Disclaimer: All the characters belong to Rumiko
Takahashi and other respective companies and I am
in no way making any profit from this story. This
is just for my personal enjoyment and for the
enjoyment of those who may read this.
Email me with C&C: simplyshy@hotmail.com
*************************************************
The Truth: Part 1
by SM
*************************************************
I don't remember much about the day I died.
At least, I don't remember much that happened after I left the darkness.
That's what I remember the most: the darkness as it consumed me and trapped me.
I was nothing.
And Ranma, he never talks about that day. The last time he ever said anything was the day I confronted him about having heard him say he loved me on Phoenix Mountain.
I told Ranma that in my paralyzed state I had heard the words he had spoken. I did so in hope that maybe he would finally find the courage to tell me he loved me.
But he didn't.
He got this panic stricken look, it was priceless really and I would have laughed had I not been so serious at the moment, and denied it profusely. I can still remember his words, his voice cracking as he said them.
"Now why would I do a stupid thing like THAT?!"
He must have seen the hurt expression I cast his way because he quickly remembered that he had other things to do and scampered off, a true master of the "Anything Goes When You Say Idiotic Things" technique.
That was the last time I ever broached the subject and time passed by. The wedding fiasco occurred and that simply left me drained. I was tired of the foolishness and tired of everyone wanting to meddle with our lives and I stopped caring. Caring whether or not Ranma ever admitted that he felt something for me. Stopped hoping that he would get the nerve to fix the situation he was in.
I knew the multiple fiancée fiasco wasn't his fault, but I couldn't help but feel resentful that he didn't at least try to take care of it. All I wanted was to see that he wanted to find a solution to the problem...it may not have been the best or the easiest but if I had seen him trying I would have been there for him. Just as he'd always been there for me.
But he didn't, and the days were the same. Shampoo would 'accidentally' jump into his arms. Ukyo, having been forgiven her trespass on our wedding day, would stop by to give her Ranchan some 'decent food' whenever she got wind that it was my turn to cook dinner. Mousse tried to kill Ranma on a daily basis because he was too stupid and blinded by love to see that Shampoo would never care for him.
It was the same thing over and over until I didn't feel anything anymore. I kept walking when Shampoo went on one of her glomping fits. I excused myself whenever Ukyo stopped by, letting Ranma know that I hoped he enjoyed his good meal. I simply left to take a breath of fresh air whenever Mousse's toys got out of hand...when I got a feeling that Nabiki would have to call the contractors afterwards.
I think Ranma sensed it, because he would stop at my room and I'd hear a soft knock at my door. I always pretended to be asleep because I didn't want to deal with him. I knew I'd get angry and then feel guilty afterwards when my emotions got the better of me. I was tired of that feeling so I would sit as still as I could almost not breathing, waiting until the knocking stopped and I heard his footsteps as he ran down the stairs.
Many times he tried talking to me on our way to school, and always started off the same way.
"Hey, um...Akane.. I've been meaning to.."
And I would suddenly speed up, telling him that we were late and I was not about to be drained by the "five-yen coin happy" Hinako-sensei. It felt good, the running. The wind beating against my face, the adrenaline pumping through my body.
That made it easier for me to beat the Hentai Horde and I had no qualms about booting Kuno-sempai to the farthest region of the city. Those things calmed me and kept me from exploding. I was really afraid of that.
Exploding.
Kasumi began to worry and offered her usual services. As usual, oneechan worried so much about everyone else. As if I couldn't see that she'd played the role of mother so long that she'd become trapped by it. Poor Kasumi.
It was far to easy to fool Kasumi because as long as I gave her a bright smile and assured her that everything was fine and it was just that school was getting to me, she seemed satisfied with my answers. Besides, I made sure to eat everything on my plate and I was turning in homework so I guess she figured things couldn't be that bad.
And each day I felt more miserable than before.
Father never paid much attention, usually because he was too busy playing shogi with Genma and, well, he had gotten a bit too attached to sake. I didn't mind though because seeing him sprawled on the ground, a small smile on his lips while he slept against a drunken panda was better than watching him mourn a long lost love.
The person I least expected to notice was Nabiki. She was usually too busy dealing and wheeling to be concerned with whether or not her baby sister was feeling down in the dumps. But then again, Nabiki was always full of surprises.
She offered to go with me to the market one day when I was running errands for Kasumi. I was a bit taken aback but accepted the offer. After all, it would be just like old times when Nabiki and I would run down to the local candy store to buy sweets.
We walked along the narrow streets, neither of us saying anything for a while and I was grateful for the silence. Nabiki was the first to break it.
"So, little sister, you do know that you still have a debt that needs to be paid, right?"
