Authors Note: Here we go again. Not much to say about this one. It involves me, Meru, Kongol, and Haschel being sent out to do errands for the rest of the Dragoons. I'm sure most of you can imagine what can happen when four idiots are sent out to do important things. Here's a little mini-quest so to speak, try to count how many times the words "idiot", "moron", "stupid" or anything similar to that is used. Bet ya can't do it! =o Also, for this fic (And any others I write after this one.) I put a space between dialogue. I realized that it's a bit easier to read that way. Ok then, here we go!
A Bit of Pointless Information: "The Inn" that we hang out in in these fanfics, which has remained unnamed, is the inn in (Heh heh...That sounds funny.) Fueno...Just...Not in Fueno anymore. It's...Somewhere else...(For the love of Soa, please tell me that makes sense.) Yeah, ya know, the one where Dart and Rose met up with everyone again after falling off the ghost ship. Err. That was a spoiler for anyone who isn't at that part of the game yet, wasn't it? *Gets pegged with random objects* ARK! OK OK! SORRY! *Mutters*
The Legend With A (Bad) Plot
(After the Dragoons and Dee's so called truce is made, everyone heads back to the inn for some donuts and Pepsi.)
Dee: Ya know, I'll have to get you all back for trying to kill me. It was just mean! I'M SCARRED FOR LIFE!
Rose: ...You were already scarred for life...
Dee: Wow! You're right! YAY! YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO ME! HA HAAAAAAA!
Dart: There's still time for me to throw her off a cliff or something.
Albert: I really think we should.
Dee: Nope! We made a truce!
Miranda: Maybe, but that doesn't mean we can't beat on you.
Dee: Umm...? (Whimpers) Yes it does...?
Rose: Actually no. The truce we made was so that we wouldn't KILL you. But we CAN maim you. That doesn't count as killing.
Dee:...DAMNIT!
Kongol: KONGOL HUNGRY!
Meru: MERU HUNGRY!
Haschel:...Umm...Haschel tired?
Lloyd: Rose? Can I worship you some more?!
Rose: When we get back to the inn.
Lloyd: YES!
(Lloyd starts dancing around like an idiot, as if he had just achieved his life goal.)
Lloyd: I HAVE ACHIEVED MY LIFE GOAL!
(...Umm...Yeah...Like I said. Moving right along. They reach the inn, and decide to have a party for no good reason. Most likely just to eat until they explode and make a huge mess that someone else has to clean up.)
All: SHUT UP NARRATOR!
(Make me.)
Rose: What's taking Dart so long?!
(As if on cue, Dart rushes into the room, looking deathly pale, as if he had just seen a ghost.)
Dee: Dude. Dart. You're lookin' kinda pale there. Do you get enough sun?
Dart: THIS IS NO TIME FOR JOKES! WE'RE OUT OF FOOD!
All: WHAT?! NOOOOOOOOOOO!
(There is nothing worse than nine hungry idiots, my friends.)
Lloyd: IT'S A SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE! AHHHHHHHH!
*Note* Yes. A sign of the apocalypse. So now you can run around your house screaming that you want your mommy, or run around town with a sign that says "The end is near!".
Albert: Wait! I just got a brilliant idea!
(God forbid.)
Albert: What if we send someone out to get MORE food?!
Meru: For the love of Soa, Al! How do you think these things up?!
Albert: (His ego inflates to an enormous size.) I'm just talented like that.
Rose: Ok. But who do we send?
Lloyd: Let's make Dee do it!
Dee: Hey! Why me?!
Lloyd: Because we said so.
Dee: (Long pause.) Crapola! They got me there!
Haschel: Waaaaaait a minute. Dee is destined to mess up at everything, so therefore sending her by herself would be a mistake.
Dart: Ok. Then Meru will go with her.
Haschel:...You do realize that doesn't help at all? In fact that makes it worse.
Dart: Then Kongol will go with them.
Haschel: (Silent)
Dart: Well if you don't like any of MY ideas, why don't YOU go with them?!
Haschel: (Looks hurt.) Dart?! How could you do that to me?!
Albert: Dart's idea is actually good for once. You can keep them in line.
Haschel: I'm too old for this!
Dee, Meru, and Kongol: We know!
Haschel: (Typical long pause.) Ok! Now you're all getting a beating!
(The three run out screaming, and Haschel chases after them.)
Lloyd: Cool! We didn't have to force them out!
Rose: Lloyd. You may now worship me.
Lloyd: YES!
(Lloyd begins to worship Rose. Meanwhile...)
Dee: Ok! So....We gotta find this store place!
Meru: (Looking overconfident.) Sounds easy enough!
Kongol: Kongol find store!
Haschel: I think it's this way!
(They all wander around for quite a a while, until then end up in London, England. Hey, don't ask me. They just do.)
All: What the?
Dee: DUDE! CHECK OUT THE BIG CLOCK!
Meru: COOL!
(Dee and Meru stare up at the "Big Clock".)
Kongol: Kongol want cheese!
Haschel: (Annoyed) You want everything!
Kongol:...Kongol want Haschel to shut up.
Haschel: (Blinks) Right then. Grab the idiots and let's get out of here.
(Kongol grabs Dee and Meru, who are still staring in awe at the "Big Clock", and drags them off, following Haschel. Next, they arrive in Egypt.)
Haschel: Err. I get the feeling we're in the wrong place again.
Dee: DUDE! CHECK OUT THE GUYS HEAD ON THE CATS BODY!
MERU: COOL!
(Dee and Meru stare up at the "Big Guy With A Cat Body".)
Kongol: EEEEEK! KONGOL NO LIKE CAT!
(Kongol hides behind Haschel, who begins rubbing his forehead.)
Haschel: I have got SUCH a headache already...Kongol. Get the girls and let's go.
Kongol: B-but...Kongol scared of giant cat!
Haschel: AGH! IT'S FAKE YOU MORON!
Kongol: But it still a giant cat! It scaaaaary! (Cries)
Haschel: Fine fine. I'LL get them.
