Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion. I own a pair of pants and some old
books, that's all you get if you sue me.
Preliminar Notes: This story is going to focus on the three pilots as well as Gendo Ikari for the most part. The premise is that Shinji will learn to use all that thought he produces as a means to understanding his world and those in it, this will not be an easy journey for him since the mind is no easy thing to control or understand. This development of the mind will later flow into action and this will change the outcome of the series. Anyway I am giving my best shot to write an entertaining, mind provoking story. The story begins before the NGE timeline but catches up after chapter 3 and goes through the series. The characterization in a story is of utmost importance, thus, I will try to maintain characters true to their nature, however if they change their behavior for the purpose of the story I will try to make these changes logical by elaborating on them. I hope you like it and if you don't please tell me how can I improve. Also I want to thank wolf_soul for helping me in the editing process. He was of great help. This part is just the prologue, that's why it is so short since it's just an introduction to my story.
-
Average Joe presents " NGE: The Will To Think. "
*** The Will To Think ***
" Several years before the events in NGE ... "
-
Two adults, both teachers in a Tokyo-2 elementary school, were staring at a lonely boy who, for quite a while now, had caught the attention of the school faculty because for some peculiar reason he had no friends and always seemed to be depressed.
" A lonely boy he is indeed. There isn't a single kid who has befriended him or who even likes him, to my knowledge. Even the bullies leave him alone, because they think he's creepy. "
" How sad that must be... To be all alone & always scared. "
Suddenly, both grown-ups caught a glimpse of Shinji staring at them with lifeless eyes, and they felt a mixture of sadness & fear.
" Serial killers begin just like that boy, " one of them commented gravely.
-
Ikari Shinji knew he was being stared at... he was a weird kid, or so he felt. He had seen his schoolmates talking amongst themselves, sharing a bond they called "friendship", yet he could not recall ever having a friend. " People leave you behind, " he said in a whisper while staring lifelessly at both grown ups who, he knew were staring at him.
Alas, Ikari Shinji felt no "elan vital " from within. He acted out of inertia, to avoid conflict as if trying to preserve whatever small amount of life energy he had, to be lost in a quarrel. He enjoyed no sport, he did not cared one bit about anything, he disliked toys, video games, and school. He didn't even like eating.
"You should eat." That was what his professor always said to him, so he ate. He could remember his professor trying to start a conversation, he just nodded, " whatever " he always thought. Then he would thank his professor and leave for his room, he would make homework so to avoid conflict with his school teachers and lie in his bed listening to his SDAT.
His SDAT, this he enjoyed at first, it was a gift from his professor. "Since," his professor would say "music is somewhat like life... a flux of notes, from beginning to end." "Whatever..." Shinji would think, even he could see his professor wasn't really smart at making analogies. So he accepted the gift and got to like it, until he got stuck with two tracks of one of his albums, track 25 & 26, he would not listen to anything else. With time, he stopped enjoying them but he still listened to them and stuck to his routine.
His professor often worried that Shinji had no interest in life, and took Shinji's earlier enthusiasm in his SDAT as a good sign, and thus signed him up for some cello lessons. Shinji did as he was told, quickly grabbing an understanding of the workings of music. The professor saw that Shinji was skilled with the cello and bought him a cello so that he could practice on his own, at home. The professor told him that since the cello had not been cheap, he should practice at least three times a week to make the investment worth it. And so, Shinji began to practice a couple hours three times a week, no more, no less; avoiding any problems.
To Shinji, each day seemed no different than one that came before. He would wake up, the professor would have already left, so he would walk towards the kitchen & cook himself breakfast. He never spiced it up, only when they had guests did he add flavor to the meals, whenever he was alone he would eat anything until he was full, then he would head towards the bathroom to take a shower. He never felt an urge to sing like he had seen characters do in cartoons, or like he had heard his professor do whenever he took a shower late in the afternoon. " I am weird " he would think as he dried with whatever towel was at hand. His hair would flatten and he would leave it at that, no spray, no mouse nor gel. He would put on his uniform and this would be his all day clothing.
He would then take a bus or maybe walk, one of the few respects his routine varied a little from one day to next. His routine would also experience a slight variation whenever he had to do his laundry. He knew how to do all those things. People would explain things to him, and so, in order to not have to listen to them again, he would do his best to understand and do them without further problem. He wasn't even ten years old & yet he had an independence that most people don't have until their mid twenties, though he was not aware of this, as he was also not aware of his capacity for understanding.
