Chapter 1- Comes Across All Shy and Coy…
Oh, just so you know, chapter titles have nothing to do with the story. They're just lyrics from some of my favorite songs. This one, for example, is from Placebo's 'Nancy Boy'.
Dave lie in his hospital bed, wondering what the hell was wrong with him. Why was he this sick now? Then something dawned on him. He might have an STD. Aids, syphilis, herpes, gonorrhea… Shit, what did he do? He cursed aloud for several minutes, wondering what was taking so long with his results.
Kerry came walking down the hall, with a mission to find Dave. Romano tried to get in her way, and so she beat him down with her crutch. She found Dave's room and gently opened the door.
"Hey, Chief? Do you have my results back?"
"Yes, Doctor Malucci. I do." She said.
"Do I have an STD?" He asked, nervously.
Boy, Do you. She thought, looking at him.
Just then, Luka passed Dave's room and stopped at the door. He hid outside, just so he could her Dave's prognosis.
"Dave, I know you aren't going to believe this, but… You're pregnant."
Dave passed out.
"ABBY! ABBY? WHERE ARE YOU?!?!" Luka yelled.
"Luka! I'm right here! What could be so damned important that you have to scream my name like you do in b-" She stopped suddenly, realizing that everyone was listening, even though they were pretending to work.
"Abby, you will not believe what I just heard."
"What now?"
"It's Dave's prognosis."
"Well, what happened?!"
"Dave is pregnant."
"Yeah, right. Fuck off, Luka."
"Later, but it is true! I heard it from Kerry's own mouth! It was no joke either. They're going to perform secret tests today."
"Wow. Who's the father? I mean, everyone's slept with Dave. Even me." She said.
"Your infidelity would hurt, but I also was with Dave during our relationship." Luka admitted.
"That means you could be the father."
Luka passed out.
"Carter! John, wait!" Abby yelled, running up to Carter.
"Guess what?"
"Hmmm?"
"Dave's pregnant, no joke!"
"B-but he can't be! I mean, he's not only a guy, but I'm not ready to be a father!" Carter said.
"Oh, God. I could be the father!" Carter said, hitting the floor like a dead deer.
"Hey, Mark. Guess what I heard today." Elizabeth said, next to Mark's hospital bed.
"Dave's pregnant."
"So you heard, too?"
"Yeah. I fainted and hit my head on the sink. That's why I am here, as is Luka and Carter."
Elizabeth smiled. "Well, he'll get his paybacks for all those Pregnancy jokes I heard him say."
Mark saw a glint of evil in her eyes, and for a moment, felt terrible for Malucci.
Yosh hummed a tune as he organized the supply closet on this slow ass day. Haleh walked by.
"Hey, Yosh! Guess what I heard from Elizabeth?"
"She's pregnant again?" Yosh asked, not looking up from the pill bottles.
"No, but there's someone else, and I think you're gonna like the sound of this." Haleh said.
"Well, go on, Haleh! Tell me before I die of anticipation!" Yosh said.
"Dave Malucci is pregnant!"
Yosh grinned. "HA! I knew that there was hope for gay men!!!!"
Haleh shook her head with a smile as she watched Yosh dance all around, happily.
"Robert?" Kerry asked, poking her head through his door.
"Yes, Dr. Weaver?" Romano said, trying to look busy.
"I have some rather shocking news from the tests we performed on Dr. Malucci today…"
"What. Has it turned out that he has a brain?"
"No. We performed several tests, and this is what we found."
Romano took the results and read them carefully.
"This is wrong. He is a man, Kerry. He may not act like it, but he has a dick."
Kerry pursed her lips into a tight smile.
"How would you know this, Robert?"
"Because, he is such a man-slut I slept with him, and so did all the rest of the ER."
She smiled that freaky know-it-all smile again.
"So you could be the baby's father?"
Romano fainted, his body whapping the desk as he went down.
Kerry laughed slightly. Revenge was so sweet.
All the men who had fainted were put in the same room. They were all awake and staring at one another.
"Dude, how the HELL did this happen?" A very irate Carter said.
"Gee, John, maybe that you shoved your dick up his ass, jizzed, thereby impregnating him?" Romano snapped.
"ME?!?! You slept with him too!" John yelled back.
"Stop it. Any one of us could be the father. And what if I am? What will Ella think when she gets old enough?" Mark asked.
"Who the hell cares?" Luka grumbled, rolling over as much as he could and covering his head with a pillow.
"SHUT UP!" They all yelled at Luka.
"Yeah, so Carter, what are you going to name it? John Truman Carter the fourth?" Luka asked, giving up on sleep.
"SHUT UP YOU FOREIGN BASTARD!"
Luka could help but snicker.
"What are you going to name it? Marco Luka Kovac the second?" Carter said, trying to retaliate.
"THAT'S NOT EVEN FUCKING CLOSE TO FUNNY!!!!!!" Luka screamed, causing nurses to come in in droves. They sedated each man, so that they would sleep the rest of the night, and probably not remember much in the morning.
"Pregnant?" Dave's sister, Christy, asked.
"Yup. I don't know what sex yet. Could be awhile." He said.
"Are you going to keep it?" She asked.
"Of course I am! I know they're going to try and kill it so they can do tests, but it's MY baby, goddamnit!"
"What are you going to name it?"
"I don't know. I gotta figure the father first, but I was thinking about 'Lily' for a girl and 'Vincent' for a boy."
"Damn, Dave. You're really acting like a girl now."
"Well, I am going to have a baby, aren't I?"
End Chapter 2
What do you think so far? This is definitely a new fic, isn't it? I can say in truth that I have never seen this plotline in ER before…. Well, I'll see you!
Peace, Love, and a Shirtless Erik,
~PeachyKeen~
Oh yeah, Quote…
"If I die, tell Rolling Stone that my last words were 'I'm on drugs!'"
-Almost Famous (Cameron Crowe.)
Oh, yeah. It's still in progress, but I need some fanfic to put up on my webpage at: missmarymolkoer.moonfruit.com it has a few kinks yet to work out, but I'll put your fics up, don't worry. Follow the guidelines, and you'll be all set. :-*