Title: Of Heroes and Justice
Author: Teleri
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Buffy and her world belongs to Joss and Mutant Enemy.
Death and Susan and the Disc belong to the flawless Mr. Terry
Pratchett. I'm just borrowing them for fun. Note: Death talks in all caps, he's not shouting that's just his thing.
Summary: Happens after "The Gift", Buffy faces Death, and they don't
play chess. Discworld/Buffy crossover.
Feedback: teleri_rhys@h... Yes, please.
Buffy sat up and looked at the tower she had just jumped off. Wow, I didn't think I'd make it through that one, she thought. Then she looked down and the broken body she was, well, sitting in and thought, damn, guess I didn't. She stood up and noticed that her feet hovered just a few inches above the ground and looked at the body that used to be her home. Gee, the robot was right, we are
kinda pretty, she thought abstractly.
She glanced around her, at her friends sobbing. Willow leaned heavily against Tara; sobbing so hard Buffy wondered how she could breathe. Dawn staggered down the stairs and began to tell them her last words. She was rather proud of those last words, she done a good job, terribly articulate for the last minute kinda thing.
Xander held Anya who looked more than a little dazed. Giles just stood there; crying silently while Spike lay on the broken ground weeping like he'd lost everything. Just to the left of Spike stood a young woman, in a black dress with lace round the bottom, holding a scythe and something else…
Buff, er, um, BUFFY ANNE SUMMERS?
She stared at the girl in amazement, "Yes?"
COME WITH ME, the girl looked down at an egg timer in her hand and frowned. THIS IS MOST UNUSUAL.
"Who are you, am I dead? What's going on?"
"Ugh, okay, I'm Susan. Yes, you're dead and this is very odd. Sorry I don't want to do the voice anymore, it makes my throat hurt if I do it too long," the girl said in very refined British accent.
Buffy looked around her again, at her friends. "Wow, they are really broken up about this. Why don't I feel sad? Or anything for that matter?"
Susan looked at her sadly and said, "Glands. To feel emotions you have to have glands, adrenalin and the like. All your glands are there." She pointed to Buffy's body. "Look, this is very complex, you died, but something's wrong. I just came here as a favor to Granddad, I didn't think this would be overwhelmingly complex. Just pick up the slayer and off to storytime. We need to go back and let him take care of this; this is out of my league. I'm just a governess."
"If you're just a governess, why are you here and what's unusual about my death? I died, that's what slayers do. And who the hell's your granddad?" Buffy's ghost asked as hysterically as one without glands can be.
Susan sighed, "My grandfather is Death."
"I'm sorry to hear that," Buffy offered.
"No, he's *Death*, scythes, bones, big white horse, etc. You know, the anthropomorphic embodiment of the concept. He's very busy today, he had to collect a god, and there's this plague in Sto Helit that he had to deal with, so since you're a slayer and merit personal attention, he sent me. Sometimes I help him out when things get hectic for him, I think he likes me to keep a hand in, so I don't forget. Anyway here's what is strange about your death."
Susan held out her hand. In it was a small wooden egg timer, with "Buffy Anne Summers, Vampire Slayer" engraved on a brass plaque at the bottom. "This is your lifetimer, notice anything odd about it?" Susan asked.
Buffy took it from her and examined it. There was a lot of sand in the bottom and a decent amount at the top, but the line of sand between the top bulb and the bottom wasn't moving. It had stopped completely. "What does it mean?" queried Buffy.
"Normally, when you die, it's because you are out of sand, out of life. But with you, well, it seems you have died before your time," Susan shrugged again. "Granddad is sure to blame me for this. Last few times I've had to do the Duty, it has not gone well.
"Buffy, can you ride a horse?"
**************************************************************
After the terribly bizarre ride on a white horse named Binky and the arrival here, Buffy would have been in shock if she'd had the glands. Fortunately, she was just waiting on the girl called Susan to tell her what had gone wrong. They had arrived at a small cottage decorated with skulls and so forth, even so it didn't look like the place Death would live. Buffy had mentioned this.
"Well, he is fascinated by humanity. It's kind of a hobby with him," Susan gestured to a tree with a hole cut through its middle and a swing attached to the branches on either side so that the swing went through the middle of the tree. "He made that for me when I was small. He tries, but he just can't quite understand us." She smiled faintly at the memory and beckoned Buffy into the house. "Come in, get comfortable, he should be here soon. I'm going to check the library."
