Special thanks to Beta Reader Anita Skeeter.
Chapter 2- A letter and a thought
Posted- March 24th 2001
"Momma?" Severus called out, turning around with quick, rigid moves.
He was in a dimly illuminated hallway that seemed to have invisible barriers
blocking him from moving five feet away from his original position. Severus thrust his
arms out in front of him, using them as eyes, and walked; always ending up bumping into
an wall that had yet to show itself.
"Momma!"
He started to panic, thrashing around in circles, unable to keep his frenzied
state of mind hidden. Not like there was anyone to observe him make a fool of himself.
"MOMMA!"
But she did not come.
Severus opened his eyes, bursting out of the dream that had held him prisoner.
It wasn't the first time he had that dream, it occurred
frequently in his restless sleep.
His bedroom was still dark. Severus groped for his wand that was situated on
the night table besides him.
"Lumos," he muttered, grasping the stick at last.
His breathing slowed down. He didn't much like the dark.
Severus could now see the wizard clock, it read 5:34 A.M. He had a few more
hours of sleep before it was time to rise to breakfast. He tried to settle back against the
pillow, knowing that it was a lost cause. He could never sleep after a nightmare like that.
He got out of his bed, feet shivering as they met with the bitter air. Severus used
his wand to guide him to the dresser, where he put on a robe and some shoes. He decided
he would venture to the library, maybe read up on potions. Impress Professor Potter with
his knowledge.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"So, Sevvy. I hear you've got a flare for potions?"
Severus looked up at Momma, who was smiling at him. He smiled back,
nodding. "Yes, I've been told that. It was fun, Momma, making that potion."
"Fun? How so?"
"I can't describe it—I won't even try. It was something new, different—I think
I may have tired of all the topics you were teaching me about."
Momma frowned. "You should never get tired of anything involved with an
education, Severus, remember that."
He lowered his eyes, feeling ashamed. How moronic. Of course she would say
that. Stupid, how could he have been so stupid?
"Yes, Momma, I know. I'm sorry."
"There, now, don't beat yourself up about it. Just remember it. If I have taught
you anything, it's to get the most out of everything handed to you—like an education."
"Carla, if I may speak to you…"
Severus' head swung around to look at Dumbledore, who had just appeared
from down the corridor.
His face was grave. Something had happened.
Severus watched Momma's face turn ashen.
"Yes, of course. Sevvy, go down to the Great Hall. Make sure you eat some
fruits and vegetables. I'll be there shortly."
Dumbledore motioned her to follow him, and Severus watched them disappear
around the corner.
What had happened?
Severus turned around, walking at his leisure. He realized there was no point in
wondering about what Dumbledore wanted to talk to Momma about. It could be a million
things, it could be about the ill Defense against the Dark Arts teacher, it could be about
his father (wouldn't that be something?), it could be about a dark wizard—there were too
many options to be pondered.
He was a few corridors away from the entrance to the Great Hall, yet he could
already hear the roar of voices. Severus wondered what they were talking about? How
could so many voices be occupied at one time? All of Hogwart's pupils seemed to be able
to talk continuously, about many different things. Was there ever a lack of conversation
among them?
Severus himself found it nearly impossible to talk for more than five minutes at
a time.
He approached the head table, getting a broad smile from Professor Potter who
motioned to him to sit across from her. He found himself smiling back.
"Mr. Snape, feel up to a tutoring session tonight?" she asked him, taking a sip
from her goblet.
He nodded mutely. Anytime- as long as he was able to learn about potions.
"You know, Severus, what you can do already with potions is nothing short of
brilliant. Did you know you've got enough skill to do a fourth year potion? Your brain—
it thinks mathematically, scientifically. You think logically, like you see a scattered
puzzle in your brain and you place it back together again, giving careful thought to where
each piece belongs. Do you understand what I mean? Is that—does that sound right?"
Severus understood—she thought him to be extraordinarily intelligent. Perhaps.
"Yes, well—it's not as if I see puzzle pieces, it's as if I see all the ingredients,
and what must be done for them. I can see the potion being created in my head, as I'm
doing it. Like my brain thinks one step ahead of my hands."
Professor Potter laughed, tossing her hair back. "Oh, Severus, you are such a
splendid person."
He smiled weakly, wondering in what way he was splendid. A broad word like
that didn't exactly pinpoint a good quality that he should try to maintain. What use was a
compliment if you didn't know to what it was directed?