There was, however, one thing he did constantly between his journeys from school to home & vice versa, also while he did his laundry, when he cooked, took a shower or listened to his SDAT. He was always thinking, yet this did not seem to be a thing that one does, since the verb " to do " has always a relation with action & actions are perceived as being the interaction amongst concrete objects in a tri-dimensional space, neither ideas nor thoughts were concrete objects, thus they cannot be perceived by the senses in the way other activities like sports are. And yet, Shinji was a thinker, who did not know how to think properly.
-
** Blue Thoughts / An Allegory of the Den **
" Commander, the time has come again to perform those studies on Rei, " said Dr. Ritsuko Akagi with a tone that overreacted professionalism.
" Is that so ? " asked Ikari Gendo knowingly " then, do perform them Dr. "
" I believe it would be more helpful if you came and ordered her to be submissive, " replied Ritsuko with a solemn gesture.
" Indeed, let us go then. "
" May I come ? " asked Fuyutsuki, to Gendo's surprise.
" Why is that ? " questioned Gendo.
" I'm just curious. " was Fuyutsuki's reply.
Gendo appeared to be thinking the matter over. Finally he spoke.
"Rei has not seen any other human beings than myself, Ritsuko & a couple of physicians, maybe it will be stimulating for her to broaden her social circle. "
Fuyutsuki & Ritsuko did not know if the commander spoke seriously or if he was just plainly being mean. Gendo quickly perceived this & although he needn't give any explanations to no one, he felt that it was not important whether he told them what he thought or not and so decided to tell them.
" It is not as if I enjoy seeing her in that room all the time, but for the sake of the project things must stay like this for a while, in time she will be allowed to know the world outside her room, above the Geofront. "
Fuyutsuki & Ritsuko nodded and the three of them headed towards Rei's little room in the intricate installations of the Geofront.
-
" Hello Rei, " said the commander in a cheerful tone, his lips curved upwards just a little. Ritsuko could never get accustomed to his behavior around the girl, he was so cold to everyone, even to her in the most intimate moments. That made her sick to her stomach. Fuyutsuki noticed.
" Hello commander, " was Rei's cheerful response, as she smiled and her eyes seemed to sparkle.
To Fuyutsuki, who had been told by Ritsuko that Rei was a terribly unemotional girl and that she seemed to have no connections to the world, this was an unexpected behavior and yet it made sense that Ikari would show some emotions to Rei and since Ritsuko did not seemed to be in friendly terms with the little girl and neither were the physicians who sometimes attended her, it was also logical that Rei would develop an emotional bond with the commander. Rei was after all human in some sense, and so was the commander even if some people would remain more skeptic about that. It was after all, Gendo's human side the one directing the project, his own all too human desire to reunite with Yui, even if this meant not having a family in the mean time.
" We are going to perform some tests now, ok Rei ? " said the commander patting Rei on the head.
" Ok, but then let me show you something. "
Rei took the commander's hand and led him to a table in the corner of her little room. Several books were there, all of them opened and some of them were of pictures.
" I was reading this book, " she said pointing to * The Little Prince * by Antoine de Saint Exupery " and I couldn't understand what an elephant was, or what an anaconda was, so I looked it up on this encyclopedia that you brought me, " she pointed to a large book with some pictures of elephants " here it says all about elephants and anacondas, is it true what it says commander ? that elephants are really big, bigger than people and that anacondas can eat large animals without chewing them ? "
The commander who listened to all Rei had to say patiently and without losing his smile nodded.
" It's true Rei. "
" There is a part in the book, " Rei said, suddenly losing her smile " were the little prince wants someone to draw him a lamb, and since he's unsatisfied with all the drawings, one person ingeniously draws a box with holes on it and tells the little prince that the lamb is inside and that it breaths through the holes. " She looked up, her eyes seemed to widen. " So I was wondering if, when you leave the room through that door, you go into some place like that, where I think you exist even if I don't see you and if this also happens to you when you don't see me ? I mean that you know I exist even if you are not seeing me. "
Fuyutsuki was amazed at the girl's insights, he looked around to see what the reaction of his companions were. Ritsuko had her glasses on and seemed to be writing something in her notebook. The commander did not seem surprised, he only seemed thoughtful.
