Place Your Web Page Title Here

Reality is Overrated

Part 2

Disclaimer : (Because I forgot first time round) All is Joss.

* * * * *

We both scrambled to our feet and raced to the door. But even our combined strength couldn't budge it. Kick after kick, punch after punch. And one attempt by Spike to launch himself off the bed and into it head first (Okay so it was pretty funny) and the damn thing was still in place.

"Well isn't this just great," Spike mumbled, rubbing his head and the big red shiner now appearing by his right temple.

"If I just had some light, maybe I could get to the lock," I told him through gritted teeth, still pushing and pulling at the metallic door knob. As I uttered the words the room became bathed in a hazy glow and I looked up to see a chandelier shining like, well, something very pretty above our heads.

Spike cocked an eyebrow, looked at me, back up at the chandelier and the around the room, "And I wish that Britney Spears was on the bed ready to shag my brains out,"

Luckily the silk sheets remained bare. I rolled my eyes and hit a disappointed Spike on the back of head, "You're disgusting,"

"Yup," He said grinning, sticking a pink tongue out and catching it between his pearly white teeth, "And you're stuck in a room with me,"

"Don't remind me," I said.

Dropping his hand from his head Spike walked around the room, inspecting the mirror with the expensive wooden frame. Looking at the Monets and other impressionists on the wall then lifting up the hem of the rich silk embroidered sheets on the grand bed and seeing if there's anything underneath. The drawers and cupboards were filled with clothes and objects which were covered in thick dust, mirrors and hairbrushes and other objects we couldn't make out. It had been a while since anyone had cleaned up around here. And I thought Dawn's room was bad.

"Well," He said, giving a sigh, "It's been what, ten minutes already and we're not dead,"

"It's got to be a ghost," I told him, "Some kind of evil spirit or something,"

"How do you know that?" He asked sceptically.

"Look around," I said frowning, what else could it be? "Loud winds, a storm, things going bump, doors shutting of their own accord. It's got to be a ghost,"

"And you learnt that from Giles right? And your studies?"

Bastard. He knows I hate learning about that stuff about as much as he does. We're both more of "Learn from experience" people aka lazy asses who hate reading boring Watcher journals.

"Well no," I admitted, then more quietly, "The Poltergeist movies,"

"My point exactly," He said smugly, "Could be anything and we haven't got a bloody clue. Some invisible bloke, some really fast moving demon, anything,"

"I couldn't really care less about what it is Spike, I just want to get out of here,"

"Well let's say it is a ghost, ever come up against one before in your little Scooby adventures?"

Then I clicked. "Yes!" A bit louder and giddier then I'd anticipated, but it was only Spike, "Back when I was in highschool this boy from the sixties who shot his girlfriend was haunting the school. Possessing people and re-enacting the murder,"

"Nice," He said, pulling a face, "So how'd you get rid of it?"

I shook my head, "It was some kind of spell, and we don't have any of the ingredients or knowledge so you can pretty much count that out,"

"Great, just bloody great. Why couldn't I get stuck in here with Red?" He said and began pacing the room, reminding me of tigers in zoos which stalked up and down their pens all day long.

I narrowed my eyes at him, "Likewise William, likewise,"

He turned and looked at me, "This plonker can hear us right?"

"He must have," I pointed at the chandelier.

"Right then," He gave a smirk and ran his tongue along his teeth, "You listen to me you fuck brained nancy boy little------"

I kind of stopped listening after that because in all my life I can pretty much say I've never heard those words and never want to hear them again. What the hell was I thinking letting my little sister hang around him? I wondered where she was picking all those strange words up from......

"-------And if you don't let us the fuck out of here right now you little dick shit I'm gonna fuck up this place so bad you'd better hope you *are* a sick sadistic little ghost and already dead," With that he picked up one of the pictures from the wall and got ready to hurl it at the mirror.

Nothing. Zilch. Nadda. Diddley.

"Right that's it," Spike vamped and got ready to throw the picture at the mirror whilst I went to the little desk at the side not wanting to miss out the fun.

"Spike, wait," He lowered the picture and looked at me quizzically. I pointed to the mirror.

There scrawled in what I could make out as steam were four words.

~Please don't do that.~

Spike raised an eyebrow and put the picture down on the bed.

I licked my lips and looked at him. "Let us out of here," I said in the most commanding Slayer voice I could find.

~Please make yourselves comfortable.~

Was the next message, appearing over the first.

"I'll make you comfortable you little dickhead," Muttered Spike.

I tried a new approach. "Why won't you let us out?"

~I mean you no harm.~

"Yeah well we mean you lots of it mate," Growled a newly vamped Spike. Typical guy, I thought, always has to settle things with violence. Can't be civilised.

~But,~

My heart fluttered and I watched as one line replaced another on the silky surface of the mirror.