His mouth spoke differently however- "Thank you professor."
"For what? Speaking the truth? I see no reason for you to thank me for a petty
thing such as that." She said, in a muffled voice that made it impossible to decipher if she
was teasing him or being serious.
So he just nodded dumbly.
Professor Potter smiled at him again, and looked around the gigantic hall.
"Well, Severus, where's your mother? Usually she's here first, looking bright and
chipper. Early bird gets the worm, she used to say. To this I'd reply- 'You get the worm,
and I'll get the untouched apple.' You're mom was a good friend of mine, Severus, we
were in the same dorm room and everything. We both were candidates for Head Girl."
Severus was about to ask who had been Head Girl, his mother or Professor
Potter, when he felt a hand on his shoulder, and twisted his head to see whom it had been.
Momma was standing behind him, looking quite ill.
"Momma, are you okay?" He asked in his quiet, almost inaudible voice.
Her response to this was a pat on the head, as she sat beside him.
She looked at her plate, full of food, and pushed it away distastefully. She
stared at the tablecloth, clearly not thinking about the tablecloth and it's many holes, but
something else.
"Well, Carla? Are you going to sit there oblivious to your surroundings, or are
you going to tell me what's upset you so much?"
Momma blinked a few times, and glanced at Severus. It surely meant that he
was in the way, and that what was bothering her was not for "little ears".
"That's all right, Momma, I'm done with breakfast," Severus said modestly,
kissing her on the cheek.
"That's a good lad," she spoke softly, watching him retreat.
What he wouldn't give for an Invisibility Cloak—Momma never told him
anything. It would be deceptive, since she trusted him so much, but would he feel guilty?
Probably not. In fact, Severus couldn't remember a time when he'd felt guilty. He
marveled that he even knew what the word meant. Guilt.
Severus found himself exploring the labyrinth that was Hogwarts feeling glad to
be secluded once again from the superficialities of the pupils and their professors. Feeling
glad to be alone again, alone in his thoughts, alone to discover. He found that most times
he enjoyed his company most of all, a thought which he considered conceited.
The thing about conceited thoughts like that was that nobody knew about them.
They were private, easily shameless thoughts that one shared with oneself, and oneself
alone. Severus felt that everyone needed to have thoughts like that.
As he mindlessly walked throughout the corridors, he found himself at the door
leading out to the grounds that were (at this moment of time) devoid of human life.
Severus opened the cumbersome door with a bit of a struggle (he had inevitably
inherited the bony, feeble arms that his mother also had), and walked out into a totally
different scene.
He breathed in deeply, coughing a bit at the thickness of Scotland's morning
air. It had rained the previous night, he could tell by the moistness of the vegetation
surrounding him. Severus looked all around himself, his gaze landing on the Forbidden
Forest.
The Forbidden Forest. Was this not the perfect time to find out exactly why it
was forbidden?
He glanced back, and proceeded forward.
Severus found himself wondering just how much had it rained last night. His
feet were soaked to the bone, and it wasn't too comforting. To be frank, it was miserable.
He could feel the blisters popping. What a bright idea.
He had reached the edge of the forest, and began to move inward
circumspectly.
From Severus' vantage point, the forest looked nice and tranquil. Then again,
from a horrendous beast's vantage point, he probably looked nice and tranquil.
What compelled him to even think about entering?
He thought for a moment then asked another question- Why must he have a
reason for doing everything? He was a kid- kids don't have reasons. (than again, neither
do parents).
Severus crept forward, his socks making a sickening sound against the leather
boots he was so fond of. His mother had bought them for him in Diagon Alley, they were
enhanced by a charm—enhanced to make him run (or walk) faster.
But he normally preferred to take his time, especially in the middle of a
beautiful place such as this.
The wind was out again, causing the tips of the birch trees to sway wildly,
causing leaves to make a whisper of noise, an oddly pleasant sound, the sound of crispy
leaves breaking up into tiny fragments and scattering their remains all over the brown
grass. Winter was on her way. Actually, considering it was December, she should have
been here already.
Severus heard a new sound—the same crunch that leaves provided, but much,
much louder. He froze, looking around for a wild beast of some sort.
He turned around towards the direction of Hogwarts, and was astonished to see
nothing but vegetation. Had he come this far already?
"Fear not, Human friend,"
Severus heard the deep voice from behind him, and looked to see who could
speak in such a solemn, yet placid way.