I growled a bit and glared at Nabiki. She merely ignored me and continued with her barbs.
"You know, I could get you a job if you wanted. Kuno's been asking about the possibility of getting you to be his sex bunny. He'd pay a lot of money." Nabiki grinned mischievously, but I was not in the mood.
I walked on ahead of Nabiki, my body rigid.
"Just joking little sister! Can't you take a joke?"
She ran to catch up with me and when she was finally by my side I stopped and turned to her.
"Don't you think I proved how well I could take a joke on my 'wedding day' Nabs?"
Nabiki looked at me, torn between slapping me and bursting into tears. She knew that Ranma and I still hadn't gotten over the whole wedding fiasco and we had not forgiven her fully for her part in it. Besides, I hadn't called her Nabs ever since our mother's death.
I sighed and grabbed Nabiki's hand, pulling her towards the local soda shop. The time had come for Nabiki and I to have a serious talk.
We got a booth furthest from the bustle of the customers. A young boy of about fifteen years took our order, and we gave each other knowing looks when his hand shook as he was taking our order. Ranma would have eagerly taken advantage of his Tofu-like babbling but I took pity on the poor guy and gave our order as quickly as possible.
"Now what was that about me not being able to take a joke oneechan?" I placed my hand on my chin and stared at Nabiki, my eyebrows raised.
Nabiki's face was expressionless as she sat there and for a moment I thought that she would completely ignore my comment. My Neechan would do that a lot...she'd just breeze over topics she didn't feel needed exploration.
But she finally sighed deeply and slumped in her seat. For once in her life Nabiki actually seemed ashamed of something she had done.
"Akane...I...imsorryok?" She whispered the last part and I had to strain to hear her.
Finally, Nabiki had finally offered her apologies. But I didn't feel like letting her off the hook so easily.
"What was that oneechan?" I gave her the most innocent 'whatever do you mean' look.
"I said imsorry..."
"Forgive me Nabiki but you're going to have to speak up a bit, I think that
I'm-"
"I said I'M SORRY OK??!!" All conversation stopped as other customers turned to give us curious looks.
We Tendos tended to overreact a bit to the point of putting on a show for others.
Nabiki, never one to mince word, turned to the spectators and gave an irritated "WHAT???!!"
There were many face faults in the room, including my own, before the people in the room focused on not giving away that they were curious about what the two young Tendos were talking so passionately about.
"Really, Akane, I never meant for things to get so out of hand." Nabiki lowered her eyes and my heart went out to her. I knew that, although my sister did a lot of things out of self-interest, she really did care for us---her family. After all, we were the only ones that knew and accepted the real Nabiki Tendo.
"Look Nabiki, I know that the wedding was the perfect financial opportunity you'd been waiting for."
Nabiki opened her mouth to interrupt but I held up my hand to silence her.
"BUT...I also understand that the reason you did what you did may have had something to do with the fact that Ranma and I were jumping into something we weren't ready for."
The more I thought of it the more I was grateful to Nabiki. She may have done things crudely but she had done them with mostly good intentions.
The babbling, lanky waiter interrupted us as he nervously set down our milkshakes on the table. Nabiki gave him one of her secret smiles and he let us know that the drinks were on the house.
"Thanks Nabiki." And I meant that in more ways than one.
"Think nothing of it little sis'...besides, I owe you one. A BIG one."
I knew that Nabiki was not comfortable with owing anyone anything. I also knew that she would do her damndest to repay her debt.
"It's okay Nabiki. I think you've already started to make amends..." I started, trying to sound as matter-of-fact as I could.
"How?," she replied, taking a long sip of her milkshake and being loud about it. Really, my big sister could be so silly sometimes.
"Well the fact that all the money you made off our wedding is enough to start a trust fund for the future Tendo-Saotome children is a great start, don't you think?"
I laughed as Nabiki almost choked on her drink and watched in amazement as she turned many different shades of blue.
She finally got a hold of herself and gave me a wry grin.
"That's okay, I'll just make up for it by getting extra photo shoots for Ranma."
My sister and I laughed together and it felt nice to do that...and with Nabiki of all people.
Unfortunately, small moments like those don't always last forever.
*************************************************
The days passed by, with the usual activity that had plagued Nerima for so long and I felt so...worn down. I knew it was beginning to worry Ranma but I just didn't have the energy to discuss things with him. I didn't think I was ready and I didn't want my temper and his "foot in mouth" tendencies to get us fighting again.
It was so much better to feel nothing more than the depression. I finally realized one day that it was just that. I wanted to drown in it so that everything else would disappear and I'd be left with nothing more than its calming presence.
I don't even think I realized how bad it really was.