(Haschel walks up to Dee and Meru, grabs them by one arm each, and drags them away, followed by a freaked out Kongol. Dee and Meru continue to stare at the "Big Guy With A Cat Body" as they get dragged away. Let's take a brief look back at the inn, shall we?...)
Rose: REGIS IS SO ANNOYING! KILLLLLLL HIIIIIM!
(Everyone is sitting in front of the TV, watching that annoying show that is loved by millions, "Who Wants To Be a Millionaire".)
Dart: IT'S C! C YOU IDIOT!
Guy in Hot Seat: Well. You know, one time I...(Starts telling a really long story that has no meaning.)
Lloyd: Why do they ALWAYS do that?!
Albert: They have to waste time. So that it looks like Regis is doing something.
Rose: So basically he gets paid for sitting there listening to peoples stupid stories and saying "Is that your final answer"?
Albert: Exactly.
(Right. I think I'd rather be with the other morons. Back to the idiots we all know and love. Now they have arrived in China.)
Haschel: NOW where are we?!
Dee: DUDE! CHECK OUT THE REALLY BIG WALL!
Meru: COOL!
(They stare at the "Really Big Wall".)
Haschel: This is insane! Where is that stupid store?!
Kongol: Kongol still hungry!
***
Dart: What's taking them so long? It's been hours already!
Lloyd: Need...Food...Dying...Of...Hunger...
(Lloyd collapses on the floor.)
Rose: Oh look. Lloyd collapsed. Looks like he needs mouth to mouth!
Albert: ...What was that?
Rose: Err...Nothing. Anyway, don't worry. They should be back any second now.
(As if on cue, the door swings open, and in walk Dee, Meru and Kongol, followed by Haschel, who does not look well at all.)
Dart: THERE you are! What took you guys so long?!
Albert: Here's an even better question, where's the food?
Dee:...Food? (Turns to Meru.) Did he say food?!
Meru: (Turns to Dee.) I think he did!
(Dee and Meru suddenly tackle Albert.)
*Note* Rap's is going to kill me. Note to self, find good hiding place after posting fic...
Both: WHERE'S THE FOOD?!
Albert: YOU were supposed to go get it!
Dee:...Oh...
Meru:...I knew we left out a minor detail.
(They get off Albert, and walk back to Haschel. Albert stands back up, looking a bit irritated.)
Albert: You mean to tell us that you've been wandering around for hours and couldn't take a few minutes out to go to the store?!
Dee, Meru, and Kongol: Umm...
(They all step to the side, deciding to leave the explaining to Haschel.)
Haschel: We couldn't find the stupid store! What do you want from us?!
Rose: (Her eye starts twitching.)The store...Is right across the street...
(The four blink, and look out the window, sure enough, there is the store. Which will remain unnamed because Dee is lazy.)
Dee: Oh...
Meru: Umm...
Kongol:...We knew that.
Haschel: Uhh...What he said.
(Behold! These are the creatures known as "The Idiots"!)
Dee: What was that narrator?!
(You heard me.)
Rose: Oh no. Not THIS again...DEE! STOP ARGUING WITH THE NARRATOR!
Dee: Hmm...No. GET OUT OF YOUR PARENTHESES SO I CAN HURT YOU!
(Dee grabs the narrator and throws him out of the narrative parenthesis.)
Meru: Whoa. Wait a second. If the narrator was the one doing the action, then who just narrated the narrators action?
All: What...?
(Yes! I am the narrator of the narrator!)
All: Riiiight...
(Meanwhile, the narrator and Dee are kicking the crap out of each other.)
Lloyd: So. How much does the narrator of the narrator get paid?
Rose: Good question.
Albert: ENOUGH!
(Albert kicks Dee away, and grabs the Narrator, tossing him back into his narrative parentheses. Damn! There goes my job!)
Haschel: Oh why me Soa...Why must I be stuck with these morons?
(Look who's back! MWAHAHAHAHA!)
Dee: I hate you...(Gives the narrator the evil eye.)
(I know.)
Albert: YOU FOUR! GO GET THE FOOD! NOOOOW!
(His eye starts to twitch, freaking everyone out.)
Haschel: Ok fine. So it's right across the street?
Dart: Yeah. It's right over there, next to the CVS.
(Dee suddenly freezes, and gets quite pale.)
Dee:...C...V...S...? YOU DARE MENTION THAT HORRIBLE PLACE IN MY PRESENCE?!
*Note* Ok. I guess it's about time I explained to you guys why I'm always insulting CVS. The CVS near where I live is pathetic. Their candy sucks, their pharmacy takes about 5 hours to fill a tiny bottle with pre-made medication, the people who work there are mean, etc. But what REALLY got me to hate them was the fact that the NesQuik they sold was always outdated. ALWAYS. *Notices the readers staring at her strangly* Hey! I like my NesQuik! THE NESQUIK BUNNY IS MY MAN! ...Yeah. So then they decided to just not sell it at all, and I was like "WHAT?! TO HELL WITH YOOOOOOU!!!!". And that's the lovely story of why I hate CVS. *Holds up a sign that says "Applause"*
Dee: I AM NOT going within 500 Feet of a CVS! NEVER!
(Dee crosses her arms and stands there, refusing to move. Haschel turns to Kongol, who nods in understanding. Kongol then walks over to Dee, lifts her up, and tosses her over his shoulder. Haschel then walks out, followed by Kongol carrying Dee, and finally Meru.)
Dee: NOOOOOOO! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! I'M THE ALMIGHTY AUTHOR!
(Dee kicks and screams bloody murder. Meru shuts the door behind her when she leaves, and everyone else just stares.)
Rose:...Wow.
Dart: Dee has more mental problems than we thought...
***
(Inside the store, the happy customers are happily buying their merchandise, so that their happy lives will be even more happy. It's amazingly quiet and peaceful. But the happy customers are unaware of the danger/idiocy approaching them. Haschel and others reach the store, and Dee has amazingly calmed down, now she's just whimpering and whispering things like "Can't sleep...The CVS manager will eat me..." to herself. They all stop in front of the automatically opening doors, and Kongol sets Dee down. She curls up into a ball on the ground and sobs to herself.)
