TEARS OF REGRET
You know, being a nerd isn't all that bad when nobody notices you and nobody criticises you for you actions, they just laugh and beat you up. Not caring that you have a name. Except for when the girl you like actually finds out you like her, but that was all before. Well, You'd also call me crazy, all the others did, Zeke, Stan, Stokely and even Delilah...my parents too. They think I'm on drugs, am I on drugs? Only the scat I take regularly to keep myself calm. I have to pay Zeke to keep it quiet but I'm always terrified that Delilah will find it when I'm out of the room getting something to eat after all her…making out rules and the actual stuff happening.
Everyone changed after the High School invasion, Mary Beth's gone, well, duh, I killed her myself... not Zeke or Stan. Me. Life's eternal little loser, Casey. Kinda freaky once you think about it isn't it? I mean, I'm the "nerd", The one who everyone rags on and I saved the day. That's felt so good, still does.
Zeke's now mostly given up the drug business but he's got this paranoia thing where he makes scat. Which is good for my addiction to it. He hasn't really gone out with anyone since Mary Beth. Well, I don't even think they really went out you know? Just maybe a kiss, a stolen one at the most another newbie falling for his charms. But I still think theres something going down with him and Miss Burke. But that'll be good after he's graduated because then they can get down to business and we can stop worrying about him. Delilah and Stokely both worry too much about him. He's a big boy right, he can take care of himself. He has his bad days and his good days.
Stokely and Stan are still going strong, there was a bumpy patch when Zeke got really drunk and tried to kiss Stokely but she sobered him up with a heart slap and some ice cold water. He apologised, but theres one bad thing about that situation, apart from it happened in the first place. Zeke was so guilty he had to tell Stan and Stan thought Stokely had been leading Zeke on in the first place, which is stupid because Stokes would just have kneed Zeke in the balls if he had attempted anything, or implicated that he was. Delilah was actually the one who sorted out that mess, she told Stan to stop being such a—what were the words? Oh. "A fucking egomaniac. Not everyone's after your girlfriend." Yeah, Stan soon wised up after she was through with him.
Delilah and I? We've been better I suppose…she's distancing herself from me but she says I'm distancing myself from her, somehow I don't think that's quite right. I love Delilah and I'd do anything for her but I won't drop everything and cater to her every whim! It's getting to the stage where I'm gonna have to talk to her about it, everytime we make out now, I can hear those words she said to me as we went into The Faculty office before it all began and when she was an alien... She doesn't even remember she said those words. And now she'll never get a chance to redeem herself. Man that sounds crappy. But when she was an alien. She became herself again and she spoke her mind, it cut deep even though no one but me and kind of her knows she said those words.
As I struggle it seems more futile to resist what's going to happen to me. I'm going to die sooner or later aren't I? So why not now, nobody seems to appreciate me anymore, so I'm getting out of bed and padding down the hall to the bathroom. I check the time, some people think my families strange for having the time in the bathroom but it makes sense. In a way. Razor or knife. Wrists or sleeping pills overdose. There are so many choices and so little time. I've written a letter. I decided to use the knife. My lives slipping away as I think. I hope the others understand my letter and that they understand they'll be better off without me.
--/--/--/--/--
Delilah had just heard the news and she could feel her heart breaking into a million pieces. Casey was gone, he wasn't supposed to go, he was the hero! She could feel the sobs building up but then she spied a letter on the desk peeping out, obviously the police hadn't noticed. She opened it and then sat down to read it.
Hey all, I'm sorry to do this to you on such short notice but I need to escape, you guys know the whole 'the grass is greener on the other side' thing. Love you all.
Love, Life's eternal little loser,
She was openly sobbing now and her face contorted in grief and guilt as she remember clearly saying those words to him, as tears stained the paper so no one else would be able to read it and then ripped it up and threw it into the rubbish bin. Casey watched sadly and then watched as tears of despair ran down her face and wished he could take it all back.
But it was too late for regret or tears.