Then Ryoga did a peculiar thing one day. He came to me, umbrella in one, his head lying low and told me that he would be leaving...for good this time.
I had never really gotten to know him well but I knew I would miss him. He reminded me so much of Ranma sometimes. Full of honor and a strength that probably equaled Ranma's. Besides, he seemed like a nice enough guy.
"Akane," he whispered softly, his eyes downcast, "I want you to know that it was never my intention to hurt you. Things just happened the way they did and I couldn't stop and...please don't hate me."
I didn't understand what he was talking about because Ryoga had always been so honest and sincere and...he was a kindred spirit. I could see that he would never hurt a soul unless it was absolutely necessary.
So I smiled at him, the first genuine smile I had given anyone in a long time, my eyes questioning him.
"I don't understand Ryoga. What's this all about? How could you possibly hurt me?" I had wanted to let him know that only one person was capable of doing that, hurting me that is. And that was only because I loved that person so damned much.
"I..."
He stood awkwardly just outside the door and I suddenly remembered that I was being a horrible hostess and offered a sincere "gomen nasai" before inviting him in. We sat on the wooden floor of the dojo because that was the only sacred place in the house and it offered the only privacy.
I watched him as he sat across from me, still not meeting my gaze. Something was obviously bothering him and I wanted to help him...so I reached out and placed my hand over his.
He jumped as if he'd just seen a rattlesnake nearby and I quickly withdrew my hand. Whatever was bothering the guy must have been worse than I thought.
"Ryoga. Tell me what's bothering you. Whatever it is I'll listen." I placed my head in my hands, so he would know that he had my undivided attention.
"Well..." he finally raised his head, looking over my shoulder where the collection of family weapons was located.
"Maybe it's better if I start from the beginning."
And he did. He told me everything, how he'd felt the first time he'd met Ranma, how he'd challenged Ranma and gotten lost on the way. Ryoga told me about his journeys, about the people he'd seen and talked to along the way...all having been acquainted with the infamous Ranma Saotome in one way or another.
I grimaced, not doubting that there were more unnamed fiancées. That Genma really was as stupid as people got.
These things were not new to me. Ranma had confided in me, telling me that meeting Ryoga had been one of the best things that could have happened in his life. He did so during many occasions, when we'd sit near the koi pond watching the stars in the sky. It was nice being there with him because that was a time of reflection. The scenery left us feeling a bit mellow, like a cup of sake that runs through your body warming your insides.
Ryoga got more agitated as he continued his tale and I noticed that he had started sweating profusely.
And then he revealed to me that he had a curse and that, not surprisingly, Ranma had played a part in it
"I was so mad at Ranma, Akane. He just...it wasn't really his fault but if he had just been watching what he was doing... I know it was unfair of me to blame him but...having to adjust to the curse was so damned hard and... Sometimes Ranma doesn't know how good he has it." His voice trailed off and I saw him clench and unclench his hands.
I sat there, wondering what type of curse could be so horrible to make him feel so miserable. Maybe he turned into a fish and I imagined him flopping around on concrete in the middle of a hot summer day. That'd really be difficult. Or maybe he was a pesky fly and he had to live his life avoiding being swatted to death. I tried not to giggle because Ryoga looked as if his heart was about to break in two.
"You know what Ryoga?" He finally looked me in the eyes and I changed my voice so it was as calm and soothing as Kasumi's.
"I wish my P-Chan were here. He'd have you feeling better in no time." He cringed at that, but I dismissed the action, too caught up praising my cute pet pig.
"He's such a good listener. And he's not judgmental." I paused, trying to think of the exact words to describe how that little pig, who was so much like a human being that I never felt silly when I confided my secrets to him, made me feel.
"And...he loves me. I can see it. You know what's funny about that Ryoga? He says more to me, just listening than Ran..." I felt the tears in my eyes and I turned away, not wanting to let Ryoga see me cry. And certainly not for that jerk.
I was startled as my hands were lifted until Ryoga's enclosed them. I turned to look at him, but he had a vacant look on his face, as if her weren't seeing me at that moment.
"He does, you know, love you." He choked on the words and took a moment to clear his throat.
I gently pulled my hands away and shook my head.
"Don't say things you're not sure about Ryoga. He...if he does, he sure has a funny way of showing it."
Ryoga sighed deeply and he looked right at me, pain and longing in his eyes.
"I don't know why I'm going to tell you this, I...yes I do."
He took my hands in his, staring at them in a way that was unsettling.
"I'm going to tell you this because...I can see how much you're hurting and because you need to know."
And he told me everything.
