Disclaimer: Obviously I don't own Evangelion, nuff said !!
-- The Will To Think --
** CHAPTER II: The Mind Perceives The World **
One year before the events in NGE …
* " I Enjoy Being Perceived / The World Perceives The Self " *
The effects that the Second Impact had in the global environment are well known. While in Japan summers would last the whole year, in countries such as Germany, winters would be longer and harsher. While in the beginning the global effects were disastrous to nearly every aspect of life on Earth as well as the infrastructure of the nations and their industries, they were gradually overcome by the use of science and world wide cooperation headed by the UN. It was not an easy solution since long winters as well as prolongued summers had the effect of ruining agriculture and gradually transforming the regions that suffered from such climates into deserts or tundras. However by the use of terraforming technology as well as hydrophonic farms, developed countries were able to regain their past splendour. Developing countries on the other side were never able to recover from these effects, and their economies, completely indebted with the IMF, crashed, resulting in regional economic chaos for those countries. The economy world wide was also affected, however the measures of the EU, the USA as well as Japan, China and the asiatic NIE's prevented world wide economy from collapsing.
All of this struggling for survival tired the spirits of regular men and mankind as a whole suffered from mild depression. In Germany, because of the long winters, this depression was magnyfied and the rate of suicides rose during the second decade of the century. The government took measures to prevent further emotional collapse of the citizenry, one of this measures involved the construction of gigantic places of recreation known as Solar Domes. These structures were completely indoors, and the climate was regulated through technology giving the impression that the ceiling was a blue sky in a sunny day. Sorhyu Asuka Langley bought a beautiful sun dress for the sole purpose of wearing it in the Solar Domes were she spent most of her spare time, walking around and stealing glances from hormonal teenagers everywhere she went.
" Did you see that Gunther ? " asked one blonde youngster to another regarding a read headed beauty that passed them by.
" Yeah Johann, she is hot man. " was his reply.
" She is always here. Sometimes she brings books on math and just reads them. Other times she walks around, giggles and appears lively. On occasions when she thinks no one is around, her mood seems somber and her face assumes a sadly expression. " Said another, he was of Turkish ancestry and his skin was darker. His name was Soliman.
" You seem to know a lot about her. " said Johann.
" She is just lovely you see. She is so beautiful that my reputation as a ladies man would surely increase a whole deal if people saw me with her. " replied Soliman.
" Yeah, like you could pull that off !! " Gunther said teasingly.
" You wanna bet ?? " Was Soliman's confident retort.
" How much ?? " asked both of Soliman's friends.
" How about twenty euros. If I win each of you pays me twenty, if I lose I pay twenty to each of you; deal ?? "
" Hold on; what does the bet stands for ?? Dating her, kissing her ?? " asked Johann.
" I tell you man. I've seen plenty of guys trying to approach her, she just looks at them with contempt; seeing this, they turn yellow and run. " stated Gunther.
" Maybe she is testing them; or maybe she just doesn't know how to relate to others. " said Soliman with a smirk.
" What do you mean ? " questioned Gunther.
" Well, look at her. She is so pretty. This probably intimidates everyone who wishes to talk to her. Also, she seems to enjoy math a whole deal, and by what I have seen it isn't junior high math. Therefore she must be pretty smart and this constitutes another barrier. I tell you, she is lonely and insecure; vain perhaps, which is yet another barrier. She is faking the whole attitude to push people away. "
" How do you know that much ?? " inquired both his friends surprised.
" When it comes to women, I'm an expert; you've seen it. So, you still wanna bet or are you chickening out because you accept defeat ? "
" No way !! " both friends answered.
" Then I´ll bet you this. I bet that she accepts to go on a date with me and that I'll kiss her at the end of the date. "
" You are on man. " said Johann and the three friends nodded. They were not aware of a black haired girl spying on them with a disapproving look, her eyes casted angrily on Soliman.
-
A day went by. The next day Asuka had synch tests and was unable to go to the Solar Dome. She was free the following day so she went. Soliman was glad he would finally have the chance to try and talk to her. He made his move while she was catching up with some new theories by the newest mathematicians.
" Hi, " was his first line.
Asuka pretended not to listen and continued reading, hoping that he would go away. She was surprised though. In the past, many guys had tried to talk to her, all of them had chickened out before even saying hi.
Seeing that she wasn't responding he handed out a rose to her. He held the rose between her book and her eyes so that it would be impossible for her to continue ignoring him.
" Some say nature can be understood with mathematics, " he said " I trust that you can tell me how to describe your beauty with numbers. "
Asuka enjoyed the compliment and took the rose in her hands. She realized that he had been working on that line though.
" How many days did it took you to come up with that line ?? " she asked, faking indifference and still not looking up.
"Many days indeed; but if I was able to get your attention then those were days well spent."
Asuka finally looked up and was surprised by Soliman's looks. Because of his Turkish ancestry his skin was darker, however his eyes were green and his features were a mixture of German and Turkish features. His eyebrows were thick and he had long eyelashes. He was tall and seemed strong. He also seemed comfortable talking to her which was an event she had never witnessed before. That is, of a young man confident enough to approach her and to start a conversation with her. She was pleased by his appearance and his manners.
Seeing her reaction Soliman's confidence grew and he sat next to her with a relaxed movement.
" What's your name ? " he asked.
" Asuka; what is it that you want ??? " she questioned suspiciously.
" I just want to get to know you. "
" Why ?? "
" Because I like you and you seem to be an interesting person. "
Asuka loved compliments and as long as they didn't seem spurious she accepted them happily. Because of this she began to relax as Soliman talked his way into her mind. Asuka didn't talked much but rather listened to what Soliman had to say. He had realized that she wasn't one to share experiences or emotions, the most she could share he noticed, were her accomplishments. She told him a couple things, like she was gifted and had graduated from university a year ago. Soliman did not expect her to be that intelligent; however he commented on that, complimenting her even more but keeping the compliments at a level where they wouldn't sound hypocritical. He then told her he had to go, being aware that she wanted to hear more; he knew that he would have a chance as long as she felt curious. Therefore he left soon so that he would leave her longing for more conversation. Soliman was experienced at this kind of thing; even though he was only fifteen, he had always found his way with girls. This would not be the one to get away. Before leaving, he told her that he would meet her the following day in the same spot, and, although Asuka did not reply nor showed any sign that she cared he knew that she liked him.
-
That night Asuka spent thinking. She had never being involved with a boy before. Even if she always acted extroverted and as if she didn't mind others, the truth was that she always paid attention because that's what she wanted, attention. While in the University, she had listened several conversations about boys, but was too young to care and too young to be involved with any of the students who were several years her senior. From what she had picked up in those conversations she had deduced that all boys were perverts and that they were always thinking of ways to get a girl in the sack. She had always thought that for her, the only man there was or there would ever be was Kaji, deep inside however, she knew that Kaji was too old for her and that he only saw her as a little girl.
When she found she had more spare time, because she was now a college graduate, she found herself thinking more and more about boys. She was very curious seeing that she had no male friends her age and that she had never really talked to a boy. Soon she noticed that her body had started to develop and that there were curves were there weren't before, this she enjoyed because whenever she took a walk in the Solar Domes boys would notice her more and her ego would boost.
Asuka was too proud to ever talk to a boy even if she was curious and too vain to show interest even when she was really interested. Because of this, she found the experience of that day very exciting. Not only a young man she considered handsome had approached her, he also seemed confident and smart; though not as smart as she. She just kept thinking about what would happen next and with that thought in mind fell asleep.
-
The next day which was a tuesday, Asuka and Soliman met in the designated spot. Soliman did most of the conversation; Asuka was however more talkative this time. On wednesday Soliman and Asuka took a walk around the Solar Dome and she discussed the basis of her abstract science with him, he tried his best to understand and comment. Asuka was pleased by this. On thursday they went swimming to one of the pools inside the Solar Dome, Asuka seized this opportunity to show off her feminine charms in her swimsuit, Soliman was amazed by her beauty. When Asuka was about to leave, Soliman asked her if she wanted to go catch a movie. Asuka seemed thoughtful but agreed, it was set that on friday night they would attend the enormous theatre that was located just a few blocks from the Solar Dome. They would not see each other until 7 pm that day because Asuka had synch tests in the morning. For Soliman this was an opportunity to tell the newest details of his date with Asuka to his friends Johann and Gunther.
-
" So ?? " asked a curious Johann.
" We're going on a date tomorrow and we'll be making out by the end of the day. "
" We´ll have to see about that, " commented Gunther skeptically.
" And you will see indeed. Here's what we'll do. Asuka and I will be leaving the theatre around nine and since she lives in an apartment with her guardian only ten minutes away from there, you can expect us to arrive at her apartment complex about 9:10 – 9:15 at most. I'll leave her at the door of her building and there we will kiss. I'll give you the adress and you will see for yourselves. "
With that said, the three friends went their separate ways and agreed to see each other after Asuka had entered the apartment complex. At this point the bet would be paid to whomever had lost. That is, Soliman would pay them if he failed to kiss Asuka and they would pay him if he did the deed.
-
Asuka reached her apartment that night with a joyful mood. It had been a while since she was so happy. Kaji was suspicious of all this; being a spy made him more sensitive to this matters, it was one of the traits needed in his profession; to know what another thinks just by looking at him/her.
" Why are you all smiles tonight ?? " he asked, a beer in hand.
" No reason in particular, " was her answer.
" I see. Maybe a guy ? "
" Kaji; are you jealous ?? " she questioned with enthusiasm.
Kaji just smiled; he could smell a guy all the way. After all he was known to be a ladies man. He knew women perfectlly well, their reactions, the way they felt with certain things, the types of women one could encounter, etc. He knew them all to well, except for one of them who used to confuse him all the time. Katsuragi Misato, he wondered if she was doing well. He knew she was well placed in the NERV hierarchy just as her father once was; and yet he felt that her desire to be in NERV was more of a personal vendetta than a professional aim. He just hoped she was ok.
" Are you there Kaji ??? " asked a now angry Asuka.
" Huh !!! Ah, sure Asuka, what is it that you wanted ? "
" You were getting jealous, remember ?? "
" Ah, right. " Kaji grew a sweatdrop.