"Uh, can I come along, I feel somewhat useless."
So here she was in Death's library. It was a huge room full of books and a quiet scratching noise that Susan had explained was the books writing themselves. This room contained the biography of everyone alive and self-aware in the universe. Buffy desperately wanted to get her hands on some of these books, but she couldn't. Since she was a ghost, her hands just passed right through the books. So she just contented herself to reading over Susan's shoulder.
"You know, that's terribly rude," Susan said tartly.
"Well, excuse me, it's not like this is my ideal afterlife. I thought it would be all angels and flowers and well, my mom," Buffy pouted. "Why has this happened?"
SUSAN? WHAT IS WRONG?
Buffy gasped at the creature that made just entered the library. This had to be Death, with the capital D. It was a tall skeleton shrouded in a robe as black as night. The grinning skull that was his head turned to Buffy and she notice the eye sockets were filled with an electric blue light that made her think of eternity.
WHY IS THE SLAYER HERE? WAS SHE NOT CALLED TO PASS ON?
Susan smiled up at Death, "It seems, Granddad, that something went wrong. Her lifetimer shows she's still got life left, and her book hasn't stopped writing. I'm not sure what happened but her time is not up. We have to get her back to her body. I wasn't sure what to do so I brought her here for you to deal with. I need to get back, Twila and Gawain will wake from their naps soon, and I was going to teach them about the Battle of Koom Valley today."
THE CHILDREN WILL NOT WAKE UNTIL YOU RETURN. YOU KNOW THAT. THIS IS
MORE IMPORTANT AND PLEASE DON'T CALL ME `GRANDDAD'. IT'S JUST A STEP AWAY FROM `GRAMPS'. Death reached down and picked up the book that
Susan had been reading and read, "The big scary guy picked up her book and made face, well as much of a face as a skull can make…."
HER LIFE IS CONTINUING ACCORDING TO THE BOOK. THIS IS MOST UNUSUAL.
"You know, you two must really be related. That's exactly what she said. Look if I'm dead I'd like to go on to the afterlife or whatever. This whole ghost deal is not what I wanted to do. So let me go on to be with my mom or go back."
THAT IS THE PROBLEM. IF YOU GO BACK YOU WILL STILL BE THE SLAYER, AND IT HAS BECOME OBVIOUS THAT YOU DON'T WANT THAT ANYMORE. APPARENTLY, SINCE IN YOUR HEART YOU NO LONGER WANT THE DUTY, YOUR SOUL HAS SOUGHT FREEDOM TOO EARLY.
"He means, you don't want to do your job anymore, so your soul followed your wishes to quit. It left your body and now, it doesn't want to go back. But the universe knows your time isn't up, so it won't let you go forward." Susan smiled sadly. "I'm sorry, Slayer but it looks like your Duty isn't over."
The ghost of Buffy Anne Summers glowered furiously at Death and Susan. "Well that's tough! I've done everything I'm supposed to do. I gave my life and my love. I fought and died, twice even! It's over now, I get to rest and I'm going to. I'm done with the whole slaying gig. It's time to call a new girl. Go ruin someone else's life." She turned to look at all the rows of books quietly writing other peoples lives. "Let someone else save them. Let someone else die for them. I'm done. That's it."
Death turned to her and those blue sparks of his eyes flashed at her. YOU DO NOT HAVE THAT OPTION. NONE OF US DO. YOU DO THE DUTY NO MATTER THE HURT OR THE PRICE AND YOU DO IT BECAUSE IT IS *YOU*. WITHOUT THE DUTY WE DON'T EXIST.
Death sat down in the great leather chair heavily and sighed deeply.
DO YOU THINK I WANT TO BE FEARED? DON'T YOU THINK IT WAS NICE TO HAVE PEOPLE HAPPY TO SEE ME FOR ONCE, TO BRING JOY INSTEAD OF THE END? BUT THAT WAS NOT TO BE, THAT WAS NOT MY DUTY. DEATH IS MY DUTY AND I WILL DO IT. SLAYING IS YOUR DUTY YOUNG LADY AND YOU WILL DO IT BECAUSE IT *IS* YOU. SLAYER, THERE IS NO JUSTICE, JUST US.