How desperate Ranma had become when he found out that I had been brought into a battle that was supposed to be his. How he was no longer concerned about finding the spring of drowned man but spent long hours staring vacantly into the darkness. How he walked around in a daze after he was told that I would die soon. How Ryoga had to goad him into snapping out of his despair.
He told me how Ranma had fought Saffron with all his will, how he'd get right back up when it seemed that it would be the end for him.
I just sat there, stunned, seeing everything that Ryoga told me in my mind's eye.
Ryoga paused, and I fought back the urge to tell him to stop, tell him that I didn't want to hear anymore because... I did want to know. The wondering about what exactly had gone on while I was away, trapped in the doll's body, on the verge of dying had consumed my thoughts and had invaded my every waking moment. I needed to know.
"If you had seen hi...," Ryoga's voice, filled with the raw hurt I imagine Ranma must have felt, scared me.
"When he thought you were...d-d-dead, I felt so sorry for him. I felt sorry that my best friend and my worst enemy was...I wouldn't have wished that kind of pain on anyone."
Ryoga's shoulders slumped and he lowered his head once more. I turned away so that he would not feel shame at the thought of crying in front of me.
"We all saw it, Shampoo, Mousse and me. It was... He cried out, the pain must've been so strong and...I don't ever want to hear anything like that again."
My head began to throb and I thought it would explode at any moment. So that was why Ranma had avoided the subject for so long. I brought my hand to my mouth and held back the sob that threatened to break free.
"Why?" The voice seemed so raw with desperation and confusion and even a bit of anger. It took a few seconds for me to realize that it was my own.
"Why did you want to tell me this? I don't understand...you didn't have to but you did and..." I reached out and placed my hand on his chin, forcing him to meet my gaze.
"Don't you see it Akane?" Ryoga reached up to place his hand over mine and I searched his face, trying to find a clue that would let me know what he wanted me to see.
And then he did something that left me stunned and speechless. He grabbed a bottle of water from his backpack and looked at me with soulful eyes that seemed so familiar. I knew I had seen those eyes before. They were filled with a love and devotion that was so pure it made me sad.
He raised the bottle over his head.
And I was certain that his eyes were familiar to me.
The water spilled over and rushed down and everything happened in slow motion.
*You have the prettiest eyes P-Chan. I swear, they're so big and expressive that sometimes I think you're not a pig at all.*
He..
*P-Chan, why are you so bashful? I'm just changing. Oh, poor baby, you've got a nosebleed.*
Ryoga was...
*P-Chan, do you think Ranma really loves me?*
But he wouldn't...
*Why is my baby always so mad at Ranma?*
It dawned on me even before I witnessed the familiar change from human to cursed form. Ryoga had asked for forgiveness. He had said that he'd never meant to hurt me. It had taken me so long to figure it out.
And there before me was my little P-Chan, his head hung in shame.
P-Chan who loved me and listened to me and comforted me. P-Chan who was so gentlemanly that he would turn his back whenever I was changing.
The same P-Chan that I would cradle in my arms, his little snout brushing against my breast.
I had been stupid and the world wasn't what it seemed. I never knew I could feel such disappointment and that betrayal could cut so deeply into my heart.
P-Chan was Ryoga's cursed form. Ryoga was P-Chan. P-Chan loved me and so Ryoga...
The world started spinning and a flood of emotions flowed through me until everything exploded.
I couldn't see past the red haze that surrounded me, and my anger mounted.
I couldn't breathe.
It's funny how, when you think things can't get any worse in your life someone proves you wrong.
That was my last thought as I closed my eyes, letting the darkness carry me to the furthest corners of oblivion.
To be continued....
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Author's notes: For those of you who read the first version of this story...can you tell I did some editing on it? O.K. so it seems that I took a weed whacker and hacked away at the original but I couldn't help it. It's been on my mind for a while to have Akane change because she couldn't have gone the whole Saffron ordeal without having changed even the tiniest bit, right? I thought it'd be interesting to tie in Ryoga's secret to the conversation he has with Akane about the way Ranma feels because she had to find out the truth one day, and who better to tell her than Ryoga himself? He gave her two "truths" in one convo. Poor girl, I wonder how she'll get past this? Okay, here's a serious request guys....e-mail me! Please? I need to know whether or not there will be a part II to this story or whether I've been wasting my time and energy when I should be filling my mind with useless Ranma 1/2 factoids. Oh, and make it constructive criticism please (i.e. None of that "you suck! Who taut you how to rite?"...seriously, is there anything worse than a critic who needs to take a dose of his/her own medicine? LOL).
Peace to everyone and please respond to my fanfic.
Sonia M.
