Chapter 3
A/N: We is back! Mwa ha ha! After a very long time, we has decided to write another chapter
of everyone's favourite story, Two Game Gurus! (And yes, the bad grammar is intentional, more
flaming that way!)
Disclaimer: We no own anything EXCEPT for TOS and DS and the Randomly Annoying Kitty!
*Rinoa's House, Sleepover*
Shana: Steiner sucks in the sack! I mean, he would hardly get into bed in the first place, then he
started out with all this "I love you" crap. I just wanted to get laid!
Albert: Well, maybe he didn't want to lay you cuz you're such a slut, trying to get Dart when
everyone knows that he's going with Lavitz.
Shana: So what you saying, you want me?
Albert: Well, my wife wouldn't like that . . . *Shana grabs Albert and drags him off to the
nearest bedroom while he is kicking and screaming all the way*
Emile: What the fuck are you doing to my husband you skank?
*DS appears out of nowhere* DS: Here, try on these pants *DS disappears*
*Emile puts on pants* Emile: Oh, I love these pants! They're just so smooth and shiny!
*Squall appears out of the back room* Squall: Goddammit, I'm gonna kill you! *stabs Emile,
Emile dies* I mean . . . whatever
*Randomly Annoying Kitty (RAK) walks in the room and starts to meow excessively, drowning
out all conversation* Cloud: WTF? Why is there a cat here?
Rinoa: I found him outside, he was cute and all when he tried to scratch my . . . uhh . . .never
mind.
Squall: . . . whatever.
Vincent: The Jedi council will surely know what to do *puts his hands to temples in an attempt
to disappear, but nothing happens* Oh yes, I don't have that power . . .yet *runs out the door*
Selphie: Aww, what a cute little kitty . . . let's skin it alive then run around the prison with it's
skin!
Quistis: I agree! Make with the death of the kitty!
Rose: No, I shall use my dragoon power on it! *attacks RAK with dragoon power, but kitty just
sits there. Kitty starts to meow even louder*
Squall: Godammit, I'm gonna kill you! *stabs kitty, kitty lives* I mean . . . what the fuck . . . err .
. whatever.
Nanaki: I sense the presence of a cheat among us . . . ah ha! Found it! It's the "Can't Kill Kitty
Cheat" and it's coming from . . . it's not coming from anywhere! Damn that Gameshark! It's not
even in the port!
*While Nanaki is talking, Selphie is slowly walking up behind him drooling, holding a butcher
knife and chanting 'Must kill all kitties'. Tries to stab Nanaki, but fails*
Nanaki: You do know that I'm a kitty as well don't you?
*Selphie walks outside chanting "Must kill all kitties" and disappears down the block*
Quistis: Squall . . . you do know that I give a better lay then Rinoa right?
Squall: . . . whatever
Quistis: You do know that I'm sexier right?
Squall*raises an eyebrow* . . . whatever
Quistis: You do know that I'm as pretty as Siren right?
Squall: . . . whatever
Quistis: Dammit Squall! I'm a succubus alright? I just wanted you to sleep with me but nooooo,
you have to go off with that bitch Heartilly! Well, I'm gonna do something that pisses you off as
much as that "whatever" pisses me off! *peels pants off of Emile's dead body* There, see?
Look at these pants, they're so nice and shiny, unlike you, you bastard.
Squall: Godammit, shut your fucking hole! I'm kill you, you pigeon! *stabs Quistis, Quistis
dies* I mean . . . whatever.
*RAK starts to meow even louder* Cloud: Dammit! How do we shut this fucking thing up?
We'll never be able to go to bed now, and I want my blankie *sticks thumb in mouth and shuts
up*
Tifa: I told you we couldn't bring it, it takes over too much room! *looks over at Squall* You
killed one of Cloud's hoes! Now I'm gonna have to bust you up! *starts to walk over, but falls
on her face because of her enormous front*
Squall: . . . whatever
*Steiner walks in the room, panting, and holding his non-existent crotch* Dammit Shana, where
did you go with my . . . oh! *Steiner walks over and start to feel the pants that are still on
Quistis' dead body* Oh, so soft and shiny!
Squall: Godammit, I'm gonna kill you! *stabs Steiner, Steiner dies* I mean . . . whatever
Aeris *looks over at still meowing cat*: Maybe if you got a Rename card, that thing would shut
up!
Nanaki: How you figure?
Cloud: That's it, I'm gonna go find a rename card! *walks off into the night*
*Vincent returns* Vincent: The Jedi high council has decided that a rename card would shut that
feline up!
Nanaki: Do you know a quick and easy way to go get one?
Vincent: . . . I shall go ask! *runs out the door again*
Rinoa: Wouldn't a catoblepas work?
Barret: What yo talkin bout, foo?
Rinoa, Well, it's a cat isn't it? Won't it cat talk to this other cat and tell it to shut up?