" I am going to my room Kaji, " she said; dissapointed by his sudden lack of interest.
" Ok, " was Kaji's reply as he continued to think about times past.
-
" Amazing, " commented one scientist when she saw the results of the synch test being performed with the EVA 02 and its pilot. The second.
" How did it go ? " asked Asuka through the comm.
" Your synch rate is at 73 % Asuka, congratulations !! It is your highest synch rate up to now. "
Asuka grinned. This day would be a perfect one.
-
Asuka was heading home in one of NERV's special transports. It would be absurd to send one of the EVA pilots via public transportation in a city like Berlin. Even with all that sense of independence Asuka had, there was at least one member of NERV in charge of her protection at all times. These members were to act quickly if any death treath to the second was in sight. Asuka knew this and although it bothered her a great deal that she had to be followed everywhere, it also made her feel important. She knew that NERV was now aware of the existence of Soliman. There was nothing she could do about it; however she did not feel comfortable at all, knowing that she would probably never have a private life. It had never bothered her that much, but now that she was seeing someone. Wait !! Seeing someone ?? She started thinking; when the hell did she started seeing someone ?? For all she knew she was just doing that boy a favor. However when she thought of him a smile crept up her lips.
-
When Asuka finally got home there was a teenage black haired girl waiting for her at the entrance of her building; or so she deduced because of the way the girl seemed to be looking at her; with a mixture of anger and sadness.
" You are going out with Soliman tonight right ?? " the black haired girl asked confidently.
" Who wants to know ?? " Asuka questioned in response.
" I am his ex girlfriend Ana. I want to tell you something. "
" Why should I listen ?? "
" They are making fun of you. "
This Asuka did not expect. She did not believe such claims immediately, however she was willing to listen, for Sohryu Asuka Langley was not someone to laugh at.
" Talk. "
" Soliman doesn't care about girls or their feelings. He has dated most of the girls in my junior high and usually dumps them after two weeks or so. He is always making bets with his friends and cheating on his girlfriends. "
" Why the hell did you date him, in the first place ??? " a mad Asuka asked.
" I thought that I could change him, but he dumped me all the same and I cared so much for him," the girl seemed in the verge of tears. " He made a wager with his friends Johann and Gunther that you two would be kissing by the end of the day. "
" Is that so ?? "
" Yes I swear. "
" I'll have to see for myself. But now I know, " said Asuka more to herself than to Ana and stepped inside of the apartment complex.
-
Soliman arrived at Asuka's building at 6:30; Asuka was already waiting for him. He greeted her with enthusiasm but she seemed to be bothered by something. He asked her if something was wrong but she denied it so they began to walk towards the theatre. The movie lasted from seven to nine, it was an old thriller. Soliman tried to hold Asuka's hand two times and both times he ended empy handed. When they were leaving the theatre he tried to comment on the movie, however Asuka didn't seem interested and this worried Soliman, who didn't want to lose the bet and the girl.
" What's wrong ?? " he asked, stopping on the way for a second.
" Nothing. "
" You are acting weird, " he stated matter of factly.
Asuka kept walking and Soliman had no choice but to follow her.
" Am I ?? What makes you think you know me ? "
" Well, I know you have never acted like this before. "
Asuka decided it was time to find out if Ana's claim was true.
" I don't know, " she said " what if you only want to fool around ? "
" Would I go trough all the trouble of introducing myself, talking to you, asking you out, if I only wanted to fool around ?? There are plenty of girls that are easy to fool around with; believe me Asuka I am not interested in such things I want to be serious with you. "
" Really ?? " she asked with fake enthusiasm.
" Really. "
By that time they had gotten to the door of the apartment complex. Johann and Gunther were hidden behind a tree, watching the events unfold. Asuka who was being attentive to everything around her was able to notice them, but since she wasn't sure they were the alleged friends she decided to wait before launching an attack.
" Well, then I'll see you on monday at the park, " she said and acted as if she was about to enter the building.
" Asuka, " Soliman called out, feeling the eyes of his friends upon him.
" Yes ? "
" Do you want me to prove that I care for you ? "
" And how would you do that ? "
He approached her and tilted his head towards hers. Asuka stepped back before they made contact.
" What are you doing ?? " she asked angrily.
" I'll prove you with a kiss that I care for you. "
" What if I don't want to ?? "
" Don't you want to know ? " asked a very worried Soliman.
" That's it. " This said Asuka took hold of Soliman's hand and led him to were his friends were hiding. When the three of them realized they had been caught, their faces turned white and seeing the guilt painted in their faces Asuka proceeded to grab Johann's hair and pull it so strongly that young Johann started crying.
" What do you want ? " he screamed.
" What are you doing here ?? Say it !!! " Asuka demanded.
" We were waiting to see if you kissed Soliman or not, to see if we won a bet. "
" What bet ??? " she questioned furiously. Soliman and Gunther were both so scared that they just watched the scene with horror.
" Soliman made a wager; he said you would be kissing him by the end of the day, we said you wouldn't !!! " cried Johann.
" Pay them !! " Asuka demanded to Soliman.
Soliman gave both his friends the agreed money as Asuka released Johann. Then she turned to Soliman and slapped him with all her strenght. Poor Soliman ended up on the floor.
" Get the hell away from here !!! All of you; and you, " she said signaling Soliman " you are worth nothing, get lost you piece of sh*t !! "
The three of them ran with all their might. Asuka proceeded to enter the building. When she opened the door she saw the lights were off and as she turned them on, she saw a note left behind by Kaji.
It read: " Gone on assignment, be back tomorrow. Dinner in the fridge. Take care. "
Asuka was glad Kaji wasn't home, she felt sad and angry and she hated to be seen like that. She headed to her room and after punching the pillow for some minutes, she calmed down and stared at the ceiling.
" All men are perverts and idiots !! I'll never trust them again, I swear… I don't need anyone. "
And with this said, she fell asleep.
-
Around those days, in Japan …
* " Social Perceptions / Entitities That Perceive Other Entities " *
Across from where Gendo Ikari stood, was the EVA 01, the test type, the most important piece in Ikari's plans for mankind. Both entities stared at each other silently as if ashamed of their sins and uncertain of the future. There were no possibilities for Ikari however, the agenda was to be followed with utmost precision, there was no other way. Ikari knew of three paths the events could follow, the first one and most dangerous was the path of the Angels. If the Angels were to touch Adam, Third Impact would ensue and the consequence for humanity would be inexistence. If the Angels succeeded in merging with their progenitor, Adam, they would evolve to a higher existence while humans disappeared. The second path was SEELES's path, " the Human Complementation ". To produce a human Third Impact so that humanity would evolve to a higher existence by merging with Lilith. The third path was Ikari's path. By completing the steps in the Sephirotic System, Ikari would merge with Rei, carrying Adam in his embrionic state, and by merging the two supreme entities together, Adam and Lilith; who had been apart for 65 million years, Ikari would become a God. By possessing the power of a deity, Ikari intended to fulfill Yui's plans. To create a world where individuality could be preserved but at the same time the understanding amongst human beings could exist.
His main aim however, was to be with Yui, the only being who could understand him, and who had made him human; even if for a brief time, with her love. If the agenda was followed with precision, this wish would become reality.
His plans were difficult to achieve, he had to complete a series of difficult steps so that the goal could be reached. He had to get rid of the Lance of Longinus, the weapon that had the power to neutralize the AT fields of mankind as well as the Angels. If Third Impact was produced by the Lance of Longinus then the AT fields of humanity would disappear and their bodies and souls would merge with Lilith. This was what SEELE wanted. For them, the Lance of Longinus was a key piece; for Gendo, it was just another thing he had to get rid off. The committee had never trusted Ikari but they needed him for the mean time and could not do anything to remove him of his position as Commander in Chief of NERV. While this lasted, Ikari had the upper hand and he intended to use it wisely.
Gendo and Yui's agenda had been different from that of SEELE since the start; it was this fact, that made Professor Fuyutsuki who once intended to make the truth of all public, join them and their organization GERHIM; even if he stayed for other reasons. Gendo Ikari pondereded all of this and it all seemed spurious and void, it felt wrong. As if neither his path nor SEELE's, nor the Angels were correct. What where they all doing ? Why did Adam and Lilith split in the first place ? Why was Earth the battleground of such forces of metaphysical nature ? What was the deepest meaning of it all ? He could do nothing though, he needed Yui to know what to do; if it were not for her he would probably be fighting and gambling in places of vice and sensous depravation.
There was a fourth path however, one he had developed aside from his own, one that was in progress as he thought of it. This path, he hoped, if erroneous would at least bring new answers and if correct, it would be the solution to all of the despair and senseless struggle.
" Rei is ready sir, " stated Ritsuko who had been contemplating Ikari in silence as if trying to understand how his mind worked.
" Fine. " Was his reply as they began to walk towards the elevator.
-
Ayanami Rei knew of no other life than that inside the Geofront and knew of no other way of life than that of obeying orders and submitting her body to experiments. She also did not knew many emotions. She knew despair, she remebered it well, as she remembered the words " You too can be replaced ". And although all these memories seemed distant and blurry, they were haunting and terrible. Because of this, Rei felt unable to bond with human beings. What was the purpose of it all if she could be replaced ? If she was not unique ?? Not that she knew many people though; her acquaintances were few and she felt nothing for any of them. She felt something for Commander Ikari, an emotion she could not describe but that biologically speaking, brought comfort to her organism.
She knew facts about the world, when she was younger her time was spent in reading, mostly books on nature. It was nature that attracted her the most because she knew it the least. However, even knowing all these facts, she had been told by the Commander that she needn't know more and she believed him. So her curiosity for the natural world died in a way, because she never fed it once again. Helding to this utterance of the commander " that she needn't know more " she made no effort to know more. Her growth in that aspect came to an end. She still felt this sensation of biological comfort whenever she stared at nature on the occasions she was allowed to spend time in the external world. Like the first day. However these sensations seemed to be of no use to the Commander's agenda, and because of that, Rei did not give them the importance they deserved and neglected them. Boredom was not relevant either, whenever she felt bored she dismissed it as irrelevant and remained silent and apathetic unless ordered otherwise.