Haschel: Yeah. We're here then. Let's go in.
Dee: (Freaks out.) ME FIRST! I MUST GET SHELTER FROM THE CVS NUKES!
(Dee rushes towards the door, which opens as she nears it. Being paranoid at the moment, she thinks it's some evil device created by CVS jumping out of no where to kill her. She screams and dives behind Kongol.)
Dee: AHHHHH! IT'S GONNA EAT ME!
Haschel: Umm. Did that door just open on it's own?
Kongol: Kongol think we are going nuts.
Meru: You're all seeing stuff!
(Meru steps up the door and stands in front of it. After a few seconds of nothing happening, she turns back to the guys and Dee.)
Meru: Ha! I TOLD you!
(The door then swings open, smacking Meru in the back and sending her flying forward, landing flat on her face.)
Meru: AHHHH! POSSESSED DOOR!
(She gets up and hides behind Kongol as well.)
Haschel: Idiots...Let ME try.
(Haschel also walks up to the door, only he happens to stand in front of the "Out" door. He waits for the door to open, and looks frustrated when nothing happens.)
Haschel: How come it worked for you two morons, but not me?
(One of the happy customers finishes their happy shopping, and happily skips towards the door, which opens, hitting into Haschel. The happy customer exits, and the door closes, leaving Haschel standing there with a pain-filled look on his face.)
Kongol: Umm. Haschel?
(Haschel then falls onto his back twitching. Kongol's facial expression becomes that of annoyance.)
Kongol: Fine. Then Kongol open door since everyone else have problem.
(Kongol walks up to the door and rips it off it's hinges, then tosses it aside. He then turns to his companions.)
Kongol: Coming?
Dee:...That'll work.
Meru:...Yeah.
Haschel: (Twitches some more.)
***
(The Moron Brigade enters the store, and Dee's eyes widen at the sight of all the food.)
Dee: Oh...My...Soa...
(Meru also stares.)
Meru: We have died and gone to heaven!
Haschel: Calm down you two. We were sent here for a few specific things...Which I forgot.
Kongol: Others going to be mad if we get wrong things...
Meru: It can't be THAT hard! We'll just walk around and when we see what they wanted we'll remember!
Haschel: Where did you get that idea?
(Meru points to Dee, who holds up her copy of "Solutions For Every Occasion For Dummies".)
Haschel: I should've figured that.
Kongol: Yes. Yes you should've.
Haschel: Well I guess we should just follow that plan. It could work...If we're lucky.
Dee: Which we never are?
Haschel: (Stays silent for a while.) Just shut up and get one of those carts. (Points)
(Dee shrugs and walks back out through Kongol's newly made entrance, and walks over to a row of shopping carts. She grabs one of those annoying ones with the squeaky and wobbly wheels, and pushes it back inside. Haschel lifts a brow at the sight of it.)
Haschel: This one sucks!
Dee: Oh deal with it. And YOU push it. I'm too lazy. (Shoves the cart towards him.)
Haschel: Fine then!
Meru: (Blinks) Where's Kongol?
(They look around for the Giganto, and they spot him playing with one of the cash registers while the cashier cowers in fear.)
Kongol: Hehe...Kongol press button! Ooh! Pretty number come up on screen! HA HA HA!
Haschel: ...I ask again...Why me Soa?
***
(Back at the inn, Guaraha and Shana have returned from doing...Whatever it is they were doing in the first place. Actually, Dee is just looking for an excuse, because she forgot that they were still at the inn from the previous fics. Everyone is seen gathered around one of the tables, playing cards. It seems Dee it not original enough to give them something better to do.)
Dart: Go fish!
Guaraha: We're playing Poker you idiot!
Shana: SEE?! EVERYONE IS EVIL! HE JUST CALLED MY MAN AN IDIOT! HE HAS PROVED THAT THE WORLD IS FULL OF CRUEL BEINGS!
Rose: SHUT UP!
Albert: STOP YELLING!
Rose: MAKE ME!!
Lloyd: (Worshipping Rose.)
Miranda: (Slamming her head into the table over and over again.) I am constantly surrounded by idiots...
(Now you know how I feel.)
***
Vahn:...What're we doing in this fic?
Gala: Haven't you tortured us enough yet, Dee?
Noa: I'm confused...
Songi: I AM STRONG LIKE BULL! I AM A MANLY MAN! (Struts around.)
***
(...That was odd.)
Dee: Yes. That it was. But you should've expected that.
(Indeed.)
Dee: Now get back to narrating.
(Yes, my "Almighty Employer".)
Dee:...Was the narrator just being respectful to me?
(Don't get used to it.)
***
(Back in the store, Haschel and Kongol stare as Dee and Meru run down the aisles, tossing anything and everything they can get their hands on into the cart.)
Dee: I think they wanted this!
Meru: No! They wanted THIS!
Dee: Wait! It was neither of those! They wanted THIS!
Meru: NO! It was one of the other ones!
Haschel: This thing is getting too heavy to push!
(Kongol makes sure no one is watching, then snatches a box of Mini Muffins from the cart and stuffs the whole thing in his mouth. A happy customer that was nearby lifts a brow and slowly makes his way out of the store.)
Dee: No way! You're an idiot! They wanted this!
Meru: I'm more intelligent than you! And they wanted this! Not that!
Haschel: ENOUGH! THEY DIDN'T WANT THIS OR THAT! THEY WANTED SOMETHING ELSE!
(Meanwhile, Kongol has taken other things from the cart and eaten them leaving practically nothing left.)
Haschel: What happened to our original plan anyway?!
Dee and Meru: Plan...?
Haschel: AGH! YOU TWO ARE IMPOSSIBLE!
(Haschel stops yelling when he notices that there is now nothing in the cart. Dee and Meru also look.)
Dee: Well. That's odd.
Meru: Very.
Kongol: Umm...Yes...Very odd.
Haschel: Uhh...Kongol?
Kongol: WHAT?! ARE YOU ACCUSING KONGOL OF EATING EVERYTHING IN CART?! WHAT KIND OF FRIEND ARE YOU TO KONGOL?! YOU MAKE KONGOL MAD!