Squall: Dammit Rinoa, you're such a fucking dumbass. Get a fucking clue, if you know what
that is! I should never had married a whore like you!
Rinoa: Meany!
Squall: Godammit, I'm gonna kill you! *repeatedly stabs Rinoa in the chest, Rinoa dies* I mean
. . . whatever
Zidane: That was pretty cruel, stabbing her in the chest like that repeatedly
Barret: Not like she had much there to begin with . . .
*Street scene, Cloud wandering around like an idiot, piss drunk*
Cloud: Fissshhhhh naaa . . . . ohhh. . . ressshhhh naaaaammmmeeeee car . . . . weeeedddddd
reeesssshhhh naaaammmm carrrr . . . . Seffffffffieeeeee . . .
Selphie: Must kill all kitties . . . *looks over at Cloud and thinks he's a kitty* Spiky kitty must
die
Cloud: Sefffffiiieeee . . . mmyyyyyyy noooooooo feeeeeeeeelllllllssss goooooooooodddd . . .
*barfs on Selphie*
Selphie: Must leave spiky kitty alone *walks away chanting "Must leave spiky kitty alone*
Cloud: Thhhhattttt, loooooshs..... ike. . .a facial . . *walks in to pet store* do you .... hash ... a
resh name car?
Man behind counter: Uhh. . . do you mean a rename card?
Cloud: Yef . . . dat the vone . . . gif me now
Man behind counter: I'm sorry sir, but we were bought out by a kitty not five minutes before you
got here
Cloud: Shamn . . . *looks down and sees RAK rubbing itself all over Cloud's leg* shupid cat
*pulls out a flask and takes a swig, passes out on the floor. RAK goes back to Rinoa's house
where it starts to howl again*
Barret: Damn cat, why the fuck won't y'all die?
Cid: Just stab the fuck til it dies!
Squall: Goddammit, I'm gonna kill you! *stabs kitty, kitty dies* huh? I mean . . . whatever
Nanaki: Hmm . . . the Gameshark cheat must have resided within Rinoa, since she's the one who
first found the kitty when it tried to scratch her . . . never mind
*Vincent returns out of breath* Vincent: Can . . . kill . . . kitty . . .now . . .Rinoa . . . had . .
.Gameshark . . . codes
*TOS appears out of nowhere, grabs Squall and pulls him into nothingness with her, chapter
ends*
A/Ns: What a blood bath! Anywho, stay tuned for the next installment of Two Game Gurus!
A/N: We is back! Mwa ha ha! After a very long time, we has decided to write another chapter
of everyone's favourite story, Two Game Gurus! (And yes, the bad grammar is intentional, more
flaming that way!)
Disclaimer: We no own anything EXCEPT for TOS and DS and the Randomly Annoying Kitty!
*Rinoa's House, Sleepover*
Shana: Steiner sucks in the sack! I mean, he would hardly get into bed in the first place, then he
started out with all this "I love you" crap. I just wanted to get laid!
Albert: Well, maybe he didn't want to lay you cuz you're such a slut, trying to get Dart when
everyone knows that he's going with Lavitz.
Shana: So what you saying, you want me?
Albert: Well, my wife wouldn't like that . . . *Shana grabs Albert and drags him off to the
nearest bedroom while he is kicking and screaming all the way*
Emile: What the fuck are you doing to my husband you skank?
*DS appears out of nowhere* DS: Here, try on these pants *DS disappears*
*Emile puts on pants* Emile: Oh, I love these pants! They're just so smooth and shiny!
*Squall appears out of the back room* Squall: Goddammit, I'm gonna kill you! *stabs Emile,
Emile dies* I mean . . . whatever
*Randomly Annoying Kitty (RAK) walks in the room and starts to meow excessively, drowning
out all conversation* Cloud: WTF? Why is there a cat here?
Rinoa: I found him outside, he was cute and all when he tried to scratch my . . . uhh . . .never
mind.
Squall: . . . whatever.
Vincent: The Jedi council will surely know what to do *puts his hands to temples in an attempt
to disappear, but nothing happens* Oh yes, I don't have that power . . .yet *runs out the door*
Selphie: Aww, what a cute little kitty . . . let's skin it alive then run around the prison with it's
skin!
Quistis: I agree! Make with the death of the kitty!
Rose: No, I shall use my dragoon power on it! *attacks RAK with dragoon power, but kitty just
sits there. Kitty starts to meow even louder*
Squall: Godammit, I'm gonna kill you! *stabs kitty, kitty lives* I mean . . . what the fuck . . . err .
. whatever.
Nanaki: I sense the presence of a cheat among us . . . ah ha! Found it! It's the "Can't Kill Kitty
Cheat" and it's coming from . . . it's not coming from anywhere! Damn that Gameshark! It's not
even in the port!
