Commanding Officer
We were psyching up for battle. Not like the last time my brother, Max, Syl and Krit had or even the last time I had gone by myself, but close. Yet again we were going back to Manticore. But this time, instead of trying to destroy it, we were giving it back what was probably the only thing holding it together: Renfro.
I imagined that infernal smug look on her face and the sound of her laughter when we put her back in her secure little compound with all her guinea pigs.
I decided that if I had to listen to that laugh one more time I would tear her larynx out.
I glanced once more around the base. Cade had been returned to her former handcuffed position.
I turned back to Krit and Syl. Krit flashed me a grin.
"So, what's your secret?" he asked.
I just gave him a confused look. What was he talking about?
"How the heck did you get a promotion so fast? Next time Zack gets his ass kicked, I wanna be C.O." he said.
I smiled. Krit was very skilled at breaking the tension of a mission
"The day you're C.O. is the day I loose all faith in the world." Syl replied.
"Syl, my darling sister, I'm hurt." Krit said, but couldn't keep the mischievous grin off his face.
Syl didn't respond and we lapsed into silence. I mentally thanked whichever one of them had retrieved this van. We didn't have time to waste stealing another vehicle.
"Don't you think we should have called Max?" Syl asked slowly, breaking our silence.
"No!" Krit and I both said with enough conviction to cause Lydecker to glance back at us from his position in the driver's seat.
"Why not?" Syl asked.
"I'm not gonna risk loosing her again." Krit stated firmly.
"And I can't risk her coming along." I said evasively.
I couldn't tell them that I didn't completely trust Max on this mission. Zack had said she was reckless. How could I be sure she wouldn't get us all killed by doing something stupid like trying to reason with Brin? She wouldn't obey Zack's orders, she would never obey mine. I wasn't secure enough in my command position to take on Max.
"She's gonna be mad." Syl commented and then dropped the subject.
Krit and Syl didn't try to drag an explanation out of me like I expected. I was glad for that. Instead they kept up a rather steady conversation about trivial things like whether or not Zack knew how to dance. Apparently making fun of Zack was one of their favorite past-times.
"Come on, Syl. Think about it. Can you really picture Zack getting down to...oh, I don't know...Britney Spears? It's about as likely as him and Logan hooking up." Krit said.
Syl batted her eyes innocently.
"So, that's impossible, right?"
"Yes." Krit said disgustedly, "Ew."
"Hey, you said it." Syl retorted.
If I hadn't known where we were headed, I would have laughed. I wish I could have laughed.
I was worried about Zack. I had not liked the idea of leaving him alone with the person who was inadvertently trying to kill him
I glanced at our captive again and felt my jaw tighten with the hate I felt. She sat in the very back of the van and was gagged and blindfolded. Syl had done us all a favor by adding that gag.
And suddenly Lydecker was stopping the van. I must have zoned out because it seemed like we had only been driving for a few minutes. I mentally slapped myself, ordering myself to be more alert.
Krit, Syl, and I exchanged glances before I reached out and slid open the door of the van.
Time to move out.
***
This is Cade. I am telling this part of the story because I don't trust Ty to tell it. She wasn't there, she wouldn't understand. Hell, I barely understood all the emotions that were going through me at the time.
I first remember waking up to the feeling of a tremendous headache. I hated headaches. I forced the feeling of pain to the back of my mind and concentrated on my surroundings. I couldn't remember what had happened or where I was or even why I was there. I sensed a presence closed to mine and slowly opened my eyes. I almost smiled. It was Zack.
"Hey." I managed.
I smirked as he started at the sound of my voice. It was always fun to catch someone off guard. Especially someone like Zack.
"Hey." Zack replied, turning to me.
I wanted to hug him.
"What the hell is going on?" I asked angrily.
Who's idea had this been? I thought they trusted me! And yet, here I was again, back in the handcuffs.
"You don't remember. She said you wouldn't." Zack said.
My mind perked at his words. What had happened? Whatever it had been, it was something major.
"What happened?" I asked.
"Do you know what Command: Starfire is?" Zack asked.
"No. What is it?"
"Something that Renfro activated. I made you try to kill me."
This was a very bad joke. I would never...how could I? Why couldn't I remember anything from when I had kissed Zack in front of Renfro?
