Shattered
Disclaimer: All of these characters are copywrited to Gundam Wing and its producers. ^^
I watch the girl before me, her eyes searching my own for guidance. A pale, trembling hand moves towards the crystalline moisture clinging to her skin. Her finger bends, drawing the tear away from her pale aquamarine eye. My gaze drifts down, staring at the tear perched on my finger for a long while before flinging it away.
I feel hurt. Worse. I feel betrayed and stupid. I'd trusted him completely and I'd given up everything for him. How could he hurt me like this?
The girl begins to stand and her hand brushes open the large shade. Light filters into my room. "After today," I tell the girl in the mirror. "No one will be able to hurt me again."
"Is it so hard for you to just smile?" I questioned the teenager across from me. Anticipating his grunt, I continued. "School just let out for the summer and you still aren't smiling!"
Prussian blue eyes flashed in warning from beneath the dark brown bangs. It was his polite way of telling me to stop, but I carefully ignored him instead. Reaching into the picnic basket I had brought along, I drew out two sandwiches to arrange them on the paper plates. "Relena, I-"
"I know!" I cut him off sharply. Of course, I knew what he wanted. This picnic was another in a long line of picnics. Seven and a half months of picnics, in fact. I slipped a knife from the wicker basket and handed it to him.
He didn't comment, but I knew he wouldn't and so it didn't bother me. When Heero talked, it was usually to threaten someone. That someone usually turned out to be me, but he would never hurt me. I knew that deep in my heart as I watched him carefully trim the crust from his bread. As the last piece fell away, I smiled. He looked so much like a small child when he did that.
"Could I-?"
I nodded in the affirmative, again cutting him off. "Here," I said and handed him the soda. I had already opened it, like I always did. "Better?" I thought I saw the ghost of a smile on his stern face, but then it was hidden behind two pieces of bread and a slice of bologna. "You're welcome," I replied, just as though he had spoken.
Two months ago, everything was going as it should have been. Heero and I were in love, and that somehow had made everything else seem all better. The curtain drops back into place, returning the room to its former gloom but for the girl in the mirror.
I sit down, picking up my brush from the vanity table. The girl does the same and we begin running it through our dirty blonde locks. I smile thinly at the girl, and she smiles back.
I whisper to her, "Do you remember the night of the full moon?"
The full moon was high in the sky, and a thousand stars sparkled around it. I raised my hand, my eyes seeking out the wristwatch I was wearing. Ten minutes late. Where could he be?
"Relax, Relena," a cheery voice assured me, and I felt warm arms around me. "He'll get over it."
My teeth sank into my bottom lip. "I hope so."
"He will! Trust me." A lavendar eye winked at me, and then the teenager retreated back into the darkness, the chestnut-colored braid swinging behind him. "He'll take it like a man!"
I sighed. Tonight of all nights, the infamous Heero Yuy was late. My back pressed against the rough bark of a tree, and my thoughts wandered. A gentle sound beside me startled me and a moment later I felt my shoes return to the pavement.
"I kept you." It wasn't an apology. Then again, maybe it was.
"Its all right," I replied, shaking my head to clear it. "Heero, I have to tell you something." A pair of brown eyebrows shot into the air expectantly. Before I had come, I had worked out exactly what I was going to tell him. He was looking at me, and it suddenly seemed a stupid thing to say. I took a deep breath, and told him. It was over.
My heart ached as he nodded slowly, his eyes narrowed a little. There was a flicker of emotion deep within his lovely eyes. Then it was gone, locked away with the others. "Who is he?"
I cringed. Although my voice shook, I answered truthfully, "Duo."
This time, there was more than simply a flicker. His blue eyes were a maelstrom of emotions and I looked down. I had known it would hurt him, but I hadn't known it would hurt me too.
"Not much longer now," I remind the girl and set down the hairbrush. The clock on my nightstand tells me it is 11:45. Almost time to meet Duo for lunch.
My fingers close around the gold knob of the vanity's drawer, and I slowly open it. From it, I remove a white and gold jewelry box. When it opens I smile again. A beautiful melody begins to play, calming the anxious expression of the girl in the mirror.
