Mistake
Chapter Eleven
I couldn't believe it. The women that I had been waiting to meet was a paid prostitute." Well aren't ya gonna go say hi?" " No I was just seeing if she came into work today & what do ya know there she is." Why couldn't I make up one good lie atleast this once? "I guess I better be going now…" " Susan some kid wants to talk to ya." I wanted to melt right into the floor. This was beyond my most humiliating moment.
"
Sorry kid you gotta be 18 or older." " I wasn't here for your services I was here to find a mother
who I found & want nothing to do with." I turned to leave, but she grabbed
my arm & pulled me back." Let's go in the back to talk." A snort was my
answer & she drug me back behind the stage to an old musty broom closet
that had a bunch of whips & chains that I could just imagine what they were
used for.
"
Ok which one are you?" " Great, she didn't even know who I was. That was a good
sign. " Alex. Oh & if you don't remember me by name I was that baby you
dumped behind a Mexican restaurant in New York." I was furious. This was not
what I expected at all. " Why are you here Alex?" " Because I was looking for
someone that I imagined inside my head, but found there was no such person." I
started walking to the door, but again was stopped.
"
I wasn't always this way." " Well I was hoping you didn't always look like
Morticia from the Adams Family." That's not what I meant." " Then hurry up
& explain." " I had dreams Alex. I wanted to be a beauty queen & I was
for a long time." " So why did you stop? Oh yeah being a hoe sounds much more
appealing." " No you & all the other kids that I had were my down fall. You
were my wrong turn Alex. You were my mistake."
At
that moment it seemed like the whole world had stopped. I wanted to scream,
cry, throw a fit, lash out at someone, but all I could do was sit frozen like a
popsicle. My dreams & hopes had all shattered in an instant & I felt
like an empty shell.
"
You know Alex every child is a mistake. No one wants to care for other people
because in the end its all about you anyway." " That's not true. I know people
that would excepted me & loved me." Then why did you leave?" " Because I
thought that my mother would be loving & caring, but I found a prostitute
instead." " No you left Alex because you cared about yourself & yourself
only."
I
couldn't take it anymore. Who did she think she was, but the truth was she was
right & it hurt. I stood up & walked out. I didn't stop walking until I
was behind the bar & just started
screaming & crying. I had left the best people in my life to be raped &
meet my prostitute son of a bitch mother. I wanted to disappear. No one would
miss me any way. That was my solution to my problem.
I
took out my pocketknife that I had gotten from Mike on my birthday. It would
only take one cut if it was deep enough. So I took the blade & dug it into
my skin until it was practically inside of me. The blood was pouring out &
I suddenly felt dizzy. I slumped down against the wall & felt nor heard anything,
but a dull thud of me hitting the ground.