"Yea, but I'm not an anthrowhatsit like you are. I'm just a girl. I'm not some force that can't be named, I'm Buffy and I've never got to be me. I've always had to be the slayer, now I'm dead and I want to rest!" Buffy shouted at Death.
"Look, why don't you let me handle this. She's confused enough as it is. Go have Albert fry you some porridge or get us some curry. I'll explain everything. Buffy and I have a lot in common. Okay?" Susan patted the skeleton in slightly loving manner as she spoke.
OKAY, BUT REMEMBER THE DUTY, SLAYER. I WILL GET US SOME CURRY. THAT ALWAYS MAKES ME FEEL BETTER. THANK YOU SUSAN.
Death stalked out of the room and they heard the door slam. "I'm sorry Buffy, he's had a rough time lately. Recently he had to take over the Hogfather's job and it's left him a little bitter. I'm mean who wouldn't want children to leave you pork pies and sherry and be happy about your visit. Grandfather isn't often greeted with happiness."
"Yea, well, I can understand. But who is the Hogfather?" Buffy asked.
"Well in your world I suppose he's Santa Claus. But that's not why we are here is it Buffy? Grandfather is right you know. There is no justice, just us. Just you. People rely on you. They need you. Your world may not work correctly without you. Another slayer can't be called and the only other one is incapacitated. She needs more time before she can do the duty." Susan watched Buffy intently as she spoke.
"I know you're not like Granddad, but the duty's the same isn't it? It's something that has to be done and you are really the only one who can do it. Do you know how many times I begged to be normal, how many times I fought to have normal grandfather? I was first called to fill in for him when I was barely a teenager. Just after both of my parents died. I had always been able to been `not seen' but now a horse that could fly appeared and the Death of Rats and a talking raven showed up to force me to take over the duty. Then, I had to go and take the life of a boy my age. A boy, who in different circumstances, would have been special to me.
"It was really unfair, Buffy. All I wanted was to be a normal girl. But over time, I've realized that this is my normal life. Normal is relative." With this Susan stood up and smiled. "It's time for you to decide Buffy, they are waiting on you."
Buffy looked at her in amazement. This girl was about her age. She had had to deal with a calling that was a bit more difficult that Slaying. She was Death's granddaughter, she was not all human. At least Buffy could pretend sometimes that her life was normal. Susan couldn't do that.
"W-what did you do about the boy?" Buffy asked Susan cautiously.
"Well, I didn't let him die. I saved his life, then something else took it and I had to fight to save the world. In the end, things went back to the way they should have been and I met him as I should have and it turns out he was special. Just not world-ending special." Susan said with a small sad smile.
"I know boys like that," Buffy said, smiling a mirror of Susan's smile. Then she put her head in her ghostly hands and said, "Susan, I can't do it anymore. I – I don't know how. I can't love and get hurt and die anymore. This is my second time dead, and I don't know if I can live again. I keep killing demons and they keep coming. I – I couldn't save my mother and I'm so terribly confused. If I'm the hero of the story, don't I get the happy ending? Only three men have loved me, and two of those are vampires. I kill vampires, not love them. What's wrong with me? I can't even cry now cause my glands are back in Sunnydale. This sucks!" Buffy yelled, and attempted to kick the table, but her foot just went through it. "Arrrgh! I can't even kick stuff here!
"You know if I could feel like I've accomplished something I'd feel better about it, but I don't." Buffy said as she paced in front of Susan. "I don't even know why I do it anymore. After all aren't vampires just trying to have dinner, maybe they could change. Spike has, I've seen it. He really cares for Dawn and me and that's just bizarre. And then there's Angel and the whole soul having thing. Maybe other vampires could change; maybe I'm just killing them for no reason. I mean how would humans feel if the cows had a Human Slayer who killed us before we could turn the average cow in to lunch and a nice coat? Isn't that what I do?"
Susan laughed, a sparkly tinkle of a laugh. "Oh Buffy, that's one hell of a vision. Bessie the Human Slayer," Susan wiped away tears of laughter and continued on more seriously. "Buffy, you know that's not the case. Evil isn't easy to determine, only easy to pick. Sure, some vampires could change and Glory only wanted to go home. That doesn't change the fact that they would kill thousands before they got chipped and fell in love with a slayer. Glory would have destroy all the worlds if she had opened the portal to go home and that would have effected all worlds, not just yours. It would have seriously disrupted my day and I would have been cross."