I watch the girl as she displays a necklace for me to see. The chain is silver and sparkles prettily in what little light escapes the heavy red curtains. Goosebumps creep up my arms and I shiver as it comes it contact with my warm skin. It settles around the girl's throat, the dove-shaped pendant hanging just below her throat. It looks good, obviously meant to be there.
My fingers run over the dove, and I recall where I had gotten it. "Its beautiful, Heero," I murmur and turn the silver bird to gleam in the light a little more. "Just beautiful."
I stared. I had sensed it, like I sensed a lot of things. For the time being, however, I just stared. I had never thought she would actually confess, and to me no less! Finally, reality crashed back down, and I forced myself to smile. I hoped I looked careless. "I know."
"You knew I had a crush on him?" The black-haired girl stared in return. Her blue eyes were widened, and her mouth was slightly open. I hoped I hadn't looked like that.
I nodded, hiding my emotions behind a front of smiles and cheerfulness. "I just sort of had a feeling. And it turned out to be right." I shrugged at my friend and former OZ pilot.
"Do you care?" I shook my head. I cared all right, but I had faith in Duo. He would never go out behind my back with anyone else, especially not one of our best friends. Her gaping turned into a thankful smile. "Thank you!"
That afternoon, I repeated the conversation to Duo. He grinned at me, and I could almost see his ego boosting into the sky. He stood, unable to hold still. I laughed as he bounced away a few paces, and then back.
"Really? Did Hilde really say that? Wow! Now if only this would work for all girls!" That earned him playful smack upside the head. It did nothing to alter his racing words. "What? Its fun to look! Its not like I'd do anything!" Duo paused long enough for his voice to become a bit more solemn. "You know I love you."
My hand closes around another item from the jewelry box and I slowly draw it out. The knife is beautiful. The handle is made of ivory, and figures are ornately carved into the material. It is really an antique. The silver blade, sharp and pointed, has been replaced dozens of times throughout the years. To me, that isn't the beauty it holds. To me, it is the symbol of the end.
I hear a knock at my door. There is a pause, and then another. "Relena?"
"I'm coming, Duo!" He was early. I glance at the girl. She is calm and prepared, yet knowing what has to happen. Everything is ready. "Come in, if you like!" I hear the door begin to creak open, and I begin to raise the knife.
"I don't understand," I spoke quietly. But, of course, I did understand. I just refused to believe it.
"Duo and I have been seeing each other," Hilde managed with a hint of difficulty. Her gaze was on the floor, steady and unmoving. "For the past week. And we didn't just kiss."
I saw the roses in her cheeks and felt them as they crept into mine. My mind was cast adrift. She couldn't be telling me the truth. In my heart, I knew she was.
"I'm sorry, Relena! I'm so sorry. Its all my fault!" She pled.
"Its both your faults," I murmured harshly. I was surprised I wasn't crying. I knew I would later, but right now I was still a little shocked. I turned around, looking at Duo. "Well?"
"Well, what?" Duo wouldn't look at me either. "I lied to you. More than once. I'm sorry. My ego wouldn't let me stop myself."
My gaze moved back to Hilde. She was in tears. Neither expected to be forgiven, but I had to. "I do forgive you." Before they answered, I went on, "Its your choice, Duo."
This was more than he had even dared to hope for, his lavendar eyes told me when he lifted them. "My choice?"
"You can stay with me, or go with her." Half of me wanted him to hug me tightly and tell me he would never leave me. The other half hoped he would go with her. At least then, I could be angry. I could be angry so I wouldn't need to cry.
"Relena," he began. "I love you too much to let this happen. I'll love you forever. And, if you'll take me back-"
Take him back? What, was he joking? I nearly smothered him with my hug. "I will!"
It might have seemed strange for me to forgive him so easily, but I spent a long night crying. It wasn't over, not yet. The sense of betrayal and of distrust wouldn't leave me. I knew I had to do something to relieve myself of my tension before I went crazy. That is when I'd bought the knife.