(Kongol turns, crossing his arms and shunning Haschel. Dee and Meru both blink and look at each other, equally confused.)
Dee: What's going on?
Meru: If I knew I'd tell you.
Haschel: I think my headache is coming back...
***
(Kongol finally stops shunning Haschel, and now the four are back to trying to figure out what to do.)
Dee: Ok...Our first plan didn't work.
Haschel: Especially considering the fact that you and Meru forgot what it was...
Dee: Shut up and let me think.
(Dee amazingly starts to think.)
Dee: Ow...That hurts...I shouldn't do that too often.
Haschel: You mean like you normally don't?
Dee: Exactly.
Kongol: Kongol tired of standing around. Why don't we just buy whatever we think others wanted?
Meru: And what if we buy the wrong things?
Kongol: Then we buy wrong things. What's the worse others could do?
Dee: Throws us off a high cliff and laugh as we fall to our dooms?
Meru: Rip out our internal organs slowly and painfully?
Haschel: Invite Kaffie over and lock us in a room with her?
(Everyone shudders.)
Kongol: Ok...So that won't work. Thought of being locked in room with Kaffie scary.
(They all start to think again. Once again, back with the others.)
Rose: LLOYD! KISS MY FEET!
Lloyd: Yes, my Goddess! (Begins kissing her feet.)
Everyone Else: Amazing...
(...That's quite enough of that. Cue the little star thingys!)
***
(Dee and Meru are seen standing by a pay phone. Dee is holding the phone to her ear, and Meru is standing nearby so she can hear everything, and talk if she has to. Haschel is just standing there, and Kongol is leaning against the wall.)
Haschel: I don't see how this will work. Those things are so fake.
Dee: FAKE?! YOU DARE CALL MISS CLEO FAKE?!
Haschel: Yes! Either way, if this "Miss Cleo" was a real psychic, why would she tell you something stupid like what the others wanted!
Dee: If we ask her she will! Idiot! (Sticks her tongue out at him.)
Meru: Have you ever done this before, Dee?
Dee: Uhh...No.
(Before anyone can complain and another argument can start, a voice comes on the phone, which is obviously a recording.)
Recorded Voice: This is Miss Cleo! Thank you for calling our psychic hotline! Each minute only costs...
Dee: HEY! What gives?! I wanna speak to the REAL Miss Cleo!
(Dee starts to shake the phone, but nothing happens. Finally Meru gets annoyed and pulls out her sacred Mallet O' Death. She bashes the pay phone to bits.)
Manager: Hey! You troublemakers! That was the ph--
(The manager stops short when everyone glares at him, and Meru holds up the sacred Mallet O' Death again. Kongol motions to his large battle axe. The manager laughs nervously, and quickly makes his way back to his office.)
***
(God those star thingys are getting annoying.)
Haschel: Well, we could've just called the others instead of your stupid psychic hotline, and we wouldn't be stuck standing here trying to figure out what to do! But noooooooo! You have to call this "Miss Cleo" person, THEN SMASH THE PHONE TO PIECES ONCE YOU REALIZE IT WAS FAKE EVEN THOUGH I TOLD YOU THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE!!
Dee: (Looks up at Haschel.) What? I'm sorry, did you say something?
Haschel: AGGGGGGGGH!
(Haschel freaks out, and begins slamming his head into the wall. The happy customers who have yet to be scared away by the "Idiots of Doom" finally are. Meru pays no attention to Haschel, and starts whining instead.)
Meru: I'm hungry! And I need some caffeine! Let's get some Pepsi and donuts!
(Haschel suddenly stops slamming his head into the wall and turns to the other three.)
Haschel: That's it! That's what the others wanted!
Meru: Whoa! Really?!
Kongol: Meru is a genius!
Dee: YAY!
(They all start dancing around like the fools they are. Some of the workers quit, saying that they don't deserve to see such idiocy.)
***
(More little star thingys...Joy. Back at the inn again. Everyone is just sitting around, and no one has said anything for a while. Finally Dart sits up and speaks.)
Dart: You guys think they'll be back sometime soon?
Albert: They better be...They're taking too long as it is.
Rose: I'm going to kill all four of them...Slowly and painfully.
Shana: SEE?! MORE EVIL! IT'S EVERYWHERE!
Miranda: Oh shut up, Shana!
Guaraha: This is boring...And I'm hungry.
Lloyd: Tell me about it.
(Just then, the door swings open and Kongol steps it, carrying a whole bunch of bags containing bottles of Pepsi, donuts, and various other foods/drinks. Haschel, Meru, and Dee follow him in. Everyone stares in disbelief, amazed that the idiots actually did something right.)
Dart: You four actually did something right?!
Albert: Amazing! Absolutely amazing!
Rose: I'M GOING TO KILL ALL FOUR OF YOU!
(Rose jumps up and lunges at them, but Lloyd holds her back.)
Rose: MAKE US WAIT FOR HOURS, WILL YOU?! I'LL RIP OUT YOUR INTESTINES AND STRING THEM FOR CHRISTMAS!
All:...
Kongol: (Sets the bags down on a table.) Kongol suggest Lloyd doesn't let go until Rose calms down.
Lloyd: That's a very good idea.
Rose: KIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLL!
Miranda: Well, what are we waiting for? Let's have our party! I'm getting tired of sitting around!
Guaraha: PARTY! WOO HOO!
Shana: YOU'RE ALL EVIL! EEEEEEEEVVVVVVVIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLL!
Rose: YOU WILL ALL DIE AT THE HAND OF THE GREAT ROSE! ROOOOOOOOOOOOAR!
Dee: She's really creeping me out...
Meru: (Is too busy chugging Pepsi to make any stupid comments.)
Haschel: I don't think this headache is going to go away anytime soon...OH WELL! (Passes out cans of Pepsi to everyone.)
All: THE JOY OF COLAAAAAAA!
(And they all lived happily ever after! At least until Dee decides to write yet another strange fanfic.)
END!
