Silent Reverie -- Complete Kaguel Fic
Kay's slim figure hung against the window sill; gazing out into the unknown. It was another rainy evening in the quiet New England town of Harmony, and she couldn't have felt more trapped.
Trapped within her own life; trapped within the confides of Harmony.
She could hear the rain thud against the back of the window, steady and calm at first but then it got out of control, and it really started to pour. The lightening flickered, lighting up the sky with an eerie glow. Unmasking what was supposed to remain masked within the shadows.
'Story of my life,' Kay thought bitterly, but she refused to let the coldness overwhelm her. Not tonight. Anytime but tonight. She really didn't think she could take a final blow after what she had already been through.
But that, THAT was a different story entirely. One that she didn't wish to rehash at the present moment.
A loud bolt of thunder clapped then, causing her to jump and her senses to become unnerved once again. Walking over to her end table, she picked up a mug of steaming hot chocolate, and pressed the rim of it to her mouth, letting some of the warmth enter her body. Lord knows she needed it.
~*~Spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there's always one reason
to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day
It didn't exactly give her the results she was hoping for. The warmth touched her, but she couldn't feel it, not in her heart. Her heart was completely numb.
'Jessica always called me the ice princess, maybe she was right.' More bitter thoughts. This pattern of self destruction couldn't go on any longer.
Kay wearily went over to the dresser, pulling out some night clothes. She might as well go to bed now, morning would come soon enough. Her hand brushed over a long, silky white nightgown and she held it up in front of her. It had never been worn; she didn't dare put it on. It was just another piece that she had ordered from a magazine behind her parents back, hoping in vain to seduce Miguel with it.
Obviously, it never worked, however, and it now lay disgaurded along with the other memories of her life. All she had was memories now.
Deciding to put it on for old times sake, she quickly slipped it onto her body and let her raven dark hair tumble down her back like an endless black sea. The dress was slinky and sleeveless, hugging every curve that she had developed over the years. Although Miguel never bothered to notice.
God, she hated the color white.
Such a random thought, but so true. White was pure, angelic, untouchable - something she could never be. Wedding dresses were also white.
Charity's wedding dress.
~*~I need some distraction
oh beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins
let me be empty
and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
How pretty she would surely look tomorrow, with her golden curls and vibrant smile. That smile that Miguel loved so much. The smile that Kay just wanted to slap off her face.
Tomorrow 13 years of friendship would go down the drain, she knew. It's not what Miguel had done to her directly, it's more what he HADN'T done that irked her. She had spilled her soul for him, and what did she get in return? To watch Miguel and Charity walk blissfully down the aisle while she stood on the sidelines, watching.
This was his last night as a single man, and she didn't even get to see him. He was out on the town somewhere, with his buddies - something in which she no longer qualified for - and would be back shortly, although she planned to be asleep long before he returned.
She heard a door slam just then, and she quickly crawled into bed and snapped her eyelids closed. The last thing she needed was some bubbly fake conversation with the person whom she used to be able to talk about anything and everything with.
"Kay, are you still awake?" she thought she heard a ghost of a call, but she wasn't quite sure. The truth was, she wasn't sure of anything anymore. So she remained silent, and let a few tears flow free from her eyelids. She could feel them on the edge of her cheeks, but didn't dare move to brush them away.
"Kay?"
Oh no, his voice was getting closer this time, like it might be coming from inside the room. Before she knew what was happening a light clicked on, and Miguel was beside her, holding her hand tightly.
His palm felt safe and secure, the way that it always had when they were growing up. She remembered when they were little, and she was too afraid to climb the monkey bars. Miguel's hand had been the one pulling her up, making her feel like she could never fall as long as he was around. She missed that feeling.
~*~In the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
"What's wrong?" Miguel's eyes searched Kay's green ones for an answer, although if he was honest with himself, he already knew what it was. He could read Kay like a book, that much had never changed.
Kay released her hand from his grip, and quickly climbed out of bed, brushing a few strands of wavy hair from her eyes. She felt vulnrable, and Kay Bennett never felt vulnrable.
As Miguel turned to look at his best friend, he noticed something in her that he hadn't noticed in a long time. Or maybe he did, but denial had pushed it too far from his mind.
Standing before him was a grown woman, not just one of his baseball buddies, not just Charity's cousin, but something more. Her dark hair hung in waves; framing her oval shaped face with ivory white skin. And she had the most piercing green eyes, they were almost haunting, like you could see into her soul, but only if she let you. The revealing silk nightgown clung to her body and showed off her curves in all the right places. Yes, she was a woman.
"It's the wedding, isn't it?" Miguel questioned, not meeting her gaze. He knew it was, but he wanted her to comfirm it.
"Yes!" Kay spat out bitterly, and then her entire body shuddered, as if saying the words somehow made them truer...more real.