Rei did not knew what the purpose of it all was, she had faith in the Commander's project though, and that is why she accepted all of it; what else could she do ? She often thought of things, and pondered many topics, but she could not share because there was no one to share with, and if she had someone to share with, she wondered if she would. It all seemed irrelevant, for she parted from the premise that her existence was irrelevant since she could be replaced. This was her reasoning, a reasoning that enhanced her isolation of the external world.
Rei was curious that day though, because from that day on she would be doing things she had not done before. She had been told that a place had been arranged to function as her living quarters. She had also been told that she would be attending school; with people her age, she had never seen a human being her age.
This was what she was thinking when she saw the Commander and Ritsuko emerging from a door nearby.
" Are you ready Rei ? " asked the Commander with an emotionless tone.
" Yes, " was Rei's also emotionless answer.
Ritsuko was thinking that the two less emotional people she knew were behaving even more cold that day. This she observed with suspicion. It was as if there was no will to live in either of them. They were both machines and she realized sadly that she was becoming one herself.
" Then let us go, " said the Commander.
The three of them stepped inside a dark vehicle and the vehicle took off.
-
The Commander nodded approvingly as he inspected the place. The room were Rei was to live resembled greatly her past living facilities. Rei felt she needed no more than a bed, a bathroom, a kitchen and a few shelves to put her clothing and that was what she was given. The uniforms for the school as well as Rei's undergarments were already there. The moving was complete and Rei was to live there from that day onwards. The Commander and Rei were both extremely silent during this inspection; Ritsuko only asked Rei if she needed anything else and Rei replied with a negative. As Gendo and Ritsuko headed for the door to leave, Gendo spoke.
" This is were you will live from now on. There is no need for your kitchen to be complex since we will provide you with food which you will only have to heat. The water, the thermostat as well as the telephone are functional. The telephone only connects to NERV installations since there will be no need for you to call anyone else. The adress of the school you will be attending has been given to you; if you need to perform tests you will not attend and instead head directly to the Geofront, we will let you know with time when your presence in NERV is required. All of this will provide a fachade for your true purpose, and it will let you get accustomed to people your age since when the time comes you will be piloting with partners your age. You will have to learn to work in teams. This is what is asked of you. Do you understand ? "
" Yes. "
Then the Commander smiled a little and said:
" Take care Rei, report tomorrow at headquarters. "
" Yes. "
With this Ritsuko and Commander Ikari exited the apartment and left Rei to her thoughts.
-
In the way to NERV the Commander seemed even more distraught; Ritsuko felt the need to ask him something.
" Sir, don't you think the location you chose for Rei to live in, is in a dangerous area ? "
" I believed of you to be more observant Doctor. Rei's apartment is the only one occupied in that building. That building was to be an office complex whose construction was abandoned, I purchased the whole building for the sole purpose of placing Rei in it some day. You see, the area around the complex has no land value and the construction sites around it make it even less appealing. Nobody even cares or notices the building. Since Tokyo 3 has a low population and this population consists mostly of NERV employees which belong to the middle class, there is no crime index or homeless people. Thus I am not worried that a homeless individual would try to sleep in that building. For any other sort of criminal there is NERV security; or do you really think Dr. that I would leave the building unwatched ? She is being watched all 24 hours. She will be fine. "
" I see. "
The rest of the road, both Ritsuko and Ikari remained silent. Each of them had a lot to think about.
-
With the dawn of the new day came also a new routine. Rei woke up at 6:00 am sharp and proceeded to change her clothings, she then washed her face and left the apartment. She had already memorized the map so that the time of her route would be shortened.
And thus she arrived early, earlier than most of the students it seemed. Rei knew what the theory of scholar systems was all about. The young were gathered and taught in rooms by a sensei, the sensei used a board as a student uses a sheet, by writing in the board words or numbers the sensei taught the students: science, history and language. This was what Rei knew; she also knew that as the student progressed in years as well as in school, the senseis became more specialized and finally the students themselves chose a field were they would like to be experts in and went to Universities in order to learn that particular part of knowledge thoroughly. She knew all of this but did not knew how it all went in the practical sense.
Rei knew what classroom she was to look for and with the determination of one who is on a mission, she walked across the school to reach her destination, paying little or no attention to the teens that had already arrived. Since no one had gotten to the classroom yet but her, she had to make a decision which was something she was not accustomed to; for it had always been irrelevant. She had to decide where to sit, and even when she could have picked the seat nearest to the door, she chose not to and went to a seat near the window, were sunlight was more abundant and one was able to see the entire gardened area.
She sat there quietly and waited while gazing through the window. Soon she began to hear the noises of the arriving students. All of them nervous for being this their first year of junior high. Rei's curiosity got the best of her and unusual to her nature she turned around to see her classmates. Two odd looking boys by the door caught her attention. It seemed as if they, just like her, knew no one, and although one of them seemed strong he also seemed to be scared. The other was recording the events in his video cam. He seemed very curious about everything. Both of them finally sat down, apart from each other.
Rei also noticed that some boys were staring at her. But dismissed this as an irrelevant event. The sensei arrived, he appeared to be a fragile and serious old man; after introducing himself he began to talk about the Second Impact. He also told them that since there was a shortage of teachers in the school he would probably be their professor for all three years of junior high. The entire classroom sighed. Only one brownhaired girl appeared very enthusiastic during the whole class, she wrote down everything the professor said and occasionally asked questions. Her name was Hikari Horaki.
During the class, the girls next to Rei tried to talk to her. At first she nodded or denied when someone asked her something, however when she was asked to comment on something or give her opinion, she said that she had not been ordered to talk. This freaked out some people who stopped trying to talk to her. When the bell rang and the students left the classroom, some boys approached Rei and also tried to start a conversation. Rei told them the same and left the classroom with indifference. She knew that when the bell rang, it could only mean two things, one was that the school day was over and the other was that it was time for lunch brake. She hadn't brought a lunch so she only headed out towards the gardened area and sat to wait for the bell to ring again. Her attitude disencouraged anyone who had in mind talking to her.
From that spot she witnessed an event she thought interesting. The boy with the video cam had accidentally bumped into another boy while filming the school. The other boy was not happy because his lunch now lied on the ground.
" Hey four eyes, what's your problem ??? " he said pushing the boy with the glasses.
" My name is Kensuke, and I am sorry but I didn't do that on purpose so leave me alone. "
" I'm afraid that won't be happening, " said the other with a menacing look. " If you give me that cam of yours I might forgive you though. "
" My cam, no way !!! "
" That's it then. " And with this said, the boy pushed Kensuke who helplessly fell on the ground. Then this other boy kicked his camera and Kensuke covered his face so that the other kid would not punch him there.
" Stop that !!! " said another boy; this one was the other boy that had caught the attention of Rei at the beginning of the day. The one that seemed strong but scared. Or maybe not scared but timid.
" Why should I ?? " said the mean one.
" Cause if you don't I'll kick your ass. "
" We'll have to see about that. "
And with this both boys got into a little fight that lasted no more than two minutes. The one who had been mean with Kensuke now walked away with a bloody lip. Then the boy in the sports outfit helped Kensuke up and handed him the camera.
" Thanks man, I would have shred him to pieces if you hadn't showed up, you really saved his life, " joked Kensuke.
" Sure thing buddy, what's your name ? "
" Kensuke Aida. " This he said with a martial tone.
" I am Touji, Touji Suzuhara. "
And Rei witnessed how both boys shaked their hands and smiled. It was all very confusing to her though she tried to understand by making analogous comparissons with what she had read in her biology books regarding the behavior of primates. Rei also noticed the girl called Hikari Horaki watching the scene with a smile. It seemed that she had also witnessed everything.
For Rei this had been the most curious scene of the day. And when the bell rang at the end of the class she went to her new home with lots of new thoughts to ponder about. Even if she thought it was all irrelevant and even if she had no one to share these thoughts with, even so, she just couldn't stop thinking about certain things.
-
Around those days in Tokyo 2 …
* " The Vow To Reason / The Self Perceives The World " *
A characteristic of skepticism is holding judgement. That is, a skeptic is not one who denies a belief but rather one who neither accepts it nor denies it, in expectation that further proof will determine the truth or falsehood of such belief. Skepticism presents itself in a variety of occassions, when one is about to effect a purchase, if the price of the object seems too high, one assumes a skeptical posture, neither accepting the price nor denying it, but rather asking the merchant why such object has such a price. However, even if we apply skepticism to such instances as purchases or aspects of life were our emotions are not involved, we abstain to apply it to our most sacred beliefs. We do not wish to doubt the beliefs we hold dear to us since that would imply emotional pain, we do not submitt such beliefs to rational scrutiny because we are afraid that reason may reveal us they are not true, or that they cannot be proved. However, when one has come in contact with the books, his life and thoughts are bound to change and his journey of painful doubt begins. Ikari Shinji knew of this, because he doubted, he doubted everything he once believed certain.
Shinji's caming in contact with wisdom made him even more introverted, for he felt people would understand him even less. Shinji had found joy in his lectures, he had found a passion in thinking and in exploring the world of the ideas through the books of authors long gone. He knew the exalted feelings that wisdom and knowledge could bring about, he believed the search for the truth and the hunger for knowledge were the maxims of mankind. Yet, he had started to doubt even this.
In the past year since his readings of Seneca, he had read a wide variety of philosophers and literates. And he had devoured all of this seeing he had no friends nor any other interest to divert him from his search of knowledge. However he was the loneliest he had ever been, his appetite for wisdom had isolated him even more from anyone who had the potential to become his friend; he no longer listened to the babbling of his professor and sometimes he would even be rude and he would run away from everything to find comfort in the fiction of his novels or the ideas of the philosophers.
Shinji's reality had never been enough for him. He had never wanted it nor asked for it. He had hated his life and his persona for as long as he could remember. He had hated his father for so long and with such intensity that it felt as if all his emotions had been drained from him in this single act of hatred and because of this, he had for many years, the feeling that he would not be able to bond with other human beings. He no longer believed this though; but he could not deny it either because he had never tried to bond with anyone, acting on the premise that he couldn't or that he was going to be left behind. Shinji had realized through his philosophy that his theoretical beliefs had no evidence to support them. They were logically faulty too. He was now aware of all this; his consciousness had been evolving as his thoughts had become more complex, now he could see things with a different perspective, one which was aided by reason though not by experience.
