~ Oh My god!!! Is that Zell? ~
By: Wilted Rose
~ okay, here's the 2nd chapter to my other fic "Zell's Wait" If you haven't read it yet, I suggest you do cause this part will not make any sense if you don't. Okay? Okay!!! Well, yea. I finally finished this part. Chapter 3 will be up soon. I hope it takes less time to write than this one. What can I say? I was too lazy. Hehe Enjoy and chapter 3 will be up soon!
Zell: What? What's wrong? Is it my stench? Hey! I changed my lucky hot dogs yesterday!!! Zell sniffed his armpit. And I took a shower this morning!!!!
Everyone in the Cafeteria: Um, Er... Everyone had this nervous look on their face that in turn made Zell turn a bit shaky.
Then a brave Squall stood up and opened his mouth.
Squall: BURRRRRPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!
Fujin: SIT!!!! IDIOT!!!! Fujin knocked Squall off his feet , rendering him unconscious. "ZELL!!!! YOU! FAT!!!"
Zell: WHAT???? Zell was really panicked. He ran around trying to take a look at his butt. Am I? Am I? Am I? Am I? he chased his imaginary tail. Everyone sweat dropped. He continued to run around in circles.
Quistis sat up and handed Zell full-length mirror, though she wasn't sure where she had gotten it from.
Everyone: How did you fit that…
Quistis: I dunno.
Zell peered into the mirror to see a three hundred-pound man staring back. His many folds of blubber leaking out of his clothes.
Zell: OH MY GOD!!! Why am I so fat?
Selphie: Zell, did you eat ALL of those hot dogs that guy gave you last night?
Zell: NO!!! Of course not! He jumped up as his whole body jiggled. I left one or two 'cause I was sleepy.
Everyone: sweatdrop
* * *
Later that evening….
Squall and Selphie knocked on Zell's dorm door.
Selphie: Zell!! Open uppppppppppppp!!! Ding-dong ding-dong ding-dong ding-dong!!!!!! Selphie was literally yelling her heart out. DING-DONG!
Innocent bystander: SHUT UP! His head peeked out of his dorm.
Selphie: UP YOURS!!! Selphie flicked him off.
Innocent bystander (which by the way is named Hubert): So, you wanna fight huh?
Selphie: Yeah, wanna piece of me? I'll take you on!
Hubert stomped out of his Dorm to reveal a seven-foot tall dude with a very muscular build.
Squall: Um…Selphie…hehe.
Selphie: Squall shut up. Selphie smacked him in the back of the head
Squall: Ow!
Selphie: Yeah, come here and fight me like a man, Chump!
Hubert walked up to Selphie, she barely came up to his chest.
Hubert: I will! He wound up a punch
Then…*WHAMO*! Selphie hit him squarely between the eyes with her nunchaku, knocking the living daylights out of him. He fell onto the floor with little yellow duckies flying around his head.
Squall: YOU GO GIRL! he quickly covered his mouth
Selphie: What did you just say?
Squall: Um…nothing.
Selphie: Teehee…for a moment I thought you said… She was abruptly interrupted by Squall, who quickly covered her mouth.
Squall: Yes, our minds do play tricks on us.
Selphie: Oh…teehee!
A sound of a door creaking open came to their ears. It was Zell, he opened the door just a crack, peering out.
Selphie: Hey Zell! Wanna go to the training center with me and Squally?
Zell: Er…it's okay.
Selphie: Come on!!! Please!!!
Zell: No.
Selphie: Pretty please!!!!!
Zell: No.
Squall: …..
Selphie: At least let us in!!!!!
Squall: ….
twZell: Fine, but don't turn on the li…
Selphie: What did you say? Selphie switched on the lights of Zell's dark dorm.
Zell: Selphie!!!
Squall: !!!!!
Zell was standing there head to toe in vertical stripes. A vertical striped Muumuu, hat and sneakers.
Selphie (valley girl like): FASHION EMERGENCY!!!!
Squall: What in the hell are you trying to do???. He had never seen anything so ugly.
Zell: I heard that vertical stripes make you look slimmer. I think its working don't you think? He did a little pose in the mirror.
Selphie and Squall: Er…I guess *cough cough*
Zell: Thanks you guys!!!
Squall: Um…Zell how about we go train in the training center. It'll do you some good.
Zell: Er…it's okay, really! I'm not in the mood for training.
Selphie: Come on Zell! Let's go burn some major calories!!!!