" Yes Rei, I know you are still here even when I am gone and you must know that I will be here whenever you need me if it's within my possibilities to come, ok ? "
" Ok, " the girl nodded.
" Now let's get these tests done " the commander said signaling Ritsuko with his eyes, both Ritsuko and Rei understood this gesture, and as Ritsuko took hold of Rei's hand, Rei's features changed in a second from being one of joy to one of lifeless submission, Fuyutsuki just watched all of this quite amused.
-
** Emotional Thoughts / The Fire that Gnaws the Mind **
Sorhyu Asuka Langley looked at the problem in her notebook, just some math here and there, she wondered how could someone call a problem to something that's so easy.
" Calculus is for morons, I know it all already, " she said as she turned her paper to the professor who was watching her perplexed " I thought I would stumble with harder problems in university but it is all too easy. " She glanced at her older classmates " what ??? You poor devils, can't you solve it ? "
With this she laughed and stepped out of the classroom, she knew she would probably get a hundred on that test. She could still hear the cursing against her going on in the classroom.
" They just can't stand a little girl being the smartest, " she thought as she made a deprecatory gesture.
Asuka walked on all smiles and with her head up in a gesture of superiority, she did so while she was still in the university building, however as soon as she got to the gardened area and saw that no one was in sight she stared towards the floor and a slouch could be seen in her previously straight back. Her posture seemed to switch each time she was on her own, no one knew though; that the girl who launched those merciless attacks upon them, the little girl who always knew the answers and who seemed to be always smiling her superiority was in truth a very scared, very troubled human being, such a fragile little one with no self esteem whatsoever. So insecure on the inside that she had to use all that energy welled up from within to create a shining shield on the outside, a shield she would let no one see through for if they knew how she felt, they would prey on that.
" People " she thought " are out to get me, they know I am better, and they can't stand it. No one gives a damn about any one else, all walk away at some point or another, " and she hated to think these things, she hated to think about anything, she couldn't endure the pain that came from the truth revealed by the act of thought. And so, she submersed herself in her little world of mathematical abstraction, neglecting reality, & whenever her EVA 02 synch tests had to be done she would do them gladly and would focus her mind solely on the EVA, and it would respond, it would show a synch rate above 65 %, and she would be happy and think of how wondrous she was.
" I am such a genius, " she would say to Kaji " no one can compete with me on any grounds, I am so beautiful & so talented, I am the second child, born into this world to save it from the evil with my mighty unit 02; " and then she would seem thoughtful and add " people can't even understand so easy a thing as math, that is why such a science is only for the privileged minds that can surpass this earthly existence and think beyond it. " This she would say with a solemn gesture, waving her hands in the air as if worshiping some deity.
" My, such huge words Asuka, " Kaji would reply with a sarcastic tone.
But Asuka didn't buy it, after all she had a gifted mind and sometimes her conscience would come back at her and accuse her. " How much nonsense can I say before I truly believe it, " she would think with a sad face and dreamy eyes. And her thoughts would drift to Newton, her hero, her lonely hero who never knew any woman nor had any true friend, who would deal with people only to get his way and people would deal with him only because he understood much more than any of them. Such a wondrous genius, Sir Isaac Newton and yet so alone. " He didn't need any one, " she would think " he had his genius " but how could she be sure ? What if she wasn't that smart ? What if she needed someone ? She knew she needed someone because she didn't even had herself, just a vacuum.
And that was what she was thinking, with a slouch in her back and her eyes set on the floor, she did not realise that there was someone watching her nearby.
" So here's the little genius, " a voice awoke her wandering conscience " such a stupid, know-it-all brat. "
Asuka turned around, rage starting to well up inside her.
" Who the hell are you ??? "
And yet she seemed to recognize him, he was a student in one of her classes, she vaguely remembered seeing his grade just below her's when the grades of the class were posted in the walls just after the exams. He was always second, just below her … always second.
" So where is mommy ? " he asked knowingly for there was some gossip going around
" some say she killed herself, I bet she couldn't stand having some brat like you as her daughter. "
There are no limits to the wickedness of man. Such a sad truth and yet who would dare disprove the facts ? Asuka knew this, she knew people could be cruel, she certainly could be very cruel and yet her shiny shield was weakened by this accusation and her eyes were now moist, an odd feeling in her stomach.
