They think I don't see them, looking at me, but not really seeing me, who I really am, now at least. They only imagine what I am, for they haven't truly seen me, now. They see through me, they see past me. They fall back on definitions found in precious library books. Wonder where it all went wrong. Wondering where I went wrong.
Sometimes I sneak down to the Gryffindor common room when they think I am asleep. To see what they are doing, saying, thinking, whilst I revel in my new role of spy. They can't see me anyway, not with my new invisibility cloak, care of Mr Malfoy, my newest benefactor. I couldn't do it any other way now, observe, I mean. When I walk into the room, everyone looks at me, with a mix of emotions, some think: "The boy who went bad" others "Come back to the good side all is forgiven." But I know that their thoughts aren't me, not who I really am. They don't look hard enough. They never did.
From the moment I was born I was nothing special, no-one important. "Another of the Weasley boys". Sometimes I wish I was a girl, in fact I know that was what was planned, a girl to complete the family, instead they got me, Ron. The epitome of average. Bright enough but not too clever, friendly enough but not too popular, brave enough but not too daring. Good old reliable Ron. But that's where they went wrong.
I know I've hurt them; my family, Gryffindor, Dumbledore, Harry, Hermione. Hermione especially. She has taken it the worst, and she doesn't even know the whole truth. I thought it would have been Harry, but he is quietly accepting, I'm just another in the long line of failures and disappointments he's had during his short life. I'm truly sorry to have been on that list. And the worse thing is, I can't tell them, can't help them to understand. They have to go on, not knowing, thinking I've let them down, betrayed myself, my family. Especially now when I could do with their help, support, encouragement, I get nothing. Not even a friendly glance in my direction. Not that I blame them.
Like so many people have said to me this year, It was my choice, my decision, and I made it, now there is no turning back. For, as every follower knows, even death is not an escape.