Undeniable By JoltY
I felt a hand brush against my chest as I woke up drowzily from my slumber. My vision was blurred and I felt like shit. "Of course you feel like shit," The voice in my head told me. I groaned and rolled over on my stomach, pushing the tan hand away from my chest. "Tan?" I thought to myself. I examined the hand, and my scared eyes shifted to the other side of the bed. Oh fuck. Next to me was.. a boy.. and not just any male he knew, but it was.. Taichi! I just sat in shock before a pain shot in my stomach, increasing my nausea. I rolled off the side of the bed, landing on the floor with a *thump!*. I noticed that I was in my boxers, and sighed with some relief. "That's a good sign," I thought to myself. "Atleast we didn't do anything.. harsh." I rose up from my position, covering myself with my cotton blanket. Cotton?! I don't sleep with a--
I noticed that the room was littered with soda cans, empty bags of chips, and soccer posters covered the walls. I was in Taichi's room. Oh my god. This isn't a good sign. I heard a moan from the heap on the bed, whom rose up and propped himself on his elbow. He rubbed his head and stroked the back of his neck, and smiled at my confused gaze.
"'Morning," Taichi said. I just stood there like the fucking idiot I was, trying to put two and two together. I was drunk last night, for sure. I am inside Taichi's room, in bed with him. I'm half naked and so is he, but I don't remember what happened last night. He was also content with the fact I was in his room, and I couldn't control myself.
"What the FUCK do you mean by, 'Morning'?" I snapped at him. His happy smile turned into a frown, and his brows raised. "What happened last night, Taichi?! Be sincere about this, goddamnit!"
He just lay there, looking down at the sheets and twiddling his thumbs. Finally, he spoke up, "You were really smashed last night, and.. um.." he fumbled around in his mind, trying to find the right words. He looked up into my blue eyes, and said, "I.. had this thing for you, and I just decided to drag you to my room while you were drunk, and.. I.. I didn't do much.. I just.. 'felt' you.. but not down there or anything.."
His eyes, glittered with the shine of fresh tears, looked away. "I'm sorry. Yama. I really am."
"Atleast he's honest," I thought. "Your.. attracted to me? But, I swore you liked Sora, Taichi! What are you implying? Are you a fag--" I was cut off by his pathetic glance. Those poor, poor eyes that store right into mine, his face confused by not only his actions, but by his feelings. I breathed in, "You're bi, aren't you?"
Taichi nodded. He tilted his head down, his face gloomed with guilty. "I knew it would be a bad idea, Yama," he said, choking. "I just.. I just was confused. I wanted you to understand.. but I was so lost in my emotions that I just went into automatic mode," he stifled a chuckle, "But, not even Sora-chan can fulfill my feelings. You are the piece missing to my puzzle."
I just stood there for another minuet, before I continued to say, "Where's my clothing?" His shaky finger pointed to the floor, where my jeans, undershirt, and overshirt layed. I pulled them on as Taichi sat, lost in a pit of depression. All I could do at the time was stare at him. "He's.. pathetic. I feel sorry for the poor guy. But I must do what I must do, I guess." "Seeya, Taichi," I implied with a wave, and before he could speak, I walked out the door.
---
All that day I felt like shit. Every now and then, I vomited, but my hangover suprisingly disappeared quickly. I was feeling this way because I was acting like a total bastard toward Taichi. He was just a poor friend who was misguided by his feelings and his desires, and I just dumped him just like that. And I highly doubt he would take my virginity without telling me so. That just isn't Taichi at all. I sighed, and sat on a bench in the park, where I walked around for hours. I didn't want to go home and face the wrath of my father. I was 17 at the time, and I figured I should move out, but I decided to finish school first. The cool, fall air chilled my bones, and I had no jacket. Damn. I forgot it at his place. Why couldn't he just pest Sora into dressing up like me and screw her? Just because he's stubborn and he wants something at that very moment or he'd be all pissed off about it doesn't mean I must suffer. I don't swing that way. Atleast, I don't think I do, anyways. But I didn't understand alot about myself in the first place.
I breathed in, and heard some leaves rustling behind me. I wasn't sure if it was the wind or someone was walking through it, I was too occupied thinking about things to really notice. I stuffed my hands in my pockets, and stared at the lake 50 feet infront of me. More rustling. I furrowed my brows, and turned around to find Taichi. He had the color back in his skin, but there were bags under his eyes. He was holding my jacket in his hand, and sheepishly handed it to me.
"Thanks," I said dryly, and swung the coat on my shoulders. Taichi stood there for about a minuet, frozen into place. "This isn't like Taichi at all. Usually he's all perky and happy, even when bad things happen." I sighed once again, and waved my arm to him, motioning for him to sit next to me. He walked over and sat on my left side, looking out to the lake. It was like that for what seemed like forever, until he decided to speak up.
"Nice day, isn't it?" Taichi asked. I nodded, and turned to him. You could see the pain in his eyes, the pain I never recognized before. His wounds were usually so easy to heal, but now it seems as though he isn't even trying. I hated it when people just gave up. This is not like him at all. I cleared my throat.