Susan straightened up and turned towards the door. "I'm not going to go all `It's a wonderful life' on you. I'm just saying that without you things will not be right. Your friends will lose. To win, heroes have to believe. With your death they don't believe."
"Believe in what?"
"In you, in justice, in right and wrong, in the fight. Without you it's all faded. Spike can't see a reason to love; Xander and Willow have lost the one thing that made them proud of themselves, and Giles… Well, he loses the fight. Regardless of what Grandfather says, heroes have to believe in the fight and in themselves. If they don't, they lose and if heroes lose, we all lose. Buffy this is for you to decide. No one can make this decision for you. I'm going to get some cocoa and let you think. I know you'll do what's right." Susan smiled reassuringly and walked out the door, closing it with a firm click.
Buffy floated over to the stacks of books and looked at the names. They were filed alphabetically and she wandered over to the R's. There was `Willow Rosenberg' scratching away, Buffy couldn't hold the book, but the scratching of the invisible hand writing Willow's life sounded almost less lively than the others around her.
Death had said that there was no justice, only us. What did that mean, death comes to all. No right or wrong in it, just death. That can't be right, she died for a reason, she had to have. Susan said heroes needed to believe. Buffy could see that, she had stopped believing when she was told Dawn had to die. Somehow she could have accepted dying to save the world, but letting Dawn die wasn't part of the deal.
She wandered to the S's and searched for `Joyce Summers'. She found it and could hear the quiet that came from the very still book. She would give anything to be able to read that book. What were her mother's last thoughts, how did she feel, was she okay? Actually that's when she'd started to lose belief. When her mother died, she could believe that everything turns out okay in the end after that. She looked around; `Dawn Summers' was just over there and was surprisingly thick, scratching hesitantly away. As if Dawn's life didn't want to make any more noise writing than necessary.
Justice would be that she lived, that all the white hats had a beer at the Bronze and talked about the near misses. Justice would be that Buffy got to rest after she died. Justice would be that averting six Apocalypses would be enough. Which justice did she want? The one with rest at the end or the one with more fighting? A clicking noise behind made her turn around.
Death stood there with a greasy bag and looked a little less threatening that he had before.ARE YOU STILL HERE?
Buffy smiled nervously, "Yes, um, c-could I ask you some questions?"
OF COURSE.
"How do you deal with it? Aren't there rules that keep you from stepping in and making sure things go fairly? How do you live with it? I feel so alone so many times. Even with my friends and all that, I still feel like no one gets it, no one feels the weight of the darkness pressing in all around me. I don't know how to continue, I feel like I don't know how to live, but I obviously am not good at dying…" She trailed off, looking at Death.
RULES, WELL SLAYER, WE BOTH KNOW THAT RULES ARE SOMETIMES MORE LIKE
GUIDELINES, DON'T WE? A single blue eye winked at her.
AS TO THE DARKNESS, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY.
"No, I don't."
SOMETIMES IT IS BETTER TO LIGHT A FLAMETHROWER THAN TO CURSE THE DARKNESS
Buffy looked up into the blue glow of Death's eyes, and noticed the darkness beyond the light. Earlier she had thought that his eyes reminded her of eternity. Now she realized, that it went beyond eternity. When eternity was over, Death would be there, waiting, and alone. By that time Susan would be gone, everyone would be gone. Only Death would be left, alone, until time ended. Surely slayer duties weren't that harsh. With a decisive nod of her ghostly head Buffy said, "Yes, yes it is."
Death gave the impression of smiling and said, ARE YOU READY TO GO BACK NOW?
"Yes, I think so, but don't I have to challenge you to a game of chess or something?"
Death shuddered, NO, I HATE CHESS. I CAN NEVER REMEMBER HOW THE HORSE-SHAPED ONES MOVE. NO, TO GO BACK YOU JUST HAVE TO BE BACK.
"Oh," Buffy said and looked around at the wreckage of the tower and at her friends' shocked faces. "Hey guys, the Flamethrower's back." She smiled.
*************************************************
Susan came in with two cups of cocoa and smiled at Death. "She went back, didn't she?"
SHE UNDERSTOOD THE NEED.
"What happened to the whole changing the fate of one person changes the fate of the world business that you used to be so fond of?" Susan asked her grandfather as she took the greasy packet of curried something from him.
SOMETIMES THE WORLD NEEDS CHANGING.