" Why don't you go back to kinder garden kid.God knows no one can stand you here... but you should know that, since you're always alone. You don't belong here, kid " this last utterance was never completed with words and yet a moan of pain seemed to follow those unsaid thoughts.
" SHUT UP !!! " Asuka said as she ran off, her hands in her ears. The student now laid in the floor moaning in pain. Asuka had picked up a stone and skillfully thrown it at his groin, so much for his trouble.
Kaji would arrive at their apartment later to find a crying Asuka. He took her in his arms and held her as he would hold a little sister, signs of worry showing in his features. He stayed by her side, until she cried herself to sleep, and knew that she would not want to talk about it. The following morning she would pretend that she had never cried. He always left it at that, it was his way to support her in their odd little family life. Because, even if Asuka's father and stepmother were in Germany, they had a family of their own and Asuka would only spend time with them on some weekends. Not quality time certainly, for her father knew nothing about her, other than she was a pilot, nor did she know anything about him, except that he had left her mother and herself and that he was a scientist of some type. She would talk to her stepmother at times and her eyes would shine whenever she had a true interest. Thus she lived with Kaji for most of the time, who having an important rank in the NERV hierarchy, was appointed as her guardian. This situation, at least, she was comfortable with, as she felt she cared for him and he for her if even just a little, and so she developed a childish crush on him, which sometimes spoiled his dates. He would just laugh it off.
-
Such were the lives of the three children who, in the not so far a future, would have the fate of the world resting in their hands. Such lonely lives, & yet there was room for hope, since when one has gained awareness of himself he also gains awareness of the ways he can change what revolves around himself; and how does one develop this awareness ? Only with consciousness which can only be born from thought. It is here that our tale begins, a tale of thought development that will later flow into action. Actions that we hope, can alter the fate of the world and the lives of those fighting for this fate.
To be continued …
-
BEWARE !!! The Author Speaks His Mind Next, It Is Your Last Chance To Run Away.
You've been warned.
Author's epic ramblings: This story will be an ongoing series from beginning to end, that is if people like it and I receive enough feedback. Now my comments. Some may protest that some characteres were OOC, however I believe that characters, specially the ones in Evangelion are round ones and we can't just say that they are just one way and that's that. I believe for example that Rei has always had emotions even if some deny it, what makes her the way she is, is the lack of human contact with other beings that seem to be affectionate like Commander Ikari. Commander Ikari I also believe is a misunderstood character, he is no monster, give him a break people, he just wants his wife back in order to have a family, it is one of the reasons why he is cruel with Shinji ( the other being he is afraid of experimenting emotions ), he somehow believes in the future when he and Yui are reunited he will be able to redeem himself with Shinji, or something of the sort I picked from End of EVA. Also I believe he truly cared for Rei, maybe she could be replaced in his project and yet he still showed emotions towards her, he was just a methodical man and his project always came first no matter what, he did use everyone but he was not the inhuman monster some say he is.
About Asuka, many despise her and many adore her, I believe a more scientific approach most be taken so to analyse her personality in depth, she is I believe more toubled than Shinji himself, or at least she is at the same level as he is. Her ways of reacting to the world are different though, that personality of hers that many enjoy and many despise. She is one of my favorite characters in NGE because of her complexity. I made her university career be related to math since she always seems to disprove of discussion and dialogue. I thought that maybe if she disliked that kind of thinking approach to problems she would enjoy a mathematical approach, more precise and complex, with single results, so to entertain her emotional mind.
Shinji will be the main character as in NGE but I will try my best at developing the other characters, however I will focus the most aside from Shinji in: Asuka, Rei, Misato & Gendo. Ritsuko also interests me a whole deal so I will try to explore her too If I am capable of. Regarding romance, Shinji might get romantic with both girls ( Asuka & Rei ), not at the same time however, that has been done to exhaustion, it also will be done tactfully and with extreme attention to details, I find it despicable to see relationships in a fic grow from indifference or anger to love in no time, it is also ludicrous.
Even if I am trying to make this story for all who enjoy NGE I feel obliged to warn the readers that Shinji most probably will end up with Asuka, though I will elaborate on that to make it believable. Also since Asuka arrives at chapter 8 of the series, there will be a long time for Rei and Shinji to spend time together and to explore both of their personalities in depth as well as their relationship before I turn my attention to Asuka and Shinji's relationship. I may change my mind as I write, who knows ?? Thanks for reading.