------I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away...I don't know where my soul is, I don't know...------ "I'm like a Bird" by Nelly Fertado
Takahashi and other respective companies and I am
in no way making any profit from this story. This
is just for my personal enjoyment and for the
enjoyment of those who may read this.
Email me with C&C: simplyshy@hotmail.com
*************************************************
The Truth: Part 1
by SM
*************************************************
I don't remember much about the day I died.
At least, I don't remember much that happened after I left the darkness.
That's what I remember the most: the darkness as it consumed me and trapped me.
I was nothing.
And Ranma, he never talks about that day. The last time he ever said anything was the day I confronted him about having heard him say he loved me on Phoenix Mountain.
I told Ranma that in my paralyzed state I had heard the words he had spoken. I did so in hope that maybe he would finally find the courage to tell me he loved me.
But he didn't.
He got this panic stricken look, it was priceless really and I would have laughed had I not been so serious at the moment, and denied it profusely. I can still remember his words, his voice cracking as he said them.
"Now why would I do a stupid thing like THAT?!"
He must have seen the hurt expression I cast his way because he quickly remembered that he had other things to do and scampered off, a true master of the "Anything Goes When You Say Idiotic Things" technique.
That was the last time I ever broached the subject and time passed by. The wedding fiasco occurred and that simply left me drained. I was tired of the foolishness and tired of everyone wanting to meddle with our lives and I stopped caring. Caring whether or not Ranma ever admitted that he felt something for me. Stopped hoping that he would get the nerve to fix the situation he was in.
I knew the multiple fiancée fiasco wasn't his fault, but I couldn't help but feel resentful that he didn't at least try to take care of it. All I wanted was to see that he wanted to find a solution to the problem...it may not have been the best or the easiest but if I had seen him trying I would have been there for him. Just as he'd always been there for me.
But he didn't, and the days were the same. Shampoo would 'accidentally' jump into his arms. Ukyo, having been forgiven her trespass on our wedding day, would stop by to give her Ranchan some 'decent food' whenever she got wind that it was my turn to cook dinner. Mousse tried to kill Ranma on a daily basis because he was too stupid and blinded by love to see that Shampoo would never care for him.
It was the same thing over and over until I didn't feel anything anymore. I kept walking when Shampoo went on one of her glomping fits. I excused myself whenever Ukyo stopped by, letting Ranma know that I hoped he enjoyed his good meal. I simply left to take a breath of fresh air whenever Mousse's toys got out of hand...when I got a feeling that Nabiki would have to call the contractors afterwards.
I think Ranma sensed it, because he would stop at my room and I'd hear a soft knock at my door. I always pretended to be asleep because I didn't want to deal with him. I knew I'd get angry and then feel guilty afterwards when my emotions got the better of me. I was tired of that feeling so I would sit as still as I could almost not breathing, waiting until the knocking stopped and I heard his footsteps as he ran down the stairs.
Many times he tried talking to me on our way to school, and always started off the same way.
"Hey, um...Akane.. I've been meaning to.."
And I would suddenly speed up, telling him that we were late and I was not about to be drained by the "five-yen coin happy" Hinako-sensei. It felt good, the running. The wind beating against my face, the adrenaline pumping through my body.
That made it easier for me to beat the Hentai Horde and I had no qualms about booting Kuno-sempai to the farthest region of the city. Those things calmed me and kept me from exploding. I was really afraid of that.
Exploding.
Kasumi began to worry and offered her usual services. As usual, oneechan worried so much about everyone else. As if I couldn't see that she'd played the role of mother so long that she'd become trapped by it. Poor Kasumi.
It was far to easy to fool Kasumi because as long as I gave her a bright smile and assured her that everything was fine and it was just that school was getting to me, she seemed satisfied with my answers. Besides, I made sure to eat everything on my plate and I was turning in homework so I guess she figured things couldn't be that bad.
And each day I felt more miserable than before.
Father never paid much attention, usually because he was too busy playing shogi with Genma and, well, he had gotten a bit too attached to sake. I didn't mind though because seeing him sprawled on the ground, a small smile on his lips while he slept against a drunken panda was better than watching him mourn a long lost love.
The person I least expected to notice was Nabiki. She was usually too busy dealing and wheeling to be concerned with whether or not her baby sister was feeling down in the dumps. But then again, Nabiki was always full of surprises.
She offered to go with me to the market one day when I was running errands for Kasumi. I was a bit taken aback but accepted the offer. After all, it would be just like old times when Nabiki and I would run down to the local candy store to buy sweets.
We walked along the narrow streets, neither of us saying anything for a while and I was grateful for the silence. Nabiki was the first to break it.
"So, little sister, you do know that you still have a debt that needs to be paid, right?"