Author: Teleri
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Buffy and her world belongs to Joss and Mutant Enemy.
Death and Susan and the Disc belong to the flawless Mr. Terry
Pratchett. I'm just borrowing them for fun. Note: Death talks in all caps, he's not shouting that's just his thing.
Summary: Happens after "The Gift", Buffy faces Death, and they don't
play chess. Discworld/Buffy crossover.
Feedback: teleri_rhys@h... Yes, please.
Buffy sat up and looked at the tower she had just jumped off. Wow, I didn't think I'd make it through that one, she thought. Then she looked down and the broken body she was, well, sitting in and thought, damn, guess I didn't. She stood up and noticed that her feet hovered just a few inches above the ground and looked at the body that used to be her home. Gee, the robot was right, we are
kinda pretty, she thought abstractly.
She glanced around her, at her friends sobbing. Willow leaned heavily against Tara; sobbing so hard Buffy wondered how she could breathe. Dawn staggered down the stairs and began to tell them her last words. She was rather proud of those last words, she done a good job, terribly articulate for the last minute kinda thing.
Xander held Anya who looked more than a little dazed. Giles just stood there; crying silently while Spike lay on the broken ground weeping like he'd lost everything. Just to the left of Spike stood a young woman, in a black dress with lace round the bottom, holding a scythe and something else…
Buff, er, um, BUFFY ANNE SUMMERS?
She stared at the girl in amazement, "Yes?"
COME WITH ME, the girl looked down at an egg timer in her hand and frowned. THIS IS MOST UNUSUAL.
"Who are you, am I dead? What's going on?"
"Ugh, okay, I'm Susan. Yes, you're dead and this is very odd. Sorry I don't want to do the voice anymore, it makes my throat hurt if I do it too long," the girl said in very refined British accent.
Buffy looked around her again, at her friends. "Wow, they are really broken up about this. Why don't I feel sad? Or anything for that matter?"
Susan looked at her sadly and said, "Glands. To feel emotions you have to have glands, adrenalin and the like. All your glands are there." She pointed to Buffy's body. "Look, this is very complex, you died, but something's wrong. I just came here as a favor to Granddad, I didn't think this would be overwhelmingly complex. Just pick up the slayer and off to storytime. We need to go back and let him take care of this; this is out of my league. I'm just a governess."
"If you're just a governess, why are you here and what's unusual about my death? I died, that's what slayers do. And who the hell's your granddad?" Buffy's ghost asked as hysterically as one without glands can be.
Susan sighed, "My grandfather is Death."
"I'm sorry to hear that," Buffy offered.
"No, he's *Death*, scythes, bones, big white horse, etc. You know, the anthropomorphic embodiment of the concept. He's very busy today, he had to collect a god, and there's this plague in Sto Helit that he had to deal with, so since you're a slayer and merit personal attention, he sent me. Sometimes I help him out when things get hectic for him, I think he likes me to keep a hand in, so I don't forget. Anyway here's what is strange about your death."
Susan held out her hand. In it was a small wooden egg timer, with "Buffy Anne Summers, Vampire Slayer" engraved on a brass plaque at the bottom. "This is your lifetimer, notice anything odd about it?" Susan asked.
Buffy took it from her and examined it. There was a lot of sand in the bottom and a decent amount at the top, but the line of sand between the top bulb and the bottom wasn't moving. It had stopped completely. "What does it mean?" queried Buffy.
"Normally, when you die, it's because you are out of sand, out of life. But with you, well, it seems you have died before your time," Susan shrugged again. "Granddad is sure to blame me for this. Last few times I've had to do the Duty, it has not gone well.
"Buffy, can you ride a horse?"
**************************************************************
After the terribly bizarre ride on a white horse named Binky and the arrival here, Buffy would have been in shock if she'd had the glands. Fortunately, she was just waiting on the girl called Susan to tell her what had gone wrong. They had arrived at a small cottage decorated with skulls and so forth, even so it didn't look like the place Death would live. Buffy had mentioned this.
"Well, he is fascinated by humanity. It's kind of a hobby with him," Susan gestured to a tree with a hole cut through its middle and a swing attached to the branches on either side so that the swing went through the middle of the tree. "He made that for me when I was small. He tries, but he just can't quite understand us." She smiled faintly at the memory and beckoned Buffy into the house. "Come in, get comfortable, he should be here soon. I'm going to check the library."
