Ch. 8
L o s t
I am such an idiot.
I could have continued trying to prevent her from leaving but I didn't.
Do I even deserve to live?
Days after the returning of the crew, I called Whitmore, wondering where Helga went. His answer left a thorn in my heart: "She disappeared."
I knew something was going to happen and I didn't even try to stop her from boarding that ship. For a long time I have seriously considered suicide; a life without her was not worth living. Somehow, something inside told me not to...
I had to leave her house, as it mentions in Helga's will, she left the house to her eldest brother. As for me, I was left with nothing but an agonizing pain within me. Having nowhere else to go, I decided to stay with my mother. Each lonesome night I wept and buried my face into my pillow, trying to erase Helga from my mind.
I was partially angry at Helga for not listening to me and partially mad at myself, for not trying hard enough to prevent her from attending the voyage. At times like this, I wish my sister were around so that I could have someone to talk to about this; Mother would never understand.
Suddenly, I wished that I had never met Helga. Why did I ever accept her job offer? If I never accepted, I wouldn't be in this mess. During the first few days of Helga's departure, all I could think was how idiotic I was and about Helga.
If Elaine were here, she'd tell me that it wasn't my fault. I miss my sister so much, as I do with my father. Yet I feel as if it were still because of me that she didn't return...
Months later, Mother tried setting me up with another man. Admittedly, he was kind, considerate, and awfully generous but didn't have the charisma Helga held. I was obligated to marry him and start a family of my own. Although I didn't wish to end up with him, Mother told me that she wished to see her grandchildren before she died and that I was better of with him...
Today, I am a divorced mother of a sweet young one-year-old girl whom I named Helga Yoshiko Hoshi, after the one most admirable person in my life. For some reason, I sensed that somewhere out there, Helga Sinclair could still be alive somehow. Again, I tilted my head towards the clouds and felt the small refreshing breezes racing through my skin. I knew that someday, we would be reunited again, whether it is in heaven or hell.
L o s t
I am such an idiot.
I could have continued trying to prevent her from leaving but I didn't.
Do I even deserve to live?
Days after the returning of the crew, I called Whitmore, wondering where Helga went. His answer left a thorn in my heart: "She disappeared."
I knew something was going to happen and I didn't even try to stop her from boarding that ship. For a long time I have seriously considered suicide; a life without her was not worth living. Somehow, something inside told me not to...
I had to leave her house, as it mentions in Helga's will, she left the house to her eldest brother. As for me, I was left with nothing but an agonizing pain within me. Having nowhere else to go, I decided to stay with my mother. Each lonesome night I wept and buried my face into my pillow, trying to erase Helga from my mind.
I was partially angry at Helga for not listening to me and partially mad at myself, for not trying hard enough to prevent her from attending the voyage. At times like this, I wish my sister were around so that I could have someone to talk to about this; Mother would never understand.
Suddenly, I wished that I had never met Helga. Why did I ever accept her job offer? If I never accepted, I wouldn't be in this mess. During the first few days of Helga's departure, all I could think was how idiotic I was and about Helga.
If Elaine were here, she'd tell me that it wasn't my fault. I miss my sister so much, as I do with my father. Yet I feel as if it were still because of me that she didn't return...
Months later, Mother tried setting me up with another man. Admittedly, he was kind, considerate, and awfully generous but didn't have the charisma Helga held. I was obligated to marry him and start a family of my own. Although I didn't wish to end up with him, Mother told me that she wished to see her grandchildren before she died and that I was better of with him...
Today, I am a divorced mother of a sweet young one-year-old girl whom I named Helga Yoshiko Hoshi, after the one most admirable person in my life. For some reason, I sensed that somewhere out there, Helga Sinclair could still be alive somehow. Again, I tilted my head towards the clouds and felt the small refreshing breezes racing through my skin. I knew that someday, we would be reunited again, whether it is in heaven or hell.