I growled a bit and glared at Nabiki. She merely ignored me and continued with her barbs.
"You know, I could get you a job if you wanted. Kuno's been asking about the possibility of getting you to be his sex bunny. He'd pay a lot of money." Nabiki grinned mischievously, but I was not in the mood.
I walked on ahead of Nabiki, my body rigid.
"Just joking little sister! Can't you take a joke?"
She ran to catch up with me and when she was finally by my side I stopped and turned to her.
"Don't you think I proved how well I could take a joke on my 'wedding day' Nabs?"
Nabiki looked at me, torn between slapping me and bursting into tears. She knew that Ranma and I still hadn't gotten over the whole wedding fiasco and we had not forgiven her fully for her part in it. Besides, I hadn't called her Nabs ever since our mother's death.
I sighed and grabbed Nabiki's hand, pulling her towards the local soda shop. The time had come for Nabiki and I to have a serious talk.
We got a booth furthest from the bustle of the customers. A young boy of about fifteen years took our order, and we gave each other knowing looks when his hand shook as he was taking our order. Ranma would have eagerly taken advantage of his Tofu-like babbling but I took pity on the poor guy and gave our order as quickly as possible.
"Now what was that about me not being able to take a joke oneechan?" I placed my hand on my chin and stared at Nabiki, my eyebrows raised.
Nabiki's face was expressionless as she sat there and for a moment I thought that she would completely ignore my comment. My Neechan would do that a lot...she'd just breeze over topics she didn't feel needed exploration.
But she finally sighed deeply and slumped in her seat. For once in her life Nabiki actually seemed ashamed of something she had done.
"Akane...I...imsorryok?" She whispered the last part and I had to strain to hear her.
Finally, Nabiki had finally offered her apologies. But I didn't feel like letting her off the hook so easily.
"What was that oneechan?" I gave her the most innocent 'whatever do you mean' look.
"I said imsorry..."
"Forgive me Nabiki but you're going to have to speak up a bit, I think that
I'm-"
"I said I'M SORRY OK??!!" All conversation stopped as other customers turned to give us curious looks.
We Tendos tended to overreact a bit to the point of putting on a show for others.
Nabiki, never one to mince word, turned to the spectators and gave an irritated "WHAT???!!"
There were many face faults in the room, including my own, before the people in the room focused on not giving away that they were curious about what the two young Tendos were talking so passionately about.
"Really, Akane, I never meant for things to get so out of hand." Nabiki lowered her eyes and my heart went out to her. I knew that, although my sister did a lot of things out of self-interest, she really did care for us---her family. After all, we were the only ones that knew and accepted the real Nabiki Tendo.
"Look Nabiki, I know that the wedding was the perfect financial opportunity you'd been waiting for."
Nabiki opened her mouth to interrupt but I held up my hand to silence her.
"BUT...I also understand that the reason you did what you did may have had something to do with the fact that Ranma and I were jumping into something we weren't ready for."
The more I thought of it the more I was grateful to Nabiki. She may have done things crudely but she had done them with mostly good intentions.
The babbling, lanky waiter interrupted us as he nervously set down our milkshakes on the table. Nabiki gave him one of her secret smiles and he let us know that the drinks were on the house.
"Thanks Nabiki." And I meant that in more ways than one.
"Think nothing of it little sis'...besides, I owe you one. A BIG one."
I knew that Nabiki was not comfortable with owing anyone anything. I also knew that she would do her damndest to repay her debt.
"It's okay Nabiki. I think you've already started to make amends..." I started, trying to sound as matter-of-fact as I could.
"How?," she replied, taking a long sip of her milkshake and being loud about it. Really, my big sister could be so silly sometimes.
"Well the fact that all the money you made off our wedding is enough to start a trust fund for the future Tendo-Saotome children is a great start, don't you think?"
I laughed as Nabiki almost choked on her drink and watched in amazement as she turned many different shades of blue.
She finally got a hold of herself and gave me a wry grin.
"That's okay, I'll just make up for it by getting extra photo shoots for Ranma."
My sister and I laughed together and it felt nice to do that...and with Nabiki of all people.
Unfortunately, small moments like those don't always last forever.
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The days passed by, with the usual activity that had plagued Nerima for so long and I felt so...worn down. I knew it was beginning to worry Ranma but I just didn't have the energy to discuss things with him. I didn't think I was ready and I didn't want my temper and his "foot in mouth" tendencies to get us fighting again.
It was so much better to feel nothing more than the depression. I finally realized one day that it was just that. I wanted to drown in it so that everything else would disappear and I'd be left with nothing more than its calming presence.
I don't even think I realized how bad it really was.