Preliminar Notes: This story is going to focus on the three pilots as well as Gendo Ikari for the most part. The premise is that Shinji will learn to use all that thought he produces as a means to understanding his world and those in it, this will not be an easy journey for him since the mind is no easy thing to control or understand. This development of the mind will later flow into action and this will change the outcome of the series. Anyway I am giving my best shot to write an entertaining, mind provoking story. The story begins before the NGE timeline but catches up after chapter 3 and goes through the series. The characterization in a story is of utmost importance, thus, I will try to maintain characters true to their nature, however if they change their behavior for the purpose of the story I will try to make these changes logical by elaborating on them. I hope you like it and if you don't please tell me how can I improve. Also I want to thank wolf_soul for helping me in the editing process. He was of great help. This part is just the prologue, that's why it is so short since it's just an introduction to my story.
-
Average Joe presents " NGE: The Will To Think. "
*** The Will To Think ***
" Several years before the events in NGE ... "
-
Two adults, both teachers in a Tokyo-2 elementary school, were staring at a lonely boy who, for quite a while now, had caught the attention of the school faculty because for some peculiar reason he had no friends and always seemed to be depressed.
" A lonely boy he is indeed. There isn't a single kid who has befriended him or who even likes him, to my knowledge. Even the bullies leave him alone, because they think he's creepy. "
" How sad that must be... To be all alone & always scared. "
Suddenly, both grown-ups caught a glimpse of Shinji staring at them with lifeless eyes, and they felt a mixture of sadness & fear.
" Serial killers begin just like that boy, " one of them commented gravely.
-
Ikari Shinji knew he was being stared at... he was a weird kid, or so he felt. He had seen his schoolmates talking amongst themselves, sharing a bond they called "friendship", yet he could not recall ever having a friend. " People leave you behind, " he said in a whisper while staring lifelessly at both grown ups who, he knew were staring at him.
Alas, Ikari Shinji felt no "elan vital " from within. He acted out of inertia, to avoid conflict as if trying to preserve whatever small amount of life energy he had, to be lost in a quarrel. He enjoyed no sport, he did not cared one bit about anything, he disliked toys, video games, and school. He didn't even like eating.
"You should eat." That was what his professor always said to him, so he ate. He could remember his professor trying to start a conversation, he just nodded, " whatever " he always thought. Then he would thank his professor and leave for his room, he would make homework so to avoid conflict with his school teachers and lie in his bed listening to his SDAT.
His SDAT, this he enjoyed at first, it was a gift from his professor. "Since," his professor would say "music is somewhat like life... a flux of notes, from beginning to end." "Whatever..." Shinji would think, even he could see his professor wasn't really smart at making analogies. So he accepted the gift and got to like it, until he got stuck with two tracks of one of his albums, track 25 & 26, he would not listen to anything else. With time, he stopped enjoying them but he still listened to them and stuck to his routine.
His professor often worried that Shinji had no interest in life, and took Shinji's earlier enthusiasm in his SDAT as a good sign, and thus signed him up for some cello lessons. Shinji did as he was told, quickly grabbing an understanding of the workings of music. The professor saw that Shinji was skilled with the cello and bought him a cello so that he could practice on his own, at home. The professor told him that since the cello had not been cheap, he should practice at least three times a week to make the investment worth it. And so, Shinji began to practice a couple hours three times a week, no more, no less; avoiding any problems.
To Shinji, each day seemed no different than one that came before. He would wake up, the professor would have already left, so he would walk towards the kitchen & cook himself breakfast. He never spiced it up, only when they had guests did he add flavor to the meals, whenever he was alone he would eat anything until he was full, then he would head towards the bathroom to take a shower. He never felt an urge to sing like he had seen characters do in cartoons, or like he had heard his professor do whenever he took a shower late in the afternoon. " I am weird " he would think as he dried with whatever towel was at hand. His hair would flatten and he would leave it at that, no spray, no mouse nor gel. He would put on his uniform and this would be his all day clothing.
He would then take a bus or maybe walk, one of the few respects his routine varied a little from one day to next. His routine would also experience a slight variation whenever he had to do his laundry. He knew how to do all those things. People would explain things to him, and so, in order to not have to listen to them again, he would do his best to understand and do them without further problem. He wasn't even ten years old & yet he had an independence that most people don't have until their mid twenties, though he was not aware of this, as he was also not aware of his capacity for understanding.