He felt the need to know if his conclusions from years ago were correct or erroneous. Since, even if his premises were wrong, he knew that a truthful conclusion could be derived from false premises and because of this he longed to know the more; if he was fit to be a member of society or if he wasn't. For this, he had to experience social contact, something he feared with all his heart. He had been avoiding it for so long that he could hardly remember a conversation with any kid his age. However his curiosity was stronger than his fears, or so he wished it to be, and with this idea in mind he tried out some thought experiments. That is, he imagined how would a conversation with other youngsters would go, imagining their reactions and his reactions, as well as the environment and the dialogue. Fortunately for Shinji, his contact with novels and short stories had made him more adept to know what social relations and people's emotions were all about, at least theoretically. At least he knew the theory and this he felt was a first step.
This was only one of the dilemmas Shinji faced. Although he had never been a religious person, he had always thought there was a God or supreme being who had created things as well as living beings. He had even talked to this being, he had done it a few times when he had been very scared or very sad, and even if he had received no answer he had felt better as if such being had heard his words. However, he could not understand how a feeling could be evidence of the existence of such being, and so he searched for answers in the philosophers.
Descartes was a firm believer in the existence of God; however, Shinji felt that Descartes reasoning was flawed from the start. In his meditations Descartes held from the beginning that God existed and that such existence was proved by the sacred scriptures that were the words of God himself. Descartes philosophy was set from the start to prove the existence of God to infidels and non-believers by reason. Shinji was not able to find comfort in his arguments though; he felt that for
every trouble Descartes couldn't solve he recurred to God and this he did not approve.
Shinji then read William James, whose pragmatic conception held, that if a belief worked positively in the state of mind of an individual such belief should be kept; seemed wrong to Shinji who recalled reading of a similar theory by Plato and also disagreeing with it. Shinji valued truth above all else and was not willing to accept something just because it felt good, he had been doing that all his life; accepting things to avoid problems and accepting beliefs out of fear of finding out if they were true or not.
He was at a loss in this field too, the field of truth. Was there an absolute truth ? Was truth relative to the individual ? Was truth a reality ? Was reality real ? Shinji found so many dilemmas in these questions that he felt many times like running away and abandoning philosophy, his only true passion. He felt he was not capable of answering all those questions at that time, he felt he needed more experience as well as more wisdom to determine whether all knowledge was void and delusive or whether there was a truth behind it all, a meaning and a purpose. To know if the world was chaos or cosmos, or a mixture of both. He wanted to know but he suffered because of it.
The first thing he needed in order to pursue his path to wisdom, was to live. He had never lived. In the past he had always acted like a machine, he had felt as if he had no purpose, he had felt no passion from within nor any curiosity. He had held the idea that he was loved by no one and that no one cared. He still felt no one cared; he was beginning to care though, he cared to know and as long as he cared about this he cared also for himself. This was his first step in gaining a self esteem, but he still had to go a long way.
Because of this he made a decision. One he thought he would never be able to do. He decided he would go to the place of his mother's grave. He suspected that his mother wasn't really there, however he felt the need to go so that he could drain strenght from her. Strenght that he needed to pursue the path of wisdom.
He told his tutor of his designs and he in turn, gave Shinji enough money for a round trip and for food; wishing him good luck. Yui's grave was near Tokyo 3, the city where his father worked. Shinji had not heard anything from him for two years. They used to meet precisely at that spot, in the anniversary of Yui's death. However, two years ago, Shinji had ran away from him and from that point they had neither talked nor seen each other.
-
A few days before that, Gendo Ikari had told Kozou Fuyutsuki that he could take the week off. Seeing that Fuyutsuki never ceased to work Gendo considered that giving him a week off couldn't hurt. After all Gendo's schedule that week wasn't very tight. He would even have time to see that Rei got installed in her new apartment and that she attended school for the first time the next day. Gendo Ikari also knew that the time of the Final Judgment was approaching, and no one would be able to take days off when those times fell upon mankind.
Fuyutsuki, who didn't know what to do with all that spare time, figured that visiting Yui´s grave would be a good idea. He knew the grave was empty, there was however this feeling of peace and goodness that he experienced whenever he went to the cementery. He knew that Ikari felt the same thing, which was the reason of him visiting the cementery every year on the anniversary of Yui's death.
However as he approached Yui´s grave he noticed there was someone next to it. It was a young boy with black hair. He did not know who this boy was, he was prepared to yell at him if he turned out to be just a curious bystander. Fuyutsuki had a deep respect for the physically dead and did not wish to see Yui's tomb insulted by the curiousity of strange adolescents.
" What are you doing here boy ?? " he asked with a serious tone.
Shinji turned around and observed Fuyutsuki with passive curiosity. Then he said calmly.
" I'm sorry, is it forbidden to be here ?? "
Fuyutsuki was shocked when he saw the young boy's face. So much like Ikari´s with a hint of Yui in it. " He can't possibly be … " he thought.
" It's not forbidden, but only relatives and friends of the deceased are supposed to visit. Tell me boy are you a relative of Mrs. Ikari ?? "
" I am her son Ikari Shinji, and who might you be ?? " Shinji questioned out of curiosity.
Fuyutsuki was truly surprised. From what he knew Shinji had run away from his father in that same spot two years ago. He was supposed to be a boy with all the emotional weight that comes from being neglected. This was not expected. He didn't know what to answer.
" I was her professor in College, she was a brilliant student. "
Shinji's curiosity grew with this. He didn't knew that much about her mother. He found the concept of her being a brilliant student interesting, he felt this was a tie to her since he also thought of himself as a possibly intelligent boy. He used to think he had no special qualities and that he was worth nothing, however ever since he began reading the philosophers, understanding them succesfully he began to think differently though he still doubted.
" Really, what did she study ??? "
" She was a biology major with a masters in biochemistry. She was a gifted student and finished her studies at a very young age. "
" I don't remember her, she passed away when I was four. " Shinji said, his features turned somber.
" You come here often ?? "
" No, I hadn't come here in a long time. "
Shinji felt weird telling all of this to a stranger. He was not used to talk to people and much less to talk that much. However a few minutes before the arrival of Fuyutsuki, Shinji had made a vow before his mother's grave and with this in mind he was able to relax.
Both males fell silent then. Both thinking of Yui. The student of one and the mother of the other. The center of all the EVA project, long gone materially and yet forever present spiritually.
" I must leave, my train departs in 45 minutes. It was nice meeting you sir. " Shinji said politely.
Fuyutsuki nodded and smiled as Shinji walked away. Then he noticed a piece of paper right next to Yui´s grave. Curiosity got the best of him, but he did not took the paper for considering it a disrespectful attitude, rather, he leaned down just enough to read what was written on the paper. It read:
" Mother:
Sometimes I've felt as if life was worth nothing. As if living was just a state things assume without purpose. Sometimes I've felt like dying, like running away of everything because it's all so confusing. Mother, I can't remember you and that's the truth. But I can remember your warmth, and the happiness I knew when I was with you, and that has kept me alive, that has kept me in this world.
I've always been a coward, but I now know what fear is. There are the fears that are irrational and those that are rational, the irrational fears have no basis and yet they prevent us from acting or thinking straight, these are the most dangerous, for inaction can only lead to inexistence. Because of this I've determined to act and think with the aid of reason whenever any irrational fear invades my mind, like the fear of talking to others, the fear of people, the fear of being left behind, the fear of reality. I know it will not be easy, and I am just setting my mind to it but my actions most surely will catch up slowly with my thoughts.
My intention is that what I think eventually becomes equivalent with what I do and for that I need strenght. I cannot drain this strenght from God for I have not yet accepted neither his existence nor his inexistence, I declare myself agnostic as to this. Maybe I need to see an angel to change my mind regarding this, I do not know. What I know is that which I recall from experience, like the warmth you gave me, like the happiness I had with you. This is why I come to you for strenght.
In front of you is that I swear this. I vow that I will think for myself and use reason as a means to find truth if it exists, I vow that I will not be held back by irrational fears, I vow that I will struggle to find my purpose and my happiness if such a thing exists. I know I am alone in this; however I feel that you are by my side and with that, I may be able to succeed in my search for true wisdom.
Ikari Shinji, 2014 A.d. "
" I wonder what will Ikari think of this." Fuyutsuki said with a smile as he realized that new hope sometimes comes from unexpected places.
To be continued …
-
Author's notes: Again thanks to all people who read and reviewed my first two chapters. I hope you enjoyed this one. Any criticism is appreciated as well as nice comments, if you have any. I am afraid I have no spell checker in my computer and I have no ways to see if my grammar is correct so if anyone has any advice on that I'll appreciate it, but please be specific because otherwise I can´t solve the problem. Thanks again to comrade wolf_soul for his help in the editing process of my first two chapters. His witty remarks were also very helpful. Next chapter will most probably develop in the NGE timeline, enough of exploring their pasts.
I want to point out a fact regarding the name of the turkish guy who pursues Asuka in part one of this chapter. Soliman the Great, third in the family of the Osman, was a monarch of the Ottoman Empire, that is Turkey. He waged war with Austria and defeated them on several occasions. His purpose was not constructive though, his only objective was pillage and rampant destruction. Soliman laid siege to Vienna the capital of Austria but he was finally defeated. I chose the name because of the historical background of Soliman. Since Austria is to the south of Germany and both nations histories have always been connected; if you imagine Asuka the German girl as Austria in this scenario you will notice the similarities. Soliman approaches Asuka, defeats her several times, lays siege on her apartment, but at the end he is defetead. As the historical Soliman there was also no constructive purpose in his attempts.
My theories on third impact may or may not be right. Most facts are true though, my sources are the EVA tv series, the EVA movies and the Red Cross Book. For example, Lilith and Adam indeed were a single being 65 million years ago but then split and each of them gave birth to either humans or angels. Gendo does say he needs to get rid of the Spear of Longinus in chapter 22. So I developed my theories on that and other facts. Thanks for reading.
