Title: Confession [Part 2 of ?]
Author: Pythoness
Written: 2001
Disclaimer: Magic Knight Rayearth owned by CLAMP, If I'm Not In Love sung by Faith Hill , Karu owned by me [*squealz* I own something!]
Author's Notes: This is written based off of an rpg between me and close friends. Karu is a fictional character owned by me. Events happen approximately a year after the anime/manga takes place. The NSX is resting somewhere near the castle. Eagle is staying in the castle. Hikaru and Lantis are a couple, Fuu and Ferio are a couple, Umi and Ascot are a couple [it's more realistic than Umi and Clef]. Hmm.. anything else.. Please note, this is a work in progress. I have several of the chapters completed, but the story is not done. I do not know when more chapters will be available, but I do know that commentary will help speed that process. ^.~ If for some odd reason you'd like to use the character Karu in any other reference, please contact me and I'm certain we can work something out. Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoy.
Confession
If I'm not in love with you
What is this I'm going through, tonight
And if this heart is lying then
What should I believe in
Why do I go crazy
Every time I think about you baby
Why else do I want you like I do
If I'm not in love with you
And if I don't need your touch
Why do I miss you so much, tonight
If it's just infatuation
Why is my heart achin'
To hold you forever
Give a part of me I thought I'd never
Give again to someone I could lose
If I'm not in love with you
Oh why in every fantasy
Do I feel your arms embracing me
Like lovers lost in sweet desire
And why in dreams do I surrender
Like a litle baby
How do I explain this feeling
Someone tell me
If I'm not in love with you
What is this I'm going through, tonight
And if this heart is lying then
What should I believe in
Why do I go crazy
Every time I think about you baby
Why else do I want you like I do
If I'm not in love with you
I stand in front of the mirror, examining my choice of outfit. It was a new outfit that one of my roommates had given me. It consisted of a pair of black pants that flare at the bottom, covering my shoes, and a light, almost fluffy blouse with little flares around the ends of the long sleeves. I smile lightly and grab my bangles. Five golden bracelets. I slide them over my hand, letting them find their place on my wrist. I then grab my two rings, placing one on my right ring finger and the other on my left fore finger.
I smile and brush my hair one last time. Goodness, it's getting long these days. Maybe I should just hack it off at my shoulders? No, I'd kill myself before giving up my luxurious hair.
I grin, knowing I'm too in love with my own hair. But do I care? Of course not. It's not like I'm telling anyone how much I value my hair.
I walk over to my bed, grabbing the white suit jacket off it and tossing it around my shoulders. I smile, thinking of the man I got it from. Eagle Vision from Autozam. He was the most handsome man I had ever seen. his beautiful white hair hung in front of his eyes so perfectly. And he spoke with such dignity. He was so kind to me. But I can't help but feeling that Hikaru might have made him spend the evening with me out of pity.
I try not to think of that. He's too perfect. I know deep in my heart that I want to be with him, to call him mine, to confess my feelings for him.
But for now I could only wait to see him again. He promised that I would see him again. He knows where I live. Will he come see me again? I have his jacket.
I smile, giggling in my mind. A jacket. If he didn't want to see me again, he wouldn't come back for a jacket.
I know deep in my heart that he'll come back, but my foolish mind isn't fully convinced. Foolish mind. Can't you just cooperate with me?
I giggle again. I'm being silly today. I guess that's what happens when your heart has wings.
I exit my room and walk down the hall quietly, heading towards the residential quarters garden. I sigh, remembering the large garden last night that Eagle took me to. It was so beautiful and perfect. It was so much nicer than this one here. But that's because we are only residents. Perhaps Eagle will take me to the big garden again some day. I'm not allowed to go alone. I'm not even allowed to leave the residential quarters without someone from the outside. Would Eagle come and get me, or would he expect me to be out in the main halls? I can't go out there alone. I pray that he comes and finds me.
I grab the knob to the garden, turning it slowly, praying it wasn't locked. I know it's cold, but that doesn't mean they should deprive me of the one place in the castle I can go alone other than my room, does it? I don't think it's fair.
I let out my breath as the knob turns all the way. I push open the door, stepping out into the cool morning air. I'm glad I brought Eagle's jacket with me. I need to return it to him. I was too asleep last night to notice. Perhaps he did. Perhaps that's my proof that he will return. I hope so. I don't now what I'd do if he didn't come back. I'd probably end up crying for days. I've only known him for a few hours, but I know this is the man I want to be with. I can feel it.
I suddenly realize there is a person sitting on a bench with his back turned to me. I look at the mans hair, recognizing the shade of white. I only knew one man that had white hair like that, cut short and messy like that.
A smile crosses my lips as I walk over. I stand on the side of the bench, watching him. He sits, playing with a rock in his hands, staring down at it. His hands were so cute, even if they did have gloves on them. Perhaps one day I can convince him to take them off, to hold his hand and feel his warm skin against mine.
I then wonder what he's doing here. Why would he be in the residential quarters, and especially the garden? The large garden is so much nicer. This garden's fountain wasn't even turned on. The trees were all small. The flowers were all wilted. Did he come here to see me? But then why wouldn't he have come to my door? Did he think maybe I was still asleep?