Then Ryoga did a peculiar thing one day. He came to me, umbrella in one, his head lying low and told me that he would be leaving...for good this time.
I had never really gotten to know him well but I knew I would miss him. He reminded me so much of Ranma sometimes. Full of honor and a strength that probably equaled Ranma's. Besides, he seemed like a nice enough guy.
"Akane," he whispered softly, his eyes downcast, "I want you to know that it was never my intention to hurt you. Things just happened the way they did and I couldn't stop and...please don't hate me."
I didn't understand what he was talking about because Ryoga had always been so honest and sincere and...he was a kindred spirit. I could see that he would never hurt a soul unless it was absolutely necessary.
So I smiled at him, the first genuine smile I had given anyone in a long time, my eyes questioning him.
"I don't understand Ryoga. What's this all about? How could you possibly hurt me?" I had wanted to let him know that only one person was capable of doing that, hurting me that is. And that was only because I loved that person so damned much.
"I..."
He stood awkwardly just outside the door and I suddenly remembered that I was being a horrible hostess and offered a sincere "gomen nasai" before inviting him in. We sat on the wooden floor of the dojo because that was the only sacred place in the house and it offered the only privacy.
I watched him as he sat across from me, still not meeting my gaze. Something was obviously bothering him and I wanted to help him...so I reached out and placed my hand over his.
He jumped as if he'd just seen a rattlesnake nearby and I quickly withdrew my hand. Whatever was bothering the guy must have been worse than I thought.
"Ryoga. Tell me what's bothering you. Whatever it is I'll listen." I placed my head in my hands, so he would know that he had my undivided attention.
"Well..." he finally raised his head, looking over my shoulder where the collection of family weapons was located.
"Maybe it's better if I start from the beginning."
And he did. He told me everything, how he'd felt the first time he'd met Ranma, how he'd challenged Ranma and gotten lost on the way. Ryoga told me about his journeys, about the people he'd seen and talked to along the way...all having been acquainted with the infamous Ranma Saotome in one way or another.
I grimaced, not doubting that there were more unnamed fiancées. That Genma really was as stupid as people got.
These things were not new to me. Ranma had confided in me, telling me that meeting Ryoga had been one of the best things that could have happened in his life. He did so during many occasions, when we'd sit near the koi pond watching the stars in the sky. It was nice being there with him because that was a time of reflection. The scenery left us feeling a bit mellow, like a cup of sake that runs through your body warming your insides.
Ryoga got more agitated as he continued his tale and I noticed that he had started sweating profusely.
And then he revealed to me that he had a curse and that, not surprisingly, Ranma had played a part in it
"I was so mad at Ranma, Akane. He just...it wasn't really his fault but if he had just been watching what he was doing... I know it was unfair of me to blame him but...having to adjust to the curse was so damned hard and... Sometimes Ranma doesn't know how good he has it." His voice trailed off and I saw him clench and unclench his hands.
I sat there, wondering what type of curse could be so horrible to make him feel so miserable. Maybe he turned into a fish and I imagined him flopping around on concrete in the middle of a hot summer day. That'd really be difficult. Or maybe he was a pesky fly and he had to live his life avoiding being swatted to death. I tried not to giggle because Ryoga looked as if his heart was about to break in two.
"You know what Ryoga?" He finally looked me in the eyes and I changed my voice so it was as calm and soothing as Kasumi's.
"I wish my P-Chan were here. He'd have you feeling better in no time." He cringed at that, but I dismissed the action, too caught up praising my cute pet pig.
"He's such a good listener. And he's not judgmental." I paused, trying to think of the exact words to describe how that little pig, who was so much like a human being that I never felt silly when I confided my secrets to him, made me feel.
"And...he loves me. I can see it. You know what's funny about that Ryoga? He says more to me, just listening than Ran..." I felt the tears in my eyes and I turned away, not wanting to let Ryoga see me cry. And certainly not for that jerk.
I was startled as my hands were lifted until Ryoga's enclosed them. I turned to look at him, but he had a vacant look on his face, as if her weren't seeing me at that moment.
"He does, you know, love you." He choked on the words and took a moment to clear his throat.
I gently pulled my hands away and shook my head.
"Don't say things you're not sure about Ryoga. He...if he does, he sure has a funny way of showing it."
Ryoga sighed deeply and he looked right at me, pain and longing in his eyes.
"I don't know why I'm going to tell you this, I...yes I do."
He took my hands in his, staring at them in a way that was unsettling.
"I'm going to tell you this because...I can see how much you're hurting and because you need to know."
And he told me everything.