***
Narrator: I thought we were done?
We are...
Narrator: Well then why are you still typing...?
Uhh...To waste time?
Narrator: Just...Stop typing...NOW.
Hey! I'm the boss around here!
Narrator:...Stop typing...
Agh. Fine.
A Bit of Pointless Information: "The Inn" that we hang out in in these fanfics, which has remained unnamed, is the inn in (Heh heh...That sounds funny.) Fueno...Just...Not in Fueno anymore. It's...Somewhere else...(For the love of Soa, please tell me that makes sense.) Yeah, ya know, the one where Dart and Rose met up with everyone again after falling off the ghost ship. Err. That was a spoiler for anyone who isn't at that part of the game yet, wasn't it? *Gets pegged with random objects* ARK! OK OK! SORRY! *Mutters*
The Legend With A (Bad) Plot
(After the Dragoons and Dee's so called truce is made, everyone heads back to the inn for some donuts and Pepsi.)
Dee: Ya know, I'll have to get you all back for trying to kill me. It was just mean! I'M SCARRED FOR LIFE!
Rose: ...You were already scarred for life...
Dee: Wow! You're right! YAY! YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO ME! HA HAAAAAAA!
Dart: There's still time for me to throw her off a cliff or something.
Albert: I really think we should.
Dee: Nope! We made a truce!
Miranda: Maybe, but that doesn't mean we can't beat on you.
Dee: Umm...? (Whimpers) Yes it does...?
Rose: Actually no. The truce we made was so that we wouldn't KILL you. But we CAN maim you. That doesn't count as killing.
Dee:...DAMNIT!
Kongol: KONGOL HUNGRY!
Meru: MERU HUNGRY!
Haschel:...Umm...Haschel tired?
Lloyd: Rose? Can I worship you some more?!
Rose: When we get back to the inn.
Lloyd: YES!
(Lloyd starts dancing around like an idiot, as if he had just achieved his life goal.)
Lloyd: I HAVE ACHIEVED MY LIFE GOAL!
(...Umm...Yeah...Like I said. Moving right along. They reach the inn, and decide to have a party for no good reason. Most likely just to eat until they explode and make a huge mess that someone else has to clean up.)
All: SHUT UP NARRATOR!
(Make me.)
Rose: What's taking Dart so long?!
(As if on cue, Dart rushes into the room, looking deathly pale, as if he had just seen a ghost.)
Dee: Dude. Dart. You're lookin' kinda pale there. Do you get enough sun?
Dart: THIS IS NO TIME FOR JOKES! WE'RE OUT OF FOOD!
All: WHAT?! NOOOOOOOOOOO!
(There is nothing worse than nine hungry idiots, my friends.)
Lloyd: IT'S A SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE! AHHHHHHHH!
*Note* Yes. A sign of the apocalypse. So now you can run around your house screaming that you want your mommy, or run around town with a sign that says "The end is near!".
Albert: Wait! I just got a brilliant idea!
(God forbid.)
Albert: What if we send someone out to get MORE food?!
Meru: For the love of Soa, Al! How do you think these things up?!
Albert: (His ego inflates to an enormous size.) I'm just talented like that.
Rose: Ok. But who do we send?
Lloyd: Let's make Dee do it!
Dee: Hey! Why me?!
Lloyd: Because we said so.
Dee: (Long pause.) Crapola! They got me there!
Haschel: Waaaaaait a minute. Dee is destined to mess up at everything, so therefore sending her by herself would be a mistake.
Dart: Ok. Then Meru will go with her.
Haschel:...You do realize that doesn't help at all? In fact that makes it worse.
Dart: Then Kongol will go with them.
Haschel: (Silent)
Dart: Well if you don't like any of MY ideas, why don't YOU go with them?!
Haschel: (Looks hurt.) Dart?! How could you do that to me?!
Albert: Dart's idea is actually good for once. You can keep them in line.
Haschel: I'm too old for this!
Dee, Meru, and Kongol: We know!
Haschel: (Typical long pause.) Ok! Now you're all getting a beating!
(The three run out screaming, and Haschel chases after them.)
Lloyd: Cool! We didn't have to force them out!
Rose: Lloyd. You may now worship me.
Lloyd: YES!
(Lloyd begins to worship Rose. Meanwhile...)
Dee: Ok! So....We gotta find this store place!
Meru: (Looking overconfident.) Sounds easy enough!
Kongol: Kongol find store!
Haschel: I think it's this way!
(They all wander around for quite a a while, until then end up in London, England. Hey, don't ask me. They just do.)
All: What the?
Dee: DUDE! CHECK OUT THE BIG CLOCK!
Meru: COOL!
(Dee and Meru stare up at the "Big Clock".)
Kongol: Kongol want cheese!
Haschel: (Annoyed) You want everything!
Kongol:...Kongol want Haschel to shut up.
Haschel: (Blinks) Right then. Grab the idiots and let's get out of here.
(Kongol grabs Dee and Meru, who are still staring in awe at the "Big Clock", and drags them off, following Haschel. Next, they arrive in Egypt.)
Haschel: Err. I get the feeling we're in the wrong place again.
Dee: DUDE! CHECK OUT THE GUYS HEAD ON THE CATS BODY!
MERU: COOL!
(Dee and Meru stare up at the "Big Guy With A Cat Body".)
Kongol: EEEEEK! KONGOL NO LIKE CAT!
(Kongol hides behind Haschel, who begins rubbing his forehead.)
Haschel: I have got SUCH a headache already...Kongol. Get the girls and let's go.
Kongol: B-but...Kongol scared of giant cat!
Haschel: AGH! IT'S FAKE YOU MORON!
Kongol: But it still a giant cat! It scaaaaary! (Cries)
Haschel: Fine fine. I'LL get them.
(Haschel walks up to Dee and Meru, grabs them by one arm each, and drags them away, followed by a freaked out Kongol. Dee and Meru continue to stare at the "Big Guy With A Cat Body" as they get dragged away. Let's take a brief look back at the inn, shall we?...)
Rose: REGIS IS SO ANNOYING! KILLLLLLL HIIIIIM!