I don't have time to ponder this, as he has now realized that I'm standing there. Suddenly a wave of worry washes over me. What if he doesn't want me here, this close to him.
The worry vanishes as he smiles at me. That smile. I love it. It's so perfect, seeming to be made for me.
"What are you doing here?" he asks.
I was bored out of my head. "I should ask you the same thing," I reply. Did I sound snobby? No, he wouldn't take it like that, would he?
He smiles. "I was hoping I'd get to see you again."
My stomach suddenly gains a large horde of butterflies at his comment. He wanted to see me? That cinches it. He has to like me, if only a little bit.
I smile and sit next to him. He instantly drops the rock. It's nice to know that I'm more interesting than a rock. I smile at my own thought.
He places his hand around my waist. I love it when he does that. It makes me feel so special when he holds me like that. I think the best time was last night when he was carrying me. I'm so glad he didn't mind carrying me the whole way. I didn't want to leave his grip. So tight, yet not overpowering. Just right.
He smiles down at me. I smile back. What could I say at a moment like this? I sigh lightly. That's the bad thing. We never have anything to talk about. I guess I could ask him about his life. I'm so terribly interested. Everything about him is so interesting. He's like a mystery.
"How old are you?" I ask before even realizing what I've said. I scold myself in my mind. Is it wrong to ask a man how old he is?
By the smile on his face I think I'm alright. "Twenty-one," he replies.
Twenty-one. That's only..... four years from me. That's not bad at all.
"And you?" he asks.
I grin. "Guess."
He sits thinking for a moment. "I would say your later teens."
He's good. "Seventeen," I say proudly.
He smiles. He looks like he's thinking. Possibly doing the calculations in his mind as I had done? I hope so.
"Are you hungry?" he asks.
I suddenly realize that I'm starving. "A little," I respond, lying completely. Now that my mind was on food, I needed something to eat badly. But I didn't want to leave him. Couldn't I just feast on his perfection? That's enough for me as far as I'm concerned. Stupid stomach.
"Would you care to join me for a meal?" he asks.
Does he even have to ask?! I'd go anywhere and do anything with him just to be with him! "I'd love to," I say sweetly. Whenever I say 'I'd love to' he always seems to get this dreamy look on his face that makes me smile.
Sure enough he gets a dreamy look as he stands, taking my hand. And as usual I smile.
Usual. Such a strange word to be using about a man whom I hardly know. Let's see, I know that his name is Eagle Vision, he's from Autozam, and..... um...... he's perfect...... I laugh lightly to myself. I don't know much about this man. But I do know that he's stealing my heart. And I don't care at all. He can have it.
He walks inside, leading me. I let him. He knows where we are going better than I do. I assume we are going to eat, but he wouldn't eat at the residential kitchen. Does that mean I get to go to the big kitchen? I smile in delight.
As we step inside the heat hits me. I soon remember that I have Eagle's jacket. "Eagle, your jacket," I remind him.
"Just hang on to it for a while, unless you want me to take it."
"I'll hold it for you. Just let me know when you want it back." I grin. I know he sees it. I don't care. Let him see it. It's meant for him anyways.
He leads me towards the main door to the residential quarters. I hate that door. That door makes me feel like I live in a prison. Everything beyond that door was so much better than it was on this side. I was so ecstatic when I heard there was a dance outside. That's the only reason I went. To get away from the boredom. It seems I got more than I bargained for.
I smile up at Eagle, looking at him. His face is so beautiful. His nose is so cute. And his beautiful golden eyes..... How can anyone resist such eyes?
Eagle looks down at me, seeing me staring. For a moment I freeze a bit with worry. But what do I care if he sees me staring at him? Let him see. He deserves to know that I'm obsessed with him.
He smiles down at me. I smile back. We reach the door. He opens it, holding it for me. He's such a gentleman. I walk through and wait for him.
We walk together down the hall. I let him lead, since I've only been out here a few times, and I've never been to the kitchen.
He enters a room, once again holding the door open for me. I smile and enter. He knows I'm thankful. At least, I pray that he does and that I don't seem like I expect it of him. Heaven knows no one else has ever held a door open for me. It just makes him all the more special to me.
I then look around the room. It's a beautiful dining room with a long wooden table and many chairs, all made of wood and all with the same red velvet cushions and intricate designs on the back.
"It's beautiful," I say without meaning to say it out loud.
He smiles at me. "Yes, it's quite nice."
He continues walking, so I follow, not wanting to loose him. Heaven forbid I ever get lost outside the residential quarters without him. With my luck I'd probably turn down a hall straight into a guard.
Although as of late my luck has been changing.
I smile slightly, thinking of Eagle. I always smile when I think of Eagle. Maybe if I got caught by a guard he'd come and save me. I smile at the thought of him yelling at a guard for trying to hurt me. Would he really do that or would he let me get taken back to the residential quarters? No, I don't think he'd do that, but I still don't know.
As I follow him I realize we are entering another room. It appeared to be a kitchen. Eagle walks over to a large white box I identify as a refrigerator. My stomach growls lightly. I pray Eagle didn't hear that.
