Lying to Myself
Written by: Seyla Starrider & Qwi Xux
Date: July 20, 2001
Contact: dpriser@aol.com
and XImperialQwiXux@yahoo.com
Rating: PG
Intent: Angst/Action
Note: This is somewhat a song-fiction. You might know the
artist you might not. "Lying to Myself" is a song recorded by a new artist Ben
Glover. We were stirred by this song cause of its lyrics pertaining to lying to
yourself about the reality and truth at the events in which are happening. And
lying about how things really are and what they really are. We picture Amidala
Naberrie` doing the same to herself, giving this fiction the appropriate title
Lying to Myself.
Thanks2: George Lucas and friends for creating
the already known characters. Know we are receiving no money or anything for
this work, only the satisfaction of releasing our feelings and allowing others
to view them.
Time: After Episode II. Yes, my first version of
Episode III and II, but II is a flash back sort of thing during the times it
comes in.
Summery: EP2&3. Amidala is realizing the
truth, on what was and how life used to be. Sabe`, Rabe`, Eirtae`, and Dorme`
are shaken by what they find. We also can't forget the twins nor the two Jedi
lover boys, can't we? The first hand encounters of the Rising of the Emperor.
Please R/R!!!
Amidala Naberrie
It seems that life isn't real anymore. Like this
is all just a long nightmare that doesn't want to go away, haunting my dreams
of restless sleep.
Maybe it is. But I know deep down, it's not.
For the first time since the news has been thrown
upon my shoulders I believe I've come to accept the truth, the reality.
Anakin Skywalker, my husband, is gone.
They told me three years ago that he had perished
while fighting in the Clone Wars along side of my dearly trusted friend General
Obi-Wan Kenobi, who also was a Jedi Knight and his master. Even Obi-Wan saw
Ani's X-Wing explode before his eyes, but with his eyewitness testimony I
refused to even consider the verity.
I told myself that it wasn't true, that Ani was
still alive, just hiding from the Empire, from the Emperor.
But I only deceived myself into believing lies of
false hope.
Before Obi-Wan took me and my children away from
Coruscant and Naboo forever, he told me that he had been noticing things, signs
that Anakin was facing a decision, a threat that might cost millions their
lives.
I just would shrug off the idea, or any
implication of something being wrong with Ani. I couldn't believe that my
husband, the nicest being in the universe would even conceive any ideas of
evil, much less allow others to die by his own hand. Though Obi-Wan knew Anakin
wouldn't dare think of doing anything wrong, he had a funny feeling that he was
being pushed by some 'unknown force' to do something wicked.
The suggestion of Anakin being pressured to do
something unethical was a possibility. Even I, a Senator of the Republic,
thought it was a reasonable evocation. It was very likely someone would try to
hassle my husband to use his powers against us; in fact it had happened before.
Later that night I talked to Anakin about it,
questioning him if something was going on that he wanted to talk about.
He told me that he had indeed been having the
problems, and with a new young senator who came into office shortly before I
did.
My reaction to the answer was a shocked and
astonished, "What?"
To this day I still can't believe that I believed
Dooku was involved with such bane works, but I'm getting ahead of myself.
Anakin notified me of the senator's dabbling in
the dark side of the Force. I don't think I helped much when I laughed at him.
It wasn't intentionally at him, but the idea that
he could think Dooku would be caught up in such things. Especially when the man
had a one-year-old fiery red haired daughter who was his pride and joy.
But I was wrong.
I refused to believe the man I loved and heard
one of the twin's crying. I climbed up the stairs to the twins' room and picked
up my two-year-old son Luke rocking him back to sleep from another nightmare.
He had been having a few during that time and I
thought of them as nothing more than too much sugar before bedtime.
Another mistake I mistook as harmless.
After Luke had finally fallen back into his
dreams, this time I prayed it wouldn't be another nightmare, Anakin led me out
to the balcony of our suite and retold me everything of his suspicions about
Dooku.
He managed to convince me, not by the Force, but
by facts that were now too causing me to be skeptical of Dooku. I advised
Anakin to tell Obi-Wan as quickly as he could, and have Dooku inspected. If he
was so sure of Dooku's involvement in the dark side, then go and tell the Jedi
Council.
The next few weeks I upped my security as well as
my children's, feeling a bit alarmed that someone eerie was watching me with
hunting eyes ready to kill. Sabe` DeCoy and Rabe` Immerse as well as fair
Eirtae` Sallow once again stayed by my side as my bodyguards and protectors.
Dorme`, a close family friend since my birth, was
assisting in caring for the twin's, Luke and Leia.
Anakin too became more and more protective over
the family, as well as over my handmaidens.
I didn't think much about it, but soon I began to
notice the more shielding he was over me when he began to note everyone and
everything that entered our suite. The first time I noticed his strange
behavior was when the buzzer for the door rang and he jumped off the hover
chair and insisted he attend to the door, reassuring Rabe` that he could take
care of the door.
When this happened I was upstairs just exiting
from the nursery from putting the kids to bed. I heard the persistence in
Anakin's voice and I slowly glided down the stairs careful not to let him
notice my presence.
Rabe` nodded to him and went to the kitchen to
help the others prepare dinner.
Quietly, I watched from the staircase to see what
he did.
He used the intercom and asked who it was. The
figure answered, Obi-Wan Kenobi.
But who else would it be? We had invited him to
dinner. I had thought, but still I stayed unseen listening and watching
intently at my husband and his peculiar manner.
After that I could tell he used the Force before
opening the door to be sure it wasn't a trick. When he did open the door I saw
Kenobi with a grim expression on his face.
I frowned at his face. What was wrong? I
questioned myself.
Forgetting about what had happened, I rushed down
the stairs and greeted my older brother-like friend giving him a big hug. Then
asked what was troubling him.
Obi-Wan had waved off the question. I knew he
wanted to wait till after dinner before informing both of us.
The conversation was little during the meal, but
polite and poised, though underneath our simulation masks of formality the
three of us were quite nervous.
Then he revealed to us what had happened.
When Obi-Wan let out the news from his lips the
sound of shattering glass burst out from the kitchen.
Both Anakin and I were about to get up from our
seats, still a bit shocked a frightened by the news, but the Jedi Knight asked
us to be seated and that he'd take care of it.
