Hermione:
Why can't he understand? I've tried
dropping hints, telling him how I feel, but he's completely oblivious. After
all that stuff with Victor last year I thought that he finally understood,
but boy was I wrong. He thinks I don't
hear those catty comments of his, about me, about Harry. I mean we're his
friends, but its all about him, what he needs what he wants.
I suppose I can understand that, I mean he
always has been overshadowed, having 5
brothers all older can't be easy, when they all have something special about
them: Bill; cool but clever, Charlie: dangerous but fun, Percy: one of the most
rule-abiding students ever, George and Fred, twins and pranksters. What has Ron
got to offer that's so special? Even Ginny isn't like him, she's special too:
the only girl.
Why can't he understand that he doesn't
need others to see him as special, I already do, and what has he ever done for
me? All we ever seem to do is fight, argue, misunderstand each other. This year
I realised why, and I'm not the only one, Harry sees it too, I'm sure of it and
Ginny's far from blind. Its just him, unaware as ever.
And now, there isn't a chance, because the
fights have got worse and now its not just me. He's fighting with Harry, Ginny,
Fred George, anyone who's up for it. He's full of anger, of pain, he can't let
it go. Ever since the return of Voldemort he's been different. And he's not the
one I'd expect it from. It should be Harry, but he's the same-old-same-old, the
one constant in this weird world of mine. Okay, he's a bit quieter sometimes, a
bit darker almost, but now more than ever he's looking on the bright side.
Ron hasn't looked on the bright side for a
long time now, I doubt he even remembers how to smile. I haven't seen him smile
since before the third task. Occasionally he stretches his mouth feebly,
flashes some teeth, but its expressionless, empty. There's no emotion there,
and that's scary. I remember when he first arrived at Hogwarts, ready for a
laugh and a joke, ready for adventure. Perhaps in retrospect, too ready,
because the amount of adventures he's had are probably more than most of the
student body combined. Now when I look at him I can hardly see him, yes there's
his body the same stature and build, the same hair: typical Weasley. But Ron? I
can't see him at all, its as if he's way in the distance and I haven't got my
glasses. Sometimes when I look into his eyes I pretend he's still there, but I
know its just pretend. This year he's changed so much. Drifted away from his
friends, family, from the whole of Gryffindor if truth be told.
Now there's a new dream-team in town, a new
double-act, no longer Harry and Ron, with little old me tagging along. Now its
Ron and Draco. The best friends this school has ever seen. When I see them
laughing joking in the hall, its all I can do not to cry out, to run after him,
hug him, fill him full of the love he is empty of. Tear him away from Draco,
the draining force.
In my dreams I reach out for him, he's
always just too far way and I wake, weeping silently. I've stopped telling
Harry about the dreams, I know he has his own premonitions to deal with. But a
month ago I had another dream, this one was different, I reached out for him,
to the real Ron, the happy, cheery Ron, full of love, laugher and free of pain
and emptiness. And fear. He turns to me for help, reassurance and I reach out
ready to give all that he needs. Then he turns and I see him from another
angle, I see his left arm, near the shoulder and I cry out for I've never seen
that before, never in real-life or in dreams, but I know of course, through
books, and Harry has kept me informed.
It was then that I knew why he has
distanced himself from us, we were no longer needed, he had a new "gang"
multi-national. They pull him in now, when I reach out in the dreams I can see
them all, their black hooded uniforms clearly visible, they pull him in, to do
their bidding. And I am helpless to do anything about it.
Because he has chosen, us or them. And he
made his choice. He decided on the Dark Mark.
I have to face facts, Ron no longer belongs
to us. He is theirs, forevermore.