He turns to me, smiling, almost laughing lightly. "Are you sure you're only a little hungry?"
I giggle. "So maybe I'm a little more than a little hungry."
He smiles. "That's alright. What would you like to eat?"
I shrug. I haven't had to choose my meal since I was living on my own. Gosh, that seems like ages ago. "I don't mind," I reply.
"Surely you must have a preference," he answers back to me. "What is your favorite food?"
I think for a moment. Well let's see, I certainly don't like seafood, but I like all fowl. I of course love sweets and candy, but that's not a meal. I smile and look at Eagle. "Just surprise me with something. Make your favorite food."
He sighs, but I can see the smile on his face. That makes me smile back.
He pulls a plate of meat out of the refrigerator. "Do you mind if it's leftovers?" he asks.
I wouldn't care if his favorite food were a type of leftover seafood. I'd still eat it if it were his favorite food. "I don't mind at all."
He smiles and places the meat on a counter and walks to a cabinet. I walk over and look at the meat, trying to identify it.
"Chicken," he says, obviously seeing my confused look.
I smile and nod. "Oh yeah."
He smiles and brings two plates over. He grabs a fork and pulls some meat onto both plates. I watch interestedly. If it were anyone else doing this I wouldn't care in the least. That just shows you how crazy I've gone for this man.
He places the plates in a machine that I don't recognize. He presses a few buttons and leaves the plates in there. He then places the chicken back in the refrigerator.
I watch, entranced by his movements. I love watching him. It just makes me like him more and more. Could it be true love? It has to be. I can't imagine not being around him forever. All I could think about last night was seeing him again. This man is all that is on my mind ever. Would I ever stop thinking about him? I doubt it. I prayed last night that he feels the same as I do, and I will continue every night until I am certain of his feelings for me, be them bad or good.
He goes back to the machine, pulling the two plates back out and setting them on the counter. The aroma of cooked chicken swirls around me, causing my stomach to growl. As Eagle grabs some silverware, I snatch a small piece of chicken from one of the plates, eating greedily. Eagle turns around to see me chewing. I giggle lightly. He smiles at me, instantly knowing what happened. But I don't think he really cares.
He grabs the plates and walks out to the dining room. I follow, getting the door for him. He's such a gentleman, but I don't want him to drop our food.
He sets the plates down at the table and places the silverware by them, going back to the kitchen. I follow curiously, and interestedly. Interested in him.
He grabs two glasses and places them on the counter, going back to the refrigerator. "What would you like to drink?" he asks me.
"I don't care."
He looks at me with a look asking me to make a decision.
"Juice?" I ask, hoping they might have some. I'm tired of the milk they give us in the residential quarters.
He nods and pulls out a bottle of a rich red colored liquid which I soon pronounced as juice.
He pours some in both glasses and places the bottle back in the refrigerator.
He takes both glasses and walks back to the dining room. I follow again, telling myself that he doesn't have to carry my glass. I'm perfectly capable. But it's sweet of him, so I can't argue that.
He places one glass at each table setting. The settings look so weird. Only two at a table that could obviously seat around twenty.
He draws out a chair, motioning for me to sit. Sheesh, can this guy be any sweeter? I smile and sit, letting him push my chair in for me. He then sits in the seat next to me. I glance out at all the other seats. I let my mind wander.
If I imagine just right I can see me sitting next to Eagle at a large dinner with many important people. I can see the Legendary Magic Knights, even though I have no idea what they look like. In one seat is Master Mage Clef, and another seat holds Master Swordsman Lantis. And in another seat is Sword Craftsman Presea.
I am suddenly awakened from my day dream by my growling stomach. Eagle laughs lightly, and I glance back at him. He was watching me? I can feel my face begin to turn red. This just makes him continue laughing. But man how he's cute when he laughs. That just makes my blushing stop.
He smiles and takes a bite of his food. I stare for a moment, watching his jaw move. I then decide to give my stomach a break and I eat. The chicken was delicious, but sharing a meal with Eagle was the best thing I could wish for.
* * *
We sat after lunch and talked. I told him all there is to know about me, from where I used to live to what my favorite color is.
"Now it's my turn," I said to him. I was feeling more comfortable with him at this moment. He seemed to feel the same.
"I know you live in Autozam, so what is your house like?"
"Well, my house is rather big. Actually, it's the biggest house in Autozam."
The biggest house? Is he rich? Lord, I hope not. I'll look so poor next to him. He doesn't even know how the clothes I'm wearing are my mother's old clothes and borrowed clothes from my roomates. Would that matter to him if I told him? I pray not.
"Why is your house the biggest house in Autozam?"
"I..... well....." I can tell this is obviously not a topic he likes to talk about. I curse to myself for making him uncomfortable like that. "I..... am the leader of Autozam."
My reaction of surprise must have been obvious because he instantly looked down at his dirty plate.
"The leader?" That means he's loaded! Now I really look poor compared to him. My heart wrenches at the thought that he ever finds out how poor I am. Would it matter to him? Would he take me as I am and possibly help me, or would he shun me away? He seems like a nice understanding man, but understanding can only go so far.
I can feel my heart twist in a pretzel as I try to think of what to say. I have to tell him at some point. Would it not be better to tell him now and get it out in the open. That way if he shuns me away I can get out of this before I totally give my heart away.
