Author's Notes: After re-reading the last chapter, I realised it was in fact a bit weak. (Thanks Kevin and Kernel). So I decided to torture our favourite pi*s-ant, white-bred Agent Cornfield some more. (What kinda code name is "Lilac" anyway?)
Dedicated to all you great people who reviewed, even *says this very grudgingly* Kevin. Plus Pippa. And Lynne. And Hex.
Riley groaned as he trudged through the knee-deep swamp pit.
(A/N: In my jungle, there are swamp pits, ok??)
He was beginning to realise what an utter fool he had been by signing up for this mission. I mean, who would be stupid enough to let a double-crossing-puts-a-chip-in-you-and-feeds-you-chemicals government take you away to some secret and deserted place filled with all sorts of scary monsters, after basically explaining how you are very likely to die? And don't give me that crap about bravery!
"Who would have known that a heat-of-the-moment decision without thinking it out whatsoever wouldn't go to plan?" Riley said.
His thoughts were put to a sudden halt when he felt a strange transformation come over him. His skin began to shed itself and become green and scaled. Slits formed at his neck. The bones inside him shifted and re-arranged themselves.
What was happening to him?
Riley was getting a strong sense of deja-vu from one of Buffy's stories. Something to do with the school swim team. With a start Riley realised what was happening.
The chemicals Professor Walsh had pumped into him were the same ones the swim team had been exposed to!
He was turning into a fish monster!
Horror upon horrors! Riley was turning into an ugly, twisted creature! One which bore a strange resemblance to a fish!
(A/N: Wait...how was that any different from normal?)
When the metamorphosis was complete, Riley felt strange. He felt...complete. This was his true form. As a fish. After all, his last name was "Finn".
Riley jumped out into the nearest pool of water he could find. He screamed as he felt his skin burning and being dissolved away.
* * *
Graham and another soldier winced as they saw the liquid remains of Riley Finn. The pool of 'water' he had jumped into was in fact a trap set for the hostiles; monkey urine mixed with hydrochloric acid.
"Ah well." Graham said, trying to make light of the situation. "He was no good in bed anyway."
* * *
Buffy had been upset for the first few days. Not because of Riley leaving, but due to the apparent demise of all those she held close. Her mother, Dawn, Willow, Giles....all of them. She began to sob.
"There there luv. No need to cry." A very familiar voice cut through Buffy's despair. She looked up to meet Spike's smiling face.
"But...how?" she asked.
"The Powers told me I have a great destiny before me. Not my time to die yet, pet." Buffy ran and hugged him.
"I never thought I'd be so glad to see you!"
"That's not all, Slayer."
Buffy looked at him inquisitively.
"Turns out they've decided to erase Angelus sleepin' with Faith, so none of his group are dead anymore. Oh yeah, and they brought back all your mates and stuff too."
Buffy didn't think she could get happier. Everything was perfect now.
Except for one thing.
"And...Agent-Cardboard-The-Shirtless-Wonder-Lilac-Lesbo-Farmboy-America? *cough* I mean Riley."
Spike grinned.
"You forgot 'One minute man'." He held out a newspaper. "But yeah, his death was announced in this weeks column, 'Losers of the U.S.A.'"
"Yay! You know, it does smell a lot better around here with him gone. I guess I must have just got used to the stench of fish."
Spike laughed. "Too right. You shoulda tried bein' near him with an enhanced vampire sense o' smell. I almost died!"
"But let's never speak his name again. Come on Spike, let's go kill something."
And they all lived happily ever after.
The Real End.