"Uh, can I come along, I feel somewhat useless."
So here she was in Death's library. It was a huge room full of books and a quiet scratching noise that Susan had explained was the books writing themselves. This room contained the biography of everyone alive and self-aware in the universe. Buffy desperately wanted to get her hands on some of these books, but she couldn't. Since she was a ghost, her hands just passed right through the books. So she just contented herself to reading over Susan's shoulder.
"You know, that's terribly rude," Susan said tartly.
"Well, excuse me, it's not like this is my ideal afterlife. I thought it would be all angels and flowers and well, my mom," Buffy pouted. "Why has this happened?"
SUSAN? WHAT IS WRONG?
Buffy gasped at the creature that made just entered the library. This had to be Death, with the capital D. It was a tall skeleton shrouded in a robe as black as night. The grinning skull that was his head turned to Buffy and she notice the eye sockets were filled with an electric blue light that made her think of eternity.
WHY IS THE SLAYER HERE? WAS SHE NOT CALLED TO PASS ON?
Susan smiled up at Death, "It seems, Granddad, that something went wrong. Her lifetimer shows she's still got life left, and her book hasn't stopped writing. I'm not sure what happened but her time is not up. We have to get her back to her body. I wasn't sure what to do so I brought her here for you to deal with. I need to get back, Twila and Gawain will wake from their naps soon, and I was going to teach them about the Battle of Koom Valley today."
THE CHILDREN WILL NOT WAKE UNTIL YOU RETURN. YOU KNOW THAT. THIS IS
MORE IMPORTANT AND PLEASE DON'T CALL ME `GRANDDAD'. IT'S JUST A STEP AWAY FROM `GRAMPS'. Death reached down and picked up the book that
Susan had been reading and read, "The big scary guy picked up her book and made face, well as much of a face as a skull can make…."
HER LIFE IS CONTINUING ACCORDING TO THE BOOK. THIS IS MOST UNUSUAL.
"You know, you two must really be related. That's exactly what she said. Look if I'm dead I'd like to go on to the afterlife or whatever. This whole ghost deal is not what I wanted to do. So let me go on to be with my mom or go back."
THAT IS THE PROBLEM. IF YOU GO BACK YOU WILL STILL BE THE SLAYER, AND IT HAS BECOME OBVIOUS THAT YOU DON'T WANT THAT ANYMORE. APPARENTLY, SINCE IN YOUR HEART YOU NO LONGER WANT THE DUTY, YOUR SOUL HAS SOUGHT FREEDOM TOO EARLY.
"He means, you don't want to do your job anymore, so your soul followed your wishes to quit. It left your body and now, it doesn't want to go back. But the universe knows your time isn't up, so it won't let you go forward." Susan smiled sadly. "I'm sorry, Slayer but it looks like your Duty isn't over."
The ghost of Buffy Anne Summers glowered furiously at Death and Susan. "Well that's tough! I've done everything I'm supposed to do. I gave my life and my love. I fought and died, twice even! It's over now, I get to rest and I'm going to. I'm done with the whole slaying gig. It's time to call a new girl. Go ruin someone else's life." She turned to look at all the rows of books quietly writing other peoples lives. "Let someone else save them. Let someone else die for them. I'm done. That's it."
Death turned to her and those blue sparks of his eyes flashed at her. YOU DO NOT HAVE THAT OPTION. NONE OF US DO. YOU DO THE DUTY NO MATTER THE HURT OR THE PRICE AND YOU DO IT BECAUSE IT IS *YOU*. WITHOUT THE DUTY WE DON'T EXIST.
Death sat down in the great leather chair heavily and sighed deeply.
DO YOU THINK I WANT TO BE FEARED? DON'T YOU THINK IT WAS NICE TO HAVE PEOPLE HAPPY TO SEE ME FOR ONCE, TO BRING JOY INSTEAD OF THE END? BUT THAT WAS NOT TO BE, THAT WAS NOT MY DUTY. DEATH IS MY DUTY AND I WILL DO IT. SLAYING IS YOUR DUTY YOUNG LADY AND YOU WILL DO IT BECAUSE IT *IS* YOU. SLAYER, THERE IS NO JUSTICE, JUST US.