Selphie pulled Zell out of his Dorm, skipping all the way, and stepping on Hubert's oblivious masses.
* * *
Selphie: Come on Zell! Let's go kick some major Grat BUTT!!! Selphie jumped around waving her nunchaku in the air. Zell, on the other hand, was utterly out of breath.
Zell: Hold *huff* on *puff*…One *huff puff* Sec *huff*… He bent down and tried to grab his knees, but he couldn't. Instead, he fell over on his back and hugged his sides. Ow! Side Cramp!
Squall: This is worst than I thought. Zell are we ready to go yet?
Zell: No wait. Let me *huff puff* catch my *huff puff* breath.
The hours passed….
Zell: One more minute…
By then Selphie and Squall didn't care anymore, they had both fallen asleep. Squall was then awakened by Zell poking him with a stick.
Zell: Squally, can you help me up? I'm having…hehe… a little trouble here.
Squall: Sure *UGH* Zell.
Zell got back onto his feet and poked Selphie with a stick
Selphie: Ow, stop it.
Zell: Selphie wake up. Zell poked her again
Selphie: Ow, stop it
Zell: C'mon Selphie!
Selphie: Ow, stop it.
He poked her again, this time harder.
Selphie: Ow, stop it.
Squall (to himself): Not this again… he covered his face with his hand.
Zell poked her again.
Selphie: Ow, stop it.
Zell: Selphie! If you don't get up…I'll…I'll sit on you!!!!
Selphie: Huh! I'm up, I'm up! What's up? Please don't kill me!
Squall: Let's go kick some Grat Butt!!!!!!!! he quickly covered his mouth
Selphie and Zell: What did you just say?
Squall: Er…nothing.
Selphie: Um…okay…Let's go kick some Grat Butt!!! Selphie waved her nunchaku in the air like before.
Zell: Look there's one now!!!
Soon they were engaged in a battle with the largest and ugliest Grat any of them had every seen. The Grat whipped Zell with its vines. The attack bounced off Zell's many layers of *cough* skin.
Zell: MUHAHAHAHAHA!! I am Zell the invincible! He cast Aura on himself and used his limit break. Hiya!!! he delivered a flurry of kicks and punches
Then he finished it off with a Burning Rave, but he tripped, fell over and caused a huge earthquake, killing off the Grat. Everyone danced around.
Selphie: WAY TO GO ZELL!!!! Selphie cheered. Zell? Er...Squall what's wrong with Zell?
Squall: I think he knocked himself out. He pointed over to where Zell had been standing, but now was lying on his belly, struggling to breathe. I think we should get him to the Infirmary.
Selphie: No way , I cannot carry Zell all the way across the Garden!
Squall: Come on. He's our friend.
Selphie: No. I'm too delicate.
Squall: Whatever.
Selphie: What!? I am!!!
Squall: Yeah right!
Selphie: I am too! I am as delicate as a flower!
Squall: Are not.
Selphie: Am too!
Squall: Are not.
Selphie: Am too! Am too! Am too! Am too! Am too! Am too! AMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Squall: Fine, Fine, Fine!! I'll carry him myself!!! Just promise not to blow my ear drums out.
Selphie: Teehee!
Squall: Ugh! I can't lift him.
Selphie: Don't look at me, I'm delicate remember.
Squall: Damn you… Again he attempted to lift the benumbed pile of flesh formally known as Zell. AHHHHHH!!!!!! My back!!!!! Squall fell onto the training center floor in pain. Help…me!!!
Selphie: Ugh…I don't get enough credit around here. She drew a few curagas from Squall and cast them on him.
Squall: Thanks Selph! You're the bestest friend…. he was interrupted by Selphie
Selphie: What did you say?"
Squall: Jeez, your mind is always playing tricks on you, he…he… sweatdrop Er…nothing.
Selphie: Whatever…now how are we going to move this big chunk of stuff.
Squall cast Float on Zell.
Squall: Does that work?
Selphie: No, now all we have is a fat guy floating in mid air!
Squall: Er…how about this? He cast Esuna on him.
Selphie: Esuna what in the hell are you thinking?
Squall: Er…obesity is a status effect?
Selphie: How can a guy like you turn out to be so STUPID!!!!
Squall: I dunno…
For the next few hours, the two friends tried everything they could think of to try to move Zell. They tried: zapping him with thundaga, burning him with fira, hitting him with meteors, and even summoning a GF to help carry him, only succeeding in severely injuring him. After it all, Zell was still some unconscious fat guy lying on the training center ground, but now he was burnt, electrocuted and all that good stuff.