(Everyone is sitting in front of the TV, watching that annoying show that is loved by millions, "Who Wants To Be a Millionaire".)
Dart: IT'S C! C YOU IDIOT!
Guy in Hot Seat: Well. You know, one time I...(Starts telling a really long story that has no meaning.)
Lloyd: Why do they ALWAYS do that?!
Albert: They have to waste time. So that it looks like Regis is doing something.
Rose: So basically he gets paid for sitting there listening to peoples stupid stories and saying "Is that your final answer"?
Albert: Exactly.
(Right. I think I'd rather be with the other morons. Back to the idiots we all know and love. Now they have arrived in China.)
Haschel: NOW where are we?!
Dee: DUDE! CHECK OUT THE REALLY BIG WALL!
Meru: COOL!
(They stare at the "Really Big Wall".)
Haschel: This is insane! Where is that stupid store?!
Kongol: Kongol still hungry!
***
Dart: What's taking them so long? It's been hours already!
Lloyd: Need...Food...Dying...Of...Hunger...
(Lloyd collapses on the floor.)
Rose: Oh look. Lloyd collapsed. Looks like he needs mouth to mouth!
Albert: ...What was that?
Rose: Err...Nothing. Anyway, don't worry. They should be back any second now.
(As if on cue, the door swings open, and in walk Dee, Meru and Kongol, followed by Haschel, who does not look well at all.)
Dart: THERE you are! What took you guys so long?!
Albert: Here's an even better question, where's the food?
Dee:...Food? (Turns to Meru.) Did he say food?!
Meru: (Turns to Dee.) I think he did!
(Dee and Meru suddenly tackle Albert.)
*Note* Rap's is going to kill me. Note to self, find good hiding place after posting fic...
Both: WHERE'S THE FOOD?!
Albert: YOU were supposed to go get it!
Dee:...Oh...
Meru:...I knew we left out a minor detail.
(They get off Albert, and walk back to Haschel. Albert stands back up, looking a bit irritated.)
Albert: You mean to tell us that you've been wandering around for hours and couldn't take a few minutes out to go to the store?!
Dee, Meru, and Kongol: Umm...
(They all step to the side, deciding to leave the explaining to Haschel.)
Haschel: We couldn't find the stupid store! What do you want from us?!
Rose: (Her eye starts twitching.)The store...Is right across the street...
(The four blink, and look out the window, sure enough, there is the store. Which will remain unnamed because Dee is lazy.)
Dee: Oh...
Meru: Umm...
Kongol:...We knew that.
Haschel: Uhh...What he said.
(Behold! These are the creatures known as "The Idiots"!)
Dee: What was that narrator?!
(You heard me.)
Rose: Oh no. Not THIS again...DEE! STOP ARGUING WITH THE NARRATOR!
Dee: Hmm...No. GET OUT OF YOUR PARENTHESES SO I CAN HURT YOU!
(Dee grabs the narrator and throws him out of the narrative parenthesis.)
Meru: Whoa. Wait a second. If the narrator was the one doing the action, then who just narrated the narrators action?
All: What...?
(Yes! I am the narrator of the narrator!)
All: Riiiight...
(Meanwhile, the narrator and Dee are kicking the crap out of each other.)
Lloyd: So. How much does the narrator of the narrator get paid?
Rose: Good question.
Albert: ENOUGH!
(Albert kicks Dee away, and grabs the Narrator, tossing him back into his narrative parentheses. Damn! There goes my job!)
Haschel: Oh why me Soa...Why must I be stuck with these morons?
(Look who's back! MWAHAHAHAHA!)
Dee: I hate you...(Gives the narrator the evil eye.)
(I know.)
Albert: YOU FOUR! GO GET THE FOOD! NOOOOW!
(His eye starts to twitch, freaking everyone out.)
Haschel: Ok fine. So it's right across the street?
Dart: Yeah. It's right over there, next to the CVS.
(Dee suddenly freezes, and gets quite pale.)
Dee:...C...V...S...? YOU DARE MENTION THAT HORRIBLE PLACE IN MY PRESENCE?!
*Note* Ok. I guess it's about time I explained to you guys why I'm always insulting CVS. The CVS near where I live is pathetic. Their candy sucks, their pharmacy takes about 5 hours to fill a tiny bottle with pre-made medication, the people who work there are mean, etc. But what REALLY got me to hate them was the fact that the NesQuik they sold was always outdated. ALWAYS. *Notices the readers staring at her strangly* Hey! I like my NesQuik! THE NESQUIK BUNNY IS MY MAN! ...Yeah. So then they decided to just not sell it at all, and I was like "WHAT?! TO HELL WITH YOOOOOOU!!!!". And that's the lovely story of why I hate CVS. *Holds up a sign that says "Applause"*
Dee: I AM NOT going within 500 Feet of a CVS! NEVER!
(Dee crosses her arms and stands there, refusing to move. Haschel turns to Kongol, who nods in understanding. Kongol then walks over to Dee, lifts her up, and tosses her over his shoulder. Haschel then walks out, followed by Kongol carrying Dee, and finally Meru.)
Dee: NOOOOOOO! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! I'M THE ALMIGHTY AUTHOR!
(Dee kicks and screams bloody murder. Meru shuts the door behind her when she leaves, and everyone else just stares.)
Rose:...Wow.
Dart: Dee has more mental problems than we thought...
***
(Inside the store, the happy customers are happily buying their merchandise, so that their happy lives will be even more happy. It's amazingly quiet and peaceful. But the happy customers are unaware of the danger/idiocy approaching them. Haschel and others reach the store, and Dee has amazingly calmed down, now she's just whimpering and whispering things like "Can't sleep...The CVS manager will eat me..." to herself. They all stop in front of the automatically opening doors, and Kongol sets Dee down. She curls up into a ball on the ground and sobs to herself.)
Haschel: Yeah. We're here then. Let's go in.
Dee: (Freaks out.) ME FIRST! I MUST GET SHELTER FROM THE CVS NUKES!