The beautiful weapon plunges downward and, in one swift motion, has cut into flesh. Duo stops, his expression unreadable behind the mask he is wearing for the Halloween party we should be attending. His black gorilla fur stands out around the plastic chest-piece, and I can't help but notice it looks greasy.
I bring the knife down once more, but Duo's hands catch my wrist. I struggle. "Let me go!" I scream, my eyes becoming cloudy with tears. I twist, looking at the girl in the mirror. Blood seeps down her arm from the gash in her wrist as she performs a bizarre tango with a lumpy gorilla. She twists, and shatters as the gorilla trips over my chair and slides into the mirror.
I laugh triumphantly, preparing to finish my task. He is on me again, and this time the knife is forced from my hand. It skids across the floor and disapears into the shadow of the bureau. "Relena! Don't-"
Duo's voice stops, cut off by the sound of a gun. My eyes move to the doorway, and I almost smile. Heero. Pain erupts from my right side, and Duo begins to gently lower me to the floor as he rips the gorilla mask from his face.
His voice is growing distant, babbling to explain to Heero what had happened. I close my eyes tightly, taking deep breaths as I realize what had happened. Heero shot me. My Heero, my love, has shot me.
His presence is replaced by Heero, and I cringe at his touch. "Relena...didn't mean...shoot..." His words are strange, and I have to struggle to make them out. Too much of a struggle. How could he have shot me? I love him.
Even to open my eyes is difficult and, when I do, I look at the blob above me. That isn't Heero, is it? It couldn't be Heero, not my Heero. It is a demon, sent by someone to kill me. Yes, that's it. A demon. Another demon appears beside him. There is a dull pain as it presses something against my fresh wounds, and for a moment I can see everything clearly.
Duo frowns at me, gently stroking my cheek with his thumb and murmuring I will be okay. And Heero, yes, that is Heero, is simply watching me. He isn't even trying to help, why would he? I'd hurt him, and killing me would be his revenge. The demons return, and then are enveloped by darkness.
The pain of the wounds in my stomach and wrist are numb, and the only pain comes from my chest. My heart, like the girl in the mirror, has shattered.
Disclaimer: All of these characters are copywrited to Gundam Wing and its producers. ^^
I watch the girl before me, her eyes searching my own for guidance. A pale, trembling hand moves towards the crystalline moisture clinging to her skin. Her finger bends, drawing the tear away from her pale aquamarine eye. My gaze drifts down, staring at the tear perched on my finger for a long while before flinging it away.
I feel hurt. Worse. I feel betrayed and stupid. I'd trusted him completely and I'd given up everything for him. How could he hurt me like this?
The girl begins to stand and her hand brushes open the large shade. Light filters into my room. "After today," I tell the girl in the mirror. "No one will be able to hurt me again."
"Is it so hard for you to just smile?" I questioned the teenager across from me. Anticipating his grunt, I continued. "School just let out for the summer and you still aren't smiling!"
Prussian blue eyes flashed in warning from beneath the dark brown bangs. It was his polite way of telling me to stop, but I carefully ignored him instead. Reaching into the picnic basket I had brought along, I drew out two sandwiches to arrange them on the paper plates. "Relena, I-"
"I know!" I cut him off sharply. Of course, I knew what he wanted. This picnic was another in a long line of picnics. Seven and a half months of picnics, in fact. I slipped a knife from the wicker basket and handed it to him.
He didn't comment, but I knew he wouldn't and so it didn't bother me. When Heero talked, it was usually to threaten someone. That someone usually turned out to be me, but he would never hurt me. I knew that deep in my heart as I watched him carefully trim the crust from his bread. As the last piece fell away, I smiled. He looked so much like a small child when he did that.
"Could I-?"
I nodded in the affirmative, again cutting him off. "Here," I said and handed him the soda. I had already opened it, like I always did. "Better?" I thought I saw the ghost of a smile on his stern face, but then it was hidden behind two pieces of bread and a slice of bologna. "You're welcome," I replied, just as though he had spoken.
Two months ago, everything was going as it should have been. Heero and I were in love, and that somehow had made everything else seem all better. The curtain drops back into place, returning the room to its former gloom but for the girl in the mirror.
