Chapter 2- Embrasse-moi, mets ton doight dans mon cul…
Again, the titles have nothing to do with the chapters. This is from another Placebo song, called 'Mars Landing Party'. It's all in French, and I could probably post the whole set of lyrics, but I doubt any of you want it. Especially if you know what that means. It's so Brian Molko, though…
Uh, I thought that Newsradio (The show with Andy Dick and Maura Tierny…) was set in New York, but for the purposes of my fic, and its setting, Newsradio is in Chicago. Yeah, Andy Dick has a part, as (for those who watch,.. he's Matthew.)
"So, do you have any ideas of who the father is?" Kerry asked Dave, whose stomach was beginning to pop out a little.
"Well, yes. I have an idea. It's either Carter, Luka, Romano, Yosh, or Mark."
Kerry looked at him.
"Did you ever give yourself a break?"
"Just for a smoke." Dave smiled.
"You don't smoke anymore, now that you're pregnant, do you?"
"Nope. I have to look out for Junior here." He said, gently rubbing his belly.
Kerry smiled. "Paternity test." She said, pulling him into an exam room.
"What do you mean, a blood test?" Romano asked.
"You heard me. I have to take a sample of each of you guys' blood in order to find out who the father of Dave's baby is."
"But, Kerry, I don't like needles!" Carter whined.
"Bullshit! You were a junkie!" Luka said.
"That's why I am afraid of needles. My immature, over-plotted mind says that I can get hooked again, in order to keep Erik Palladino from having any lines."
"Stay on Script, dumbass!" Mark said, smacking Carter upside the head.
"Fine!" Carter said, sticking out his arm for a blood test.
A few days later-
"Guys, we screwed up the blood tests, and it looks as though we'll have to wait until Dave gives birth before we know anything." Kerry said.
The five guys stared at her, and each looked as though they were going to murder her right then and there.
"What do you mean, you screwed up?"
"Well, when we did the tests, it seemed that none of you were the father, which can't be true, as you are the only men, or people that happen to have the proper organs that he slept with."
"Bitch! I'll kill you!" Mark screamed.
The remaining guys had to pull him back.
"Let it go. I'd rather not know right now anyway." Luka said.
Three months has passed, and Dave is now five months along. He has grown considerably, and he still looks damn fine, even when pregnant. "Kerry? Do you think we can know the sex yet?" He asked.
"Well, I guess we could find out, now." She said. She sent him to have a sonogram. Dave smiled as he looked into the screen. He couldn't tell the sex just yet, but he smiled at the sight of his baby. "This is your healthy baby… uhm.. well, I can't tell just yet."
Then it dawned on Dave. My baby. Wait a second! There might be one other person that could
be the father.
"Kerry?" He asked.
"What?"
"There might be a reason that the blood tests were negative for the guys…"
"What might that be?"
"His name is Matthew."
"Who the hell is Trevor?" Haleh asked Chuni.
"Apparently Dave's ex-boyfriend. He works at the Newsradio station. The two had a battle over marriage, and Matthew walked out."
"How do you know this?"
"Kerry got Matthew's phone number out of Dave, and she made me call him. He sounds cute."
"Hmmmf. That's all you ever think about."
"And, your point would be?"
A tall man with curly blond hair and glasses walks up to the desk a short time later. "Hi, I'm Matthew Brock, Dave's ex. Um, can I talk to him?" He asked. Chuni did a double-take.
He's cute, but definitely not hot… at all. Kind of a nerd, if you ask me…
Dave chose this moment to walk out into the ER.
"Matt."
"Dave!"
Dave ran forward and hugged Matthew. The ER sighed and simultaneously said 'Awww'. Dave led Matthew away and into the lounge.
"Matty. I have to tell you something…"
"Look, if this is about Tawny and Kayla…"
"It's not about your damn cats…It's about us."
"There is an us?"
"Yes, Matt. When you left, my world crumbled. Believe it or not, idiotic as you are, you're loved dearly."
Matt hugged Dave. "Really, because if you're joking, I can't take any more personal days to cry… Especially after that game of 'Who can get the coffee cup off the light fixture.'"
"No joke here."
"Whew! I thought I'd have to drown my sorrows in catnip!"
Dave shook his head. "Why did I ever fall in love with you?" He whispered silently.
"I heard that! Anyway, what was this 'big news' that you had to interrupt my game of 'Patch the Hole in the Water Cooler before the Boss Finds Out'?"
"Matt, I'm pregnant. And it might be yours."
"Wow!" Matt said upon hearing the first part.
He then passed out into a water cooler, spilling the water everywhere when the second part sank in.
Okay, I know. You were expecting one of the other guys, but I am currently suffering from 'Andy Dick' withdrawl. I love his comedy, weird as it may be… So, apologies, but hey… Andy/Matt can be equally as annoying as Dave.