see once. The
Bringer of Silence, real hero down in hell. Not silence the concept,
but Silence the demon kami of destruction. The Silver Millenium must
have had some real heavy hitters to leash an entity that powerful. I
chose not to inform anyone that little Hotaru probably didn't have
long to live. No one can remain in contact soul-to-soul with that
much force without fading away.
I'm really glad they were off racing in Europe or wherever it is that
people care about that crap. From what Ami told me, Neptune and
Uranus weren't the kinds of people I got along with.
Ami was turning out better than expected. Even with her affinity
based handicap, she was beginning to grasp the concept of other spell
types. It'd be years before she's anywhere near as good with them as
she already is with water and ice, but those of us with the gift for
magic don't really age all that much. She has plenty of time.
****
"Ranma, I tried that internal viewing spell you showed me last week on
Usagi," Ami confided worriedly."She has some kind of blockage in her
brain. I don't know what it is, I'm not profficient enough with the
spell to tell. I know it's harmful though." Her eyes were red-rimmed
and bloodshot. She must have really been worried.
I almost joked about the girl having a brain tumor and that being why
she's such a dingbat. Then I thought about it and decided not many
people besides myself would find that funny instead of really mean.
And, possibly, the thing really could be why Usagi was so stupid."I'll
check it out tomorrow. There's nothing I can do for her tonight. Do
you feel up to learning tonight?" Hey, I'm not entirely unsympathetic.
I knew this guy once who had a tumor growing on the end of his dick.
I felt really sorry for him and his wasn't even life threatening.
Ami's friend could be dying, the least she deserved was a little
kindness.
"Yeah, I can manage."
****
"I'll be damned!" I exclaimed. That thing in Usagi's head wasnt a
tumor at all. It was the most complex magical ward I had ever
encountered. I'm talking MAJOR. It had to be divine in origin. I
wasn't about to get any closer to it than I already was.
The moon cats were present for the little examination."What?" Luna
asked impatiently."Did she suck a cherry up there? I always warned
her about eating so fast."
"Lady," I said to the cat,"I don't know why that was put in there. I
don't care, really, it's none of my business. And I am not going to
try to take it out." You don't mess with these kinds of things. They
sorta have an astral no trespassing sign on them. Just looking at it
made my hair stand on end as if I were about to be struck by
lightning.
"What is 'it'?" Artemis demanded. He sounded more worried than angry.
His fear was echoed in the appearances of the other senshi.
"'It' is a block or ward put in her brain by the All Mighty, you know
the big guy upstairs? I don't feel like getting blasted out of
existance so I'm just going to pretend like I didn't see it and go on
with my life." Shit, they were looking stubborn.
"We can't just leave it in there," Makoto said."If you won't try, we
will. Just tell us what to do." Didn't even think about going to a
doctor. Usagitess must be spreading.
"Do you not understand? There is no one in existance capable of
removing that thing except for the guy who put it there. If you try
to take it out or dissolve it, you get a one way ticket to meet the
guy who put it there. I can't make it any plainer than that." I was
about to pull Usagi out of her spell induced nap and get on with the
lessons when Luna coughed.
"Does it have any particular shape?" she asked, sounding curious, and
a little smug.
Shape? I hadn't really looked at it hard enough to determine it's
exact shape. Why would I? It wouldn't hurt anything, though, so I
said,"Rei, could you tilt her head back a little so her eyes aren't in
the way?" Once my instructions were carried out I again altered my
senses to see the energy flows within the girl's brain. I continued
to sharpen the definition until I could see the sharp edges indicative
of unbelievable power. It did have a sorta curvey hump thing going
on."Turn it a little to the right and lean her forward some." Was it
my imagination or was there a crescent moon shaped ward inside Usagi's
brain? I looked closely then shifted my gaze to Luna and Artemis then
back to Usagi.
"Someone want to tell me why she has a crescent moon up there?" I
asked, tapping her forehead with my index finger.
"Ah ha!" Luna cheered, dancing a little jig. Don't ask. I wouldn't
have believed it possible either. She eventually stopped dancing and
began recieving completely blank stares from all of us, including
Artemis. She coughed to clear her throat."Queen Serenity, Usagi's
mother is Lord Kami's seventeenth removed granchild. He must have
done this as a favor to Serenity during the reincarnation. He always
was partial to her."
Wow. That explained the energy tolerance. I wish I had some of His
blood. It's not fair."That's great. Now we know that Usagi is only
slightly more divine than normal people. Does it matter? I'm sure as
hell not summoning the Creator of reality to get the thing removed.
He probably wouldn't like me too much." So I haven't been the nicest
and most law abiding citizen.
"There's no need for that," Luna said confidently."If it is indeed a
crescent like you say, it was specifically keyed into mine and
Artemis' telepathic power, as limited as they are. My mind will act
like a key."
It's her life. I for one decided to back away and wrap enough force
around myself to bend space. I looked down as something brushed my
feet.
"Mind if I wait in here with you?" Artemis asked."Luna may be
confident in her abilities, but I'm not."
"Sure. Just don't try using me for a scratching post."
"Luna mind meld!" Luna shouted. A beam of yellow light shot out of
her forehead and struck Usagi's.
"It's really called a Melmackian head lock," Artemis said."Luna is
just a little," he held up a paw and rocked it side to side,"you
know." I could believe it.
A bright, but not blindingly so, flash of light burst from Usagi's
forehead. It took shape into a house sized crescent of almost solid
energy and then blazed into space. For the record, that much energy,
properly harnessed and placed within the proper spell pattern, could
melt Japan. No wonder Usagi had problems.
****
Author's Notes: Yippee yay! No writer's block! I hereby proclaim it
defeated. Okay, to the story. Will Usagi change? Maybe, maybe not.
Still looking for suggestions. Going back to college soon! Need
sleep. Yeah, I really need to go to sleep now. C&C welcome at
dark_phoneix@hotmail.com
Later!