Disclaimer: If they were mine, they would still be on the air and Nikita and Michael would be together.

A/N: Read chapter one..you might hate me but you'll know what's going on!

White Picket Fences

2

Those two days, tucked away from the world strengthened us, made us stronger. I spent the time doing wonderfully mundane things, baking cookies, wiping Adam's face clean, tucking him into bed at night. We talked about his dreams, his hopes, his nightmares about his mother's death that were soon joined by ones of his father. He would wake up from these shivering and gasping from fear, burrowing in my arms as if I had the power to stop death by my mere presence. I wish. Oh I wish. I want a lifetime of this, not mere hours with this child of Michael's. This child that radiates the same calm, the same dignity as his father that makes me feel like Michael is watching me through his eyes. In the forty six hours we were together, he handed over to me his heart that had been crushed three times now. God help me, it only made what I had to do that much harder.

Adam came with me one last time to the Section, his small hand clutched in mine as he took in the sights with wide eyes. They must have been warned of my coming because no one made any comment or even looked our way as we walked up to the Perch. Michelle was there waiting for us, her soft smile melting Adam even before they were introduced.

She set down the pad she had been holding and held her hand to the small boy. "Welcome Adam. I'm sorry about your father."

Adam nodded seriously, his deep blue eyes shining for a moment before reigning in his emotions. "thank you."

I motioned for Adam to sit in the couch while Michelle and I talked quietly in the corner. The window was blacked out, and Michelle laid a gentle hand on my shoulder. "Are you feeling better?"

"No." I answer honestly, today of all days isn't one for charades. "How is Section?"

"Fine. Liberia went well and we're presently getting intel in on chemical weapons deal going on between Red Cell and an arms dealer called Smith. We should be ready to move within the day."

"Good." My breathe hitches in my chest as I look at the woman I have known less than a year, and called a sister even less. In that space of time she has managed to be family to me, making up for a lot of the pain I used to feel from not having one. As I stare into blue eyes that mirror my own, all I see is love and I know trust her with everything that I have and more importantly everything I love. "Michelle…"

She smiles and puts a finger to my lips. "I'll do it. He'll be happy Nikita, I promise."

In the hours that Adam slept those two days, I was far from idle. Accounts were arranged, college funds were set up, passports, and identification created for a Michelle West and her son Adam. I had made her a single mother, her fiancé tragically lost in a car accident when she was pregnant with Adam. He was young and hopefully could forget.

My chest hurts, a dull aching pain that I doubt will go away. If it had been another life, if I had chosen another path, if I had said no, if I had turned away from my father, Adam could have been mine and his father my husband. Instead this small child with a sturdy chin and dimpled cheeks will get a chance at a life that neither his father, mother or I had. He will be happy and no matter what, I will protect him from the world.

"Adam."

He turns to look at me with such trusting eyes that I have to pause a moment forcing the pain down to a manageable level. "Adam, you know that I love you so much don't you?"

Adam nods, and places a small hand on my hand.

"And that anything I do is done so that you will be happy and safe."

"Uh-huh."

"Your father loved you so much that he didn't want you to be sad, so he made me promise a long time ago that I would make sure that you were safe. As much as I would love to have you live with me it's not safe here."

Adam whimpered softly and dove into my arms, his body trembling unwilling to here the words he knows are going to be said.

"Since I love you so much I'm going to have my sister to take care of you. She already thinks the world of you…" My words fall on deaf ears as I shatter his heart yet one more time. Michelle kneels by us and takes Adam in her arms, soothing him with murmurs of love. He sobs, tears pour down his cheeks as he holds out his arms to me. God it hurts. I let him back in my arms and I know what I have to do, so I hold him close and whisper in his ear. "You're my brave little boy aren't you?"

Choking he nods.

"You're going to be strong, and watch out for Michelle aren't you? My two favorite people are going to watch for each other okay. Now kiss me because you have to go now."

My words were meaningless and they had to tear him from arms, his shrill screams echoing in the rooms of the ultimate betrayal. Bruises mar my arms from where he clutched me so desperately and all I could do was stand there and watch. Face expressionless, and I can see the instant his love turns to hate. It twists his face into an ugly grimace and lets go, hurt once too often. What do they say about that single straw on the donkey's back? I didn't place the last straw, I cut the donkey's legs out from under it. I'm so sorry baby. My heart is breaking into irreplaceable shards when Jason walks in, pity evident in his face which makes me angry. Pity is the last thing I need from anyone. I've lost any claim to need anything from anyone.

"You called?"

"Yes, how did the sims go for the weapon's dealer?"

Jason bites his lip. "They went well. We have a few adjustments to make and then we'll be ready to move."

"Good, call in the operatives and have them get ready. How do you feel about Michelle's job?" Words manage to form on their own despite my total conviction that I have somehow shriveled up into nothing. Perhaps that was just my soul, sucked dry of any joy , a brittle husk from what Michael once knew.

"Fine, she's been training me for several months now." His eyes try to assess me, see if I've lost that grip on reality that has been threatening to give way since…since he…since he died.

"Yes, we were planning to have her move to the Center but that's been changed. You'll be taking over her position on a temporary basis."

Jason looked slightly shocked, but over the past few months he had shown amazing aptitude for Madeline's old job. "Who will take over intel?"

"We're bringing in a new girl from the Center. That'll be all."

"Okay." He leaves angry at me, but that will make no difference. We are Section and what we wanted was irrelevant the moment we entered those steel doors. And so I stand, alone, keeping vigil over the hundred of bodies under my command. The pain threatens to rip my heart out and all I can think is that…that Section doesn't let us go once we're in it's grip. We are Section and no matter what the price, we destroy lives for the greater good, and in the end all that's left are broken shards of people trapped behind steel doors and empty deeds. In this gilded prison of high hopes and noble deeds, all I do is just try to breathe and survive.

-fin-

A/N: One more chapter to go..thanks for all the great reviews.