"How?" I demanded.
"Subliminal messages, Cade. She activated another one before she left. In one hour you'll try to kill me again if it's not deactivated." Zack admitted, although I could see he didn't want to.
"Well, deactivate it!"
"It's not that easy. Ty's trying to straighten things out."
I could tell from the set of his jaw that he was firmly set against telling me anymore. I hated being kept in the dark, but what could I do? I wasn't exactly in the position to make demands. Although it was nice to be alone with Zack again. Even if I was handcuffed.
If I was such a risk to Zack, why in hell had they left him with me? How stupid could the X-5's be? No, wait. I couldn't blame them. From what Zack had said, Ty was heading this mission.
"Who's brilliant idea was it to leave the assassin with the target?" I asked.
Zack winced slightly, but after a second the expression was gone.
"It couldn't be helped. I was in no condition to lead the mission. And someone needed to stay with you."
"Zack, what if they can't deactivate that command?" I asked.
"I trust Ty." Zack replied, "She can do this."
Funny how I wasn't feeling his confidence in SP-599, in Ty. It was hard to think of her as Ty and not as her barcode. It was hard to think of myself as someone other than SP-452/493.
"But what if I hurt you? What if I kill you?"
Zack smirked at me.
"You weren't able to best me the last couple times."
I glared at him. As much as he had been my salvation and everything, I still didn't like losing. I liked being reminded of it even less.
"I could still kick your ass." I replied evenly.
Zack didn't reply. He just looked at me. I wondered what he say when he looked at me. Suck it up, soldier. This was not the time for emotional crap.
And suddenly my own advice didn't even matter because Zack was leaning in close to me and planting a kiss on my lips. I almost felt like purring.
I suddenly found myself wondering, if emotions make us weak, then why were they so strong in me at that moment? I could fight torture, pain, drugs, and psychological beatings yet I couldn't seem to fight the feeling that was coming over me. It was a warm, comforting feeling. A feeling of being wanted not because of how well I could aim a weapon or how fast I could run or how long I could hold my breath, but because I was me. Just a person, or at least something close to being a person. It was a feeling that suggested an even better feeling if I was in Zack's arms, held close. A suddenly wanted that second feeling more than anything I had ever wanted before.
What had come over me? I was suppose to be the unfeeling, hard-ass bitch; sub-zero
"What was that for?" I forced suspicion into my voice.
I really didn't care. Although it would be useful for future reference so that I could get him to do it again.
"Advance apology for when I wipe the floor with you." Zack said simply.
I lunged at him, playfully, of course, feigning an attack. Of course, the handcuffs restrained me from doing much. Damn handcuffs.
"Bring it on, Zackie." I challenged.
Suddenly, Zack was right in my face and he didn't look too pleased.
"Never call me Zackie." he said in a voice that was completely serious.
Okay, so he didn't like that name. Got it. No more Zackie.
Zack pulled away slightly. His arms snapped towards me and I expected an attack. I was wrong. He was undoing my handcuffs.
"How long do I got?" I asked, rubbing my wrists.
"42 minutes." Zack said, confirming my suspicions.
He had been keeping track of the time, after all.
I gave him a once over.
I remembered the first time I had really studied him, only the day before. I had been trained to seek out any and all weaknesses. Zack's pride had been the obvious one. His feelings for Max, much less so. But I had seen them there. And it had made me need to follow him that night, made me tell him thank you, just so I could know that his feelings for me were stronger.
But why did I care?
Because he was Zack.
His blonde hair hung in his eyes. I reached up slowly and brushed the renegade lock to the side. I tried to find a word that would describe Zack as he looked into my eyes. It was hard. He was so complex. I mentally searched all the words and meanings I knew. I came to one, it was a word I had only heard once and was not really something you heard in Manticore. I could only really abstractly comprehend the word, but I knew it described Zack somehow. Beautiful.
"It feels wrong to be on a mission without Max and Zack." Syl said quietly.
I glanced at her where she stood next to the van. She looked a little worried, but still determined. She'd be okay.
I motioned to her for silence.
Krit pulled Renfro out of the van and we were away from it like a bullet out of a gun. We all wanted this mission over with as soon as possible. We all jumped the fence with barely a moment's hesitation.