-- The Will To Think --
** CHAPTER II: The Mind Perceives The World **
One year before the events in NGE …
* " I Enjoy Being Perceived / The World Perceives The Self " *
The effects that the Second Impact had in the global environment are well known. While in Japan summers would last the whole year, in countries such as Germany, winters would be longer and harsher. While in the beginning the global effects were disastrous to nearly every aspect of life on Earth as well as the infrastructure of the nations and their industries, they were gradually overcome by the use of science and world wide cooperation headed by the UN. It was not an easy solution since long winters as well as prolongued summers had the effect of ruining agriculture and gradually transforming the regions that suffered from such climates into deserts or tundras. However by the use of terraforming technology as well as hydrophonic farms, developed countries were able to regain their past splendour. Developing countries on the other side were never able to recover from these effects, and their economies, completely indebted with the IMF, crashed, resulting in regional economic chaos for those countries. The economy world wide was also affected, however the measures of the EU, the USA as well as Japan, China and the asiatic NIE's prevented world wide economy from collapsing.
All of this struggling for survival tired the spirits of regular men and mankind as a whole suffered from mild depression. In Germany, because of the long winters, this depression was magnyfied and the rate of suicides rose during the second decade of the century. The government took measures to prevent further emotional collapse of the citizenry, one of this measures involved the construction of gigantic places of recreation known as Solar Domes. These structures were completely indoors, and the climate was regulated through technology giving the impression that the ceiling was a blue sky in a sunny day. Sorhyu Asuka Langley bought a beautiful sun dress for the sole purpose of wearing it in the Solar Domes were she spent most of her spare time, walking around and stealing glances from hormonal teenagers everywhere she went.
" Did you see that Gunther ? " asked one blonde youngster to another regarding a read headed beauty that passed them by.
" Yeah Johann, she is hot man. " was his reply.
" She is always here. Sometimes she brings books on math and just reads them. Other times she walks around, giggles and appears lively. On occasions when she thinks no one is around, her mood seems somber and her face assumes a sadly expression. " Said another, he was of Turkish ancestry and his skin was darker. His name was Soliman.
" You seem to know a lot about her. " said Johann.
" She is just lovely you see. She is so beautiful that my reputation as a ladies man would surely increase a whole deal if people saw me with her. " replied Soliman.
" Yeah, like you could pull that off !! " Gunther said teasingly.
" You wanna bet ?? " Was Soliman's confident retort.
" How much ?? " asked both of Soliman's friends.
" How about twenty euros. If I win each of you pays me twenty, if I lose I pay twenty to each of you; deal ?? "
" Hold on; what does the bet stands for ?? Dating her, kissing her ?? " asked Johann.
" I tell you man. I've seen plenty of guys trying to approach her, she just looks at them with contempt; seeing this, they turn yellow and run. " stated Gunther.
" Maybe she is testing them; or maybe she just doesn't know how to relate to others. " said Soliman with a smirk.
" What do you mean ? " questioned Gunther.
" Well, look at her. She is so pretty. This probably intimidates everyone who wishes to talk to her. Also, she seems to enjoy math a whole deal, and by what I have seen it isn't junior high math. Therefore she must be pretty smart and this constitutes another barrier. I tell you, she is lonely and insecure; vain perhaps, which is yet another barrier. She is faking the whole attitude to push people away. "
" How do you know that much ?? " inquired both his friends surprised.
" When it comes to women, I'm an expert; you've seen it. So, you still wanna bet or are you chickening out because you accept defeat ? "
" No way !! " both friends answered.
" Then I´ll bet you this. I bet that she accepts to go on a date with me and that I'll kiss her at the end of the date. "
" You are on man. " said Johann and the three friends nodded. They were not aware of a black haired girl spying on them with a disapproving look, her eyes casted angrily on Soliman.
-
A day went by. The next day Asuka had synch tests and was unable to go to the Solar Dome. She was free the following day so she went. Soliman was glad he would finally have the chance to try and talk to her. He made his move while she was catching up with some new theories by the newest mathematicians.
" Hi, " was his first line.
Asuka pretended not to listen and continued reading, hoping that he would go away. She was surprised though. In the past, many guys had tried to talk to her, all of them had chickened out before even saying hi.
Seeing that she wasn't responding he handed out a rose to her. He held the rose between her book and her eyes so that it would be impossible for her to continue ignoring him.
" Some say nature can be understood with mathematics, " he said " I trust that you can tell me how to describe your beauty with numbers. "
Asuka enjoyed the compliment and took the rose in her hands. She realized that he had been working on that line though.
" How many days did it took you to come up with that line ?? " she asked, faking indifference and still not looking up.
"Many days indeed; but if I was able to get your attention then those were days well spent."
Asuka finally looked up and was surprised by Soliman's looks. Because of his Turkish ancestry his skin was darker, however his eyes were green and his features were a mixture of German and Turkish features. His eyebrows were thick and he had long eyelashes. He was tall and seemed strong. He also seemed comfortable talking to her which was an event she had never witnessed before. That is, of a young man confident enough to approach her and to start a conversation with her. She was pleased by his appearance and his manners.
Seeing her reaction Soliman's confidence grew and he sat next to her with a relaxed movement.
" What's your name ? " he asked.
" Asuka; what is it that you want ??? " she questioned suspiciously.
" I just want to get to know you. "
" Why ?? "
" Because I like you and you seem to be an interesting person. "
Asuka loved compliments and as long as they didn't seem spurious she accepted them happily. Because of this she began to relax as Soliman talked his way into her mind. Asuka didn't talked much but rather listened to what Soliman had to say. He had realized that she wasn't one to share experiences or emotions, the most she could share he noticed, were her accomplishments. She told him a couple things, like she was gifted and had graduated from university a year ago. Soliman did not expect her to be that intelligent; however he commented on that, complimenting her even more but keeping the compliments at a level where they wouldn't sound hypocritical. He then told her he had to go, being aware that she wanted to hear more; he knew that he would have a chance as long as she felt curious. Therefore he left soon so that he would leave her longing for more conversation. Soliman was experienced at this kind of thing; even though he was only fifteen, he had always found his way with girls. This would not be the one to get away. Before leaving, he told her that he would meet her the following day in the same spot, and, although Asuka did not reply nor showed any sign that she cared he knew that she liked him.
-
That night Asuka spent thinking. She had never being involved with a boy before. Even if she always acted extroverted and as if she didn't mind others, the truth was that she always paid attention because that's what she wanted, attention. While in the University, she had listened several conversations about boys, but was too young to care and too young to be involved with any of the students who were several years her senior. From what she had picked up in those conversations she had deduced that all boys were perverts and that they were always thinking of ways to get a girl in the sack. She had always thought that for her, the only man there was or there would ever be was Kaji, deep inside however, she knew that Kaji was too old for her and that he only saw her as a little girl.
When she found she had more spare time, because she was now a college graduate, she found herself thinking more and more about boys. She was very curious seeing that she had no male friends her age and that she had never really talked to a boy. Soon she noticed that her body had started to develop and that there were curves were there weren't before, this she enjoyed because whenever she took a walk in the Solar Domes boys would notice her more and her ego would boost.
Asuka was too proud to ever talk to a boy even if she was curious and too vain to show interest even when she was really interested. Because of this, she found the experience of that day very exciting. Not only a young man she considered handsome had approached her, he also seemed confident and smart; though not as smart as she. She just kept thinking about what would happen next and with that thought in mind fell asleep.
-
The next day which was a tuesday, Asuka and Soliman met in the designated spot. Soliman did most of the conversation; Asuka was however more talkative this time. On wednesday Soliman and Asuka took a walk around the Solar Dome and she discussed the basis of her abstract science with him, he tried his best to understand and comment. Asuka was pleased by this. On thursday they went swimming to one of the pools inside the Solar Dome, Asuka seized this opportunity to show off her feminine charms in her swimsuit, Soliman was amazed by her beauty. When Asuka was about to leave, Soliman asked her if she wanted to go catch a movie. Asuka seemed thoughtful but agreed, it was set that on friday night they would attend the enormous theatre that was located just a few blocks from the Solar Dome. They would not see each other until 7 pm that day because Asuka had synch tests in the morning. For Soliman this was an opportunity to tell the newest details of his date with Asuka to his friends Johann and Gunther.
-
" So ?? " asked a curious Johann.
" We're going on a date tomorrow and we'll be making out by the end of the day. "
" We´ll have to see about that, " commented Gunther skeptically.
" And you will see indeed. Here's what we'll do. Asuka and I will be leaving the theatre around nine and since she lives in an apartment with her guardian only ten minutes away from there, you can expect us to arrive at her apartment complex about 9:10 – 9:15 at most. I'll leave her at the door of her building and there we will kiss. I'll give you the adress and you will see for yourselves. "
With that said, the three friends went their separate ways and agreed to see each other after Asuka had entered the apartment complex. At this point the bet would be paid to whomever had lost. That is, Soliman would pay them if he failed to kiss Asuka and they would pay him if he did the deed.
-
Asuka reached her apartment that night with a joyful mood. It had been a while since she was so happy. Kaji was suspicious of all this; being a spy made him more sensitive to this matters, it was one of the traits needed in his profession; to know what another thinks just by looking at him/her.
" Why are you all smiles tonight ?? " he asked, a beer in hand.
" No reason in particular, " was her answer.
" I see. Maybe a guy ? "
" Kaji; are you jealous ?? " she questioned with enthusiasm.
Kaji just smiled; he could smell a guy all the way. After all he was known to be a ladies man. He knew women perfectlly well, their reactions, the way they felt with certain things, the types of women one could encounter, etc. He knew them all to well, except for one of them who used to confuse him all the time. Katsuragi Misato, he wondered if she was doing well. He knew she was well placed in the NERV hierarchy just as her father once was; and yet he felt that her desire to be in NERV was more of a personal vendetta than a professional aim. He just hoped she was ok.
" Are you there Kaji ??? " asked a now angry Asuka.
" Huh !!! Ah, sure Asuka, what is it that you wanted ? "
" You were getting jealous, remember ?? "
" Ah, right. " Kaji grew a sweatdrop.