But I think I already have. The thought of him walking out that door, of leaving me behind..... I can't even comprehend how I would feel. I'd want to end my life. I'd want to go curl up in a corner and disappear. I'd certainly never be able to face him again. But that wouldn't be hard if he left. I'd just stay in my room. If he shunned me away he'd never come looking for me.
I can feel the tears well up in my eyes. and I haven't even told him yet. I.... I can't tell him. Not now anyways. Later.
I promise myself that I WILL tell him soon. Not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But I will not wait forever. He has a right to know.
I can feel his hand brushing against my cheek. He can see the tears in my eyes. I throw my arms around him, hugging him tightly.
"Karu?" I can tell he's curious.
"Eagle, I......" I decide to go with an easier topic. "I'm extremely poor."
I watch as a smile crosses his beautiful lips. That's a good sign.
"I don't care. I mean, I care, but it doesn't matter to me how much money you have. Is that why you are almost in tears?"
"Yes," I reply, lying through my teeth.
He hugs me gently. I feel so much better now. He didn't shun me away.
After a few moments I let him go. My tears disappear. He stands up, taking the plates to the kitchen. I wait in my seat.
He returns and holds out a hand for me. I smile, and gladly take his hand, standing up next to him. I think back to when I thought of how I want to feel his hand against mine. Perhaps..... Would he object if I asked him?
"Eagle?" I begin hesitantly.
He looks at me, raising his eyebrows, waiting for me to continue.
I blush lightly, feeling slightly ashamed of myself. "Nevermind."
"No, what is it? Did you want to ask something?"
"Well, actually, yes. Can you......" Butterflies attack my stomach as I try to ask. I should just ask. He won't think me weird, will he? What if he doesn't like to take off his gloves? Then he'll just say no. It's not a big deal. But what if he's offended by my asking? No, he wouldn't be. I don't think. "Can you take off your gloves?" I spit out the words quickly.
I look at him to see a bit of a confused expression. But he smiles and removes his gloves. I smile, taking his hand once more. The feel of his warm hand against mine is more than I imagined. His hand was so strong. I could feel the muscles through the glove, but this is so different.
I feel him tighten his grip slightly as we walk out of the dining room.
That wasn't so hard. I don't know why I was worried. I smile lightly at that. I'm too over careful around him. I need to just loosen up.
He leads me out of the dining room and stops in the hall. "Where would you like to go?" he asks me.
I have to decide? I don't know! I've only been to three places outside of the residential quarters. Wait, the garden. Would he take me there again? He asked what I wanted to do, and I want to go see the garden again.
"Can..... can we go to the garden?" I just realized, he asked what I wanted to do. Does that mean he's going to take me somewhere and leave? And I asked if *we* could go to the garden. Would he not like that?
He smiles. "Of course." I sigh. I'm taking everything too strongly. My mind is working overtime.
He leads me down the hall and to the garden. As he holds the door open for me, I step through. I catch my breath. It's more beautiful than I remember. Seeing it in the daytime..... It's unbelievable. I'll never be able to go to the garden in the residential quarters ever again. It's too horrid compared to this.
Eagle smiles and walks over to a tree. I watch, taking a few steps after him. He looks back and motions for me to follow. I do so with a smile.
He steps on the lowest branch, lifting him up a few feet. He holds out a hand for me. "Have you ever climbed a tree?" he asks.
"A few times," I answer.
He nods and motions for me to climb with him.
I take his hand and he lifts me up the couple feet to the lowest branch. The branch is so skinny. How would it ever hold our weight?
I can feel myself loosing my balance. He places his hands around my waist, holding me still. I can feel the goofy, lovesick smile on my face. I hope he doesn't see it.
He smiles and lets go once I get my balance. He reaches up to another branch. I hold him just above his waist as I nearly loose my balance. Falling right now would not be good. He'd think I'm a total dork. I just hope he doesn't mind my hands being around him like this.
He smiles and climbs up to the next branch, quickly taking my hand before I lost my balance. He pulls me up with him, holding me once again until I get my balance.
The pattern continues until we are standing at the top of the tree. I glance down and what I see is the scariest thing imaginable. We are over twenty feet off the ground. Eagle obviously sense my nervousness, because he motions for me to sit. I sit, my legs straddling the branch. He lets me lean against the main trunk of the tree. He sits on front of me, his legs as well straddling the branch. I smile lightly. He looks cute sitting up here with all the nature surrounding him.
"This is my favorite place in the castle," he tells me.
I smile. He brought me to his favorite place. That makes me feel special. I can see why he loves it up here. It's nice and warm and peaceful.
I look at my hands as he takes them in his hands. He slides closer to me, our knees nearly touching. Oh, can't he move just an inch closer?
I look up at him. So close yet so far. I want to lean up and kiss him. But I'd probably end up falling out of the tree. No, he'd catch me. Wouldn't he? I think he would. I hope he would.
We sit there for a little while. I lean my head back against the trunk and close my eyes lightly. Eagle was so sweet. I could feel him playing with my fingers gently. I smile lightly as my mind wanders. I slowly drift to sleep.