I sit down, picking up my brush from the vanity table. The girl does the same and we begin running it through our dirty blonde locks. I smile thinly at the girl, and she smiles back.
I whisper to her, "Do you remember the night of the full moon?"
The full moon was high in the sky, and a thousand stars sparkled around it. I raised my hand, my eyes seeking out the wristwatch I was wearing. Ten minutes late. Where could he be?
"Relax, Relena," a cheery voice assured me, and I felt warm arms around me. "He'll get over it."
My teeth sank into my bottom lip. "I hope so."
"He will! Trust me." A lavendar eye winked at me, and then the teenager retreated back into the darkness, the chestnut-colored braid swinging behind him. "He'll take it like a man!"
I sighed. Tonight of all nights, the infamous Heero Yuy was late. My back pressed against the rough bark of a tree, and my thoughts wandered. A gentle sound beside me startled me and a moment later I felt my shoes return to the pavement.
"I kept you." It wasn't an apology. Then again, maybe it was.
"Its all right," I replied, shaking my head to clear it. "Heero, I have to tell you something." A pair of brown eyebrows shot into the air expectantly. Before I had come, I had worked out exactly what I was going to tell him. He was looking at me, and it suddenly seemed a stupid thing to say. I took a deep breath, and told him. It was over.
My heart ached as he nodded slowly, his eyes narrowed a little. There was a flicker of emotion deep within his lovely eyes. Then it was gone, locked away with the others. "Who is he?"
I cringed. Although my voice shook, I answered truthfully, "Duo."
This time, there was more than simply a flicker. His blue eyes were a maelstrom of emotions and I looked down. I had known it would hurt him, but I hadn't known it would hurt me too.
"Not much longer now," I remind the girl and set down the hairbrush. The clock on my nightstand tells me it is 11:45. Almost time to meet Duo for lunch.
My fingers close around the gold knob of the vanity's drawer, and I slowly open it. From it, I remove a white and gold jewelry box. When it opens I smile again. A beautiful melody begins to play, calming the anxious expression of the girl in the mirror.
I watch the girl as she displays a necklace for me to see. The chain is silver and sparkles prettily in what little light escapes the heavy red curtains. Goosebumps creep up my arms and I shiver as it comes it contact with my warm skin. It settles around the girl's throat, the dove-shaped pendant hanging just below her throat. It looks good, obviously meant to be there.
My fingers run over the dove, and I recall where I had gotten it. "Its beautiful, Heero," I murmur and turn the silver bird to gleam in the light a little more. "Just beautiful."
I stared. I had sensed it, like I sensed a lot of things. For the time being, however, I just stared. I had never thought she would actually confess, and to me no less! Finally, reality crashed back down, and I forced myself to smile. I hoped I looked careless. "I know."
"You knew I had a crush on him?" The black-haired girl stared in return. Her blue eyes were widened, and her mouth was slightly open. I hoped I hadn't looked like that.
I nodded, hiding my emotions behind a front of smiles and cheerfulness. "I just sort of had a feeling. And it turned out to be right." I shrugged at my friend and former OZ pilot.
"Do you care?" I shook my head. I cared all right, but I had faith in Duo. He would never go out behind my back with anyone else, especially not one of our best friends. Her gaping turned into a thankful smile. "Thank you!"
That afternoon, I repeated the conversation to Duo. He grinned at me, and I could almost see his ego boosting into the sky. He stood, unable to hold still. I laughed as he bounced away a few paces, and then back.
"Really? Did Hilde really say that? Wow! Now if only this would work for all girls!" That earned him playful smack upside the head. It did nothing to alter his racing words. "What? Its fun to look! Its not like I'd do anything!" Duo paused long enough for his voice to become a bit more solemn. "You know I love you."
My hand closes around another item from the jewelry box and I slowly draw it out. The knife is beautiful. The handle is made of ivory, and figures are ornately carved into the material. It is really an antique. The silver blade, sharp and pointed, has been replaced dozens of times throughout the years. To me, that isn't the beauty it holds. To me, it is the symbol of the end.