~If you attempt to damage anything~

~If you insult me~

~Or if you attempt to leave~

~I will not hesitate to inflict punishment.~

My voice became dry. "How-" I swallowed, "How long do you intend on keeping us here?" I asked.

There was a pause for a second and I felt Spike stand behind me.

Forever.

I froze.

Please make yourselves at home.

I shook my head, "Nuh uh, No deal. We do have lives you know," I looked at Spike, "Well *I* have a life, I have to get home, you can't just keep us here. Can you?"

Spike moved back a few paces behind me and gave a twisted chuckle. "Yeah, too bloody right I'll make myself at home," With that he lifted the abandoned picture and hurled it at the mirror. The glass didn't even splinter but the picture shattered into a thousand pieces and a gut wrenching scream filled the air. I clamped my hands over my ears untill I was certain it had faded.

Spike gave a laugh. "Is that it?!" He asked at the mirror, "That's your punishment?" He sniggered, "Well consider me well and truly scolded," He snorted, "Pillock,"

"Spike," I didn't realise how faint my voice could get.

He turned around to me and I was surprised he'd heard me. *I* nearly hadn't heard me, "What?"

"Your neck, what's that around your neck?"

His hands shot up to grasp his throat which was now covered with a thick coarse bit of a brown which from here resembled a snake, his eyes widened, "Bloody hell," He choked out before he was wrenched to the ceiling.

"Shit!"

His legs flailed about as he hung suspended from a noose that had suddenly appeared in the ceiling. I ran over to push him up by his legs, getting kicked a few times for my trouble, but I was too small to do much.

"What the hell you waiting for Slayer, a camera?" He got out in a strained voice, "Get me down already!"

The little veins in his neck were standing out and his eyes bulged, he looked petrified.

"Oh calm down you big baby," I remarked and began rooting through the drawers for something sharp, "It's not like you can choke or anything, you don't breathe,"

I heard him cough and splutter behind me, he seemed to be getting more frantic with each second. I racked my memory for a time I'd ever seen Spike like this.

"Look," I said slowly, puzzled at his reaction, "Just calm down, I'll get you down just give me a minute,"

He was scared. Completely scared, I saw him grit his teeth and stare up at the ceiling. Suddenly my task seemed more urgent and I opened more and more drawers. Finally I found one which contained what looked like a drawing set, with a pen knife for cutting charcoal inside.

"Bingo," I said and turned.

His voice was sarcastic and low from the noose but lacked any of it's normal energy, "Bout bloody-"

He trailed off and stared past my shoulder, I frowned, "What now?"

"Behind you!" He choked.

I turned, there was nothing there.

He began writhing again, hands clawing at the noose, "Spike what?" I said, growing frustrated, "There's nothing there!" I practically screeched.

He wasn't listening, instead he was trying to turn his head wide eyed around the room, trailing something I couldn't see. I knew the noose wouldn't kill him but still he looked bad. Pale - even for him, eyes bloodshot. And every now and then he angled his body in strange directions as if avoiding something and grimaced in pain like he'd been hit. I didn't know what the hell was going on but the solution seemed to be to get him down fast.

If a piece of rope to strangle Spike could appear from nowhere then maybe something else was going on that I couldn't see.

The chair squealed as I dragged it to his side and jumped up and reached for the rope, cursing my height for about the thousandth time in my life. There wasn't a chance in hell I was gonna reach it. Unless-

"Spike!"

His blondeness ignored me, reddy eyes preferring to dart around the room. Great, I thought, wobbling on a chair in a haunted house with my clammy white vest top sticking to my skin (I just hoped my nipples didn't show) and a manic vampire with a noose complex.

Have I ever told you how much I hate rainstorms?

His jaw clenched as he continued to thrash and it took all my strength and balance to grab him and hold him still whilst still staying on the chair. Wow, I should have become an acrobat.

"Spike!" He glared at me like I was the one who hung him from the ceiling, his nostrils flaring. By now I could see where the noose had begin to cut into his throat and see the tendrils of blood spreading down his skin and soaking into the white wife beater to merge with rain water. The veins and ligaments all over his throat jutted out, stretching the skin beyond its limit. The noose might not kill Spike but it looked like it hurt like a bitch and he could still snap his throat or something. All I knew is I really didn't want to find out if he could still survive with a snapped neck.

He tried to wriggle out of my hands which held him steady by his rain slicked arms, the muscles tense beneath my grip, "Look just stop that already, this is not going to kill you okay?" His eyes glittered darkly and I saw him suck his bottom lip in, "Okay?" I repeated, confident that he was listening I carried on slowly, "I don't know what's going on but whatever you're seeing it's not really there, I can't see it so it can't do you any harm but if you carry on to thrash about like a fish out of water then that noose is,"

He seemed to be listening because he stopped trying to move and the muscles under my hands partially relaxed, but his eyes were still narrowed and I could imagine all the abuse he was hurling at me in his mind, "Right," I said taking a breath, "Now I need to cut you down but I can't reach," He rolled his eyes but I ignored it, "I'm going to need to climb up you to get at the rope, but I need you to support me," The muscles in the side of his cheeks bunched, sharpening the effect of his cheekbones before he raised his eyebrows in a look I read as, "Whatever but just get a bloody move on."