It was a horse, a horse with a human head. A Centaur.
Severus felt obliged to do a quick, rigid bow, to show he meant no harm either.
"For what purpose do you dare to travel so deep into the forest, young man?"
"No purpose that's logical. I just wanted to see."
"See? See what?"
Severus lifted his arms and motioned around him. "This. This beauty that
cannot be seen on the surface,"
The Centaur laughed. "Very wise, young man. Now, pray tell, what is your
name?"
"Severus Snape. And yours?"
"Transen the Third." The Centaur responded proudly.
"Nice to meet you, Transen the Third."
"Nice to meet you, Severus Snape. So, is the forest that beautiful to you?"
"Yes, of course. Why would I lie?"
"No reason, I suppose. But do you know that true beauty lies beyond the forest,
beyond the earth's crust, out into the nothingness?"
Severus thought a moment. Centaurs were a very mystical people, they spoke
an archaic language men didn't understand. Mostly about planet and stars. Astronomy
and divination.
So he replied tentatively, "Do you mean space?"
"Very much. I mean space. Have you ever been anywhere where nothing
exists?"
"Something exists everywhere. Everywhere is a something."
"Correct. Did you know in Space there is nothing? It's just as its name states-
space."
"But there is something—planets and stars."
"The further you go out into space, the less things you will see until you arrive
at an area full of nothing., full of space."
"How do you know, Transen?" Severus asked.
"I know."
"You know. I'm afraid that answer is not satisfying. How can you just know
something?"
"It is called faith. My faith in myself that I know these things. I can't explain,
and no Human, (may he be Wizard or Muggle), can understand. Now, Mr. Severus
Snape, I suggest you get on back to your home, for there is a rainstorm brewing. Quite a
dangerous one too, Pluto is telling me."
"Pluto? The planet?"
Transen said no more, just nodded and swiftly disappeared.
Severus felt this was a good time to use his charmed boots. He ran all the way
back into the open field, back into Hogwarts.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Pluto had been right. The pacific day had erupted into a chaotic, raucous
rainstorm. Thunderstorm would better fit what was going on outside.
Severus found himself sitting along the windowsill, watching as the trees
thrashed around. He was fascinated by the power the wind contained, how it was able to
knock anything out of its way, anytime it wanted. Nothing held the wind down, it had the
ultimate power.
Wouldn't it be wonderful to have a power like that? To be able to push his
father out of the way whenever he felt like it?
To control his enemies?
As if Momma was listening to his thoughts, she said from behind him- "Sevvy,
why don't you write your father a note? Tell him what you've been up to? I'm sure he
misses you, and thinks it odd that you haven't written him yet."
Severus felt his head nod up in down in false agreement.
"That's a good lad. Now, go sit at your desk and write. I'll collect the letter in
an hour, I'm writing a few letters myself."
With that said, Momma left the room.
Severus grudgingly got up and proceeded towards his desk. He sat down, took
out a piece of parchment, found a quill, and started to write.
Dear Father:
I am having a fine time here at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry.
(Severus thought maybe he could make the letter long enough by adding in
every little detail.)
There are many things for me to do at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and
Wizardry. One thing I like to do here at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and
Wizardry is to read books in the Library (that a lady named Madam Pince runs.
She is a very nice lady).
(This was going to drive his father nuts.)
Another thing that is fun to do at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry is
to sit in on Momma's Defense Against the Dark Arts classes. She teaches Defense
Against the Dark Arts very well. She teaches Defense Against the Dark Arts so
well, that all the kids in her Defense Against the Dark Arts class (here at
Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry) like
her very much.
It's raining here, at Hogwart's School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Is it raining at Snape Manor?
It's raining at Hogwart's School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
(Not long enough yet, he needed at least one more paragraph. Maybe two, for
good measure).
I'm not sure how long we'll be staying here at Hogwart's School for Witchcraft
and Wizardry. I really like it at Hogwart's School for Witchcraft and Wizardry,
and will be sad to leave Hogwart's School for Witchcraft and Wizardry. However,
it would be nice to see Snape Manor again.
(Not.)
Well, Father, I don't want to bore you because you are a busy man, and I know
that you are a busy man because you are an Auror. And Aurors are always busy,
busy, busy.
So long, and greetings from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry,
Your Son,
Who is 10 years of age,
Who is at Hogwart's School of Witchcraft and Wizardry,
Severus Snape.