I hear a knock at my door. There is a pause, and then another. "Relena?"
"I'm coming, Duo!" He was early. I glance at the girl. She is calm and prepared, yet knowing what has to happen. Everything is ready. "Come in, if you like!" I hear the door begin to creak open, and I begin to raise the knife.
"I don't understand," I spoke quietly. But, of course, I did understand. I just refused to believe it.
"Duo and I have been seeing each other," Hilde managed with a hint of difficulty. Her gaze was on the floor, steady and unmoving. "For the past week. And we didn't just kiss."
I saw the roses in her cheeks and felt them as they crept into mine. My mind was cast adrift. She couldn't be telling me the truth. In my heart, I knew she was.
"I'm sorry, Relena! I'm so sorry. Its all my fault!" She pled.
"Its both your faults," I murmured harshly. I was surprised I wasn't crying. I knew I would later, but right now I was still a little shocked. I turned around, looking at Duo. "Well?"
"Well, what?" Duo wouldn't look at me either. "I lied to you. More than once. I'm sorry. My ego wouldn't let me stop myself."
My gaze moved back to Hilde. She was in tears. Neither expected to be forgiven, but I had to. "I do forgive you." Before they answered, I went on, "Its your choice, Duo."
This was more than he had even dared to hope for, his lavendar eyes told me when he lifted them. "My choice?"
"You can stay with me, or go with her." Half of me wanted him to hug me tightly and tell me he would never leave me. The other half hoped he would go with her. At least then, I could be angry. I could be angry so I wouldn't need to cry.
"Relena," he began. "I love you too much to let this happen. I'll love you forever. And, if you'll take me back-"
Take him back? What, was he joking? I nearly smothered him with my hug. "I will!"
It might have seemed strange for me to forgive him so easily, but I spent a long night crying. It wasn't over, not yet. The sense of betrayal and of distrust wouldn't leave me. I knew I had to do something to relieve myself of my tension before I went crazy. That is when I'd bought the knife.
The beautiful weapon plunges downward and, in one swift motion, has cut into flesh. Duo stops, his expression unreadable behind the mask he is wearing for the Halloween party we should be attending. His black gorilla fur stands out around the plastic chest-piece, and I can't help but notice it looks greasy.
I bring the knife down once more, but Duo's hands catch my wrist. I struggle. "Let me go!" I scream, my eyes becoming cloudy with tears. I twist, looking at the girl in the mirror. Blood seeps down her arm from the gash in her wrist as she performs a bizarre tango with a lumpy gorilla. She twists, and shatters as the gorilla trips over my chair and slides into the mirror.
I laugh triumphantly, preparing to finish my task. He is on me again, and this time the knife is forced from my hand. It skids across the floor and disapears into the shadow of the bureau. "Relena! Don't-"
Duo's voice stops, cut off by the sound of a gun. My eyes move to the doorway, and I almost smile. Heero. Pain erupts from my right side, and Duo begins to gently lower me to the floor as he rips the gorilla mask from his face.
His voice is growing distant, babbling to explain to Heero what had happened. I close my eyes tightly, taking deep breaths as I realize what had happened. Heero shot me. My Heero, my love, has shot me.
His presence is replaced by Heero, and I cringe at his touch. "Relena...didn't mean...shoot..." His words are strange, and I have to struggle to make them out. Too much of a struggle. How could he have shot me? I love him.
Even to open my eyes is difficult and, when I do, I look at the blob above me. That isn't Heero, is it? It couldn't be Heero, not my Heero. It is a demon, sent by someone to kill me. Yes, that's it. A demon. Another demon appears beside him. There is a dull pain as it presses something against my fresh wounds, and for a moment I can see everything clearly.
Duo frowns at me, gently stroking my cheek with his thumb and murmuring I will be okay. And Heero, yes, that is Heero, is simply watching me. He isn't even trying to help, why would he? I'd hurt him, and killing me would be his revenge. The demons return, and then are enveloped by darkness.
The pain of the wounds in my stomach and wrist are numb, and the only pain comes from my chest. My heart, like the girl in the mirror, has shattered.