" I am going to my room Kaji, " she said; dissapointed by his sudden lack of interest.
" Ok, " was Kaji's reply as he continued to think about times past.
-
" Amazing, " commented one scientist when she saw the results of the synch test being performed with the EVA 02 and its pilot. The second.
" How did it go ? " asked Asuka through the comm.
" Your synch rate is at 73 % Asuka, congratulations !! It is your highest synch rate up to now. "
Asuka grinned. This day would be a perfect one.
-
Asuka was heading home in one of NERV's special transports. It would be absurd to send one of the EVA pilots via public transportation in a city like Berlin. Even with all that sense of independence Asuka had, there was at least one member of NERV in charge of her protection at all times. These members were to act quickly if any death treath to the second was in sight. Asuka knew this and although it bothered her a great deal that she had to be followed everywhere, it also made her feel important. She knew that NERV was now aware of the existence of Soliman. There was nothing she could do about it; however she did not feel comfortable at all, knowing that she would probably never have a private life. It had never bothered her that much, but now that she was seeing someone. Wait !! Seeing someone ?? She started thinking; when the hell did she started seeing someone ?? For all she knew she was just doing that boy a favor. However when she thought of him a smile crept up her lips.
-
When Asuka finally got home there was a teenage black haired girl waiting for her at the entrance of her building; or so she deduced because of the way the girl seemed to be looking at her; with a mixture of anger and sadness.
" You are going out with Soliman tonight right ?? " the black haired girl asked confidently.
" Who wants to know ?? " Asuka questioned in response.
" I am his ex girlfriend Ana. I want to tell you something. "
" Why should I listen ?? "
" They are making fun of you. "
This Asuka did not expect. She did not believe such claims immediately, however she was willing to listen, for Sohryu Asuka Langley was not someone to laugh at.
" Talk. "
" Soliman doesn't care about girls or their feelings. He has dated most of the girls in my junior high and usually dumps them after two weeks or so. He is always making bets with his friends and cheating on his girlfriends. "
" Why the hell did you date him, in the first place ??? " a mad Asuka asked.
" I thought that I could change him, but he dumped me all the same and I cared so much for him," the girl seemed in the verge of tears. " He made a wager with his friends Johann and Gunther that you two would be kissing by the end of the day. "
" Is that so ?? "
" Yes I swear. "
" I'll have to see for myself. But now I know, " said Asuka more to herself than to Ana and stepped inside of the apartment complex.
-
Soliman arrived at Asuka's building at 6:30; Asuka was already waiting for him. He greeted her with enthusiasm but she seemed to be bothered by something. He asked her if something was wrong but she denied it so they began to walk towards the theatre. The movie lasted from seven to nine, it was an old thriller. Soliman tried to hold Asuka's hand two times and both times he ended empy handed. When they were leaving the theatre he tried to comment on the movie, however Asuka didn't seem interested and this worried Soliman, who didn't want to lose the bet and the girl.
" What's wrong ?? " he asked, stopping on the way for a second.
" Nothing. "
" You are acting weird, " he stated matter of factly.
Asuka kept walking and Soliman had no choice but to follow her.
" Am I ?? What makes you think you know me ? "
" Well, I know you have never acted like this before. "
Asuka decided it was time to find out if Ana's claim was true.
" I don't know, " she said " what if you only want to fool around ? "
" Would I go trough all the trouble of introducing myself, talking to you, asking you out, if I only wanted to fool around ?? There are plenty of girls that are easy to fool around with; believe me Asuka I am not interested in such things I want to be serious with you. "
" Really ?? " she asked with fake enthusiasm.
" Really. "
By that time they had gotten to the door of the apartment complex. Johann and Gunther were hidden behind a tree, watching the events unfold. Asuka who was being attentive to everything around her was able to notice them, but since she wasn't sure they were the alleged friends she decided to wait before launching an attack.
" Well, then I'll see you on monday at the park, " she said and acted as if she was about to enter the building.
" Asuka, " Soliman called out, feeling the eyes of his friends upon him.
" Yes ? "
" Do you want me to prove that I care for you ? "
" And how would you do that ? "
He approached her and tilted his head towards hers. Asuka stepped back before they made contact.
" What are you doing ?? " she asked angrily.
" I'll prove you with a kiss that I care for you. "
" What if I don't want to ?? "
" Don't you want to know ? " asked a very worried Soliman.
" That's it. " This said Asuka took hold of Soliman's hand and led him to were his friends were hiding. When the three of them realized they had been caught, their faces turned white and seeing the guilt painted in their faces Asuka proceeded to grab Johann's hair and pull it so strongly that young Johann started crying.
" What do you want ? " he screamed.
" What are you doing here ?? Say it !!! " Asuka demanded.
" We were waiting to see if you kissed Soliman or not, to see if we won a bet. "
" What bet ??? " she questioned furiously. Soliman and Gunther were both so scared that they just watched the scene with horror.
" Soliman made a wager; he said you would be kissing him by the end of the day, we said you wouldn't !!! " cried Johann.
" Pay them !! " Asuka demanded to Soliman.
Soliman gave both his friends the agreed money as Asuka released Johann. Then she turned to Soliman and slapped him with all her strenght. Poor Soliman ended up on the floor.
" Get the hell away from here !!! All of you; and you, " she said signaling Soliman " you are worth nothing, get lost you piece of sh*t !! "
The three of them ran with all their might. Asuka proceeded to enter the building. When she opened the door she saw the lights were off and as she turned them on, she saw a note left behind by Kaji.
It read: " Gone on assignment, be back tomorrow. Dinner in the fridge. Take care. "
Asuka was glad Kaji wasn't home, she felt sad and angry and she hated to be seen like that. She headed to her room and after punching the pillow for some minutes, she calmed down and stared at the ceiling.
" All men are perverts and idiots !! I'll never trust them again, I swear… I don't need anyone. "
And with this said, she fell asleep.
-
Around those days, in Japan …
* " Social Perceptions / Entitities That Perceive Other Entities " *
Across from where Gendo Ikari stood, was the EVA 01, the test type, the most important piece in Ikari's plans for mankind. Both entities stared at each other silently as if ashamed of their sins and uncertain of the future. There were no possibilities for Ikari however, the agenda was to be followed with utmost precision, there was no other way. Ikari knew of three paths the events could follow, the first one and most dangerous was the path of the Angels. If the Angels were to touch Adam, Third Impact would ensue and the consequence for humanity would be inexistence. If the Angels succeeded in merging with their progenitor, Adam, they would evolve to a higher existence while humans disappeared. The second path was SEELES's path, " the Human Complementation ". To produce a human Third Impact so that humanity would evolve to a higher existence by merging with Lilith. The third path was Ikari's path. By completing the steps in the Sephirotic System, Ikari would merge with Rei, carrying Adam in his embrionic state, and by merging the two supreme entities together, Adam and Lilith; who had been apart for 65 million years, Ikari would become a God. By possessing the power of a deity, Ikari intended to fulfill Yui's plans. To create a world where individuality could be preserved but at the same time the understanding amongst human beings could exist.
His main aim however, was to be with Yui, the only being who could understand him, and who had made him human; even if for a brief time, with her love. If the agenda was followed with precision, this wish would become reality.
His plans were difficult to achieve, he had to complete a series of difficult steps so that the goal could be reached. He had to get rid of the Lance of Longinus, the weapon that had the power to neutralize the AT fields of mankind as well as the Angels. If Third Impact was produced by the Lance of Longinus then the AT fields of humanity would disappear and their bodies and souls would merge with Lilith. This was what SEELE wanted. For them, the Lance of Longinus was a key piece; for Gendo, it was just another thing he had to get rid off. The committee had never trusted Ikari but they needed him for the mean time and could not do anything to remove him of his position as Commander in Chief of NERV. While this lasted, Ikari had the upper hand and he intended to use it wisely.
Gendo and Yui's agenda had been different from that of SEELE since the start; it was this fact, that made Professor Fuyutsuki who once intended to make the truth of all public, join them and their organization GERHIM; even if he stayed for other reasons. Gendo Ikari pondereded all of this and it all seemed spurious and void, it felt wrong. As if neither his path nor SEELE's, nor the Angels were correct. What where they all doing ? Why did Adam and Lilith split in the first place ? Why was Earth the battleground of such forces of metaphysical nature ? What was the deepest meaning of it all ? He could do nothing though, he needed Yui to know what to do; if it were not for her he would probably be fighting and gambling in places of vice and sensous depravation.
There was a fourth path however, one he had developed aside from his own, one that was in progress as he thought of it. This path, he hoped, if erroneous would at least bring new answers and if correct, it would be the solution to all of the despair and senseless struggle.
" Rei is ready sir, " stated Ritsuko who had been contemplating Ikari in silence as if trying to understand how his mind worked.
" Fine. " Was his reply as they began to walk towards the elevator.
-
Ayanami Rei knew of no other life than that inside the Geofront and knew of no other way of life than that of obeying orders and submitting her body to experiments. She also did not knew many emotions. She knew despair, she remebered it well, as she remembered the words " You too can be replaced ". And although all these memories seemed distant and blurry, they were haunting and terrible. Because of this, Rei felt unable to bond with human beings. What was the purpose of it all if she could be replaced ? If she was not unique ?? Not that she knew many people though; her acquaintances were few and she felt nothing for any of them. She felt something for Commander Ikari, an emotion she could not describe but that biologically speaking, brought comfort to her organism.
She knew facts about the world, when she was younger her time was spent in reading, mostly books on nature. It was nature that attracted her the most because she knew it the least. However, even knowing all these facts, she had been told by the Commander that she needn't know more and she believed him. So her curiosity for the natural world died in a way, because she never fed it once again. Helding to this utterance of the commander " that she needn't know more " she made no effort to know more. Her growth in that aspect came to an end. She still felt this sensation of biological comfort whenever she stared at nature on the occasions she was allowed to spend time in the external world. Like the first day. However these sensations seemed to be of no use to the Commander's agenda, and because of that, Rei did not give them the importance they deserved and neglected them. Boredom was not relevant either, whenever she felt bored she dismissed it as irrelevant and remained silent and apathetic unless ordered otherwise.