There was, however, one thing he did constantly between his journeys from school to home & vice versa, also while he did his laundry, when he cooked, took a shower or listened to his SDAT. He was always thinking, yet this did not seem to be a thing that one does, since the verb " to do " has always a relation with action & actions are perceived as being the interaction amongst concrete objects in a tri-dimensional space, neither ideas nor thoughts were concrete objects, thus they cannot be perceived by the senses in the way other activities like sports are. And yet, Shinji was a thinker, who did not know how to think properly.
-
** Blue Thoughts / An Allegory of the Den **
" Commander, the time has come again to perform those studies on Rei, " said Dr. Ritsuko Akagi with a tone that overreacted professionalism.
" Is that so ? " asked Ikari Gendo knowingly " then, do perform them Dr. "
" I believe it would be more helpful if you came and ordered her to be submissive, " replied Ritsuko with a solemn gesture.
" Indeed, let us go then. "
" May I come ? " asked Fuyutsuki, to Gendo's surprise.
" Why is that ? " questioned Gendo.
" I'm just curious. " was Fuyutsuki's reply.
Gendo appeared to be thinking the matter over. Finally he spoke.
"Rei has not seen any other human beings than myself, Ritsuko & a couple of physicians, maybe it will be stimulating for her to broaden her social circle. "
Fuyutsuki & Ritsuko did not know if the commander spoke seriously or if he was just plainly being mean. Gendo quickly perceived this & although he needn't give any explanations to no one, he felt that it was not important whether he told them what he thought or not and so decided to tell them.
" It is not as if I enjoy seeing her in that room all the time, but for the sake of the project things must stay like this for a while, in time she will be allowed to know the world outside her room, above the Geofront. "
Fuyutsuki & Ritsuko nodded and the three of them headed towards Rei's little room in the intricate installations of the Geofront.
-
" Hello Rei, " said the commander in a cheerful tone, his lips curved upwards just a little. Ritsuko could never get accustomed to his behavior around the girl, he was so cold to everyone, even to her in the most intimate moments. That made her sick to her stomach. Fuyutsuki noticed.
" Hello commander, " was Rei's cheerful response, as she smiled and her eyes seemed to sparkle.
To Fuyutsuki, who had been told by Ritsuko that Rei was a terribly unemotional girl and that she seemed to have no connections to the world, this was an unexpected behavior and yet it made sense that Ikari would show some emotions to Rei and since Ritsuko did not seemed to be in friendly terms with the little girl and neither were the physicians who sometimes attended her, it was also logical that Rei would develop an emotional bond with the commander. Rei was after all human in some sense, and so was the commander even if some people would remain more skeptic about that. It was after all, Gendo's human side the one directing the project, his own all too human desire to reunite with Yui, even if this meant not having a family in the mean time.
" We are going to perform some tests now, ok Rei ? " said the commander patting Rei on the head.
" Ok, but then let me show you something. "
Rei took the commander's hand and led him to a table in the corner of her little room. Several books were there, all of them opened and some of them were of pictures.
" I was reading this book, " she said pointing to * The Little Prince * by Antoine de Saint Exupery " and I couldn't understand what an elephant was, or what an anaconda was, so I looked it up on this encyclopedia that you brought me, " she pointed to a large book with some pictures of elephants " here it says all about elephants and anacondas, is it true what it says commander ? that elephants are really big, bigger than people and that anacondas can eat large animals without chewing them ? "
The commander who listened to all Rei had to say patiently and without losing his smile nodded.
" It's true Rei. "
" There is a part in the book, " Rei said, suddenly losing her smile " were the little prince wants someone to draw him a lamb, and since he's unsatisfied with all the drawings, one person ingeniously draws a box with holes on it and tells the little prince that the lamb is inside and that it breaths through the holes. " She looked up, her eyes seemed to widen. " So I was wondering if, when you leave the room through that door, you go into some place like that, where I think you exist even if I don't see you and if this also happens to you when you don't see me ? I mean that you know I exist even if you are not seeing me. "
Fuyutsuki was amazed at the girl's insights, he looked around to see what the reaction of his companions were. Ritsuko had her glasses on and seemed to be writing something in her notebook. The commander did not seem surprised, he only seemed thoughtful.
