Never Cheat Duo Out of His Money
I know, it's a sucky title, but still. It's based somewhat on that episode of South Park where Cartman bought those pubes. That was really funny! So I got the idea to write this fic. So let's get to it!
Aw wait. I forgot the disclaimer. *sigh* These things are so annoying. Let's just get this over with…
As much as I want to, I don't own Gundam Wing, or South Park, or DBZ(which is only mentioned in one part, this is NOT a crossover). The End.
Ok, NOW you can read the story.
Duo slammed the front door of the place where The G-boys were staying (I guess one of Quatre's mansions or something) behind him. He was covered in soot and his hair was all frizzy. Everyone else was in the living room and stared at him.
"You fell for one of Stephanie's tricks again?" said Quatre.
"I wonder what happened this time," said Heero.
"…" said Trowa.
Everyone started laughing and Duo got even madder.
"It wasn't that!" he yelled, "She said she had this thing that would make my Gundam really powerful so I buy it for 10 bucks and go to install it and the next thing ya know my Gundam falls to pieces!"
"And you actually believed her?" said Heero.
"…" said Trowa.
Everyone started laughing again and Duo just stomped away to his room. "I'm gonna get my money back," he grumbled.
(A/N: Just to note, Stephanie is NOT my name and Wufei has been taken out of the story 'cause I didn't know where to put him in the story. It's not like he doesn't exist or anything, he's just not there.)
Stephanie was sitting in the living room of her home still laughing at Duo for falling for her dumb trick. She just loved to pick on him! She got up to answer the doorbell and low and behold, there was Duo.
"I want my money back," he said holding out the item he purchased, which was now in pieces.
"Sorry, no refunds."
"I said give me back my money."
"No way. You shouldn't have bought it."
"I said—"
"Look kid, I'm 20 years old, 3 years older than you, and have a mean streak in me so you better leave before I get my gun."
"Why should I be afraid of some gun? I have a Gundam—wait, it fell to pieces. Damn!"
He stomped away angrily. She started laughing again. 'I'll get my revenge,' he thought to himself.
Stephanie was about to go on the computer when she heard the doorbell ring again. When she went to answer, he saw a man with a long braid and a fake beard wearing a business suit. "Hello are you Miss Stephanie McQueen?"
"Yeah whadya want?"
"I'm Duo's lawyer and I've come to collect 10 dollars that you supposedly stole from a Mr. Duo Maxwell in a sham trying to sell him a faulty device."
"Listen Duo get the heck outta here."
"How did you know its me?"
"*sigh* Look, ok I'll give you back your money."
"What?! Ok! I'd knew you'd give in eventually."
"*rolls eyes* Anyway, you got change for a twenty? *Pulls out 20*"
"I've only got 5.12"
"Ok that'll do. Now give me the change."
"*gives her change*"
"Now I'll give you the money"
"*takes money*"
"Now give me the device."
"*gives her device*"
"Now give me the 20."
"*gives her 20*"
"And I'll give you the device."
"*takes device*"
"Ok bye Duo! *shuts door*"
"Bye Steph! Wait a minute… Damn it!"
Duo walked over to Steph's house again, but this time he had a plan. He rang the doorbell and Steph answered.
"What is it now," she said.
"Oh Steph! I had to tell you! The Backstreet Boys have come to town and they're gonna go out with the first girls they see and have hot sex with them! You gotta go! I'll watch your house!"
"First off, I don't like the Backstreet Boys. I want them to die, not have sex with them. Second, I'll take the part back. Here's your money *takes out money*"
"Great!—Wait, what's the catch?"
"There's no catch."
"I don't believe you."
"Ok, there's a convention in Canada where they'll pay $50000 for broken Gundam Wing parts and I have to hurry before the bus leaves."
"What?!"
"Hurry up and give me the part!"
"No way dumbass! This is what you get! *runs off*"
"No wait! Have you no soul man!" Then Stephanie closed the door and started laughing. 'What a dumbass!' she thought.
Duo arrived in Canada and then suddenly remembered that he hadn't asked where exactly in Canada it was. So he asked a passerby.
"Um sir can you tell me where the Gundam convention for broken parts is?"
"There's no convention that I've heard of. What are you wearing, a Duo costume?"
"No I'm Duo."
"Yeah right, and I'm Patte LaBelle."
The guy walked away. Before Duo could react, a guy walked up to him and handed him a box.
"I'm guessing you're Duo. Here you go. *Hands Duo a box and walks away*"
"What is this? *opens box*"
His eyes went wide as he saw nothing but worthless broken parts or Gundam Wing model kits. Duo screamed in frustration and anguish.
Steph heard the doorbell ring and went to answer and she saw Duo with streaks of mud covering him and his hair was soaked.
"Let me guess," said Stephanie, "You actually went."
"10000 miles, Stephanie. 10000 miles riding on the top of a station wagon just to get back here."
"You are so gullible it's sad."
"Ok, I give up."
"You do? The Great Shinigami has given up? Aw well…"
Duo started to walk away sadly. Then he stopped and said, "It sure is sad about Heero though."