(Dee rushes towards the door, which opens as she nears it. Being paranoid at the moment, she thinks it's some evil device created by CVS jumping out of no where to kill her. She screams and dives behind Kongol.)
Dee: AHHHHH! IT'S GONNA EAT ME!
Haschel: Umm. Did that door just open on it's own?
Kongol: Kongol think we are going nuts.
Meru: You're all seeing stuff!
(Meru steps up the door and stands in front of it. After a few seconds of nothing happening, she turns back to the guys and Dee.)
Meru: Ha! I TOLD you!
(The door then swings open, smacking Meru in the back and sending her flying forward, landing flat on her face.)
Meru: AHHHH! POSSESSED DOOR!
(She gets up and hides behind Kongol as well.)
Haschel: Idiots...Let ME try.
(Haschel also walks up to the door, only he happens to stand in front of the "Out" door. He waits for the door to open, and looks frustrated when nothing happens.)
Haschel: How come it worked for you two morons, but not me?
(One of the happy customers finishes their happy shopping, and happily skips towards the door, which opens, hitting into Haschel. The happy customer exits, and the door closes, leaving Haschel standing there with a pain-filled look on his face.)
Kongol: Umm. Haschel?
(Haschel then falls onto his back twitching. Kongol's facial expression becomes that of annoyance.)
Kongol: Fine. Then Kongol open door since everyone else have problem.
(Kongol walks up to the door and rips it off it's hinges, then tosses it aside. He then turns to his companions.)
Kongol: Coming?
Dee:...That'll work.
Meru:...Yeah.
Haschel: (Twitches some more.)
***
(The Moron Brigade enters the store, and Dee's eyes widen at the sight of all the food.)
Dee: Oh...My...Soa...
(Meru also stares.)
Meru: We have died and gone to heaven!
Haschel: Calm down you two. We were sent here for a few specific things...Which I forgot.
Kongol: Others going to be mad if we get wrong things...
Meru: It can't be THAT hard! We'll just walk around and when we see what they wanted we'll remember!
Haschel: Where did you get that idea?
(Meru points to Dee, who holds up her copy of "Solutions For Every Occasion For Dummies".)
Haschel: I should've figured that.
Kongol: Yes. Yes you should've.
Haschel: Well I guess we should just follow that plan. It could work...If we're lucky.
Dee: Which we never are?
Haschel: (Stays silent for a while.) Just shut up and get one of those carts. (Points)
(Dee shrugs and walks back out through Kongol's newly made entrance, and walks over to a row of shopping carts. She grabs one of those annoying ones with the squeaky and wobbly wheels, and pushes it back inside. Haschel lifts a brow at the sight of it.)
Haschel: This one sucks!
Dee: Oh deal with it. And YOU push it. I'm too lazy. (Shoves the cart towards him.)
Haschel: Fine then!
Meru: (Blinks) Where's Kongol?
(They look around for the Giganto, and they spot him playing with one of the cash registers while the cashier cowers in fear.)
Kongol: Hehe...Kongol press button! Ooh! Pretty number come up on screen! HA HA HA!
Haschel: ...I ask again...Why me Soa?
***
(Back at the inn, Guaraha and Shana have returned from doing...Whatever it is they were doing in the first place. Actually, Dee is just looking for an excuse, because she forgot that they were still at the inn from the previous fics. Everyone is seen gathered around one of the tables, playing cards. It seems Dee it not original enough to give them something better to do.)
Dart: Go fish!
Guaraha: We're playing Poker you idiot!
Shana: SEE?! EVERYONE IS EVIL! HE JUST CALLED MY MAN AN IDIOT! HE HAS PROVED THAT THE WORLD IS FULL OF CRUEL BEINGS!
Rose: SHUT UP!
Albert: STOP YELLING!
Rose: MAKE ME!!
Lloyd: (Worshipping Rose.)
Miranda: (Slamming her head into the table over and over again.) I am constantly surrounded by idiots...
(Now you know how I feel.)
***
Vahn:...What're we doing in this fic?
Gala: Haven't you tortured us enough yet, Dee?
Noa: I'm confused...
Songi: I AM STRONG LIKE BULL! I AM A MANLY MAN! (Struts around.)
***
(...That was odd.)
Dee: Yes. That it was. But you should've expected that.
(Indeed.)
Dee: Now get back to narrating.
(Yes, my "Almighty Employer".)
Dee:...Was the narrator just being respectful to me?
(Don't get used to it.)
***
(Back in the store, Haschel and Kongol stare as Dee and Meru run down the aisles, tossing anything and everything they can get their hands on into the cart.)
Dee: I think they wanted this!
Meru: No! They wanted THIS!
Dee: Wait! It was neither of those! They wanted THIS!
Meru: NO! It was one of the other ones!
Haschel: This thing is getting too heavy to push!
(Kongol makes sure no one is watching, then snatches a box of Mini Muffins from the cart and stuffs the whole thing in his mouth. A happy customer that was nearby lifts a brow and slowly makes his way out of the store.)
Dee: No way! You're an idiot! They wanted this!
Meru: I'm more intelligent than you! And they wanted this! Not that!
Haschel: ENOUGH! THEY DIDN'T WANT THIS OR THAT! THEY WANTED SOMETHING ELSE!
(Meanwhile, Kongol has taken other things from the cart and eaten them leaving practically nothing left.)
Haschel: What happened to our original plan anyway?!
Dee and Meru: Plan...?
Haschel: AGH! YOU TWO ARE IMPOSSIBLE!
(Haschel stops yelling when he notices that there is now nothing in the cart. Dee and Meru also look.)
Dee: Well. That's odd.
Meru: Very.
Kongol: Umm...Yes...Very odd.
Haschel: Uhh...Kongol?
Kongol: WHAT?! ARE YOU ACCUSING KONGOL OF EATING EVERYTHING IN CART?! WHAT KIND OF FRIEND ARE YOU TO KONGOL?! YOU MAKE KONGOL MAD!
(Kongol turns, crossing his arms and shunning Haschel. Dee and Meru both blink and look at each other, equally confused.)
Dee: What's going on?