"I never wanted to hurt you, you have to believe me, Kay. The last thing I would ever want to do is hurt my best friend."
"It's a little too late for that, isn't it Miguel?" Kay gave a soft laugh. That's all it was, soft. No bitterness or remoarse behind it, like she had finally given up.
~*~So tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
there's vultures and thieves at your back
and the storm keeps on twisting
you keep on building the lie
that you make up for all that you lack
it don't make no difference
escaping one last time
Miguel instinctively went over and wrapped his arms around Kay, something he always used to do when she was hurt or in pain. He used to be able to make it all go away. Now he held no answers; he was the problem.
A tingle of warmth shot up her spine at the feeling of his embrace. Warmth was something she hadn't felt in a long time, yet she longed to feel it. She could feel the heat from his body and suddenly she wanted some of it.
"That was a mistake," Miguel said quickly, drawing back. He couldn't deny the spark that had passed between them, but he was trying like hell to. This was his wedding night! To CHARITY!
"No, it wasn't," Kay said with determination that she used to have, something which he had loved about her. In one swift move she brought her mouth to his, their lips meeting half way. Kay brushed her mouth against his and gave him a kiss that she had wanted to give him ever since she was 15 years old. And to her surprise he was responding to the kiss, with the same fire and passion that she thought only she had felt.
~*~it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees
in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
As the seconds passed their kisses grew more intense, and Kay felt herself just letting go. Letting go of all the anger, bitterness and resentment that had built up inside of her. Because here she was, kissing the boy she loved, and having him kiss her back.
She ran her fingers through his sleek black hair, and felt herself being led towards the bed. This was all such a blur, she wasn't even quite sure if this was reality or not. Maybe she didn't care.
"I love you, Miguel," Kay breathlessly whispered, before moving in for another kiss. She felt the straps of her nightgown being tugged down, but she didn't resist. She wanted it, and at that time she knew he did too. He actully wanted HER. Not Charity. Her. That was the best part.
The feelings that passed between them that night were intense. They resembled something else as well. Closure, prehaps? Closure on the previous chapters of their lives; ready to start anew.
They made love, if you could really call it that. It was so much more. It was all the trust that had been built over the past 13 years, all the memories.
What would happen next, neither of them knew. But for now they were just savoring the moment, and each other. Tomorrow was another day, a day that they would soon face. Tonight...they had each other.
And maybe that was enough.
~*~you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here
Kay's slim figure hung against the window sill; gazing out into the unknown. It was another rainy evening in the quiet New England town of Harmony, and she couldn't have felt more trapped.
Trapped within her own life; trapped within the confides of Harmony.
She could hear the rain thud against the back of the window, steady and calm at first but then it got out of control, and it really started to pour. The lightening flickered, lighting up the sky with an eerie glow. Unmasking what was supposed to remain masked within the shadows.
'Story of my life,' Kay thought bitterly, but she refused to let the coldness overwhelm her. Not tonight. Anytime but tonight. She really didn't think she could take a final blow after what she had already been through.
But that, THAT was a different story entirely. One that she didn't wish to rehash at the present moment.
A loud bolt of thunder clapped then, causing her to jump and her senses to become unnerved once again. Walking over to her end table, she picked up a mug of steaming hot chocolate, and pressed the rim of it to her mouth, letting some of the warmth enter her body. Lord knows she needed it.
~*~Spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there's always one reason
to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day
It didn't exactly give her the results she was hoping for. The warmth touched her, but she couldn't feel it, not in her heart. Her heart was completely numb.
'Jessica always called me the ice princess, maybe she was right.' More bitter thoughts. This pattern of self destruction couldn't go on any longer.
Kay wearily went over to the dresser, pulling out some night clothes. She might as well go to bed now, morning would come soon enough. Her hand brushed over a long, silky white nightgown and she held it up in front of her. It had never been worn; she didn't dare put it on. It was just another piece that she had ordered from a magazine behind her parents back, hoping in vain to seduce Miguel with it.
Obviously, it never worked, however, and it now lay disgaurded along with the other memories of her life. All she had was memories now.
Deciding to put it on for old times sake, she quickly slipped it onto her body and let her raven dark hair tumble down her back like an endless black sea. The dress was slinky and sleeveless, hugging every curve that she had developed over the years. Although Miguel never bothered to notice.
God, she hated the color white.
Such a random thought, but so true. White was pure, angelic, untouchable - something she could never be. Wedding dresses were also white.
Charity's wedding dress.
~*~I need some distraction
oh beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins
let me be empty
and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
How pretty she would surely look tomorrow, with her golden curls and vibrant smile. That smile that Miguel loved so much. The smile that Kay just wanted to slap off her face.