How desperate Ranma had become when he found out that I had been brought into a battle that was supposed to be his. How he was no longer concerned about finding the spring of drowned man but spent long hours staring vacantly into the darkness. How he walked around in a daze after he was told that I would die soon. How Ryoga had to goad him into snapping out of his despair.
He told me how Ranma had fought Saffron with all his will, how he'd get right back up when it seemed that it would be the end for him.
I just sat there, stunned, seeing everything that Ryoga told me in my mind's eye.
Ryoga paused, and I fought back the urge to tell him to stop, tell him that I didn't want to hear anymore because... I did want to know. The wondering about what exactly had gone on while I was away, trapped in the doll's body, on the verge of dying had consumed my thoughts and had invaded my every waking moment. I needed to know.
"If you had seen hi...," Ryoga's voice, filled with the raw hurt I imagine Ranma must have felt, scared me.
"When he thought you were...d-d-dead, I felt so sorry for him. I felt sorry that my best friend and my worst enemy was...I wouldn't have wished that kind of pain on anyone."
Ryoga's shoulders slumped and he lowered his head once more. I turned away so that he would not feel shame at the thought of crying in front of me.
"We all saw it, Shampoo, Mousse and me. It was... He cried out, the pain must've been so strong and...I don't ever want to hear anything like that again."
My head began to throb and I thought it would explode at any moment. So that was why Ranma had avoided the subject for so long. I brought my hand to my mouth and held back the sob that threatened to break free.
"Why?" The voice seemed so raw with desperation and confusion and even a bit of anger. It took a few seconds for me to realize that it was my own.
"Why did you want to tell me this? I don't understand...you didn't have to but you did and..." I reached out and placed my hand on his chin, forcing him to meet my gaze.
"Don't you see it Akane?" Ryoga reached up to place his hand over mine and I searched his face, trying to find a clue that would let me know what he wanted me to see.
And then he did something that left me stunned and speechless. He grabbed a bottle of water from his backpack and looked at me with soulful eyes that seemed so familiar. I knew I had seen those eyes before. They were filled with a love and devotion that was so pure it made me sad.
He raised the bottle over his head.
And I was certain that his eyes were familiar to me.
The water spilled over and rushed down and everything happened in slow motion.
*You have the prettiest eyes P-Chan. I swear, they're so big and expressive that sometimes I think you're not a pig at all.*
He..
*P-Chan, why are you so bashful? I'm just changing. Oh, poor baby, you've got a nosebleed.*
Ryoga was...
*P-Chan, do you think Ranma really loves me?*
But he wouldn't...
*Why is my baby always so mad at Ranma?*
It dawned on me even before I witnessed the familiar change from human to cursed form. Ryoga had asked for forgiveness. He had said that he'd never meant to hurt me. It had taken me so long to figure it out.
And there before me was my little P-Chan, his head hung in shame.
P-Chan who loved me and listened to me and comforted me. P-Chan who was so gentlemanly that he would turn his back whenever I was changing.
The same P-Chan that I would cradle in my arms, his little snout brushing against my breast.
I had been stupid and the world wasn't what it seemed. I never knew I could feel such disappointment and that betrayal could cut so deeply into my heart.
P-Chan was Ryoga's cursed form. Ryoga was P-Chan. P-Chan loved me and so Ryoga...
The world started spinning and a flood of emotions flowed through me until everything exploded.
I couldn't see past the red haze that surrounded me, and my anger mounted.
I couldn't breathe.
It's funny how, when you think things can't get any worse in your life someone proves you wrong.
That was my last thought as I closed my eyes, letting the darkness carry me to the furthest corners of oblivion.
To be continued....
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Author's notes: For those of you who read the first version of this story...can you tell I did some editing on it? O.K. so it seems that I took a weed whacker and hacked away at the original but I couldn't help it. It's been on my mind for a while to have Akane change because she couldn't have gone the whole Saffron ordeal without having changed even the tiniest bit, right? I thought it'd be interesting to tie in Ryoga's secret to the conversation he has with Akane about the way Ranma feels because she had to find out the truth one day, and who better to tell her than Ryoga himself? He gave her two "truths" in one convo. Poor girl, I wonder how she'll get past this? Okay, here's a serious request guys....e-mail me! Please? I need to know whether or not there will be a part II to this story or whether I've been wasting my time and energy when I should be filling my mind with useless Ranma 1/2 factoids. Oh, and make it constructive criticism please (i.e. None of that "you suck! Who taut you how to rite?"...seriously, is there anything worse than a critic who needs to take a dose of his/her own medicine? LOL).
Peace to everyone and please respond to my fanfic.
Sonia M.
------I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away...I don't know where my soul is, I don't know...------ "I'm like a Bird" by Nelly Fertado