DISCLAIMER: I don't own them, despite my devious plots to
steal them. They belong to the people
at NBC, Michael Crichton, and whoever else actually owns them. I can only claim the characters that are
obviously not on the show. I also don't
own the song used in this fic. It is
"Because You Loved Me" by Celine Dion.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay, so I know I should be working on my
other fics, but I am suffering from major writer's block on those! Anyways, this is set way in the future. Abby and Luka are married and are in their
late seventies.
For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever grateful baby
You're the one who held me up, never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through it all
We have come so long since our first meeting at County,
haven't we? We were both so scared, so
alone, so lost. I never thought I would
love anyone again. But then you came
along and, as you have done so many times since then, you surprised me. I had no choice, really, but to fall in love
with you. Oh, I resisted. But in the end, you had a hold on me and
there was no way I could have let go.
I remember the first time I saw you. You were standing by admit and some of the
other nurses were not-so-subtly sizing you up.
On a scale of one to ten. I secretly
gave you an eleven, but they didn't need to know that! I think I was smitten since that first
glance. But there was Richard, and
Carol. We got off to a slow start
because of the "others" in our lives, but once those relationships were over, I
couldn't imagine ever being with anyone else.
Our first date. I
hesitate writing this because I know the events of that night have haunted you
for a long time. But, despite the
circumstances, that was the first time I truly felt protected in my life. I will leave it at that, since I know that you
don't want to recall too much of that night.
But know this: you saved my life that night, and I don't mean just
physically. Knowing that you would put
your life on the line for me started to drag me out of the depths of
self-loathing that I had been in for so long.
As our relationship progressed, I found myself pulling away
from you. I was so frightened of the
feelings I had for you – frightened that you would not reciprocate, that once
you found out the truth about me you would hate me. But you were so persistent.
And I was so scared. I remember
the night I told you about my abortion.
You cried. And then you held
me. You told me that you loved me and
nothing would ever change that. Now, if
I close my eyes, I can still see you sitting on my couch, holding my hands,
crying, forgiving, loving me despite it all.
It was then that my heart began to fall into place again. I began to become whole once more.
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith cause you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me
The night you proposed was one of the happiest of my
life. I remember coming home from my
shift and finding you in my apartment, just sitting at the kitchen table. I really had no clue what you were going to
do. You didn't even let me take off my
coat, just knelt down in front of me and proposed. I felt bad later because I just stood there – what you must have
thought! But really, you shocked me so
much that my mind went blank. Of
course, then I snapped out of it and said something really intelligent and
romantic like, "yes!" And when you
kissed me, I thought that my heart would explode with the happiness. That sounds cheesy, but it's really
true. You made me so happy.
In the months after we got engaged I became one of those
giddy girls that I had always looked down upon. I couldn't help smiling just at the mention of your name. What can I say? I was in love. I remember
being surprised that I wasn't nervous on the day of our wedding. I had been shaking uncontrollably before
getting married to Richard (maybe that was a sign), but all I felt with you was
excitement and peace. When Eric walked
me down the aisle towards you, I remember looking over the church at all our
friends – and you - and being so glad that this marriage would last.
Soon after we were married, you took me to Croatia. I was a little scared to go, to see this
place that had been part of your life for so long, this place that I had no
part of. I was scared to meet your
father, who had known Danijela and Marco and Jasna. I was so worried that he would resent me, think that I was trying
to replace your other family. But I
shouldn't have worried. He called me
"daughter" and thanked me for loving you.
I think that was one of the best things anyone could have said to me
right then. I know who you get your
understanding nature from. I made a vow
then that our children would always know about their half brother and sister,
that they would always live in our hearts.
Our children. I can
only smile as I write that. When I told
you I was pregnant the first thing you did was kneel down and kiss my
stomach. Then you actually opened the
window of our bedroom and yelled to anyone who was listening, "I'm going to be
a father!" I was so embarrassed, and
surprised at that uncharacteristic outburst.
But you were happy. Ecstatic. I was so grateful for that. It took me a bit longer to get up to your
level of enthusiasm – I was still worried about not being a good mother, about
making our children bipolar. But you
gently and persistently convinced me that I had nothing to worry about, that we
would love our children no matter what, that you would be there with me through
it all. And when Alexander Luka Kovac
was born, an early Christmas present on December 19, all my fears and all the
pain vanished as I held our son for the first time. You kissed me, and you kissed Alex, and you promised that we
would always be a family. You promised
the same thing two years later when we saw our daughters, Sophia Christina and
Sasha Maria, enter the world. You have
given me so many precious gifts over the years, and I have a hard time choosing
the one that I treasure the most. But
certainly our beautiful children have been the most precious blessings I could
ever hope for. Thank you for giving me
our family.
You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you
The years went by so fast.
Our children grew and grew, and soon it was time for girlfriends, and
boyfriends, and colleges, and jobs, and fiancés, and spouses, and children of
their own…Through it all, I never tired of going to bed next to you at night
and waking up in your arms every morning.
That's not to say that we didn't have our share of hard
times. The night we found out that
Maggie had attempted suicide again – and succeeded – was the first major test
of our marriage. I ran out and you ran
after me, searching the entire city.
You finally found me at a liquor store with a bottle of whiskey in my
hand. I was so close to succumbing to
my addiction again, but this time you were there. You literally wrestled me to the ground – in the middle of the
store – to get the bottle from me. As
you carried me from the cab into our house, I remember wondering why you ever
married me, why you stayed. But you
did. You stayed, and that has meant so
much to me.
And then there was Sasha's pneumonia. We rushed her to County late at night when
she couldn't breathe, her seven-year-old body struggling to survive. I never realized how horrible that place is
when you're not working there, when your child is a patient there. So cold and uninviting. Even the doctors – I remember being so angry
at Jing-Mei when she couldn't tell us much about our daughter's condition. I'm sure that we were the type of distraught
parents that we ourselves dread coming into the ER, but somehow it all changes
when it's your child lying there. You held
me so tight as we both cried, and didn't let go until we got the word from Dr.
Greene that Sash was stable. It is your
constant presence that I remember most about that night.
There are countless other moments in our life together that
I will always remember. You have been
my strength, my savior, my comfort, my best friend for so many years and I am forever
thankful for your love. You have given
me so much, more than I deserve, and I only hope that I have been able to show
you how much I love you.
You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you
Now as I sit here beside your bed, I am frightened that I
may have to face life without you. The
doctor – someone young, I don't know him, and he doesn't even know that we used
to work here – has told me not to expect you to live through the night. This last heart attack was too much for your
body, I suppose. And so I am
frightened. I do not know how to live
without you. And then, I feel you
squeeze my hand. Maybe I imagined it,
because the doctor said you would not be able to respond to my touch. But I know I felt it. And I know that it was you, reminding me
that you will always be here with me.
And I feel a peace slowly make its way into my heart – a peace that I
have only ever felt in your presence.
Even in your last hours, you are taking care of me, loving me,
comforting me. I will hold this moment
in my heart for the rest of my life, remembering and cherishing our love.
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me
Goodbye, my Luka, my love, my life.
THE END