Author: Pythoness
Written: 2001
Disclaimer: Magic Knight Rayearth owned by CLAMP, If I'm Not In Love sung by Faith Hill , Karu owned by me [*squealz* I own something!]
Author's Notes: This is written based off of an rpg between me and close friends. Karu is a fictional character owned by me. Events happen approximately a year after the anime/manga takes place. The NSX is resting somewhere near the castle. Eagle is staying in the castle. Hikaru and Lantis are a couple, Fuu and Ferio are a couple, Umi and Ascot are a couple [it's more realistic than Umi and Clef]. Hmm.. anything else.. Please note, this is a work in progress. I have several of the chapters completed, but the story is not done. I do not know when more chapters will be available, but I do know that commentary will help speed that process. ^.~ If for some odd reason you'd like to use the character Karu in any other reference, please contact me and I'm certain we can work something out. Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoy.
Confession
If I'm not in love with you
What is this I'm going through, tonight
And if this heart is lying then
What should I believe in
Why do I go crazy
Every time I think about you baby
Why else do I want you like I do
If I'm not in love with you
And if I don't need your touch
Why do I miss you so much, tonight
If it's just infatuation
Why is my heart achin'
To hold you forever
Give a part of me I thought I'd never
Give again to someone I could lose
If I'm not in love with you
Oh why in every fantasy
Do I feel your arms embracing me
Like lovers lost in sweet desire
And why in dreams do I surrender
Like a litle baby
How do I explain this feeling
Someone tell me
If I'm not in love with you
What is this I'm going through, tonight
And if this heart is lying then
What should I believe in
Why do I go crazy
Every time I think about you baby
Why else do I want you like I do
If I'm not in love with you
I stand in front of the mirror, examining my choice of outfit. It was a new outfit that one of my roommates had given me. It consisted of a pair of black pants that flare at the bottom, covering my shoes, and a light, almost fluffy blouse with little flares around the ends of the long sleeves. I smile lightly and grab my bangles. Five golden bracelets. I slide them over my hand, letting them find their place on my wrist. I then grab my two rings, placing one on my right ring finger and the other on my left fore finger.
I smile and brush my hair one last time. Goodness, it's getting long these days. Maybe I should just hack it off at my shoulders? No, I'd kill myself before giving up my luxurious hair.
I grin, knowing I'm too in love with my own hair. But do I care? Of course not. It's not like I'm telling anyone how much I value my hair.
I walk over to my bed, grabbing the white suit jacket off it and tossing it around my shoulders. I smile, thinking of the man I got it from. Eagle Vision from Autozam. He was the most handsome man I had ever seen. his beautiful white hair hung in front of his eyes so perfectly. And he spoke with such dignity. He was so kind to me. But I can't help but feeling that Hikaru might have made him spend the evening with me out of pity.
I try not to think of that. He's too perfect. I know deep in my heart that I want to be with him, to call him mine, to confess my feelings for him.
But for now I could only wait to see him again. He promised that I would see him again. He knows where I live. Will he come see me again? I have his jacket.
I smile, giggling in my mind. A jacket. If he didn't want to see me again, he wouldn't come back for a jacket.
I know deep in my heart that he'll come back, but my foolish mind isn't fully convinced. Foolish mind. Can't you just cooperate with me?
I giggle again. I'm being silly today. I guess that's what happens when your heart has wings.
I exit my room and walk down the hall quietly, heading towards the residential quarters garden. I sigh, remembering the large garden last night that Eagle took me to. It was so beautiful and perfect. It was so much nicer than this one here. But that's because we are only residents. Perhaps Eagle will take me to the big garden again some day. I'm not allowed to go alone. I'm not even allowed to leave the residential quarters without someone from the outside. Would Eagle come and get me, or would he expect me to be out in the main halls? I can't go out there alone. I pray that he comes and finds me.
I grab the knob to the garden, turning it slowly, praying it wasn't locked. I know it's cold, but that doesn't mean they should deprive me of the one place in the castle I can go alone other than my room, does it? I don't think it's fair.
I let out my breath as the knob turns all the way. I push open the door, stepping out into the cool morning air. I'm glad I brought Eagle's jacket with me. I need to return it to him. I was too asleep last night to notice. Perhaps he did. Perhaps that's my proof that he will return. I hope so. I don't now what I'd do if he didn't come back. I'd probably end up crying for days. I've only known him for a few hours, but I know this is the man I want to be with. I can feel it.
I suddenly realize there is a person sitting on a bench with his back turned to me. I look at the mans hair, recognizing the shade of white. I only knew one man that had white hair like that, cut short and messy like that.
A smile crosses my lips as I walk over. I stand on the side of the bench, watching him. He sits, playing with a rock in his hands, staring down at it. His hands were so cute, even if they did have gloves on them. Perhaps one day I can convince him to take them off, to hold his hand and feel his warm skin against mine.
I then wonder what he's doing here. Why would he be in the residential quarters, and especially the garden? The large garden is so much nicer. This garden's fountain wasn't even turned on. The trees were all small. The flowers were all wilted. Did he come here to see me? But then why wouldn't he have come to my door? Did he think maybe I was still asleep?