We hadn't had time to change into anything appropriate for a mission like army fatigues, but all of us were wearing dark clothing anyway. We blended into the night almost perfectly. It was child's play to avoid the searchlights coming from the compound. Just as it had been child's play the last time I had snuck in. It seemed that Manticore security wasn't what it used to be.
I signaled for Krit and Syl to fan out behind me. If we were going to be set up I didn't want them to be able to take us all down at once. Krit disappeared to my left with Renfro. Syl faded into the shadows on my right. I took the center.
I heard shots coming from the other end of the compound. Someone was on the shooting range. I hoped it was the X-7's. The shooting range was the furthest possible point from our position. I also hoped that no one had decided to recall any other X-series contingents back to Manticore. I sure seemed to do a lot of hoping these days.
I stopped just short of the compound, looking for patrol guards. I cocked my head and increased my hearing. I allowed myself a small, sardonic smile at what I heard. The patrol guards were still getting chewed out routinely for the last break in their security. The chorus of 'yes, sir!' and 'no, sir!' implied that this had been going on for some time.
I motioned to Krit and Syl again, giving them the go ahead. I hung back for a second and tapped the earpiece I was wearing.
"Base, come back." I whispered.
"Loud and clear." Lydecker's voice came back to me.
"Base, time?" I said quiet enough that no one could overhear.
"You have 12 minutes." Lydecker came back.
We had made extremely good time getting here. I wondered suddenly exactly how fast Lydecker had been driving. Not important. Stick to the mission. We had no time to waste.
"Copy that. Out."
***
Soldiers...there was that word again. The word that seemed to sum up my life and that my life revolved around at the same time. I was a soldier. We don't have the feelings, the emotions, that I was feeling.
I looked down, breaking the gaze that Zack and I had been sharing. I shook my head, hoping that would clear it.
"So...you really trust Ty for this mission?" I asked quickly, trying to force my brain to change its focus.
"She is my sister." Zack replied.
He was sizing me up. I could feel it.
"That doesn't answer my question." I pressed.
"Cade, what's wrong?" Zack asked, catching me completely off guard.
"What?" the word seemed to tumble out of my mouth.
"What's wrong?" he repeated.
He leaned towards me and I instinctively scooted backwards, away from him.
"I...I...no." I stood quickly and backed away a few steps.
This was wrong. Wrong. Completely against my training.
"We can't. No. I won't." I continued.
Zack stood.
"I am a soldier. A soldier. We don't have emotions. Emotions make us weak. Being weak makes us useless." I repeated the familiar words and found them to be comforting.
"Cade..." Zack started.
"Emotions are useless." I cut him off.
I don't know why I said it. I just did. I was confused.
Anger spread across Zack's features.
"Is that you or Manticore talking?" he asked in his C.O. voice.
I couldn't find the words to respond. I was so confused. It felt like my head was going to explode. I would never escape Manticore. It would always be with me, in my head. Just like this Command: Starfire. I had almost killed Zack. Zack, who I...who I what? What was he to me?
I sunk back to the floor. Zack remained standing over me.
"SP-452/493." he said.
I nearly snapped to attention, I was so surprised to hear him say that. I stared at him as he slowly sat on the floor in front of me.
"It's who you are. I know that. I also know it's hard. Manticore will always be a part of you, but now you are Cade, as well. It's not that you're becoming a new person, you're just adding to the old one." Zack said.
It sounded so simple, but it had a ring of truth to it.
I felt tears well up in my eyes and stream down my cheeks. Soldiers don't cry so I wasn't crying. I must have gotten some dust in my eye or something, but I wasn't crying.
What was I supposed to say to Zack? This freedom thing sure was damn confusing. And Zack...
"Are you crying?" Zack asked softly.
Damn him for being observant.
"No." I replied, my voice sounding pitiful to my own ears.
"Liar." Zack replied.
"Zack..." I started, but cut off quickly.
Could I tell him what I wanted to say? Could I even form those words?
"What?" he asked softly.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Of course."
(And IeeeeI will always....love youooooooo I will always love youoooo!!!) (You so need to shut up.) (But this is just such a touching moment. It needs sappy background music.) (I'd just like to employ a line I read in some other fanfic 'Face of an angel is one thing, voice of an angel is something else entirely'.) (Frell off.)