~Disclaimer~ I don't own nothing here, understood? It's all theirs.
Destiny?
Was it destiny? I'm not so sure. They all said it was, so it must be, must it? Do I really belong with her? Everyone thinks so, so I must do. They all say that we look good together. So why do I feel like I don't want to be with her. I don't love her and its as simple as that. That's not to say I don't like her, after all she is my best friend. But love, I don't think so. I don't think I love my girlfriend, Hikari.
She looks at me, her eyes meet mine. I feel guilty. Am I leading her on? I kiss her cheek, but there's no emotion, it's all surface. I consider it a kiss between friends not lovers. She looks at me and kisses my lips. I don't kiss back. She gives a me a strange look.
'What's wrong' She asks
'Nnnnnothing' I stutter as I reply, its so obvious I'm lying. She doesn't care, she hugs me.
'I have to go' She tells me 'Got school in the morning, remember'
I nod in agreement. How could I be so cold? She treats me like a god and how I treat her back? Like shit, thats how. I show her out and kiss her goodnight. Again all surface, no feeling. I hear Taichi, impatiently beeping the horn in the car park. I retreat to mope about the house, in self pity. But theres always the question in my mind: Why am I still with her? Is it because I love her? Or perhaps because she's happy and thats all that matters? If so why do I feel so bad? If I don't love her then why should I care if she's happy? Because she's my best friend? No, its more than that. But if it is more, then what? Do I love her or not? It's the only question I can't answer. I don't know why I can't, I just..... can't. I'm confused.
The next day. I've been dreading today. Why? I can't treat Hikari badly, I can't let a foot slip. Everyone is watching the 'happy' couple. If I make a mistake, I'll have Taichi and Daisuke on my back. I'm sure they hate me as it is. I stand by my locker, removing books from it. A pair of arms hug me, I turn around to Hikari there. Her smile beams at me but I don't return it. I should but I can't.
'Now what?' She snarls 'The last couple of days you've been acting strange'
'Sorry' Is the one thing I can say
'No, not sorry, I wanna know whats wrong' She snaps in reply. She knows somethings up. She doesn't know what but theres something eating at me. What do I do? Lie? Complicate things more? I don't want to have a fight with her. I decide to tell her the truth.
'Can we talk later?'
'Thats better, ok then come round about 5'
'Actually can we go somewhere where's no Taichi or interuptions' Her face drops, I can see her pain.
'Takeru, Have you been seeing someone else?'
'What? Do you think I would stoop that low?'
Now I should hold her hands and declare my undying love for her. But then I would be lying. To her and to myself. We should be clearing each other mouths. But we aren't.
'Sorry' She replies. I have to smile, at least she's being honest. 'What about your place?'
'Yamato's visiting at the moment. How about a walk somewhere?' I ask her
'I'll come over at 5 then'
'Ok I'll see you then..' I kiss her and she leaves. I don't know if I can tell her. I don't want to hurt her. But if I only consider her a friend then why should I be worrying so much? Because I love her? The only thing I can think is 'Shut up Takeru, you're only confusing yourself'
4.30. Hikari's gonna be over in half hour. I decided what I'm gonna do. I've been changing over the last couple of days, but I've decided. I think we can forget the idea of a walk. It's raining harder than anything I've ever seen. The door bell goes, perhaps she's early. I answer it and sure enough, there she is. Soaking wet and angry as hell. I can only laugh at her.
'It's not funny Takeru!' She shouts at me 'This better be good!'
'Wait there' I run and grab her some clothes and a towel to dry herself with 'Into the bathroom you go'
Ten minutes later she comes out. She comes into my room and shines her smile at me. It's at times like this, I know why I'm with her.
'What do you need to talk about then?' She asks
'Its nothing really but I had some stupid thoughts'
'What kind of thoughts?
'Well. it's just I didn't know how I felt about you. I thought I didn't love you..'
I could the see the tears swelling up in her eyes. I had hurt her but I was about to (try to) undo it.
'But I realised it wasn't that. I was annoyed by the fact that everyone thinks we are destined to be together. It made me think I was with you because everyone says we should be'
'Takeru, what were you thinking? I.....'
'Hikari I know' Her eyes met mine 'That's just crap. The reason I'm with you is because I want to, not because they want to' Then she gave me another happy smile. I reached over to kiss her and as our lips were about to meet.....
'DAISUKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'
It was either a thunderstorm or Daisuke just pissed Miyako off. We looked out of the window to see , sure enough, Daisuke, Miyako and Iori out in the rain. Iori was sitting in a bus shelter, while Daisuke and Miyako were arguing in the rain. On the floor was a broken umbrella. It doesn't take nuclear physics to tell what had happened. Despite the fact that Miyako and Iori weren't too far from home, they were still out. I think Iori actually likes watching these two arguing, and to be honest so do I. I turn to see Hikari giggling and we finally kiss. The action outside diverts our attention however...
'HEY GET OFF ME, YOU BITCH!'
'YOU'RE GONNA BUY ME A NEW UMBRELLA'
Now Daisuke and Miyako were wrestling. In the rain. Iori's also on the floor. In laughter. I really have given up on them two. I close the curtains and put my arms around Hikari. She's asleep and soon enough I fall asleep as well.