Well, that torture was over.
Sometimes Severus had to wonder why Momma had married his Father. Yes,
she loved him. But why? Was Severus missing something when he looked at the man
who had created him? Was there something underneath all the skin, all the enmity? Could
there be a spot of warmth in his body?
He reflected upon the way Momma and his father always greeted each other
after one had been on a long trip. There were always so joyful to see each other, so
mushy with each other. They usually kissed, a long kiss that could go on for days if there
wasn't an interruption of some sort.
Why?
There was no point in pondering the unanswerable, he always told himself, yet
he always found himself doing just that.
There was some truth to the letter, especially in the statement that all the pupils
liked Momma. They did, she was a very interesting teacher.
Yesterday he'd sat in on a third year class, as she was teaching about dragon
blood, and its uses.
Momma had said- "Today, you lucky children, we get to began our venture into
the dragon unit. And we start out with memorizing the twelve uses for their blood, which
was discovered by someone you know quite well- Headmaster Dumbledore. Impressive,
isn't it?"
This was responded with unenthusiastic "yeps".
Momma laughed. "What I want you all to do is try and think up as many of the
uses as you can remember. And if you want, be creative! Throw in a few outrageous
ones, to liven up the class a bit. Write these down on a piece of parchment, this will be
turned in, but not graded."
This is what the pupils loved- permission to act silly and goofy, to act like the
kids they were.
Severus watched as they struggled to remember at least one real use. You
dummies, he thought scornfully, writing down the twelve uses. He had learnt this a few
years ago, Momma had given him quite a few tests and quizzes, and Severus hadn't been
allowed to play until he'd gotten them all memorized.
"Now class," Momma said after twenty minutes of silent. "What have you all
come up with? Don? Would you like to share one of yours?"
Severus rolled his eyes. He could almost hear what was coming- Don was the
class clown, and proud of it.
"Well, I suppose- ahem, cough, cough" he made a big deal of clearing his
throat until the laughter was loud enough to content him. "Numero uno of the twelve
uses- hair dye for poodles. Number 2- Gives people an extra fifty IQ points when drunk
on the night of the first full moon of the year. Number 3- Turns Muggles into purple
people eaters. Number 4- "
The students continued to laugh, at this stupid behavior that Severus found
completely repulsive. It wasn't funny it just proved that Don was an idiot. Even Momma
was laughing, he realized, horrified.
When the list was over (and he'd not even gotten one right), Momma asked,
"Okay, so does anyone know any real ones?"
Severus raised his hand.
"Yes Mr. Snape?" Momma smiled at him.
He then rattled off the twelve uses, and acted oblivious to the stares of the kids
around him.
"Very good," Momma said, than continued on about Dragon Blood.
Severus was growing bored. All this stuff was old; he'd learnt it already. He
needed some new information. He got out of his chair, and headed towards the library.
Madam Pince smiled at him as he walked in. She favored him because he was
so young and so intelligent. She never objected to him checking out multiple books,
because she thought he had a purpose in life. She didn't know what, but she seemed to
think he was going to be somebody. He knew this, because he'd overheard her talking to
Professor Binns about him. She claimed he was a child prodigy, and that someday she'd
be proud to say she pushed him in the right direction.
Ha.
He picked out a fifth year Defense Against the Dark Arts book off the shelf and
settled into reading. He was fascinated by DADA, all those animals! All those spells! All
those methods on how to protect yourself! Severus had read about the three unforgivable
curses in a book he'd snuck out of the Snape Manor library, and was most curious about
them.
Especially the Imperius Curse. The Power. You could make somebody do
anything, and make it appear that they were doing it out of their own will. He'd love to
cast the spell on his father, and make him jump off a balcony.
Severus felt his eyes widen, in shame. How could he even think about that? He
thought constantly about his father dying suddenly, or disappearing, or Momma getting a
divorce—But he'd never gone as far as to think about killing him. What was wrong with
him?
He put the book down, and closed his eyes trying to clear away the evil thoughts
that continued to haunt his brain.
A/N note- Next part should be out before April 10th(At the latest, April 15th)
Thanks to all my reviewers- The Seraphim, Mari, Emma, Darla, Anita Skeeter,
Daydreamer, Sphinx, Marvin, Spork, Minx, Bandy, Queen Helios, and Debra.