Meru: If I knew I'd tell you.
Haschel: I think my headache is coming back...
***
(Kongol finally stops shunning Haschel, and now the four are back to trying to figure out what to do.)
Dee: Ok...Our first plan didn't work.
Haschel: Especially considering the fact that you and Meru forgot what it was...
Dee: Shut up and let me think.
(Dee amazingly starts to think.)
Dee: Ow...That hurts...I shouldn't do that too often.
Haschel: You mean like you normally don't?
Dee: Exactly.
Kongol: Kongol tired of standing around. Why don't we just buy whatever we think others wanted?
Meru: And what if we buy the wrong things?
Kongol: Then we buy wrong things. What's the worse others could do?
Dee: Throws us off a high cliff and laugh as we fall to our dooms?
Meru: Rip out our internal organs slowly and painfully?
Haschel: Invite Kaffie over and lock us in a room with her?
(Everyone shudders.)
Kongol: Ok...So that won't work. Thought of being locked in room with Kaffie scary.
(They all start to think again. Once again, back with the others.)
Rose: LLOYD! KISS MY FEET!
Lloyd: Yes, my Goddess! (Begins kissing her feet.)
Everyone Else: Amazing...
(...That's quite enough of that. Cue the little star thingys!)
***
(Dee and Meru are seen standing by a pay phone. Dee is holding the phone to her ear, and Meru is standing nearby so she can hear everything, and talk if she has to. Haschel is just standing there, and Kongol is leaning against the wall.)
Haschel: I don't see how this will work. Those things are so fake.
Dee: FAKE?! YOU DARE CALL MISS CLEO FAKE?!
Haschel: Yes! Either way, if this "Miss Cleo" was a real psychic, why would she tell you something stupid like what the others wanted!
Dee: If we ask her she will! Idiot! (Sticks her tongue out at him.)
Meru: Have you ever done this before, Dee?
Dee: Uhh...No.
(Before anyone can complain and another argument can start, a voice comes on the phone, which is obviously a recording.)
Recorded Voice: This is Miss Cleo! Thank you for calling our psychic hotline! Each minute only costs...
Dee: HEY! What gives?! I wanna speak to the REAL Miss Cleo!
(Dee starts to shake the phone, but nothing happens. Finally Meru gets annoyed and pulls out her sacred Mallet O' Death. She bashes the pay phone to bits.)
Manager: Hey! You troublemakers! That was the ph--
(The manager stops short when everyone glares at him, and Meru holds up the sacred Mallet O' Death again. Kongol motions to his large battle axe. The manager laughs nervously, and quickly makes his way back to his office.)
***
(God those star thingys are getting annoying.)
Haschel: Well, we could've just called the others instead of your stupid psychic hotline, and we wouldn't be stuck standing here trying to figure out what to do! But noooooooo! You have to call this "Miss Cleo" person, THEN SMASH THE PHONE TO PIECES ONCE YOU REALIZE IT WAS FAKE EVEN THOUGH I TOLD YOU THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE!!
Dee: (Looks up at Haschel.) What? I'm sorry, did you say something?
Haschel: AGGGGGGGGH!
(Haschel freaks out, and begins slamming his head into the wall. The happy customers who have yet to be scared away by the "Idiots of Doom" finally are. Meru pays no attention to Haschel, and starts whining instead.)
Meru: I'm hungry! And I need some caffeine! Let's get some Pepsi and donuts!
(Haschel suddenly stops slamming his head into the wall and turns to the other three.)
Haschel: That's it! That's what the others wanted!
Meru: Whoa! Really?!
Kongol: Meru is a genius!
Dee: YAY!
(They all start dancing around like the fools they are. Some of the workers quit, saying that they don't deserve to see such idiocy.)
***
(More little star thingys...Joy. Back at the inn again. Everyone is just sitting around, and no one has said anything for a while. Finally Dart sits up and speaks.)
Dart: You guys think they'll be back sometime soon?
Albert: They better be...They're taking too long as it is.
Rose: I'm going to kill all four of them...Slowly and painfully.
Shana: SEE?! MORE EVIL! IT'S EVERYWHERE!
Miranda: Oh shut up, Shana!
Guaraha: This is boring...And I'm hungry.
Lloyd: Tell me about it.
(Just then, the door swings open and Kongol steps it, carrying a whole bunch of bags containing bottles of Pepsi, donuts, and various other foods/drinks. Haschel, Meru, and Dee follow him in. Everyone stares in disbelief, amazed that the idiots actually did something right.)
Dart: You four actually did something right?!
Albert: Amazing! Absolutely amazing!
Rose: I'M GOING TO KILL ALL FOUR OF YOU!
(Rose jumps up and lunges at them, but Lloyd holds her back.)
Rose: MAKE US WAIT FOR HOURS, WILL YOU?! I'LL RIP OUT YOUR INTESTINES AND STRING THEM FOR CHRISTMAS!
All:...
Kongol: (Sets the bags down on a table.) Kongol suggest Lloyd doesn't let go until Rose calms down.
Lloyd: That's a very good idea.
Rose: KIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLL!
Miranda: Well, what are we waiting for? Let's have our party! I'm getting tired of sitting around!
Guaraha: PARTY! WOO HOO!
Shana: YOU'RE ALL EVIL! EEEEEEEEVVVVVVVIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLL!
Rose: YOU WILL ALL DIE AT THE HAND OF THE GREAT ROSE! ROOOOOOOOOOOOAR!
Dee: She's really creeping me out...
Meru: (Is too busy chugging Pepsi to make any stupid comments.)
Haschel: I don't think this headache is going to go away anytime soon...OH WELL! (Passes out cans of Pepsi to everyone.)
All: THE JOY OF COLAAAAAAA!
(And they all lived happily ever after! At least until Dee decides to write yet another strange fanfic.)
END!
***
Narrator: I thought we were done?
We are...
Narrator: Well then why are you still typing...?
Uhh...To waste time?
Narrator: Just...Stop typing...NOW.
Hey! I'm the boss around here!
Narrator:...Stop typing...
Agh. Fine.