Rei did not knew what the purpose of it all was, she had faith in the Commander's project though, and that is why she accepted all of it; what else could she do ? She often thought of things, and pondered many topics, but she could not share because there was no one to share with, and if she had someone to share with, she wondered if she would. It all seemed irrelevant, for she parted from the premise that her existence was irrelevant since she could be replaced. This was her reasoning, a reasoning that enhanced her isolation of the external world.
Rei was curious that day though, because from that day on she would be doing things she had not done before. She had been told that a place had been arranged to function as her living quarters. She had also been told that she would be attending school; with people her age, she had never seen a human being her age.
This was what she was thinking when she saw the Commander and Ritsuko emerging from a door nearby.
" Are you ready Rei ? " asked the Commander with an emotionless tone.
" Yes, " was Rei's also emotionless answer.
Ritsuko was thinking that the two less emotional people she knew were behaving even more cold that day. This she observed with suspicion. It was as if there was no will to live in either of them. They were both machines and she realized sadly that she was becoming one herself.
" Then let us go, " said the Commander.
The three of them stepped inside a dark vehicle and the vehicle took off.
-
The Commander nodded approvingly as he inspected the place. The room were Rei was to live resembled greatly her past living facilities. Rei felt she needed no more than a bed, a bathroom, a kitchen and a few shelves to put her clothing and that was what she was given. The uniforms for the school as well as Rei's undergarments were already there. The moving was complete and Rei was to live there from that day onwards. The Commander and Rei were both extremely silent during this inspection; Ritsuko only asked Rei if she needed anything else and Rei replied with a negative. As Gendo and Ritsuko headed for the door to leave, Gendo spoke.
" This is were you will live from now on. There is no need for your kitchen to be complex since we will provide you with food which you will only have to heat. The water, the thermostat as well as the telephone are functional. The telephone only connects to NERV installations since there will be no need for you to call anyone else. The adress of the school you will be attending has been given to you; if you need to perform tests you will not attend and instead head directly to the Geofront, we will let you know with time when your presence in NERV is required. All of this will provide a fachade for your true purpose, and it will let you get accustomed to people your age since when the time comes you will be piloting with partners your age. You will have to learn to work in teams. This is what is asked of you. Do you understand ? "
" Yes. "
Then the Commander smiled a little and said:
" Take care Rei, report tomorrow at headquarters. "
" Yes. "
With this Ritsuko and Commander Ikari exited the apartment and left Rei to her thoughts.
-
In the way to NERV the Commander seemed even more distraught; Ritsuko felt the need to ask him something.
" Sir, don't you think the location you chose for Rei to live in, is in a dangerous area ? "
" I believed of you to be more observant Doctor. Rei's apartment is the only one occupied in that building. That building was to be an office complex whose construction was abandoned, I purchased the whole building for the sole purpose of placing Rei in it some day. You see, the area around the complex has no land value and the construction sites around it make it even less appealing. Nobody even cares or notices the building. Since Tokyo 3 has a low population and this population consists mostly of NERV employees which belong to the middle class, there is no crime index or homeless people. Thus I am not worried that a homeless individual would try to sleep in that building. For any other sort of criminal there is NERV security; or do you really think Dr. that I would leave the building unwatched ? She is being watched all 24 hours. She will be fine. "
" I see. "
The rest of the road, both Ritsuko and Ikari remained silent. Each of them had a lot to think about.
-
With the dawn of the new day came also a new routine. Rei woke up at 6:00 am sharp and proceeded to change her clothings, she then washed her face and left the apartment. She had already memorized the map so that the time of her route would be shortened.
And thus she arrived early, earlier than most of the students it seemed. Rei knew what the theory of scholar systems was all about. The young were gathered and taught in rooms by a sensei, the sensei used a board as a student uses a sheet, by writing in the board words or numbers the sensei taught the students: science, history and language. This was what Rei knew; she also knew that as the student progressed in years as well as in school, the senseis became more specialized and finally the students themselves chose a field were they would like to be experts in and went to Universities in order to learn that particular part of knowledge thoroughly. She knew all of this but did not knew how it all went in the practical sense.
Rei knew what classroom she was to look for and with the determination of one who is on a mission, she walked across the school to reach her destination, paying little or no attention to the teens that had already arrived. Since no one had gotten to the classroom yet but her, she had to make a decision which was something she was not accustomed to; for it had always been irrelevant. She had to decide where to sit, and even when she could have picked the seat nearest to the door, she chose not to and went to a seat near the window, were sunlight was more abundant and one was able to see the entire gardened area.
She sat there quietly and waited while gazing through the window. Soon she began to hear the noises of the arriving students. All of them nervous for being this their first year of junior high. Rei's curiosity got the best of her and unusual to her nature she turned around to see her classmates. Two odd looking boys by the door caught her attention. It seemed as if they, just like her, knew no one, and although one of them seemed strong he also seemed to be scared. The other was recording the events in his video cam. He seemed very curious about everything. Both of them finally sat down, apart from each other.
Rei also noticed that some boys were staring at her. But dismissed this as an irrelevant event. The sensei arrived, he appeared to be a fragile and serious old man; after introducing himself he began to talk about the Second Impact. He also told them that since there was a shortage of teachers in the school he would probably be their professor for all three years of junior high. The entire classroom sighed. Only one brownhaired girl appeared very enthusiastic during the whole class, she wrote down everything the professor said and occasionally asked questions. Her name was Hikari Horaki.
During the class, the girls next to Rei tried to talk to her. At first she nodded or denied when someone asked her something, however when she was asked to comment on something or give her opinion, she said that she had not been ordered to talk. This freaked out some people who stopped trying to talk to her. When the bell rang and the students left the classroom, some boys approached Rei and also tried to start a conversation. Rei told them the same and left the classroom with indifference. She knew that when the bell rang, it could only mean two things, one was that the school day was over and the other was that it was time for lunch brake. She hadn't brought a lunch so she only headed out towards the gardened area and sat to wait for the bell to ring again. Her attitude disencouraged anyone who had in mind talking to her.
From that spot she witnessed an event she thought interesting. The boy with the video cam had accidentally bumped into another boy while filming the school. The other boy was not happy because his lunch now lied on the ground.
" Hey four eyes, what's your problem ??? " he said pushing the boy with the glasses.
" My name is Kensuke, and I am sorry but I didn't do that on purpose so leave me alone. "
" I'm afraid that won't be happening, " said the other with a menacing look. " If you give me that cam of yours I might forgive you though. "
" My cam, no way !!! "
" That's it then. " And with this said, the boy pushed Kensuke who helplessly fell on the ground. Then this other boy kicked his camera and Kensuke covered his face so that the other kid would not punch him there.
" Stop that !!! " said another boy; this one was the other boy that had caught the attention of Rei at the beginning of the day. The one that seemed strong but scared. Or maybe not scared but timid.
" Why should I ?? " said the mean one.
" Cause if you don't I'll kick your ass. "
" We'll have to see about that. "
And with this both boys got into a little fight that lasted no more than two minutes. The one who had been mean with Kensuke now walked away with a bloody lip. Then the boy in the sports outfit helped Kensuke up and handed him the camera.
" Thanks man, I would have shred him to pieces if you hadn't showed up, you really saved his life, " joked Kensuke.
" Sure thing buddy, what's your name ? "
" Kensuke Aida. " This he said with a martial tone.
" I am Touji, Touji Suzuhara. "
And Rei witnessed how both boys shaked their hands and smiled. It was all very confusing to her though she tried to understand by making analogous comparissons with what she had read in her biology books regarding the behavior of primates. Rei also noticed the girl called Hikari Horaki watching the scene with a smile. It seemed that she had also witnessed everything.
For Rei this had been the most curious scene of the day. And when the bell rang at the end of the class she went to her new home with lots of new thoughts to ponder about. Even if she thought it was all irrelevant and even if she had no one to share these thoughts with, even so, she just couldn't stop thinking about certain things.
-
Around those days in Tokyo 2 …
* " The Vow To Reason / The Self Perceives The World " *
A characteristic of skepticism is holding judgement. That is, a skeptic is not one who denies a belief but rather one who neither accepts it nor denies it, in expectation that further proof will determine the truth or falsehood of such belief. Skepticism presents itself in a variety of occassions, when one is about to effect a purchase, if the price of the object seems too high, one assumes a skeptical posture, neither accepting the price nor denying it, but rather asking the merchant why such object has such a price. However, even if we apply skepticism to such instances as purchases or aspects of life were our emotions are not involved, we abstain to apply it to our most sacred beliefs. We do not wish to doubt the beliefs we hold dear to us since that would imply emotional pain, we do not submitt such beliefs to rational scrutiny because we are afraid that reason may reveal us they are not true, or that they cannot be proved. However, when one has come in contact with the books, his life and thoughts are bound to change and his journey of painful doubt begins. Ikari Shinji knew of this, because he doubted, he doubted everything he once believed certain.
Shinji's caming in contact with wisdom made him even more introverted, for he felt people would understand him even less. Shinji had found joy in his lectures, he had found a passion in thinking and in exploring the world of the ideas through the books of authors long gone. He knew the exalted feelings that wisdom and knowledge could bring about, he believed the search for the truth and the hunger for knowledge were the maxims of mankind. Yet, he had started to doubt even this.
In the past year since his readings of Seneca, he had read a wide variety of philosophers and literates. And he had devoured all of this seeing he had no friends nor any other interest to divert him from his search of knowledge. However he was the loneliest he had ever been, his appetite for wisdom had isolated him even more from anyone who had the potential to become his friend; he no longer listened to the babbling of his professor and sometimes he would even be rude and he would run away from everything to find comfort in the fiction of his novels or the ideas of the philosophers.
Shinji's reality had never been enough for him. He had never wanted it nor asked for it. He had hated his life and his persona for as long as he could remember. He had hated his father for so long and with such intensity that it felt as if all his emotions had been drained from him in this single act of hatred and because of this, he had for many years, the feeling that he would not be able to bond with other human beings. He no longer believed this though; but he could not deny it either because he had never tried to bond with anyone, acting on the premise that he couldn't or that he was going to be left behind. Shinji had realized through his philosophy that his theoretical beliefs had no evidence to support them. They were logically faulty too. He was now aware of all this; his consciousness had been evolving as his thoughts had become more complex, now he could see things with a different perspective, one which was aided by reason though not by experience.