" Yes Rei, I know you are still here even when I am gone and you must know that I will be here whenever you need me if it's within my possibilities to come, ok ? "
" Ok, " the girl nodded.
" Now let's get these tests done " the commander said signaling Ritsuko with his eyes, both Ritsuko and Rei understood this gesture, and as Ritsuko took hold of Rei's hand, Rei's features changed in a second from being one of joy to one of lifeless submission, Fuyutsuki just watched all of this quite amused.
-
** Emotional Thoughts / The Fire that Gnaws the Mind **
Sorhyu Asuka Langley looked at the problem in her notebook, just some math here and there, she wondered how could someone call a problem to something that's so easy.
" Calculus is for morons, I know it all already, " she said as she turned her paper to the professor who was watching her perplexed " I thought I would stumble with harder problems in university but it is all too easy. " She glanced at her older classmates " what ??? You poor devils, can't you solve it ? "
With this she laughed and stepped out of the classroom, she knew she would probably get a hundred on that test. She could still hear the cursing against her going on in the classroom.
" They just can't stand a little girl being the smartest, " she thought as she made a deprecatory gesture.
Asuka walked on all smiles and with her head up in a gesture of superiority, she did so while she was still in the university building, however as soon as she got to the gardened area and saw that no one was in sight she stared towards the floor and a slouch could be seen in her previously straight back. Her posture seemed to switch each time she was on her own, no one knew though; that the girl who launched those merciless attacks upon them, the little girl who always knew the answers and who seemed to be always smiling her superiority was in truth a very scared, very troubled human being, such a fragile little one with no self esteem whatsoever. So insecure on the inside that she had to use all that energy welled up from within to create a shining shield on the outside, a shield she would let no one see through for if they knew how she felt, they would prey on that.
" People " she thought " are out to get me, they know I am better, and they can't stand it. No one gives a damn about any one else, all walk away at some point or another, " and she hated to think these things, she hated to think about anything, she couldn't endure the pain that came from the truth revealed by the act of thought. And so, she submersed herself in her little world of mathematical abstraction, neglecting reality, & whenever her EVA 02 synch tests had to be done she would do them gladly and would focus her mind solely on the EVA, and it would respond, it would show a synch rate above 65 %, and she would be happy and think of how wondrous she was.
" I am such a genius, " she would say to Kaji " no one can compete with me on any grounds, I am so beautiful & so talented, I am the second child, born into this world to save it from the evil with my mighty unit 02; " and then she would seem thoughtful and add " people can't even understand so easy a thing as math, that is why such a science is only for the privileged minds that can surpass this earthly existence and think beyond it. " This she would say with a solemn gesture, waving her hands in the air as if worshiping some deity.
" My, such huge words Asuka, " Kaji would reply with a sarcastic tone.
But Asuka didn't buy it, after all she had a gifted mind and sometimes her conscience would come back at her and accuse her. " How much nonsense can I say before I truly believe it, " she would think with a sad face and dreamy eyes. And her thoughts would drift to Newton, her hero, her lonely hero who never knew any woman nor had any true friend, who would deal with people only to get his way and people would deal with him only because he understood much more than any of them. Such a wondrous genius, Sir Isaac Newton and yet so alone. " He didn't need any one, " she would think " he had his genius " but how could she be sure ? What if she wasn't that smart ? What if she needed someone ? She knew she needed someone because she didn't even had herself, just a vacuum.
And that was what she was thinking, with a slouch in her back and her eyes set on the floor, she did not realise that there was someone watching her nearby.
" So here's the little genius, " a voice awoke her wandering conscience " such a stupid, know-it-all brat. "
Asuka turned around, rage starting to well up inside her.
" Who the hell are you ??? "
And yet she seemed to recognize him, he was a student in one of her classes, she vaguely remembered seeing his grade just below her's when the grades of the class were posted in the walls just after the exams. He was always second, just below her … always second.
" So where is mommy ? " he asked knowingly for there was some gossip going around
" some say she killed herself, I bet she couldn't stand having some brat like you as her daughter. "
There are no limits to the wickedness of man. Such a sad truth and yet who would dare disprove the facts ? Asuka knew this, she knew people could be cruel, she certainly could be very cruel and yet her shiny shield was weakened by this accusation and her eyes were now moist, an odd feeling in her stomach.