I glanced up at the rope, then back at his eyes, "Here goes nothing,"

Probably not the best thing to say to a panicked vampire but it was worth it for the look of alarm in his eyes before I heaved myself onto his body, holding onto the top of his shoulders before he promptly grabbed my back by the scruff of my t-shirt and then my ass to push me up so I could get a hold of the rope and not weigh him down anymore. It took all the upper body strength I possessed to pull up the rope enough to hook an elbow round so that I was in a position to begin cutting, Spike's fingers biting into my ass as he held me up the whole time.

Okay, surely he doesn't need to squeeze *that* hard. And I was fully aware that my chest was probably exactly at level with his eyes. Well, maybe it'd calm him down a bit. Or not. But at least distract from the noose.

I'd planned on only cutting through just enough so that I could get back onto the chair and then the force of Spike's weight would break it, but I misjudged the last thread and with a deafening crack we both landed on the floor in a heap together again.

When I'd pulled myself up to a sitting position I glanced at Spike to see him rubbing at his neck and muttering obscenities under his breath. He seemed to be looking at his skin too, searching for marks that weren't there. Noose nowhere to be seen.

I shuffled over and put a hand on his shoulder when I realised he was still shaking, "You okay?" He immediately shrugged out of my grip, a firm scowl on his face.

"Bloody fine Slayer," He mumbled getting to his feet. Of course it would have been more believeable if he wasn't still trembling.

I shook my head and got up too, pulling a face,"Oh no don't worry Buffy," I said attempting an English accent to mock him, "I'm fine, thanks from cutting me down from that rope where I was in the middle of having a nervous sodding breakdown,"

"Yeah?" He cocked his head to the side, "I'd like to see how you cope with getting hung and people throwing shit at you Slayer, then we'll see who has the nervous breakdown," He said in a hoarse voice, "What the hell was that anyway?"

I regarded him for a second. He'd been completely petrified. I knew that and it had unnerved me. And he was still keeping something from me. But I decided to let it go, if he was going to be such a prick I really couldn't care. It wasn't like the noose would have killed him, but that still didn't explain why......oh to hell with it. There was more important things to worry about, like getting out of here.

"I'm not sure exactly. But going by gut instinct I'd say ghost definitely," I raised an eyebrow at him and he snorted.

"Bleeding hell you win Slayer, okay it's a sodding ghost,"

"I think it's just your standard haunted house. When we dealed with the poltergeist before it didn't have any powers outside the school, should be the same here. We just need to get out,"

"You only just figured that out? Stupid bloody house, now I remember why I live in a crypt,"

Please don't call me that.

Words appeared in the mirror again.

Spike cocked an eyebrow, "Don't like being called a house eh? Well I've got some more names we could try," He leered with a sinister scowl on his face.

"And can you remember where that great plan of yours got us last time?" I said incredulous. I swear that men, even vampire men, have the memory spans of goldfish. He gave a snort.

I looked at the mirror, "Well what do you want us to call you?"

~I have a name.~

~Maria. ~

"A bloody woman," Muttered Spike, "I should have guessed,"

Ignoring the blatant sexism (I've ignored a lot more from Spike - massacres and killing anyone?? So it came easily) I decided to try a new approach.

"Hi Maria,"

Spike looked at me like I'd grown two heads.

"Maria, Spike didn't mean any harm-"

"Yes I did," He said quickly and I glared.

"-We just really need to go home,"

~Why?~

"Why? Well I have a sister to look after and I've got College and a life that needs my attention and Spike-"

I looked over at the bleached vampire who was sitting on the bed looking non plussed, his hand still massaging his neck.

"-umm, Spike has things to do," I searched my mind, "-Passions to watch," I finally came up with, "And blood to drink,"

"Hey!" He shot indignantly, "There's more to my life then blood and telly,"

"Oh yeah like what?"

He looked stumped, and chewed a pale lip.

I gave him a pointed look and turned back to the mirror, "So you see Maria why we need to go home,"

~I had a sister once.~

~But she died.~

"I'm sorry,"

"My heart bleeds," Was spike's unsympathetic injection to this conversation straight out of the Twilight Zone. Can't he shut up for more than two seconds? I bit my lip to stop myself from throttling him.

~So you are safer here.~

~Please make yourselves at home.~

And then any steam disappeared from the mirror and my instincts told me Maria had gone, I tried calling her name a few times anyway but nothing happened. Great plan Buffy, make nice to the ghost and what do you get for your trouble? Stuck in a house with a post-noose bad tempered Spike, soaked through and with little hopes of excape.

I knew I should have just used the treadmill.

* * * * *