Just An Endless Night Away, or, You CAN Take Over The World!
By Gen. M.
Chapter One: Let's Cover The Basics
Welcome to "Just An Endless Night Away." This book will help you succeed in taking over the world. But please remember, if you don't have what it takes to be a supreme supervillain, if you don't have the attitude, the guts, and the energy manipulation abilities/myriads of loyal soldiers/vast IQ that being ruler of the world requires, then this book will not be able to help you. However, if you think you can do this, but you just don't know where to begin, then this book will help you greatly.
Before you can start attacking random people or blowing up buildings, you must have a plan. To formulate a plan, ask yourself these simple questions.
1. Why do I want to take over the world?
2. Why am I the best person for this job?
3. What are my strengths?
4. What are my weaknesses?
5. Who are my enemies?
6. Who are my superiors, and how much bootlicking is enough?
7. Who are my flunkies, and how much exploitation is suitable before they revolt?
Before you answer these questions, we will look at them one by one, because in these questions lie the basics of ruling the world.
QUESTION ONE: Why do I want to take over the world?
You may be saying right now, "But I don't want to take over the world! I want to destroy it!" Or perhaps, "I'm not shooting for taking over the world just yet. I want to start with something small, such as my hometown."
The first statement is completely acceptable. However, you can always take over the world first and destroy it later.
The second statement is negative, and therefore unacceptable. You must have confidence in yourself! Have the confidence that if your plan works, it will force the entire world to succumb! Why start small? If you are afraid that in aiming too high you will be shot down, then wear a bullet proof vest, and keep on shooting.
There are many reasons people may want to take over the world. Here are the biggest ones.
REVENGE
Yes, revenge is a major motivator, and a good one. To get back at someone who hurt you, or someone who tried to destroy you, or someone who prevented you from reaching your objectives is a very fulfilling reason to either rule or destroy all of humanity.
Never, EVER try to get back at someone who once loved you. That love will be used against you, and you will never reach your goal.
HATRED
Hatred often goes hand in hand with revenge, but sinks much deeper. Hatred is a good sign of deep seeded evil, and you will find yourself calling upon that evil when you are forced to attack kittens, babies, Mihoshi's, and other forms of the unbearably cute enemy.
GREED
Greed is probably the most powerful force behind megalomania, as it is never satisfied. Those of you taking control of the universe because of greed should be wary, however; remember that you aren't all-powerful, and should probably try to stay within the bounds of your own solar system, as reaching out too far is just inviting fate to destroy you.
QUESTION TWO: Why am I the best person for this job?
This question may not seem very important, because you think that if you're reading this book you obviously know that you're the right person for the job! However, hundreds of people have read books just like this, and they still have not achieved their goals. If you use the methods in this book and do not succeed, you're obviously not the best person for this job. You must be absolutely sure of yourself, because losing confidence in yourself is the easiest way to be converted to the side of "good."
QUESTION THREE: What are my strengths?
Say that you want to exploit the masses out of their money, magical talismans or life force. How are you going to accomplish this? Your strengths are the key to your plan. Please list them. Or, if you cannot spell words more than four letters long or have hands unsuited to holding pens or keyboards, use this handy checklist:
? Teleportation Abilities
? Indestructible Machinery
? Thousands of Loyal Followers
? Genius Level IQ
? Energy Manipulation Abilities
? Fangs and/or claws
? Renewable or Extremely Numerous Tentacles
? Magical Armour and/or Weaponry
? A Legendary Power Source
? Razor-Sharp Wit
? Herculean Strength
? Hypnotic/Brainwashing Abilities
? Ability To Transform Into Any Of The Above
If you have none of these, and are not able to list any that are not on this list, please reconsider your plan for global annihilation. Perhaps you might do better as a general or servant to someone who IS suited for taking over the world.
QUESTION FOUR: What are my weaknesses?