" Why don't you go back to kinder garden kid.God knows no one can stand you here... but you should know that, since you're always alone. You don't belong here, kid " this last utterance was never completed with words and yet a moan of pain seemed to follow those unsaid thoughts.
" SHUT UP !!! " Asuka said as she ran off, her hands in her ears. The student now laid in the floor moaning in pain. Asuka had picked up a stone and skillfully thrown it at his groin, so much for his trouble.
Kaji would arrive at their apartment later to find a crying Asuka. He took her in his arms and held her as he would hold a little sister, signs of worry showing in his features. He stayed by her side, until she cried herself to sleep, and knew that she would not want to talk about it. The following morning she would pretend that she had never cried. He always left it at that, it was his way to support her in their odd little family life. Because, even if Asuka's father and stepmother were in Germany, they had a family of their own and Asuka would only spend time with them on some weekends. Not quality time certainly, for her father knew nothing about her, other than she was a pilot, nor did she know anything about him, except that he had left her mother and herself and that he was a scientist of some type. She would talk to her stepmother at times and her eyes would shine whenever she had a true interest. Thus she lived with Kaji for most of the time, who having an important rank in the NERV hierarchy, was appointed as her guardian. This situation, at least, she was comfortable with, as she felt she cared for him and he for her if even just a little, and so she developed a childish crush on him, which sometimes spoiled his dates. He would just laugh it off.
-
Such were the lives of the three children who, in the not so far a future, would have the fate of the world resting in their hands. Such lonely lives, & yet there was room for hope, since when one has gained awareness of himself he also gains awareness of the ways he can change what revolves around himself; and how does one develop this awareness ? Only with consciousness which can only be born from thought. It is here that our tale begins, a tale of thought development that will later flow into action. Actions that we hope, can alter the fate of the world and the lives of those fighting for this fate.
To be continued …
-
BEWARE !!! The Author Speaks His Mind Next, It Is Your Last Chance To Run Away.
You've been warned.
Author's epic ramblings: This story will be an ongoing series from beginning to end, that is if people like it and I receive enough feedback. Now my comments. Some may protest that some characteres were OOC, however I believe that characters, specially the ones in Evangelion are round ones and we can't just say that they are just one way and that's that. I believe for example that Rei has always had emotions even if some deny it, what makes her the way she is, is the lack of human contact with other beings that seem to be affectionate like Commander Ikari. Commander Ikari I also believe is a misunderstood character, he is no monster, give him a break people, he just wants his wife back in order to have a family, it is one of the reasons why he is cruel with Shinji ( the other being he is afraid of experimenting emotions ), he somehow believes in the future when he and Yui are reunited he will be able to redeem himself with Shinji, or something of the sort I picked from End of EVA. Also I believe he truly cared for Rei, maybe she could be replaced in his project and yet he still showed emotions towards her, he was just a methodical man and his project always came first no matter what, he did use everyone but he was not the inhuman monster some say he is.
About Asuka, many despise her and many adore her, I believe a more scientific approach most be taken so to analyse her personality in depth, she is I believe more toubled than Shinji himself, or at least she is at the same level as he is. Her ways of reacting to the world are different though, that personality of hers that many enjoy and many despise. She is one of my favorite characters in NGE because of her complexity. I made her university career be related to math since she always seems to disprove of discussion and dialogue. I thought that maybe if she disliked that kind of thinking approach to problems she would enjoy a mathematical approach, more precise and complex, with single results, so to entertain her emotional mind.
Shinji will be the main character as in NGE but I will try my best at developing the other characters, however I will focus the most aside from Shinji in: Asuka, Rei, Misato & Gendo. Ritsuko also interests me a whole deal so I will try to explore her too If I am capable of. Regarding romance, Shinji might get romantic with both girls ( Asuka & Rei ), not at the same time however, that has been done to exhaustion, it also will be done tactfully and with extreme attention to details, I find it despicable to see relationships in a fic grow from indifference or anger to love in no time, it is also ludicrous.
Even if I am trying to make this story for all who enjoy NGE I feel obliged to warn the readers that Shinji most probably will end up with Asuka, though I will elaborate on that to make it believable. Also since Asuka arrives at chapter 8 of the series, there will be a long time for Rei and Shinji to spend time together and to explore both of their personalities in depth as well as their relationship before I turn my attention to Asuka and Shinji's relationship. I may change my mind as I write, who knows ?? Thanks for reading.