Selphie: What are we going to do now! Selphie fell onto her bottom in frustration. Zell's still out cold. She poked Zell with a stick, he still didn't stir. Look at him, he's just lying there, struggling to breathe…
Squall: Lets do the sensible thing and ask for hel…
Again, Squall was interrupted.
Squall: Why don't you people just let me finish my freakin' sentences!!
Strange voice: Did someone say 'HELP'?
Selphie and Squall: Who are you?! Both of them pulled out their weapons.
Rinoa popped out from behind a bush. Apparently she had gone insane. She had a bed sheet tied around her neck and Angelo by her side. She stood in a valiant pose, looking up at the sky.
Squall: Oh, its just Rinoa. Rinoa why are you dressed like that? He looked at his watch. Its way pass your naptime.
Rinoa: No, no, no. Not Rinoa! My name is Super Duper Girl. Defender of the weak, Helper to the Help needy, good Samaritan to the people like you, people who need good Samaritans. Chick Chicka KABOOM!!! Faster than lightning, slower than a one-legged tortoise, smarter than a Turkey!!! My name is Super Duper Girl and I'm here to help you! Fear not, Super Duper Girl is here!
Selphie: Oh god Rinoa….sweatdrop.
Rinoa: I am here to help you.
Selphie: And how are you gonna do that?
Rinoa: Plain and simple, I will call upon my sidekick.
Selphie: Sidekick?
Rinoa: Yes, my very own sidekick, Empire State Building Boy!
Selphie: Empire State Building Boy?
Rinoa: Yes, Empire State Building Boy. Rinoa pulled out an Oscar Meyer Weenie whistle and blew into it. Empire State Building Boy! I call upon you!
The ground began to shake a little as a figure appeared in the dark shadows of the training center. It was Hubert. He had a Band-Aid on his nose.
Selphie (to herself): Eep! Please don't remember me, PLEASE! Don't remember me!
Hubert: You called upon me oh great Super Duper Girl?
Rinoa: Yes Empire State Building Boy! Move this mound of flesh to the Infirmary!!!!
Squall (mumbling): Get me away from this insanity.
Hubert effortlessly picked up Zell and carried him to the Infirmary. Everyone stared at the group as they walked behind Hubert. Especially Rinoa for she wore a bed sheet cape and walked with her chest out very robustly. They finally reached the end of their humiliating death walk. Dr.Kadowaki immediately tended to the ailing Zell.
Rinoa: Thank you Empire State Building Boy! You may go back to your bat cave.
Hubert: Yes, Super Duper Girl! Hubert ran off out of the Infirmary.
Rinoa: Fare thee well, may the force be with you. She leaves the Infirmary
Dr. Kadowaki: Okay, that Rinoa needs some help. Dr. Kadowaki said as she looked at the poor unconscious Zell. Are you sure this is Zell? When did Zell get so fat?"
Squall: He cleared his throat. It's a long stor….
Selphie (interrupting): He ate a whole ton of hot dogs all in one night!
Squall: Dammit Selphie!!! Why don't you let me finish?!
Selphie: Cause you talk too slow that's why!
Squall: *grumble grumble*
Zell: Huh? Where am I? Zell was finally revived.
Selphie: Zelly!!! Are you alright! Selphie ran to Zell's side. You were knocked out for so long!! I tried to carry you all by myself to the Infirmary, but I was too weak.
Squall: Grrrr….
Zell: Oh that's okay, why am all burned?
Selphie: he…he (^____^) sweatdrop Uh nothing…But the important thing is that you're okay.
Zell: Er…I guess.
Zell began to cry.
Selphie: What's wrong, Zell?
Zell: Look me! I'm a big pile of blubber!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
Selphie: Zell don't cry! Being fat isn't wrong.
Zell: But I'm not fat!!!!!! I'm ENORMOUS!!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
Squall: You're not enormous…just er…big.
Zell: WAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
Selphie (sarcastically): Thanks Squall that helped a lot!
Squall: Can't say I didn't try…
Selphie: Grrr…
Zell: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
Selphie: Stop crying Zell, I know exactly what you need!
Zell: *sniffle* What's that?
Selphie: A personal trainer! And what a better person to be your personal trainer than me!!! ^.^V
Squall: sweatdrop