"Wait. What happened to Heero? He's my favorite character."
"He's in the hospital for a fatal injury unless he gets a risky operation. Unless I can come up with 15.12 they'll put him down."
"Aw man, that's too bad. Ya know what, I'll give you back your money."
"Wow, thanks Steph!"
He walked back up to the door and Steph puled out the money.
"But first," said Steph, "I want you to beg for it."
"What?!"
"I guess you don't want Heero to live. Now take this."
She held out a Barney plush toy. Duo took it.
"Now put this on."
She held out a pink dress.
"What? Aw hell naw..."
"Do you want your money or not?"
He took the dress and somehow put it on over his clothes.
"Now I want you to hug the Barney and say, "I love Barney and want to have hot, steamy sex with him!'"
"What?! I'm not gonna do it!"
"Ok I'll just put away the money..."
"No! Ok, I'll do it... I love Barney and want to have hot, steamy sex with him."
"Now sing the I Love You song and do it with some emotion!"
Duo reluctantly sang the song while Steph laughed her head off.
"Now can I have my money?" he said angrily as he ripped off the dress and threw away the Barney.
"You mean this?" she pulled out the money and held it above Duo.
"Yeah."
He tried to grab at it but Steph pulled it away.
"You would do all this for 15.12 when you have a rich friend that is so nice and sweet that he would give you any amount of monye you wanted if you just asked and/or lied to him?"
"I've tried that before and he sees right through it. He's not as nice as you think. And besides, it's the principal of the matter."
"Yeah whatever. Anyway, I'm tired of this little game. This is over."
She pulled out a lighter and held it to the money. It went up in flames. Duo's eyes widened and he backed away from the door.
"Why? Why damn you, why!"
"Now you can't bug me for your money. MWAHAHAHAHA!!! If you only knew how much joy I take in torturing you!"
She shut the door, leaving Duo outside in the rain. He walked down the path leading away from the house and then fell to his knees. Then he looked up to the heavens and screamed,
"NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HEERO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HEERO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Meanwhile at Quatre's...
"I could have sworn I just heard Relena called me," said Heero.
"Probably your imagination," said Quatre.
"..." said,... aw, you know already.
They all started laughing.
Now for a commercial break!
Next time on the Ghetto Chick Talk Show...
Chichi: What?! You cheated on me with MR. POPO!!!
Vegeta: I'm sorry! I didn't mean to! Goku made me do it! He said he'd beat the shit outta me for taking you away from him if I didn't. It's not like I enjoyed it...
The Z gang comes on to reveal secret relationships! Don't miss it!
(Relena comes on the screen)
Relena: Are you tired of the man you love running away and/or trying to kill you? Well why not come down to Relena's Training Center! We'll get you the gear to capture your soul mate and train them to stay with you forever! *starts walking down hallway* We have the proper facilities to brainwash,--
*hears screams of men being tortured*
Man1: Get me outta here!!!!!
Man2: Help me!!!!
Man3: Get Barney away from me!!!!!!
Relena: -- and train your man and make them be a slave to you! Listen to these satisfied customers!
(a lady sitting on a couch with her man sitting next to her with a leash on)
Lady: Before, my man used to be unruly and run away when I entered a room. But now, he can't seem to get enough of me. Isn't that right?
Man: Of course honey! *eye twitches* I love you *eye twitches* so much! *hugs lady*
(a lady with a skimpy, leather tight outfit and a whip comes on the screen with a man laying down on a bed naked and shackled in chains)
Lady: Before, my man would always try and kill me to get rid of me. But now he would never try and escape me! Right?"
Man: I am yours, my queen.
Lady: Now dance for me slave boy! *cracks whip*
Man: *gets out of bed and starts doing a lap dance*
Relena: So you see, if it can work for them, it'll work for you! Just call me at
1-555-MYSLAVE right now. And if you call within the next 30 minutes, will give you a full weapons arsenal with atom bombs, powerful hightech laser guns and tanks to keep away sick groupies that might try to steal away your precious love. Believe me, this program will work for you. I'm not just the creator of this program, I'm also a client. Isn't that right Heero?
(Heero comes onscreen on all fours with his tongue sticking out)
Relena: What a good boy, aren't you Heero? *pats his head*
Heero: Woof!
You expected me to continue? Ha! You'll just have to wait for the second chapter! I just feel like torturing you all! Anyway read, review, flame if you like. Damn it, you can even try to send me to an asylum if ya want (Goodness knows many have tried.). But just don't complain if you end up missing. My poor mother... Sike! I'm just kidding. I wouldn't kill my mom, but I would sell her on the Black Market for fifty cents... *ahem* You never heard that... Anyway, I'll continue regardless if you review. But if it doesn't come out within the next two weeks, just assume that my mom kept true to her word (for once) and sent me to that psychiatrist. So this is ghetto chick sending you all Dragonball wishes and Gundam Wing dreams!
Quote of the Day: There are never bad reviews, only fucked up critics who are gonna get their asses kicked if they don't like my story! Everyone will love me and make me their queen! I WILL RULE THE WORLD!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!
-- Me, whenever I start writing a fanfic