*While Nanaki is talking, Selphie is slowly walking up behind him drooling, holding a butcher
knife and chanting 'Must kill all kitties'. Tries to stab Nanaki, but fails*
Nanaki: You do know that I'm a kitty as well don't you?
*Selphie walks outside chanting "Must kill all kitties" and disappears down the block*
Quistis: Squall . . . you do know that I give a better lay then Rinoa right?
Squall: . . . whatever
Quistis: You do know that I'm sexier right?
Squall*raises an eyebrow* . . . whatever
Quistis: You do know that I'm as pretty as Siren right?
Squall: . . . whatever
Quistis: Dammit Squall! I'm a succubus alright? I just wanted you to sleep with me but nooooo,
you have to go off with that bitch Heartilly! Well, I'm gonna do something that pisses you off as
much as that "whatever" pisses me off! *peels pants off of Emile's dead body* There, see?
Look at these pants, they're so nice and shiny, unlike you, you bastard.
Squall: Godammit, shut your fucking hole! I'm kill you, you pigeon! *stabs Quistis, Quistis
dies* I mean . . . whatever.
*RAK starts to meow even louder* Cloud: Dammit! How do we shut this fucking thing up?
We'll never be able to go to bed now, and I want my blankie *sticks thumb in mouth and shuts
up*
Tifa: I told you we couldn't bring it, it takes over too much room! *looks over at Squall* You
killed one of Cloud's hoes! Now I'm gonna have to bust you up! *starts to walk over, but falls
on her face because of her enormous front*
Squall: . . . whatever
*Steiner walks in the room, panting, and holding his non-existent crotch* Dammit Shana, where
did you go with my . . . oh! *Steiner walks over and start to feel the pants that are still on
Quistis' dead body* Oh, so soft and shiny!
Squall: Godammit, I'm gonna kill you! *stabs Steiner, Steiner dies* I mean . . . whatever
Aeris *looks over at still meowing cat*: Maybe if you got a Rename card, that thing would shut
up!
Nanaki: How you figure?
Cloud: That's it, I'm gonna go find a rename card! *walks off into the night*
*Vincent returns* Vincent: The Jedi high council has decided that a rename card would shut that
feline up!
Nanaki: Do you know a quick and easy way to go get one?
Vincent: . . . I shall go ask! *runs out the door again*
Rinoa: Wouldn't a catoblepas work?
Barret: What yo talkin bout, foo?
Rinoa, Well, it's a cat isn't it? Won't it cat talk to this other cat and tell it to shut up?
Squall: Dammit Rinoa, you're such a fucking dumbass. Get a fucking clue, if you know what
that is! I should never had married a whore like you!
Rinoa: Meany!
Squall: Godammit, I'm gonna kill you! *repeatedly stabs Rinoa in the chest, Rinoa dies* I mean
. . . whatever
Zidane: That was pretty cruel, stabbing her in the chest like that repeatedly
Barret: Not like she had much there to begin with . . .
*Street scene, Cloud wandering around like an idiot, piss drunk*
Cloud: Fissshhhhh naaa . . . . ohhh. . . ressshhhh naaaaammmmeeeee car . . . . weeeedddddd
reeesssshhhh naaaammmm carrrr . . . . Seffffffffieeeeee . . .
Selphie: Must kill all kitties . . . *looks over at Cloud and thinks he's a kitty* Spiky kitty must
die
Cloud: Sefffffiiieeee . . . mmyyyyyyy noooooooo feeeeeeeeelllllllssss goooooooooodddd . . .
*barfs on Selphie*
Selphie: Must leave spiky kitty alone *walks away chanting "Must leave spiky kitty alone*
Cloud: Thhhhattttt, loooooshs..... ike. . .a facial . . *walks in to pet store* do you .... hash ... a
resh name car?
Man behind counter: Uhh. . . do you mean a rename card?
Cloud: Yef . . . dat the vone . . . gif me now
Man behind counter: I'm sorry sir, but we were bought out by a kitty not five minutes before you
got here
Cloud: Shamn . . . *looks down and sees RAK rubbing itself all over Cloud's leg* shupid cat
*pulls out a flask and takes a swig, passes out on the floor. RAK goes back to Rinoa's house
where it starts to howl again*
Barret: Damn cat, why the fuck won't y'all die?
Cid: Just stab the fuck til it dies!
Squall: Goddammit, I'm gonna kill you! *stabs kitty, kitty dies* huh? I mean . . . whatever
Nanaki: Hmm . . . the Gameshark cheat must have resided within Rinoa, since she's the one who
first found the kitty when it tried to scratch her . . . never mind
*Vincent returns out of breath* Vincent: Can . . . kill . . . kitty . . .now . . .Rinoa . . . had . .
.Gameshark . . . codes
*TOS appears out of nowhere, grabs Squall and pulls him into nothingness with her, chapter
ends*
A/Ns: What a blood bath! Anywho, stay tuned for the next installment of Two Game Gurus!