PS. If anyone is interested in beta reading for me, leave me your email address in
the review box, or email me at Lupinlover@hotmail.com
Chapter 2- A letter and a thought
Posted- March 24th 2001
"Momma?" Severus called out, turning around with quick, rigid moves.
He was in a dimly illuminated hallway that seemed to have invisible barriers
blocking him from moving five feet away from his original position. Severus thrust his
arms out in front of him, using them as eyes, and walked; always ending up bumping into
an wall that had yet to show itself.
"Momma!"
He started to panic, thrashing around in circles, unable to keep his frenzied
state of mind hidden. Not like there was anyone to observe him make a fool of himself.
"MOMMA!"
But she did not come.
Severus opened his eyes, bursting out of the dream that had held him prisoner.
It wasn't the first time he had that dream, it occurred
frequently in his restless sleep.
His bedroom was still dark. Severus groped for his wand that was situated on
the night table besides him.
"Lumos," he muttered, grasping the stick at last.
His breathing slowed down. He didn't much like the dark.
Severus could now see the wizard clock, it read 5:34 A.M. He had a few more
hours of sleep before it was time to rise to breakfast. He tried to settle back against the
pillow, knowing that it was a lost cause. He could never sleep after a nightmare like that.
He got out of his bed, feet shivering as they met with the bitter air. Severus used
his wand to guide him to the dresser, where he put on a robe and some shoes. He decided
he would venture to the library, maybe read up on potions. Impress Professor Potter with
his knowledge.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"So, Sevvy. I hear you've got a flare for potions?"
Severus looked up at Momma, who was smiling at him. He smiled back,
nodding. "Yes, I've been told that. It was fun, Momma, making that potion."
"Fun? How so?"
"I can't describe it—I won't even try. It was something new, different—I think
I may have tired of all the topics you were teaching me about."
Momma frowned. "You should never get tired of anything involved with an
education, Severus, remember that."
He lowered his eyes, feeling ashamed. How moronic. Of course she would say
that. Stupid, how could he have been so stupid?
"Yes, Momma, I know. I'm sorry."
"There, now, don't beat yourself up about it. Just remember it. If I have taught
you anything, it's to get the most out of everything handed to you—like an education."
"Carla, if I may speak to you…"
Severus' head swung around to look at Dumbledore, who had just appeared
from down the corridor.
His face was grave. Something had happened.
Severus watched Momma's face turn ashen.
"Yes, of course. Sevvy, go down to the Great Hall. Make sure you eat some
fruits and vegetables. I'll be there shortly."
Dumbledore motioned her to follow him, and Severus watched them disappear
around the corner.
What had happened?
Severus turned around, walking at his leisure. He realized there was no point in
wondering about what Dumbledore wanted to talk to Momma about. It could be a million
things, it could be about the ill Defense against the Dark Arts teacher, it could be about
his father (wouldn't that be something?), it could be about a dark wizard—there were too
many options to be pondered.
He was a few corridors away from the entrance to the Great Hall, yet he could
already hear the roar of voices. Severus wondered what they were talking about? How
could so many voices be occupied at one time? All of Hogwart's pupils seemed to be able
to talk continuously, about many different things. Was there ever a lack of conversation
among them?
Severus himself found it nearly impossible to talk for more than five minutes at
a time.
He approached the head table, getting a broad smile from Professor Potter who
motioned to him to sit across from her. He found himself smiling back.
"Mr. Snape, feel up to a tutoring session tonight?" she asked him, taking a sip
from her goblet.
He nodded mutely. Anytime- as long as he was able to learn about potions.
"You know, Severus, what you can do already with potions is nothing short of
brilliant. Did you know you've got enough skill to do a fourth year potion? Your brain—
it thinks mathematically, scientifically. You think logically, like you see a scattered
puzzle in your brain and you place it back together again, giving careful thought to where
each piece belongs. Do you understand what I mean? Is that—does that sound right?"
Severus understood—she thought him to be extraordinarily intelligent. Perhaps.
"Yes, well—it's not as if I see puzzle pieces, it's as if I see all the ingredients,
and what must be done for them. I can see the potion being created in my head, as I'm
doing it. Like my brain thinks one step ahead of my hands."
Professor Potter laughed, tossing her hair back. "Oh, Severus, you are such a
splendid person."
He smiled weakly, wondering in what way he was splendid. A broad word like
that didn't exactly pinpoint a good quality that he should try to maintain. What use was a
compliment if you didn't know to what it was directed?
