Chapter Two: Stratagem and the Like


As any famous supervillain will tell you, aspiring to be Supreme Ruler of the World is one thing, and having an actual plan to achieve this is another. This will take you through some steps to help you come up with a plan.

First off, decide how you want to conquer the world. Will you do it through force or persuasion? Will your plan affect the world leaders or the ignorant masses?

Next, take a look at your lists of strengths and weaknesses. A being who is made purely of ice should not be trying to subvert the world with flaming comets, etc. However, just because you are made of flame does not mean that ravaging Earth with burning missiles is necessarily the best plan. You must definitely consider the people you are trying to conquer.

If you are lucky enough to be able to get your hands on an ancient prophecy, you may have your strategy already laid out for you. The more ancient the prophecy, the more chance that you will become strong. Also, by knowing this prophecy you may have some hint as to potential problems and enemy strengths. Pay close attention to every prophecy, because you never know what might turn out to be important.

Terrible things happen to those who ignore prophecies.

Changing the subject, the most common and simple way to rule the earth is to defeat the humans with "youma," or, as they are known in most English-speaking countries, which the aspiring world dominator would be wise to avoid unless they wish to face men in tights with long billowing capes in patriotic colors, "monsters." Any country which refers to your creations as "monsters" should be evacuated immediately.

But I digress. Youma are the best tool available to a supervillain such as yourself, because they inspire fear and loathing in the masses without much work on your part. However, there is a reason that many villains affectionately dub them "youma-du-jour." Do not get attached to your youma, as they are most likely going to be destroyed before the day is out. Youma serve several purposes, which will be discussed here.

The most important thing a youma does is strike terror into the hearts of the people. For this reason, you should study the culture of your victims to find out what is the most terrifying to them. The Japanese are immensely worried by comets, while the Americans, (though heaven forbid you ever attempt to attack America, where you risk being foiled by such creatures as Bat Man and the Powerpuff Girls,) are almost phobiatic about shadows and soft trickles of blood, dripping from the air vents, seeping in from under the doors, etc. Youma should be menacing, but do not let looks get in the way of practicality. Sometimes the most fearful monsters look sweet and innocent in the beginning, and then turn into a human's worst nightmare.

There are several symbols of human fear, shadows and blood being some of them. Those that can be present in creatures such as youma are fangs, claws, tentacles, glowing eyes, (it's amazing the fear and trepidation inspired by the mere scarlet flash of an eye!), and anything which is offensive to any of their five senses. (For those not familiar with human anatomy, I refer to sight, smell, touch, and hearing. Unless you are aiming for disgust rather than horror, taste should not be taken into consideration.)

The next most important thing a youma can do is gather power for your plan. Whether that power is human energy, mystical objects, blood, water, helium, sugar, magical talismans, or death, a youma can be designed to retrieve it for you. If you have trouble designing or creating your own youma for these purposes, please send check or money order for 50000 units of currency to:

I Want My Youma!
Nintendo "Special Request Offices"
3734 Koshinaga Rd.
Tokyo, Japan 55555

Youma also can play a part in defeating your enemy, although usually they are the defeated and not the defeater. If you are creating a youma solely for the purpose of destroying your enemy, then you must make sure to give it a lot of intelligence. However, you must in all things balance; make it smart enough not to get killed, but stupid enough to do whatever you ask it to, even going into battle with undefeated champions of justice.

If you cannot come up with a plan, perhaps you need to reevaluate why you want to take over the world. Perhaps you would get that same thrill from designing an ultimate weapon, or curing cancer, or creating a flying pig. Perhaps even squashing an ant farm would give you that same feeling of power. While your ultimate goal should always be sky-high, perhaps you can practice your plans on easier to reach targets.

Remember, caution and balance in all things. But don't be afraid to aim high. Confidence should be listed on your strength list.

May eternal shadows darken your path. Goodnight.