He felt the need to know if his conclusions from years ago were correct or erroneous. Since, even if his premises were wrong, he knew that a truthful conclusion could be derived from false premises and because of this he longed to know the more; if he was fit to be a member of society or if he wasn't. For this, he had to experience social contact, something he feared with all his heart. He had been avoiding it for so long that he could hardly remember a conversation with any kid his age. However his curiosity was stronger than his fears, or so he wished it to be, and with this idea in mind he tried out some thought experiments. That is, he imagined how would a conversation with other youngsters would go, imagining their reactions and his reactions, as well as the environment and the dialogue. Fortunately for Shinji, his contact with novels and short stories had made him more adept to know what social relations and people's emotions were all about, at least theoretically. At least he knew the theory and this he felt was a first step.
This was only one of the dilemmas Shinji faced. Although he had never been a religious person, he had always thought there was a God or supreme being who had created things as well as living beings. He had even talked to this being, he had done it a few times when he had been very scared or very sad, and even if he had received no answer he had felt better as if such being had heard his words. However, he could not understand how a feeling could be evidence of the existence of such being, and so he searched for answers in the philosophers.
Descartes was a firm believer in the existence of God; however, Shinji felt that Descartes reasoning was flawed from the start. In his meditations Descartes held from the beginning that God existed and that such existence was proved by the sacred scriptures that were the words of God himself. Descartes philosophy was set from the start to prove the existence of God to infidels and non-believers by reason. Shinji was not able to find comfort in his arguments though; he felt that for
every trouble Descartes couldn't solve he recurred to God and this he did not approve.
Shinji then read William James, whose pragmatic conception held, that if a belief worked positively in the state of mind of an individual such belief should be kept; seemed wrong to Shinji who recalled reading of a similar theory by Plato and also disagreeing with it. Shinji valued truth above all else and was not willing to accept something just because it felt good, he had been doing that all his life; accepting things to avoid problems and accepting beliefs out of fear of finding out if they were true or not.
He was at a loss in this field too, the field of truth. Was there an absolute truth ? Was truth relative to the individual ? Was truth a reality ? Was reality real ? Shinji found so many dilemmas in these questions that he felt many times like running away and abandoning philosophy, his only true passion. He felt he was not capable of answering all those questions at that time, he felt he needed more experience as well as more wisdom to determine whether all knowledge was void and delusive or whether there was a truth behind it all, a meaning and a purpose. To know if the world was chaos or cosmos, or a mixture of both. He wanted to know but he suffered because of it.
The first thing he needed in order to pursue his path to wisdom, was to live. He had never lived. In the past he had always acted like a machine, he had felt as if he had no purpose, he had felt no passion from within nor any curiosity. He had held the idea that he was loved by no one and that no one cared. He still felt no one cared; he was beginning to care though, he cared to know and as long as he cared about this he cared also for himself. This was his first step in gaining a self esteem, but he still had to go a long way.
Because of this he made a decision. One he thought he would never be able to do. He decided he would go to the place of his mother's grave. He suspected that his mother wasn't really there, however he felt the need to go so that he could drain strenght from her. Strenght that he needed to pursue the path of wisdom.
He told his tutor of his designs and he in turn, gave Shinji enough money for a round trip and for food; wishing him good luck. Yui's grave was near Tokyo 3, the city where his father worked. Shinji had not heard anything from him for two years. They used to meet precisely at that spot, in the anniversary of Yui's death. However, two years ago, Shinji had ran away from him and from that point they had neither talked nor seen each other.
-
A few days before that, Gendo Ikari had told Kozou Fuyutsuki that he could take the week off. Seeing that Fuyutsuki never ceased to work Gendo considered that giving him a week off couldn't hurt. After all Gendo's schedule that week wasn't very tight. He would even have time to see that Rei got installed in her new apartment and that she attended school for the first time the next day. Gendo Ikari also knew that the time of the Final Judgment was approaching, and no one would be able to take days off when those times fell upon mankind.
Fuyutsuki, who didn't know what to do with all that spare time, figured that visiting Yui´s grave would be a good idea. He knew the grave was empty, there was however this feeling of peace and goodness that he experienced whenever he went to the cementery. He knew that Ikari felt the same thing, which was the reason of him visiting the cementery every year on the anniversary of Yui's death.
However as he approached Yui´s grave he noticed there was someone next to it. It was a young boy with black hair. He did not know who this boy was, he was prepared to yell at him if he turned out to be just a curious bystander. Fuyutsuki had a deep respect for the physically dead and did not wish to see Yui's tomb insulted by the curiousity of strange adolescents.
" What are you doing here boy ?? " he asked with a serious tone.
Shinji turned around and observed Fuyutsuki with passive curiosity. Then he said calmly.
" I'm sorry, is it forbidden to be here ?? "
Fuyutsuki was shocked when he saw the young boy's face. So much like Ikari´s with a hint of Yui in it. " He can't possibly be … " he thought.
" It's not forbidden, but only relatives and friends of the deceased are supposed to visit. Tell me boy are you a relative of Mrs. Ikari ?? "
" I am her son Ikari Shinji, and who might you be ?? " Shinji questioned out of curiosity.
Fuyutsuki was truly surprised. From what he knew Shinji had run away from his father in that same spot two years ago. He was supposed to be a boy with all the emotional weight that comes from being neglected. This was not expected. He didn't know what to answer.
" I was her professor in College, she was a brilliant student. "
Shinji's curiosity grew with this. He didn't knew that much about her mother. He found the concept of her being a brilliant student interesting, he felt this was a tie to her since he also thought of himself as a possibly intelligent boy. He used to think he had no special qualities and that he was worth nothing, however ever since he began reading the philosophers, understanding them succesfully he began to think differently though he still doubted.
" Really, what did she study ??? "
" She was a biology major with a masters in biochemistry. She was a gifted student and finished her studies at a very young age. "
" I don't remember her, she passed away when I was four. " Shinji said, his features turned somber.
" You come here often ?? "
" No, I hadn't come here in a long time. "
Shinji felt weird telling all of this to a stranger. He was not used to talk to people and much less to talk that much. However a few minutes before the arrival of Fuyutsuki, Shinji had made a vow before his mother's grave and with this in mind he was able to relax.
Both males fell silent then. Both thinking of Yui. The student of one and the mother of the other. The center of all the EVA project, long gone materially and yet forever present spiritually.
" I must leave, my train departs in 45 minutes. It was nice meeting you sir. " Shinji said politely.
Fuyutsuki nodded and smiled as Shinji walked away. Then he noticed a piece of paper right next to Yui´s grave. Curiosity got the best of him, but he did not took the paper for considering it a disrespectful attitude, rather, he leaned down just enough to read what was written on the paper. It read:
" Mother:
Sometimes I've felt as if life was worth nothing. As if living was just a state things assume without purpose. Sometimes I've felt like dying, like running away of everything because it's all so confusing. Mother, I can't remember you and that's the truth. But I can remember your warmth, and the happiness I knew when I was with you, and that has kept me alive, that has kept me in this world.
I've always been a coward, but I now know what fear is. There are the fears that are irrational and those that are rational, the irrational fears have no basis and yet they prevent us from acting or thinking straight, these are the most dangerous, for inaction can only lead to inexistence. Because of this I've determined to act and think with the aid of reason whenever any irrational fear invades my mind, like the fear of talking to others, the fear of people, the fear of being left behind, the fear of reality. I know it will not be easy, and I am just setting my mind to it but my actions most surely will catch up slowly with my thoughts.
My intention is that what I think eventually becomes equivalent with what I do and for that I need strenght. I cannot drain this strenght from God for I have not yet accepted neither his existence nor his inexistence, I declare myself agnostic as to this. Maybe I need to see an angel to change my mind regarding this, I do not know. What I know is that which I recall from experience, like the warmth you gave me, like the happiness I had with you. This is why I come to you for strenght.
In front of you is that I swear this. I vow that I will think for myself and use reason as a means to find truth if it exists, I vow that I will not be held back by irrational fears, I vow that I will struggle to find my purpose and my happiness if such a thing exists. I know I am alone in this; however I feel that you are by my side and with that, I may be able to succeed in my search for true wisdom.
Ikari Shinji, 2014 A.d. "
" I wonder what will Ikari think of this." Fuyutsuki said with a smile as he realized that new hope sometimes comes from unexpected places.
To be continued …
-
Author's notes: Again thanks to all people who read and reviewed my first two chapters. I hope you enjoyed this one. Any criticism is appreciated as well as nice comments, if you have any. I am afraid I have no spell checker in my computer and I have no ways to see if my grammar is correct so if anyone has any advice on that I'll appreciate it, but please be specific because otherwise I can´t solve the problem. Thanks again to comrade wolf_soul for his help in the editing process of my first two chapters. His witty remarks were also very helpful. Next chapter will most probably develop in the NGE timeline, enough of exploring their pasts.
I want to point out a fact regarding the name of the turkish guy who pursues Asuka in part one of this chapter. Soliman the Great, third in the family of the Osman, was a monarch of the Ottoman Empire, that is Turkey. He waged war with Austria and defeated them on several occasions. His purpose was not constructive though, his only objective was pillage and rampant destruction. Soliman laid siege to Vienna the capital of Austria but he was finally defeated. I chose the name because of the historical background of Soliman. Since Austria is to the south of Germany and both nations histories have always been connected; if you imagine Asuka the German girl as Austria in this scenario you will notice the similarities. Soliman approaches Asuka, defeats her several times, lays siege on her apartment, but at the end he is defetead. As the historical Soliman there was also no constructive purpose in his attempts.
My theories on third impact may or may not be right. Most facts are true though, my sources are the EVA tv series, the EVA movies and the Red Cross Book. For example, Lilith and Adam indeed were a single being 65 million years ago but then split and each of them gave birth to either humans or angels. Gendo does say he needs to get rid of the Spear of Longinus in chapter 22. So I developed my theories on that and other facts. Thanks for reading.