Incredible good looks, while considered a strength by many professional megalomaniacs, may induce Incredible Vanity, which is definitely a weakness. Or perhaps you have a more pronounced weakness, such as exposure to sunlight killing you, or water making you lose your power. Please list any weaknesses here, from Not Being Able To Stand Temperatures Above 32 degrees F to that Hangnail that you had last week. All may prove fatal to you if you do not take care.
QUESTION FIVE: Who are your enemies?
When you begin your plan for world domination, if you are not a kind and benevolent person, there will be people who will stand in your way. These people will most likely be endowed with magical powers or powerful machinery to stop you. What kind of weapons they have are usually directly related to your weaknesses. You should know who your enemies are, who their alter-egos are, who they are in love with, what their fears are, and most importantly, where they live and work and play. Do not try to avoid these places, but rather destroy them utterly. This may not make sense, so I will refer you to chapter four, which covers Enemies and Villain Etiquette.
QUESTION SIX: Who are your superiors?
Perhaps you are not directly taking over the world. If you are not the mastermind, main energy source, evil motivation and object of flunky loyalty, then you probably have superiors. Even if they are a mystical energy source, or a nameless demon, the probability is that if they exist, you have to do some major sucking-up. You must learn their personalities, habits, strengths and weaknesses. You are more likely to be destroyed by your boss than by your enemy. There is an ancient saying among all evil geniuses: Know your enemies well. Know your superiors better. More will be covered in chapter three, discussing allies.
QUESTION SEVEN: Who are my flunkies?
A flunky is anyone who obeys your slightest whim without question or protestation. A loyal fluky will do as you command instantly without question, complaint, or thought to personal welfare. Beware the fluky that flatters you too much, or seems to harbor resentment toward you, as they may try to overthrow you. More in chapter three.
Now you know enough to start planning to take over the world. But you stil don't have a strategy! You barely even know what you're doing! Well, now that you've answered all these questions, at least you have a starting point. Our next chapter will cover strategies, plans of attack, and the dos and don'ts of ruling Earth.
Until then, may eternal shadows darken your path. Goodnight.
By Gen. M.
Chapter One: Let's Cover The Basics
Welcome to "Just An Endless Night Away." This book will help you succeed in taking over the world. But please remember, if you don't have what it takes to be a supreme supervillain, if you don't have the attitude, the guts, and the energy manipulation abilities/myriads of loyal soldiers/vast IQ that being ruler of the world requires, then this book will not be able to help you. However, if you think you can do this, but you just don't know where to begin, then this book will help you greatly.
Before you can start attacking random people or blowing up buildings, you must have a plan. To formulate a plan, ask yourself these simple questions.
1. Why do I want to take over the world?
2. Why am I the best person for this job?
3. What are my strengths?
4. What are my weaknesses?
5. Who are my enemies?
6. Who are my superiors, and how much bootlicking is enough?
7. Who are my flunkies, and how much exploitation is suitable before they revolt?
Before you answer these questions, we will look at them one by one, because in these questions lie the basics of ruling the world.
QUESTION ONE: Why do I want to take over the world?
You may be saying right now, "But I don't want to take over the world! I want to destroy it!" Or perhaps, "I'm not shooting for taking over the world just yet. I want to start with something small, such as my hometown."
The first statement is completely acceptable. However, you can always take over the world first and destroy it later.
The second statement is negative, and therefore unacceptable. You must have confidence in yourself! Have the confidence that if your plan works, it will force the entire world to succumb! Why start small? If you are afraid that in aiming too high you will be shot down, then wear a bullet proof vest, and keep on shooting.
There are many reasons people may want to take over the world. Here are the biggest ones.
REVENGE
Yes, revenge is a major motivator, and a good one. To get back at someone who hurt you, or someone who tried to destroy you, or someone who prevented you from reaching your objectives is a very fulfilling reason to either rule or destroy all of humanity.
Never, EVER try to get back at someone who once loved you. That love will be used against you, and you will never reach your goal.