I don't have time to ponder this, as he has now realized that I'm standing there. Suddenly a wave of worry washes over me. What if he doesn't want me here, this close to him.
The worry vanishes as he smiles at me. That smile. I love it. It's so perfect, seeming to be made for me.
"What are you doing here?" he asks.
I was bored out of my head. "I should ask you the same thing," I reply. Did I sound snobby? No, he wouldn't take it like that, would he?
He smiles. "I was hoping I'd get to see you again."
My stomach suddenly gains a large horde of butterflies at his comment. He wanted to see me? That cinches it. He has to like me, if only a little bit.
I smile and sit next to him. He instantly drops the rock. It's nice to know that I'm more interesting than a rock. I smile at my own thought.
He places his hand around my waist. I love it when he does that. It makes me feel so special when he holds me like that. I think the best time was last night when he was carrying me. I'm so glad he didn't mind carrying me the whole way. I didn't want to leave his grip. So tight, yet not overpowering. Just right.
He smiles down at me. I smile back. What could I say at a moment like this? I sigh lightly. That's the bad thing. We never have anything to talk about. I guess I could ask him about his life. I'm so terribly interested. Everything about him is so interesting. He's like a mystery.
"How old are you?" I ask before even realizing what I've said. I scold myself in my mind. Is it wrong to ask a man how old he is?
By the smile on his face I think I'm alright. "Twenty-one," he replies.
Twenty-one. That's only..... four years from me. That's not bad at all.
"And you?" he asks.
I grin. "Guess."
He sits thinking for a moment. "I would say your later teens."
He's good. "Seventeen," I say proudly.
He smiles. He looks like he's thinking. Possibly doing the calculations in his mind as I had done? I hope so.
"Are you hungry?" he asks.
I suddenly realize that I'm starving. "A little," I respond, lying completely. Now that my mind was on food, I needed something to eat badly. But I didn't want to leave him. Couldn't I just feast on his perfection? That's enough for me as far as I'm concerned. Stupid stomach.
"Would you care to join me for a meal?" he asks.
Does he even have to ask?! I'd go anywhere and do anything with him just to be with him! "I'd love to," I say sweetly. Whenever I say 'I'd love to' he always seems to get this dreamy look on his face that makes me smile.
Sure enough he gets a dreamy look as he stands, taking my hand. And as usual I smile.
Usual. Such a strange word to be using about a man whom I hardly know. Let's see, I know that his name is Eagle Vision, he's from Autozam, and..... um...... he's perfect...... I laugh lightly to myself. I don't know much about this man. But I do know that he's stealing my heart. And I don't care at all. He can have it.
He walks inside, leading me. I let him. He knows where we are going better than I do. I assume we are going to eat, but he wouldn't eat at the residential kitchen. Does that mean I get to go to the big kitchen? I smile in delight.
As we step inside the heat hits me. I soon remember that I have Eagle's jacket. "Eagle, your jacket," I remind him.
"Just hang on to it for a while, unless you want me to take it."
"I'll hold it for you. Just let me know when you want it back." I grin. I know he sees it. I don't care. Let him see it. It's meant for him anyways.
He leads me towards the main door to the residential quarters. I hate that door. That door makes me feel like I live in a prison. Everything beyond that door was so much better than it was on this side. I was so ecstatic when I heard there was a dance outside. That's the only reason I went. To get away from the boredom. It seems I got more than I bargained for.
I smile up at Eagle, looking at him. His face is so beautiful. His nose is so cute. And his beautiful golden eyes..... How can anyone resist such eyes?
Eagle looks down at me, seeing me staring. For a moment I freeze a bit with worry. But what do I care if he sees me staring at him? Let him see. He deserves to know that I'm obsessed with him.
He smiles down at me. I smile back. We reach the door. He opens it, holding it for me. He's such a gentleman. I walk through and wait for him.
We walk together down the hall. I let him lead, since I've only been out here a few times, and I've never been to the kitchen.
He enters a room, once again holding the door open for me. I smile and enter. He knows I'm thankful. At least, I pray that he does and that I don't seem like I expect it of him. Heaven knows no one else has ever held a door open for me. It just makes him all the more special to me.
I then look around the room. It's a beautiful dining room with a long wooden table and many chairs, all made of wood and all with the same red velvet cushions and intricate designs on the back.
"It's beautiful," I say without meaning to say it out loud.
He smiles at me. "Yes, it's quite nice."
He continues walking, so I follow, not wanting to loose him. Heaven forbid I ever get lost outside the residential quarters without him. With my luck I'd probably turn down a hall straight into a guard.
Although as of late my luck has been changing.
I smile slightly, thinking of Eagle. I always smile when I think of Eagle. Maybe if I got caught by a guard he'd come and save me. I smile at the thought of him yelling at a guard for trying to hurt me. Would he really do that or would he let me get taken back to the residential quarters? No, I don't think he'd do that, but I still don't know.
As I follow him I realize we are entering another room. It appeared to be a kitchen. Eagle walks over to a large white box I identify as a refrigerator. My stomach growls lightly. I pray Eagle didn't hear that.
He turns to me, smiling, almost laughing lightly. "Are you sure you're only a little hungry?"