His mouth spoke differently however- "Thank you professor."
"For what? Speaking the truth? I see no reason for you to thank me for a petty
thing such as that." She said, in a muffled voice that made it impossible to decipher if she
was teasing him or being serious.
So he just nodded dumbly.
Professor Potter smiled at him again, and looked around the gigantic hall.
"Well, Severus, where's your mother? Usually she's here first, looking bright and
chipper. Early bird gets the worm, she used to say. To this I'd reply- 'You get the worm,
and I'll get the untouched apple.' You're mom was a good friend of mine, Severus, we
were in the same dorm room and everything. We both were candidates for Head Girl."
Severus was about to ask who had been Head Girl, his mother or Professor
Potter, when he felt a hand on his shoulder, and twisted his head to see whom it had been.
Momma was standing behind him, looking quite ill.
"Momma, are you okay?" He asked in his quiet, almost inaudible voice.
Her response to this was a pat on the head, as she sat beside him.
She looked at her plate, full of food, and pushed it away distastefully. She
stared at the tablecloth, clearly not thinking about the tablecloth and it's many holes, but
something else.
"Well, Carla? Are you going to sit there oblivious to your surroundings, or are
you going to tell me what's upset you so much?"
Momma blinked a few times, and glanced at Severus. It surely meant that he
was in the way, and that what was bothering her was not for "little ears".
"That's all right, Momma, I'm done with breakfast," Severus said modestly,
kissing her on the cheek.
"That's a good lad," she spoke softly, watching him retreat.
What he wouldn't give for an Invisibility Cloak—Momma never told him
anything. It would be deceptive, since she trusted him so much, but would he feel guilty?
Probably not. In fact, Severus couldn't remember a time when he'd felt guilty. He
marveled that he even knew what the word meant. Guilt.
Severus found himself exploring the labyrinth that was Hogwarts feeling glad to
be secluded once again from the superficialities of the pupils and their professors. Feeling
glad to be alone again, alone in his thoughts, alone to discover. He found that most times
he enjoyed his company most of all, a thought which he considered conceited.
The thing about conceited thoughts like that was that nobody knew about them.
They were private, easily shameless thoughts that one shared with oneself, and oneself
alone. Severus felt that everyone needed to have thoughts like that.
As he mindlessly walked throughout the corridors, he found himself at the door
leading out to the grounds that were (at this moment of time) devoid of human life.
Severus opened the cumbersome door with a bit of a struggle (he had inevitably
inherited the bony, feeble arms that his mother also had), and walked out into a totally
different scene.
He breathed in deeply, coughing a bit at the thickness of Scotland's morning
air. It had rained the previous night, he could tell by the moistness of the vegetation
surrounding him. Severus looked all around himself, his gaze landing on the Forbidden
Forest.
The Forbidden Forest. Was this not the perfect time to find out exactly why it
was forbidden?
He glanced back, and proceeded forward.
Severus found himself wondering just how much had it rained last night. His
feet were soaked to the bone, and it wasn't too comforting. To be frank, it was miserable.
He could feel the blisters popping. What a bright idea.
He had reached the edge of the forest, and began to move inward
circumspectly.
From Severus' vantage point, the forest looked nice and tranquil. Then again,
from a horrendous beast's vantage point, he probably looked nice and tranquil.
What compelled him to even think about entering?
He thought for a moment then asked another question- Why must he have a
reason for doing everything? He was a kid- kids don't have reasons. (than again, neither
do parents).
Severus crept forward, his socks making a sickening sound against the leather
boots he was so fond of. His mother had bought them for him in Diagon Alley, they were
enhanced by a charm—enhanced to make him run (or walk) faster.
But he normally preferred to take his time, especially in the middle of a
beautiful place such as this.
The wind was out again, causing the tips of the birch trees to sway wildly,
causing leaves to make a whisper of noise, an oddly pleasant sound, the sound of crispy
leaves breaking up into tiny fragments and scattering their remains all over the brown
grass. Winter was on her way. Actually, considering it was December, she should have
been here already.
Severus heard a new sound—the same crunch that leaves provided, but much,
much louder. He froze, looking around for a wild beast of some sort.
He turned around towards the direction of Hogwarts, and was astonished to see
nothing but vegetation. Had he come this far already?
"Fear not, Human friend,"
Severus heard the deep voice from behind him, and looked to see who could
speak in such a solemn, yet placid way.