HATRED
Hatred often goes hand in hand with revenge, but sinks much deeper. Hatred is a good sign of deep seeded evil, and you will find yourself calling upon that evil when you are forced to attack kittens, babies, Mihoshi's, and other forms of the unbearably cute enemy.
GREED
Greed is probably the most powerful force behind megalomania, as it is never satisfied. Those of you taking control of the universe because of greed should be wary, however; remember that you aren't all-powerful, and should probably try to stay within the bounds of your own solar system, as reaching out too far is just inviting fate to destroy you.
QUESTION TWO: Why am I the best person for this job?
This question may not seem very important, because you think that if you're reading this book you obviously know that you're the right person for the job! However, hundreds of people have read books just like this, and they still have not achieved their goals. If you use the methods in this book and do not succeed, you're obviously not the best person for this job. You must be absolutely sure of yourself, because losing confidence in yourself is the easiest way to be converted to the side of "good."
QUESTION THREE: What are my strengths?
Say that you want to exploit the masses out of their money, magical talismans or life force. How are you going to accomplish this? Your strengths are the key to your plan. Please list them. Or, if you cannot spell words more than four letters long or have hands unsuited to holding pens or keyboards, use this handy checklist:
? Teleportation Abilities
? Indestructible Machinery
? Thousands of Loyal Followers
? Genius Level IQ
? Energy Manipulation Abilities
? Fangs and/or claws
? Renewable or Extremely Numerous Tentacles
? Magical Armour and/or Weaponry
? A Legendary Power Source
? Razor-Sharp Wit
? Herculean Strength
? Hypnotic/Brainwashing Abilities
? Ability To Transform Into Any Of The Above
If you have none of these, and are not able to list any that are not on this list, please reconsider your plan for global annihilation. Perhaps you might do better as a general or servant to someone who IS suited for taking over the world.
QUESTION FOUR: What are my weaknesses?
Incredible good looks, while considered a strength by many professional megalomaniacs, may induce Incredible Vanity, which is definitely a weakness. Or perhaps you have a more pronounced weakness, such as exposure to sunlight killing you, or water making you lose your power. Please list any weaknesses here, from Not Being Able To Stand Temperatures Above 32 degrees F to that Hangnail that you had last week. All may prove fatal to you if you do not take care.
QUESTION FIVE: Who are your enemies?
When you begin your plan for world domination, if you are not a kind and benevolent person, there will be people who will stand in your way. These people will most likely be endowed with magical powers or powerful machinery to stop you. What kind of weapons they have are usually directly related to your weaknesses. You should know who your enemies are, who their alter-egos are, who they are in love with, what their fears are, and most importantly, where they live and work and play. Do not try to avoid these places, but rather destroy them utterly. This may not make sense, so I will refer you to chapter four, which covers Enemies and Villain Etiquette.
QUESTION SIX: Who are your superiors?
Perhaps you are not directly taking over the world. If you are not the mastermind, main energy source, evil motivation and object of flunky loyalty, then you probably have superiors. Even if they are a mystical energy source, or a nameless demon, the probability is that if they exist, you have to do some major sucking-up. You must learn their personalities, habits, strengths and weaknesses. You are more likely to be destroyed by your boss than by your enemy. There is an ancient saying among all evil geniuses: Know your enemies well. Know your superiors better. More will be covered in chapter three, discussing allies.
QUESTION SEVEN: Who are my flunkies?
A flunky is anyone who obeys your slightest whim without question or protestation. A loyal fluky will do as you command instantly without question, complaint, or thought to personal welfare. Beware the fluky that flatters you too much, or seems to harbor resentment toward you, as they may try to overthrow you. More in chapter three.
Now you know enough to start planning to take over the world. But you stil don't have a strategy! You barely even know what you're doing! Well, now that you've answered all these questions, at least you have a starting point. Our next chapter will cover strategies, plans of attack, and the dos and don'ts of ruling Earth.
Until then, may eternal shadows darken your path. Goodnight.