Tomorrow 13 years of friendship would go down the drain, she knew. It's not what Miguel had done to her directly, it's more what he HADN'T done that irked her. She had spilled her soul for him, and what did she get in return? To watch Miguel and Charity walk blissfully down the aisle while she stood on the sidelines, watching.
This was his last night as a single man, and she didn't even get to see him. He was out on the town somewhere, with his buddies - something in which she no longer qualified for - and would be back shortly, although she planned to be asleep long before he returned.
She heard a door slam just then, and she quickly crawled into bed and snapped her eyelids closed. The last thing she needed was some bubbly fake conversation with the person whom she used to be able to talk about anything and everything with.
"Kay, are you still awake?" she thought she heard a ghost of a call, but she wasn't quite sure. The truth was, she wasn't sure of anything anymore. So she remained silent, and let a few tears flow free from her eyelids. She could feel them on the edge of her cheeks, but didn't dare move to brush them away.
"Kay?"
Oh no, his voice was getting closer this time, like it might be coming from inside the room. Before she knew what was happening a light clicked on, and Miguel was beside her, holding her hand tightly.
His palm felt safe and secure, the way that it always had when they were growing up. She remembered when they were little, and she was too afraid to climb the monkey bars. Miguel's hand had been the one pulling her up, making her feel like she could never fall as long as he was around. She missed that feeling.
~*~In the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
"What's wrong?" Miguel's eyes searched Kay's green ones for an answer, although if he was honest with himself, he already knew what it was. He could read Kay like a book, that much had never changed.
Kay released her hand from his grip, and quickly climbed out of bed, brushing a few strands of wavy hair from her eyes. She felt vulnrable, and Kay Bennett never felt vulnrable.
As Miguel turned to look at his best friend, he noticed something in her that he hadn't noticed in a long time. Or maybe he did, but denial had pushed it too far from his mind.
Standing before him was a grown woman, not just one of his baseball buddies, not just Charity's cousin, but something more. Her dark hair hung in waves; framing her oval shaped face with ivory white skin. And she had the most piercing green eyes, they were almost haunting, like you could see into her soul, but only if she let you. The revealing silk nightgown clung to her body and showed off her curves in all the right places. Yes, she was a woman.
"It's the wedding, isn't it?" Miguel questioned, not meeting her gaze. He knew it was, but he wanted her to comfirm it.
"Yes!" Kay spat out bitterly, and then her entire body shuddered, as if saying the words somehow made them truer...more real.
"I never wanted to hurt you, you have to believe me, Kay. The last thing I would ever want to do is hurt my best friend."
"It's a little too late for that, isn't it Miguel?" Kay gave a soft laugh. That's all it was, soft. No bitterness or remoarse behind it, like she had finally given up.
~*~So tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
there's vultures and thieves at your back
and the storm keeps on twisting
you keep on building the lie
that you make up for all that you lack
it don't make no difference
escaping one last time
Miguel instinctively went over and wrapped his arms around Kay, something he always used to do when she was hurt or in pain. He used to be able to make it all go away. Now he held no answers; he was the problem.
A tingle of warmth shot up her spine at the feeling of his embrace. Warmth was something she hadn't felt in a long time, yet she longed to feel it. She could feel the heat from his body and suddenly she wanted some of it.
"That was a mistake," Miguel said quickly, drawing back. He couldn't deny the spark that had passed between them, but he was trying like hell to. This was his wedding night! To CHARITY!
"No, it wasn't," Kay said with determination that she used to have, something which he had loved about her. In one swift move she brought her mouth to his, their lips meeting half way. Kay brushed her mouth against his and gave him a kiss that she had wanted to give him ever since she was 15 years old. And to her surprise he was responding to the kiss, with the same fire and passion that she thought only she had felt.
~*~it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees
in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
As the seconds passed their kisses grew more intense, and Kay felt herself just letting go. Letting go of all the anger, bitterness and resentment that had built up inside of her. Because here she was, kissing the boy she loved, and having him kiss her back.
She ran her fingers through his sleek black hair, and felt herself being led towards the bed. This was all such a blur, she wasn't even quite sure if this was reality or not. Maybe she didn't care.
"I love you, Miguel," Kay breathlessly whispered, before moving in for another kiss. She felt the straps of her nightgown being tugged down, but she didn't resist. She wanted it, and at that time she knew he did too. He actully wanted HER. Not Charity. Her. That was the best part.
The feelings that passed between them that night were intense. They resembled something else as well. Closure, prehaps? Closure on the previous chapters of their lives; ready to start anew.
They made love, if you could really call it that. It was so much more. It was all the trust that had been built over the past 13 years, all the memories.
What would happen next, neither of them knew. But for now they were just savoring the moment, and each other. Tomorrow was another day, a day that they would soon face. Tonight...they had each other.
And maybe that was enough.
~*~you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here