"Look, Taichi," I spoke. "I feel bad about the way I acted toward you today. It just seemed unfair to you because you did what you thought was right, well, what you thought at the time, anyways." Taichi's gaze shifted onto mine, appalled by action for some reason. I raised an eyebrow, "What? Didn't you see that coming?"
Taichi shook his head, his large hair wavering in the air. "I just thought it was unfair to you, because I did.. do.. you know.. to you when you didn't even know it without telling you beforehand. I guess I should be the sorry one here, Yama. You just did what was natural and what was right: You defended yourself. That's probably one of the reasons I like you so much.." his face turned a crimson red, and smiled real goofy. "I'm sorry.."
I sat there, staring at him. This was all happening too fast. For me, anyways. I raised my hand and placed it on his shoulder, caressing it. "Don't worry, Taichi," I told him. "It's okay. I have alot of things to learn about myself, and well.." I stopped there. I was too embarrassed to continue. "I should go now. Bye, Taichi. Call me later if you like."
"Okay, bye," Taichi said, waving to me. I got up and walked away quickly, leaving a startled (and confused) Taichi sitting on the bench.
---
When I got home, I was greeted by my father. His stern expression when I walked into the door was what you'd call a warm welcome compared to what he did afterwards. He let all hell break loose, and after a whole hour of yelling and screaming, he sent me up to my room for the whole day. I threw my coat on the floor, and layed down on my bed. Eyeing my phone, I picked it up and called the only person I could call at the time: Sora. Ever since we broke up, I haven't talked to her much. She tried calling, but I refused to answer the phone because I was so depressed about it. I dialed her number, but her mother told me she was shopping. Sighing, I decided to call up the wisest guy I knew: Jyou. He moved to America to be closer with his girlfriend, Mimi, and is going to a state college somewhere. The phone rang, and I heard his voice.
"Hello?"
"Hey," I said, "It's Yamato. I have a personal question for you."
"Shoot."
"What if someone you knew for years told you he-- I mean, she liked you, but you don't share the same feeling back?
"Ouch, that will be painful. Just tell the other party how you feel, but don't yell and scream at her. Just be gentle about it, and she'll understand you more clearly. But, before you do that, you must make sure you fully don't want a relationship with her, because this might be your last chance."
"Thanks alot, Jyou. By the way, how's Mimi?"
"She's great! I'm so happy to be near her."
"That's nice, Jyou. Well, I better get going. Seeya."
"Bye."
I hung up the phone. Guess there's gonna be alot of thinking involved now. I sat up on my bed, and looked back to when I first met Taichi. Back at that camp, where it all started. Me and him were always good friends, but I never really seemed to communicate with him all that much. When we got to the Digiworld, our feelings became stronger. We fought alot, but we became even better friends than before. I just felt so happy to be in his presence. And when we got older, we had a strong bond between us. We were like Sigmund and Roy. Lennon and McCartney. We were partners. Taichi and I were always friends.. but.. could it become stronger? Could it be more? I never thought of Taichi being bisexual. I'm not a homophobe or anything, but I just thought he and Sora would settle down and get married and live a nice life. But he has feelings for me. Deep, soulful feelings that I couldn't fight with. He was so sweet. So kind. So caring. I love him.
I just thought about what I just said. I love him. That was the truth all along. I love him. I did, and I always will. It was just so obvious, and I didn't realize it until just now. I had to see Taichi. Now.
Knowing that there's no way in hell I can get past my dad, I take another chance. I looked out the keyhole of my room. Thank god. My father was nowhere in sight. I snuck out of my room, leaving the door slightly ajar, and snuck out of my apartment. I ran down the hall, down the stairs, and out the door. I felt like dying from my loss of breath. I ran down the block until I decided to walk the rest of the way to Taichi's apartment complex.
Ten minuets later, I raced up the stairs, and knocked on his door. He had his own apartment now, thank god. The door creaked open, and there he stood. His shiny, brown hair and his gorgeous eyes staring at me in silence. God, he was beautiful. I didn't think of him this way until fifteen minuets ago. I always thought he was beautiful. I just didn't notice, I suppose. Another moment of silence, our eyes locked, and I couldn't contain myself. He deserved the best, for getting us through all that shit in the Digital world. He deserved so much. If he wants me, so be it. I want him to feel loved, because that's how he deserves to feel. I reached out to Taichi, and gave him a passionate kiss. My lips were planted onto his, my desires and thoughts were all placed into that kiss. He drew away from me, confused.
I smiled and walked inside. I explained to him everything. He understood, which I was glad about. I stayed in his apartment for the rest of the day, in eachother's arms. We watched TV, we ate together, we watched a movie together, and we slept together. It was full of passion and bliss, the only kind of bliss that us two could share. That day was when that we had something going on, and that we were meant to be. Taichi was passionate and caring under that clumsy, headstrong exterior of his. I loved him. He was the missing piece to my complex puzzle. When I woke up that morning, I didn't want to go home. Ever. But I had to face him sometime, for my father was probably worried sick. I sighed, and propped myself on my elbow.
I eyed Taichi, who was sleeping peacefully. He looked like an angel, sleeping on a cloud in heaven. I kissed the top of his forehead, dressed myself, left a note, and walked out the door. But I wasn't frowning. I was giggling like an idiot because I was so happy that we both came to an understanding of eachother.
I love you Taichi.
And I always will.