It was a horse, a horse with a human head. A Centaur.
Severus felt obliged to do a quick, rigid bow, to show he meant no harm either.
"For what purpose do you dare to travel so deep into the forest, young man?"
"No purpose that's logical. I just wanted to see."
"See? See what?"
Severus lifted his arms and motioned around him. "This. This beauty that
cannot be seen on the surface,"
The Centaur laughed. "Very wise, young man. Now, pray tell, what is your
name?"
"Severus Snape. And yours?"
"Transen the Third." The Centaur responded proudly.
"Nice to meet you, Transen the Third."
"Nice to meet you, Severus Snape. So, is the forest that beautiful to you?"
"Yes, of course. Why would I lie?"
"No reason, I suppose. But do you know that true beauty lies beyond the forest,
beyond the earth's crust, out into the nothingness?"
Severus thought a moment. Centaurs were a very mystical people, they spoke
an archaic language men didn't understand. Mostly about planet and stars. Astronomy
and divination.
So he replied tentatively, "Do you mean space?"
"Very much. I mean space. Have you ever been anywhere where nothing
exists?"
"Something exists everywhere. Everywhere is a something."
"Correct. Did you know in Space there is nothing? It's just as its name states-
space."
"But there is something—planets and stars."
"The further you go out into space, the less things you will see until you arrive
at an area full of nothing., full of space."
"How do you know, Transen?" Severus asked.
"I know."
"You know. I'm afraid that answer is not satisfying. How can you just know
something?"
"It is called faith. My faith in myself that I know these things. I can't explain,
and no Human, (may he be Wizard or Muggle), can understand. Now, Mr. Severus
Snape, I suggest you get on back to your home, for there is a rainstorm brewing. Quite a
dangerous one too, Pluto is telling me."
"Pluto? The planet?"
Transen said no more, just nodded and swiftly disappeared.
Severus felt this was a good time to use his charmed boots. He ran all the way
back into the open field, back into Hogwarts.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Pluto had been right. The pacific day had erupted into a chaotic, raucous
rainstorm. Thunderstorm would better fit what was going on outside.
Severus found himself sitting along the windowsill, watching as the trees
thrashed around. He was fascinated by the power the wind contained, how it was able to
knock anything out of its way, anytime it wanted. Nothing held the wind down, it had the
ultimate power.
Wouldn't it be wonderful to have a power like that? To be able to push his
father out of the way whenever he felt like it?
To control his enemies?
As if Momma was listening to his thoughts, she said from behind him- "Sevvy,
why don't you write your father a note? Tell him what you've been up to? I'm sure he
misses you, and thinks it odd that you haven't written him yet."
Severus felt his head nod up in down in false agreement.
"That's a good lad. Now, go sit at your desk and write. I'll collect the letter in
an hour, I'm writing a few letters myself."
With that said, Momma left the room.
Severus grudgingly got up and proceeded towards his desk. He sat down, took
out a piece of parchment, found a quill, and started to write.
Dear Father:
I am having a fine time here at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry.
(Severus thought maybe he could make the letter long enough by adding in
every little detail.)
There are many things for me to do at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and
Wizardry. One thing I like to do here at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and
Wizardry is to read books in the Library (that a lady named Madam Pince runs.
She is a very nice lady).
(This was going to drive his father nuts.)
Another thing that is fun to do at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry is
to sit in on Momma's Defense Against the Dark Arts classes. She teaches Defense
Against the Dark Arts very well. She teaches Defense Against the Dark Arts so
well, that all the kids in her Defense Against the Dark Arts class (here at
Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry) like
her very much.
It's raining here, at Hogwart's School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Is it raining at Snape Manor?
It's raining at Hogwart's School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
(Not long enough yet, he needed at least one more paragraph. Maybe two, for
good measure).
I'm not sure how long we'll be staying here at Hogwart's School for Witchcraft
and Wizardry. I really like it at Hogwart's School for Witchcraft and Wizardry,
and will be sad to leave Hogwart's School for Witchcraft and Wizardry. However,
it would be nice to see Snape Manor again.
(Not.)
Well, Father, I don't want to bore you because you are a busy man, and I know
that you are a busy man because you are an Auror. And Aurors are always busy,
busy, busy.
So long, and greetings from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry,
Your Son,
Who is 10 years of age,
Who is at Hogwart's School of Witchcraft and Wizardry,
Severus Snape.
Well, that torture was over.