I giggle. "So maybe I'm a little more than a little hungry."
He smiles. "That's alright. What would you like to eat?"
I shrug. I haven't had to choose my meal since I was living on my own. Gosh, that seems like ages ago. "I don't mind," I reply.
"Surely you must have a preference," he answers back to me. "What is your favorite food?"
I think for a moment. Well let's see, I certainly don't like seafood, but I like all fowl. I of course love sweets and candy, but that's not a meal. I smile and look at Eagle. "Just surprise me with something. Make your favorite food."
He sighs, but I can see the smile on his face. That makes me smile back.
He pulls a plate of meat out of the refrigerator. "Do you mind if it's leftovers?" he asks.
I wouldn't care if his favorite food were a type of leftover seafood. I'd still eat it if it were his favorite food. "I don't mind at all."
He smiles and places the meat on a counter and walks to a cabinet. I walk over and look at the meat, trying to identify it.
"Chicken," he says, obviously seeing my confused look.
I smile and nod. "Oh yeah."
He smiles and brings two plates over. He grabs a fork and pulls some meat onto both plates. I watch interestedly. If it were anyone else doing this I wouldn't care in the least. That just shows you how crazy I've gone for this man.
He places the plates in a machine that I don't recognize. He presses a few buttons and leaves the plates in there. He then places the chicken back in the refrigerator.
I watch, entranced by his movements. I love watching him. It just makes me like him more and more. Could it be true love? It has to be. I can't imagine not being around him forever. All I could think about last night was seeing him again. This man is all that is on my mind ever. Would I ever stop thinking about him? I doubt it. I prayed last night that he feels the same as I do, and I will continue every night until I am certain of his feelings for me, be them bad or good.
He goes back to the machine, pulling the two plates back out and setting them on the counter. The aroma of cooked chicken swirls around me, causing my stomach to growl. As Eagle grabs some silverware, I snatch a small piece of chicken from one of the plates, eating greedily. Eagle turns around to see me chewing. I giggle lightly. He smiles at me, instantly knowing what happened. But I don't think he really cares.
He grabs the plates and walks out to the dining room. I follow, getting the door for him. He's such a gentleman, but I don't want him to drop our food.
He sets the plates down at the table and places the silverware by them, going back to the kitchen. I follow curiously, and interestedly. Interested in him.
He grabs two glasses and places them on the counter, going back to the refrigerator. "What would you like to drink?" he asks me.
"I don't care."
He looks at me with a look asking me to make a decision.
"Juice?" I ask, hoping they might have some. I'm tired of the milk they give us in the residential quarters.
He nods and pulls out a bottle of a rich red colored liquid which I soon pronounced as juice.
He pours some in both glasses and places the bottle back in the refrigerator.
He takes both glasses and walks back to the dining room. I follow again, telling myself that he doesn't have to carry my glass. I'm perfectly capable. But it's sweet of him, so I can't argue that.
He places one glass at each table setting. The settings look so weird. Only two at a table that could obviously seat around twenty.
He draws out a chair, motioning for me to sit. Sheesh, can this guy be any sweeter? I smile and sit, letting him push my chair in for me. He then sits in the seat next to me. I glance out at all the other seats. I let my mind wander.
If I imagine just right I can see me sitting next to Eagle at a large dinner with many important people. I can see the Legendary Magic Knights, even though I have no idea what they look like. In one seat is Master Mage Clef, and another seat holds Master Swordsman Lantis. And in another seat is Sword Craftsman Presea.
I am suddenly awakened from my day dream by my growling stomach. Eagle laughs lightly, and I glance back at him. He was watching me? I can feel my face begin to turn red. This just makes him continue laughing. But man how he's cute when he laughs. That just makes my blushing stop.
He smiles and takes a bite of his food. I stare for a moment, watching his jaw move. I then decide to give my stomach a break and I eat. The chicken was delicious, but sharing a meal with Eagle was the best thing I could wish for.
* * *
We sat after lunch and talked. I told him all there is to know about me, from where I used to live to what my favorite color is.
"Now it's my turn," I said to him. I was feeling more comfortable with him at this moment. He seemed to feel the same.
"I know you live in Autozam, so what is your house like?"
"Well, my house is rather big. Actually, it's the biggest house in Autozam."
The biggest house? Is he rich? Lord, I hope not. I'll look so poor next to him. He doesn't even know how the clothes I'm wearing are my mother's old clothes and borrowed clothes from my roomates. Would that matter to him if I told him? I pray not.
"Why is your house the biggest house in Autozam?"
"I..... well....." I can tell this is obviously not a topic he likes to talk about. I curse to myself for making him uncomfortable like that. "I..... am the leader of Autozam."
My reaction of surprise must have been obvious because he instantly looked down at his dirty plate.
"The leader?" That means he's loaded! Now I really look poor compared to him. My heart wrenches at the thought that he ever finds out how poor I am. Would it matter to him? Would he take me as I am and possibly help me, or would he shun me away? He seems like a nice understanding man, but understanding can only go so far.
I can feel my heart twist in a pretzel as I try to think of what to say. I have to tell him at some point. Would it not be better to tell him now and get it out in the open. That way if he shuns me away I can get out of this before I totally give my heart away.