"Yea, but I'm not an anthrowhatsit like you are. I'm just a girl. I'm not some force that can't be named, I'm Buffy and I've never got to be me. I've always had to be the slayer, now I'm dead and I want to rest!" Buffy shouted at Death.
"Look, why don't you let me handle this. She's confused enough as it is. Go have Albert fry you some porridge or get us some curry. I'll explain everything. Buffy and I have a lot in common. Okay?" Susan patted the skeleton in slightly loving manner as she spoke.
OKAY, BUT REMEMBER THE DUTY, SLAYER. I WILL GET US SOME CURRY. THAT ALWAYS MAKES ME FEEL BETTER. THANK YOU SUSAN.
Death stalked out of the room and they heard the door slam. "I'm sorry Buffy, he's had a rough time lately. Recently he had to take over the Hogfather's job and it's left him a little bitter. I'm mean who wouldn't want children to leave you pork pies and sherry and be happy about your visit. Grandfather isn't often greeted with happiness."
"Yea, well, I can understand. But who is the Hogfather?" Buffy asked.
"Well in your world I suppose he's Santa Claus. But that's not why we are here is it Buffy? Grandfather is right you know. There is no justice, just us. Just you. People rely on you. They need you. Your world may not work correctly without you. Another slayer can't be called and the only other one is incapacitated. She needs more time before she can do the duty." Susan watched Buffy intently as she spoke.
"I know you're not like Granddad, but the duty's the same isn't it? It's something that has to be done and you are really the only one who can do it. Do you know how many times I begged to be normal, how many times I fought to have normal grandfather? I was first called to fill in for him when I was barely a teenager. Just after both of my parents died. I had always been able to been `not seen' but now a horse that could fly appeared and the Death of Rats and a talking raven showed up to force me to take over the duty. Then, I had to go and take the life of a boy my age. A boy, who in different circumstances, would have been special to me.
"It was really unfair, Buffy. All I wanted was to be a normal girl. But over time, I've realized that this is my normal life. Normal is relative." With this Susan stood up and smiled. "It's time for you to decide Buffy, they are waiting on you."
Buffy looked at her in amazement. This girl was about her age. She had had to deal with a calling that was a bit more difficult that Slaying. She was Death's granddaughter, she was not all human. At least Buffy could pretend sometimes that her life was normal. Susan couldn't do that.
"W-what did you do about the boy?" Buffy asked Susan cautiously.
"Well, I didn't let him die. I saved his life, then something else took it and I had to fight to save the world. In the end, things went back to the way they should have been and I met him as I should have and it turns out he was special. Just not world-ending special." Susan said with a small sad smile.
"I know boys like that," Buffy said, smiling a mirror of Susan's smile. Then she put her head in her ghostly hands and said, "Susan, I can't do it anymore. I – I don't know how. I can't love and get hurt and die anymore. This is my second time dead, and I don't know if I can live again. I keep killing demons and they keep coming. I – I couldn't save my mother and I'm so terribly confused. If I'm the hero of the story, don't I get the happy ending? Only three men have loved me, and two of those are vampires. I kill vampires, not love them. What's wrong with me? I can't even cry now cause my glands are back in Sunnydale. This sucks!" Buffy yelled, and attempted to kick the table, but her foot just went through it. "Arrrgh! I can't even kick stuff here!
"You know if I could feel like I've accomplished something I'd feel better about it, but I don't." Buffy said as she paced in front of Susan. "I don't even know why I do it anymore. After all aren't vampires just trying to have dinner, maybe they could change. Spike has, I've seen it. He really cares for Dawn and me and that's just bizarre. And then there's Angel and the whole soul having thing. Maybe other vampires could change; maybe I'm just killing them for no reason. I mean how would humans feel if the cows had a Human Slayer who killed us before we could turn the average cow in to lunch and a nice coat? Isn't that what I do?"
Susan laughed, a sparkly tinkle of a laugh. "Oh Buffy, that's one hell of a vision. Bessie the Human Slayer," Susan wiped away tears of laughter and continued on more seriously. "Buffy, you know that's not the case. Evil isn't easy to determine, only easy to pick. Sure, some vampires could change and Glory only wanted to go home. That doesn't change the fact that they would kill thousands before they got chipped and fell in love with a slayer. Glory would have destroy all the worlds if she had opened the portal to go home and that would have effected all worlds, not just yours. It would have seriously disrupted my day and I would have been cross."