Sometimes Severus had to wonder why Momma had married his Father. Yes,
she loved him. But why? Was Severus missing something when he looked at the man
who had created him? Was there something underneath all the skin, all the enmity? Could
there be a spot of warmth in his body?
He reflected upon the way Momma and his father always greeted each other
after one had been on a long trip. There were always so joyful to see each other, so
mushy with each other. They usually kissed, a long kiss that could go on for days if there
wasn't an interruption of some sort.
Why?
There was no point in pondering the unanswerable, he always told himself, yet
he always found himself doing just that.
There was some truth to the letter, especially in the statement that all the pupils
liked Momma. They did, she was a very interesting teacher.
Yesterday he'd sat in on a third year class, as she was teaching about dragon
blood, and its uses.
Momma had said- "Today, you lucky children, we get to began our venture into
the dragon unit. And we start out with memorizing the twelve uses for their blood, which
was discovered by someone you know quite well- Headmaster Dumbledore. Impressive,
isn't it?"
This was responded with unenthusiastic "yeps".
Momma laughed. "What I want you all to do is try and think up as many of the
uses as you can remember. And if you want, be creative! Throw in a few outrageous
ones, to liven up the class a bit. Write these down on a piece of parchment, this will be
turned in, but not graded."
This is what the pupils loved- permission to act silly and goofy, to act like the
kids they were.
Severus watched as they struggled to remember at least one real use. You
dummies, he thought scornfully, writing down the twelve uses. He had learnt this a few
years ago, Momma had given him quite a few tests and quizzes, and Severus hadn't been
allowed to play until he'd gotten them all memorized.
"Now class," Momma said after twenty minutes of silent. "What have you all
come up with? Don? Would you like to share one of yours?"
Severus rolled his eyes. He could almost hear what was coming- Don was the
class clown, and proud of it.
"Well, I suppose- ahem, cough, cough" he made a big deal of clearing his
throat until the laughter was loud enough to content him. "Numero uno of the twelve
uses- hair dye for poodles. Number 2- Gives people an extra fifty IQ points when drunk
on the night of the first full moon of the year. Number 3- Turns Muggles into purple
people eaters. Number 4- "
The students continued to laugh, at this stupid behavior that Severus found
completely repulsive. It wasn't funny it just proved that Don was an idiot. Even Momma
was laughing, he realized, horrified.
When the list was over (and he'd not even gotten one right), Momma asked,
"Okay, so does anyone know any real ones?"
Severus raised his hand.
"Yes Mr. Snape?" Momma smiled at him.
He then rattled off the twelve uses, and acted oblivious to the stares of the kids
around him.
"Very good," Momma said, than continued on about Dragon Blood.
Severus was growing bored. All this stuff was old; he'd learnt it already. He
needed some new information. He got out of his chair, and headed towards the library.
Madam Pince smiled at him as he walked in. She favored him because he was
so young and so intelligent. She never objected to him checking out multiple books,
because she thought he had a purpose in life. She didn't know what, but she seemed to
think he was going to be somebody. He knew this, because he'd overheard her talking to
Professor Binns about him. She claimed he was a child prodigy, and that someday she'd
be proud to say she pushed him in the right direction.
Ha.
He picked out a fifth year Defense Against the Dark Arts book off the shelf and
settled into reading. He was fascinated by DADA, all those animals! All those spells! All
those methods on how to protect yourself! Severus had read about the three unforgivable
curses in a book he'd snuck out of the Snape Manor library, and was most curious about
them.
Especially the Imperius Curse. The Power. You could make somebody do
anything, and make it appear that they were doing it out of their own will. He'd love to
cast the spell on his father, and make him jump off a balcony.
Severus felt his eyes widen, in shame. How could he even think about that? He
thought constantly about his father dying suddenly, or disappearing, or Momma getting a
divorce—But he'd never gone as far as to think about killing him. What was wrong with
him?
He put the book down, and closed his eyes trying to clear away the evil thoughts
that continued to haunt his brain.
A/N note- Next part should be out before April 10th(At the latest, April 15th)
Thanks to all my reviewers- The Seraphim, Mari, Emma, Darla, Anita Skeeter,
Daydreamer, Sphinx, Marvin, Spork, Minx, Bandy, Queen Helios, and Debra.
PS. If anyone is interested in beta reading for me, leave me your email address in
the review box, or email me at Lupinlover@hotmail.com