But I think I already have. The thought of him walking out that door, of leaving me behind..... I can't even comprehend how I would feel. I'd want to end my life. I'd want to go curl up in a corner and disappear. I'd certainly never be able to face him again. But that wouldn't be hard if he left. I'd just stay in my room. If he shunned me away he'd never come looking for me.
I can feel the tears well up in my eyes. and I haven't even told him yet. I.... I can't tell him. Not now anyways. Later.
I promise myself that I WILL tell him soon. Not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But I will not wait forever. He has a right to know.
I can feel his hand brushing against my cheek. He can see the tears in my eyes. I throw my arms around him, hugging him tightly.
"Karu?" I can tell he's curious.
"Eagle, I......" I decide to go with an easier topic. "I'm extremely poor."
I watch as a smile crosses his beautiful lips. That's a good sign.
"I don't care. I mean, I care, but it doesn't matter to me how much money you have. Is that why you are almost in tears?"
"Yes," I reply, lying through my teeth.
He hugs me gently. I feel so much better now. He didn't shun me away.
After a few moments I let him go. My tears disappear. He stands up, taking the plates to the kitchen. I wait in my seat.
He returns and holds out a hand for me. I smile, and gladly take his hand, standing up next to him. I think back to when I thought of how I want to feel his hand against mine. Perhaps..... Would he object if I asked him?
"Eagle?" I begin hesitantly.
He looks at me, raising his eyebrows, waiting for me to continue.
I blush lightly, feeling slightly ashamed of myself. "Nevermind."
"No, what is it? Did you want to ask something?"
"Well, actually, yes. Can you......" Butterflies attack my stomach as I try to ask. I should just ask. He won't think me weird, will he? What if he doesn't like to take off his gloves? Then he'll just say no. It's not a big deal. But what if he's offended by my asking? No, he wouldn't be. I don't think. "Can you take off your gloves?" I spit out the words quickly.
I look at him to see a bit of a confused expression. But he smiles and removes his gloves. I smile, taking his hand once more. The feel of his warm hand against mine is more than I imagined. His hand was so strong. I could feel the muscles through the glove, but this is so different.
I feel him tighten his grip slightly as we walk out of the dining room.
That wasn't so hard. I don't know why I was worried. I smile lightly at that. I'm too over careful around him. I need to just loosen up.
He leads me out of the dining room and stops in the hall. "Where would you like to go?" he asks me.
I have to decide? I don't know! I've only been to three places outside of the residential quarters. Wait, the garden. Would he take me there again? He asked what I wanted to do, and I want to go see the garden again.
"Can..... can we go to the garden?" I just realized, he asked what I wanted to do. Does that mean he's going to take me somewhere and leave? And I asked if *we* could go to the garden. Would he not like that?
He smiles. "Of course." I sigh. I'm taking everything too strongly. My mind is working overtime.
He leads me down the hall and to the garden. As he holds the door open for me, I step through. I catch my breath. It's more beautiful than I remember. Seeing it in the daytime..... It's unbelievable. I'll never be able to go to the garden in the residential quarters ever again. It's too horrid compared to this.
Eagle smiles and walks over to a tree. I watch, taking a few steps after him. He looks back and motions for me to follow. I do so with a smile.
He steps on the lowest branch, lifting him up a few feet. He holds out a hand for me. "Have you ever climbed a tree?" he asks.
"A few times," I answer.
He nods and motions for me to climb with him.
I take his hand and he lifts me up the couple feet to the lowest branch. The branch is so skinny. How would it ever hold our weight?
I can feel myself loosing my balance. He places his hands around my waist, holding me still. I can feel the goofy, lovesick smile on my face. I hope he doesn't see it.
He smiles and lets go once I get my balance. He reaches up to another branch. I hold him just above his waist as I nearly loose my balance. Falling right now would not be good. He'd think I'm a total dork. I just hope he doesn't mind my hands being around him like this.
He smiles and climbs up to the next branch, quickly taking my hand before I lost my balance. He pulls me up with him, holding me once again until I get my balance.
The pattern continues until we are standing at the top of the tree. I glance down and what I see is the scariest thing imaginable. We are over twenty feet off the ground. Eagle obviously sense my nervousness, because he motions for me to sit. I sit, my legs straddling the branch. He lets me lean against the main trunk of the tree. He sits on front of me, his legs as well straddling the branch. I smile lightly. He looks cute sitting up here with all the nature surrounding him.
"This is my favorite place in the castle," he tells me.
I smile. He brought me to his favorite place. That makes me feel special. I can see why he loves it up here. It's nice and warm and peaceful.
I look at my hands as he takes them in his hands. He slides closer to me, our knees nearly touching. Oh, can't he move just an inch closer?
I look up at him. So close yet so far. I want to lean up and kiss him. But I'd probably end up falling out of the tree. No, he'd catch me. Wouldn't he? I think he would. I hope he would.
We sit there for a little while. I lean my head back against the trunk and close my eyes lightly. Eagle was so sweet. I could feel him playing with my fingers gently. I smile lightly as my mind wanders. I slowly drift to sleep.