Susan straightened up and turned towards the door. "I'm not going to go all `It's a wonderful life' on you. I'm just saying that without you things will not be right. Your friends will lose. To win, heroes have to believe. With your death they don't believe."
"Believe in what?"
"In you, in justice, in right and wrong, in the fight. Without you it's all faded. Spike can't see a reason to love; Xander and Willow have lost the one thing that made them proud of themselves, and Giles… Well, he loses the fight. Regardless of what Grandfather says, heroes have to believe in the fight and in themselves. If they don't, they lose and if heroes lose, we all lose. Buffy this is for you to decide. No one can make this decision for you. I'm going to get some cocoa and let you think. I know you'll do what's right." Susan smiled reassuringly and walked out the door, closing it with a firm click.
Buffy floated over to the stacks of books and looked at the names. They were filed alphabetically and she wandered over to the R's. There was `Willow Rosenberg' scratching away, Buffy couldn't hold the book, but the scratching of the invisible hand writing Willow's life sounded almost less lively than the others around her.
Death had said that there was no justice, only us. What did that mean, death comes to all. No right or wrong in it, just death. That can't be right, she died for a reason, she had to have. Susan said heroes needed to believe. Buffy could see that, she had stopped believing when she was told Dawn had to die. Somehow she could have accepted dying to save the world, but letting Dawn die wasn't part of the deal.
She wandered to the S's and searched for `Joyce Summers'. She found it and could hear the quiet that came from the very still book. She would give anything to be able to read that book. What were her mother's last thoughts, how did she feel, was she okay? Actually that's when she'd started to lose belief. When her mother died, she could believe that everything turns out okay in the end after that. She looked around; `Dawn Summers' was just over there and was surprisingly thick, scratching hesitantly away. As if Dawn's life didn't want to make any more noise writing than necessary.
Justice would be that she lived, that all the white hats had a beer at the Bronze and talked about the near misses. Justice would be that Buffy got to rest after she died. Justice would be that averting six Apocalypses would be enough. Which justice did she want? The one with rest at the end or the one with more fighting? A clicking noise behind made her turn around.
Death stood there with a greasy bag and looked a little less threatening that he had before.ARE YOU STILL HERE?
Buffy smiled nervously, "Yes, um, c-could I ask you some questions?"
OF COURSE.
"How do you deal with it? Aren't there rules that keep you from stepping in and making sure things go fairly? How do you live with it? I feel so alone so many times. Even with my friends and all that, I still feel like no one gets it, no one feels the weight of the darkness pressing in all around me. I don't know how to continue, I feel like I don't know how to live, but I obviously am not good at dying…" She trailed off, looking at Death.
RULES, WELL SLAYER, WE BOTH KNOW THAT RULES ARE SOMETIMES MORE LIKE
GUIDELINES, DON'T WE? A single blue eye winked at her.
AS TO THE DARKNESS, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY.
"No, I don't."
SOMETIMES IT IS BETTER TO LIGHT A FLAMETHROWER THAN TO CURSE THE DARKNESS
Buffy looked up into the blue glow of Death's eyes, and noticed the darkness beyond the light. Earlier she had thought that his eyes reminded her of eternity. Now she realized, that it went beyond eternity. When eternity was over, Death would be there, waiting, and alone. By that time Susan would be gone, everyone would be gone. Only Death would be left, alone, until time ended. Surely slayer duties weren't that harsh. With a decisive nod of her ghostly head Buffy said, "Yes, yes it is."
Death gave the impression of smiling and said, ARE YOU READY TO GO BACK NOW?
"Yes, I think so, but don't I have to challenge you to a game of chess or something?"
Death shuddered, NO, I HATE CHESS. I CAN NEVER REMEMBER HOW THE HORSE-SHAPED ONES MOVE. NO, TO GO BACK YOU JUST HAVE TO BE BACK.
"Oh," Buffy said and looked around at the wreckage of the tower and at her friends' shocked faces. "Hey guys, the Flamethrower's back." She smiled.
*************************************************
Susan came in with two cups of cocoa and smiled at Death. "She went back, didn't she?"
SHE UNDERSTOOD THE NEED.
"What happened to the whole changing the fate of one person changes the fate of the world business that you used to be so fond of?" Susan asked her grandfather as she took the greasy packet of curried something from him.
SOMETIMES THE WORLD NEEDS CHANGING.